Past,Present, Parallel
by infiniteworld8
Summary: A routine operation becomes a rescue mission. While conducting a planet-wide evacuation, the Enterprise Crew realizes all is not what it seems and the planet's inhabitants harbor a startling secret. Meanwhile, past and present problems arise and collide, threatening to destroy them all.
1. Prolouge

_Author's Note: This is the over 70,000 word story. The characters are Chekov, Spock/Uhura and Dr. McCoy. This story is not for the faint of heart and is quite intense. There will be a substantial amount of violence, gore, and just general intenseness. You have been warned. I hope you like this sneak peak!_

_p.s before reading this story you should probably check out my other two stories: worst memories (part 1) and New beginning (decision points part 1). References and events from both these series are referenced in this story._

**___Warning: this story has references to child abuse and descriptions, suicide, several characters deaths, swearing and violence. Also there is mental violation in later chapters, and the character is unsure just how far it has gone (in other words whether it was physical also.) These elements are not glorified in any way but are crucial to the plot. _**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own star trek, If I did there would be a star trek tv show on air now, and the new movie would already be out! Also I wouldn't be here writing fanfic now, would I?

Past, Present...Parallel

Prologue

75 years [ago]

"The star is expected to supernova earlier than previously theorized, in approximately five hours, we will be able to collect the first readings." The woman finished her recording and stood up; she glanced backwards, feeling the familiar flicker in her mind as her husband approached. She wasn't quite smiling-she was much too reserved for that, but her face held the gentle quiet look that she kept for him. "Are the children asleep?"

"The last one fell asleep six minutes ago" her husband said, unlike her his face held the hint of a smile.

"The star is very close to collapsing, I moved the ship to a distance beyond its blast radius. We should be able to collect preliminary readings before they awake."

The man looked at her. His face did have a small smile now;. "Sometimes you are entirely too focused, Talar". Rather than take offense at his words, she looked at him and said "Sinar, surely you are curious to see what effect the simultaneous collapse of a dual star system will have on the surrounding subspace as I am."

"While I am also curious, I do not believe anybody could be more interested than you," Sinar said, moving to the seat next to her and beginning to monitor the readings.

They sat like that for several minutes in companionable silence, each intent on their own work. Abruptly Talar turned toward him her voice was curious. "I'm picking up readings that indicate a vessel, but there doesn't appear to be a vessel"

Her husband leaned toward her console and glanced at the figures then, entered something at his own station.

"The readings are—" the rest of his words were cut off as they both saw a ship on the view screen seemingly appear out of nowhere. "Fascinating" Sinar said as his fingers raced across his console.

The ship hailed them; the Vulcans opened a channel. All that appeared was a message demanding that they lower their shields and prepared to be boarded, or they would be boarded forcibly. The two Vulcans quickly assessed the situation: the ship in front of them was of an unknown origin, the scans of the ship indicated that they had more than enough fire power to destroy the Vulcan's small science vessel, and by the nature of their message it was obvious that they didn't have any good intentions. The Vulcan's science ship on the other hand, had a fair amount of shielding that allowed it to stand up to a myriad of space anomalies, but the weapon capability of the ship was almost negligible compared to the unknown vessel's weapons, the only thing that both ships possessed at an equal level was speed. The Vulcans decided to flee. Sinar's fingers skimmed over the console, as he plotted a course near to where the two stars were about to go nova. The sensors readings for both ships would be distorted by the energy output from the stars, and they would have a better chance of getting lost in the nebula that was near the stars.

.the unknown vessel fired on them, almost like it it's crew knew the Vulcans plan "shields at 80%" Talar said holding onto her console to avoid being thrown out of her seat, as the ship rocked again.

2 minutes later there shields were, gone. The unknown vessel stopped firing; its presence loomed on the view screen like a bird that had sighted its prey. A siren rang out, Talar glanced at the screen. There was a hull breach, near the living quarters. Talar and Sinar both moved across the decks at a run as they left the small bridge. They still had time to get the children and escape in a shuttle,. If the ship was pirates they would quite possibly leave the shuttle alone and focus on looting the ship, though they would find little to satisfy themselves.

They found their children in the corridor outside the quarters, in the distance they could hear the hiss as atmosphere escaped before it stopped abruptly, and the ship automatically sealed the area off, their small son held the hand of his sister, both toddlers faces showed the fear that they were to young to have learned how to control. "We have to evacuate, the—"the rest of Talar's words were cut out by the whine of a transporter beam, shapes materialized before them. Both Vulcans stared at the shapes that had coalesced before them. There were 4 people standing around them weapons pointed at them. The people looked like Vulcans their faces were the same faint green, their ears came to points. The only thing marring the image was the look of cruel delight on the face of one of the newcomers who stood before them.

The newly arrived man glanced at a woman standing behind him "take the children". The woman moved forward and snatched the children roughly; She dragged them along as she walked away. Talar lunged forward as her daughter started to cry and found herself held back by her husband. "Quiet, Talar" Sinar said softly to her. He turned to look at the man, a clear look of anger on his face "what do you want with us?"

The man looked at him "with you nothing, it is your kids we want, we have plans for them"

"You will not do anything to them" Sinar said his voice rising angrily. Talar's control finally broke and tears escaped her eyes.

"Do not worry they will be taken care of, If I was you. I would worry about myself" The man said smiling lazily at them. He glanced behind him. The children were out of sight. He gestured to the people standing behind the Vulcans, and before Sinar or his wife could move, they had been grabbed and pulled away from each other; they were forced down to their knees. A man came up in the distance, he also looked like a Vulcan, he glanced at them, then at the man who was the leader and said "it's done; I activated the self-destruct the timer was set for a 5-minute count down."

"It's time to leave" the man said as he raised his weapon.

"Who are you, why are you doing this? No true Vulcan would do this. " Sinar asked as he struggled to get to his feet.

The man looked at him, and smiled. " I grow tired of this pointless discourse, but since I would hate for you to die with thinking ill of your _noble_ race...I'm not Vulcan," with that last comment the man raised his weapon and fired. Sinar fell to the deck his eyes wide, staring, lifeless. Talar screamed both at the sight of her dead husband and the pain she felt. It was like her body had been ripped in two. Her mind was seared with agony. Now, she knew why many Vulcans died when the person they were bonded to died. She was barely aware of her surroundings and was only aware that she was dying when she felt a pain, and felt herself fall to the deck, the last thing she saw before her eyes closed and her body released its life was the man's cruel face. She knew what he was now, a Ro-. The thought ended as she gasped and her eyes closed

XXXX XXXX

2 months after the Narada incident.

" This is one of the greatest opportunities that the empire will ever see" The sub commander said looking at the council arrayed before him, " are we really going to sit around like cowardly old fools and let this chance go to waste" the man said slamming his fist down on the table. The commander regarded his irate subordinate with a cool countenance

"Karaj, just because we do not jump on every opportunity, like an animal in heat it doesn't mean that we are cowardly old fools" the man said his voice silky as he watched his subordinate's face colour at the insult. "Fierceness, boldness are all to be valued but oftentimes subtlety, information, and cautiousness all have there place in war."

The commander noticed that most of the council was uneasy at his words, the fierceness of their Romulan heritage making them cry out for blood. The commander could see that most of them were on Karaj's side, and he felt a twinge of fury that he couldn't kill the sub-commander outright. The sub-commanders family was too highly placed; they had the Praetor's ear and were one of the favourites, well, as much as anybody could be a favourite of the labile ruler. Smoothing his face so that none of his emotions showed, while still fingering the knife at his belt, The commander sought to bring them over to his side with something that he did best, talking. The commander wasn't that highly placed in the empire thru his military skill or the few scant connections that he had managed to cultivate before entering the military. Instead his status was directly related to his ability to turn people to his point of view through his carefully placed insinuations and skilful parlance. And as many who came against him in the past years had found out, a carefully placed word could mean all the difference between life and death.

Enjoying the challenge of turning the council to his ideas, the commander began to detail his plan, all the while carefully seeding little remainders of Karaj's failed schemes and plans throughout. By the time he finished the council was seriously considering the commander's proposition and Karaj's face had gone a notable shade of green, his eyes filled with fury. The commander sat back with satisfaction, as the council debated among themselves about the feasibility of his plan, a smug hint of a smile crossed the commander's face as he watched Karaj's face. Let that be a lesson to the sub- commander, you could not go up against Commander Radak and win. Commander Radak turned away from his seething subordinate, as one of the council turned back to him, " your plan out of all, that we have heard today, is one of the least forward and impressive" the old women said her face her face impassive. Radak felt a flash of irritation at the council ._were they really such old fools that they went for the most superficially impressive plans, and lacked the appreciation for subtlety and deceit? _

"But" the woman continued "the Romulan Empire did not become great thru brashness and blind impulsivity, we know the value of careful preparation and subtle manoeuvres"

The commander inwardly was amused with the women's words. Romulans were one of the most impulsive races in the galaxy and that was one of the reasons that the federation and even the almost but not quite equally impulsive Klingons were greater than them in terms of power.

" The council has voted and with the Praetor's approval Commander Radak's plan shall be implemented" in his mind Commander Radak breathed a sigh of relief, finally he would have a chance for greatness, finally the Romulan empire could become the force it was meant to be. The Romulans would use all of the things that there Vulcan brothers had foregone, in pursuit of their misguided logic, to undermine one of the very institutions that Vulcans had helped build. The council woman's next words echoed his sentiments so perfectly that Radak almost wondered whether she was one of the Vulcan transplants and had used telepathy.

"The federation shall fall, and all of the galaxy shall kneel at our feet."

XXXX XXXX

1 month later

"T'Kas, you, your brother and all the children like you were raised for a purpose" The man said. Looking at his daughter who stood before him, her waist length black hair neatly crowned on her head, the tunic she wore accentuating her pale greenish skin, her eyes that were so much like her mother's.

"Yes, Father" girl said somewhat sullenly.

"It is normal to question some things, but you must not allow your questions to let you be led astray" he said firmly

"Do you know the story of how we came here?" the man asked his daughter.

The girl nodded.

"I will tell you again anyway, our ancestors left their home planet because they were not allowed to have freedom and were treated as outcasts for their ideals" The man continued his gaze fixed on his daughter "our ancestors believed that we were meant to be the greatest civilization in the galaxy that others should bow down before us and so they left to start a new civilization one that would allow us to expand to our full potential, and not make us weak slaves to reason."

"we found this planet, and settled but in a few days we were nearly destroyed when the anomaly came and we were transported light-years across the galaxy, we thought that all was lost, but the empire that came was beneficent they helped us and we found out that we were brothers, and while they helped us we were able to help them, we found out that there goals were ours, and together we formulated a plan for conquest"

The man continued "and so you T'Kas and all your generation is the product of this plan, and you will usher in a time of greatness that shall last an eternity for our people."

T'Kas looked at her father his face was filled with elation at the thought of his words coming to pass; his speech had almost made her feel that he was right. He was a charismatic speaker. She could see how he had become the head regent of the planet.

"But father didn't they kill some of our ancestors that didn't agree with them, when they rescued us, isn't there some evil in these actions"

"T'Kas your mother was one of them, was she evil? You are half of them, are you evil?" The man looked at his daughter, his face frowned "T'Kas you must rid yourself of doubts this plan is for the best of all of us and the rest of the galaxy, we must take our rightful place as rulers"

**Reviews please, thanks!**


	2. Misunderstandings

"You're being emotional"

Uhura angrily threw the dress down, glaring at Spock with all the fierceness of a woman scorned.

"_I'm being emotional" _

"I was merely saying that your body is not proportionate to your dress uniform anymore and that perhaps you should requisition another one" Spock said thoroughly bewildered why Uhura was acting the way she was.

"So you're saying I'm fat" Uhura said angrily

"You're not behaving logically, "Fat" is a subjective term, I was only implying that it would be more aesthetically pleasing if you requisitioned a larger-"Spock tried to say

"I don't even know why I asked you" Uhura said breaking into tears.

"Uhura, I didn't mean" Spock began moving toward her, startled by her abrupt mood change.

"You know what ,I'm late, I'm supposed to be helping lieutenant Musgrave, choose the food for her reception" she said her voice breaking, tears streaming down her face and without another word she keyed the door open and left.

Spock stared after her wondering what was going on, Uhura had become increasingly emotional as of late and this just one of several increasingly frequent events where Uhura took something that he said out of context. Spock looked at the door which had shut behind her and considered going after her to apologize, but in the mood she was in she'd probably take offense at that. He sighed and decided to wait and until later, when she had calmed down somewhat.

Uhura met Musgrave in one of the Rec decks. The Lieutenant was surrounded, by platters of food and as she approached Lieutenant Musgrave glanced up quickly and said "There you are" she was about to turn back around when she took note of her friend's tear streaked face and asked "what happened?" Uhura told her and as she finished the lieutenant made a sympathetic sound before, saying "I don't think he intended to insult you" she picked up a piece of cheese from one of the platters and popped it in her mouth; she chewed thoughtfully before, making a note on the clip board beside her. "You have to keep in mind what he considered fact, you considered insulting" Musgrave said

"At the moment it just seemed like he didn't care, like he was deliberately insulting me" Uhura said dabbing her eyes with a tissue from the box that Musgrave had given Uhura, during her tearful retelling of the argument.

"Nyota, you and Spock are two different people there's bound to be misunderstandings" Musgrave said soothingly "you're blowing this out of proportion, I'm sure he didn't mean to be insulting and you have gained a little weight."

Uhura sighed and said "I guess you're right, maybe I have blown things out of proportion."

"Exactly" Musgrave said nodding as she sampled a piece of bluish-orange fruit.

"I've just have been feeling a little off lately" Uhura continued, picking up a piece of food from one of the platters and taking a bite without really paying attention to what she was eating.

"Well, when was your last physical?" Musgrave asked pulling the top off a dish of purple-black vegetables, allowing a strange sour odour to waft into the air.

"A few weeks ago "Uhura said glancing down at the slimy looking vegetables, the smell from the dish making her feel slightly sick and dizzy,

" maybe you're coming down with something" Musgrave said then picked up one of the vegetable slices and popped it in her mouth " would you mind tasting one of these, Havarii likes them but I don't know if I want them on the menu."

Uhura obligingly took a small bite of the purplish vegetable and chewed for a moment, before an odd look crossed her face and she pushed her chair back, with a muffled "I'm sorry" she nearly ran to the rec room bathroom, one hand clamped tightly over her mouth.

Musgrave, watched Uhura leave puzzled, then carefully reached down and picked up another slice of the vegetables and as she chewed thoughtfully said to no one in particular "hmm, I didn't think they were _that_ bad"


	3. Have you been avoiding me Pavel?

"Hey, Chekov wait up"

Chekov looked behind him and saw Ensign Kelly, come up next to him, her curly brown hair bouncing behind her in a ponytail, her face lit up in a cheerful smile.

"Have you been avoiding me Pavel?" she said teasingly.

"I've just have been busy, vorking" he said.

"You cancelled yesterday, we were supposed to catch a Holovid," Kelly said

"Something came up," Chekov said glancing at her

"Well, I was thinking you want to go to the Rec Hall tonight, there's supposed to be a concert, it's Brunit, H'drak, and some others from the science department, but shouldn't be to bad right?" she said.

"I don't vant to go to a concert" Chekov said not looking at her.

"Well, how 'bout a holovid?" Kelly said not picking up on his tone.

"Not tonight" he said glancing at her, wishing she would go away.

"I know what you'd like-"Kelly began exuberantly, her enthusiasm not dampened in the slightest by his repeated rejections of her ideas.

"You vant to know vhat, I'd really like" Chekov said angrily as he stopped walking and turned to face Ensign Kelly, his hands clenched into fists. "I'd like if you left me alone"

"Are you okay? What's wrong?" she said her smile fading, her face worried, bewildered and hurt at his words, her eyes looking at his tired appearance.

"You're vhat's vrong" he shouted furiously, clenching and unclenching his fists. He restrained himself with great difficulty. He wanted to hit her. "You're annoying! You're pushy! You talk all the time! You can't leave anybody alone, can't you chust go avay?"

"Fine, if that's what you want I'm gone" She said her words angry, but her eyes tearing up, as she turned on heel and almost ran back down the hall.

Chekov stared after her as his anger suddenly faded leaving a cold, empty feeling behind, he thought of going after her and apologizing. _What was wrong with him?_ He felt ashamed of his actions. Kelly was just being nice, he had met her a few months ago, other than him she was one of the youngest crew members, she wasn't exactly his girlfriend, but they had lots of fun together and she didn't deserve to be treated like that. He slammed his fist into the wall, taking his anger out on the hard metal and was rewarded with a sharp throbbing sensation in his knuckles.

"The cute young couple having some problems?" a sneering voice said behind him

Chekov spun around, recognizing Lieutenant Roth's voice. The lieutenant was accompanied by one of his cronies, a Lieutenant Penali; both crew members had taken to harassing Chekov whenever possible. Like several other crew members, they were angry that he had a bridge position and was much younger than any of them, and unlike some crew they were a lot more vocal about it. Chekov angrily yelled a profanity-laced outburst at the two crew members, they waited until he was finished looking amusedly at his angry face and laughing, before they started.

"What's the problem Chekov, Kelly finally decided to drop you for an actual adult?" Penali snickered.

"She finally decide to find somebody that can actually speak their W's and V's _vithout-_" Lieutenant Roth began derisively laughing as he poked Chekov in the chest, Penali snickered in appreciation.

They were used to Chekov walking away from there jibes, or maybe saying something back. Lieutenant Roth never saw it coming, Chekov's blow landed solidly on the bridge of Roth's nose, causing a sharp crack to sound. "What the-" Penali said quickly looking back and forth between Roth and Chekov with disbelief.

"You shouldn't have done that" Roth said thickly dabbing at his bleeding nose with a sleeve, he nodded at Penali. Penali reached forward and before Chekov could do anything had grabbed Chekov's arms and pinned them to his sides. "I'm going to enjoy this" Roth said smiling a cruel smile, before he slammed his fist into Chekov's stomach. Penali held Chekov up as Roth slammed a blow into Chekov's face. Chekov felt the pain and thought of all the pain he had caused. He deserved every blow.


	4. Chapter 3

_Joanna will be in a piano recital and we got her a puppy. She's been begging for one for weeks now ,ever since one of her friends got one. He's a cute, little cocker spaniel mix, and just the funniest little thing. The two of them tumbling around together is a sight to behold, but you can tell they really love each other… _

The rest of the message continued on in a similar fashion for several pages detailing what his daughter had been up to for the past several weeks. , his sister was definitely thorough. It was like in her message she sought to leave nothing out, the writing was so clear he could picture every facet.

_Of what he was missing out on._

He looked down at the letter missing his daughter he hadn't seen her in a few months and the last time he had seen her she had been taller, older. She was growing up.

_She was growing up without him. _

The pain he felt at that thought cut through him like a scalpel. He wondered was there a point where she wouldn't even think of him anymore, where he would be a distant figure that she saw every once in a while, but that really didn't have an impact on her. She still called him daddy and was always eager to see him. But at some point as she grew up would that change. Would she think he had abandoned her? Had he? He sent messages and even old-fashioned letters as often as he could, they video messaged whenever possible, and he visited her when he had time off but was that enough. He missed his daughter, but he was torn, as much as he disliked gallivanting across the galaxy, in what amounted to a scrap of metal and plastic, he knew that if he left Starfleet and went back to Earth, he would fall back into his old habits. And when he was on Earth he hadn't been there for Joanna anyway. He had been headed for a sure path to his own destruction.

It was probably better for Joanna to live with his sister and her husband, they would take care of her and give her a good life, she deserved a stable home, and she needed one. She didn't need the pain or trouble that would come from living with him if he went back to Earth. When he was back in his old environment, he was an alcoholic and not a particularly nice one. When he drank, he knew that his personality changed for the worse and Joanna had caught the brunt of it several times. One of the worst memories of when he had taken his anger out on Joanna came back to him

_Someone one was shaking him; he opened his eyes, squinting at the light that poured into the room. He blinked several times willing the blurry image to coalesce into a recognizable form. He finally made out the shape of his daughter standing there, her hair tousled , a tattered stuffed dog clutched under one arm, her blue pyjamas rumpled, sucking on a finger. She looked at him as he opened his eyes, her face intent "bweakfast Daddy?" she said uncertainly. McCoy felt a flash of irritation at being awakened what time was it? He glanced at the screen on the wall 7 in the morning, why the hell did little kids wake up early?_

_"Bweakfast?, I'm hungry" she asked again, _

_"Fine let's go" he said not too kindly. Grumbling to himself, he pulled himself off the couch where he had passed out the night before, his head spun dizzily for a moment as he stood up, he had a headache that made him feel like his head was in a vise. His mouth felt like it was filled with cotton, as the dizziness passed he made his way to the kitchen, he could here Joanna's small unslippered feet following him. He walked into the kitchen and grabbed some eggs from the refrigerator he snatched a bowl off the counter and began scrambling them. Joanna had climbed up on a stool and was watching him. She sucked her finger for a moment, then said, "Mommy used a whisk." He glanced at Joanna and said irritably "Well, I'm not Mommy!" He turned around to open the refrigerator and gave a sharp cry, as he stepped his foot on something that sent an excruciating pain through his foot. He knelt down to pick it up; it was one of Joanna's toys. He swore loudly. "Are you okay daddy?" Joanna asked from behind him. The girl's voice irritated him further. He was thoroughly angry with being woken up this early and the whole situation. _

_He turned around furiously, his foot throbbing painful, his headache even worse if that was possible. "What the hell is wrong with you? He threw the bowl of eggs down, yellow spatters flying across the small kitchen to adorn the walls and surfaces. He reached across and snatched the toy dog from her, and threw it in the disposal. "you don't need any God damn toys if you can't take care of them" How many times have I told you to pick your sh— up?" He said throwing the toy he had picked up off the floor on the counter where it shattered into several pieces. Joanna looked at him her face startled, and then she started to cry. McCoy looked down at the little girl and the physical pain he felt receded and was replaced by a deeper kind as he looked at the little girl and thought , what have I done? _

_He moved toward her, to pick her up but she backed up, tears still streaming down her face, sobs rending the air. He stopped moving as she backed into a corner and came to an abrupt stop, she had nowhere else left to go. He looked at her; the little girl's face was afraid… afraid of him. "Please… Joanna I'm sorry" he knelt to her level, only half-an arm's length away."I'm not mad at you okay, I just hurt my foot and I got angry and yelled" That wasn't the entire truth his mind said he would have never acted like this if he was sober. He pushed the thought down."I shouldn't have yelled at you, I'm sorry" he waited there for a few moments looking at her, he wanted to move toward her, hold her pick her up, but he knew that if he did, she would bolt and he would frighten her more. And could you blame her, he had just acted like some drunk lunatic yelling at a little girl for basically no reason. She looked at him uncertain, fear still showing in her eyes, tears streaming down her face. He felt tears forming in his own eyes as he looked at his daughter. Hesitantly she came towards him, he reached and enfolded her in his arms, he buried her head in his shoulder, soaking his t-shirt with her tears. He stroked her hair and rubbed her back trying to soothe the little girl as he repeated over and over "I'm sorry Joanna, I'm sorry" He couldn't believe what he had done. He hated hearing her cry. _

_But he hated that he was the one who had made her cry more. _

He clicked the message off as he remembered that time. The guilt he still felt over that incidence rose up in him, reminding him why he had given Joanna to his sister. He shut off the computer and stood up, his break was over. He walked out his office still angry with himself.

_What was she doing?_ He looked at the nurse watching as she recalibrated the machine without shutting it down first_. How many times had he told her about that? _He moved toward her, angrily and began yelling at her. At the end of his tirade the nurse looked up, her face quite close to tears, the entire sick bay was staring at him, he turned his back on her and went to the new diagnostic module they had received yesterday and began calibrating it. He was not in a good mood.

XXXX XXXX

A few hours later Dr. McCoy was setting the new diagnostic module for the next patient when he heard the door hiss shut behind him. He turned around expecting to see the Edoan, that was his next patient and instead was surprised to see Chekov, standing there looking like he had been jumped on by a pack of dogs. Chekov had a black eye, numerous bruises on his face, a broken nose and a wrist that was obviously broken by the angle he was holding it at.

Dr. McCoy gasped at the sight of him and hurried around collecting medical supplies before coming to the head of the diagnostic bed which Chekov had sat on. The doctor ran a handheld diagnostic scanner over the young ensign while asking "what happened" Chekov who was normally happier (or at least acted like he was) than anybody on the ship, looked like he could kill somebody.

Chekov clenched his jaw tightly before replying "eet is nothing Doctor McCoy, I tripped and fell down a Jeffries tube" he paused for a moment then said as if he had repeated this or had it told to him a lot of times "I am wery clumsy". Doctor McCoy looked down at the results of his scan, and then back at Chekov doubtfully, the ensign was avoiding his gaze.

"Chekov you didn't get a broken nose, fractured wrist, broken ribs, and a black eye from falling down a Jeffries tube. For god sakes, Jeffries tubes have force field barriers" Dr. McCoy continued irritated "What really happened? And don't tell me next you tripped over your shoelaces"

Chekov stubbornly repeated "Doctor McCoy, I fell down a Jeffries tube, ze force field vas not active"

1 hour later McCoy watched Chekov leave sickbay and sighed. Chekov had spent the last hour denying that his injuries were anything short of an accident, indeed he had even given Doctor McCoy the exact location of the Jeffries tube that he had fell down, Dr. McCoy had called engineering and found that a technician was repairing the force field malfunction, but despite all the evidence, Doctor McCoy still didn't believe Chekov's story. His gut was telling him that something wasn't right. It wasn't just the injuries that gave Dr. McCoy pause; it was the total appearance of the ensign. Chekov, looked like had had been run through a wringer, he had dark circles under his eyes, that hinted at little sleep, and the rumour mill had been that the ensign had been unusually touchy even for an adolescent male. After finding no visceral trauma and running a diagnostic on the ensign (using his new model) he had and had cleared him to leave.

McCoy had briefly considered calling security to find out what had happened, but what was he going to say? That he thought Chekov was lying even though every bit of his story checked out and it was unlikely that any crew members would admit to having a fight anyway. Even if he did find out there had been an altercation Chekov and the other guilty parties would have that entered on their official records. Dr. McCoy shook his head, it probably wouldn't do to get involved in this case, and it was probably over a girl or something anyway.

Later after McCoy had finished the crew physicals he had scheduled for that day he examined the in depth images that he had taken that day using his new module. He was still amazed at the way the new module allowed previous injuries from many years past to show as clear as day. McCoy scrolled through the images, stopping to take notes if he noticed an abnormality. He was nearly finished when, he stopped at one crew members full body image, there were injuries noted everywhere. McCoy sat up straighter and rubbed his eyes. How had he missed this? He glanced at the top of the screen, and noted with shock that the name was Pavel Andreivich Chekov.

How did Chekov have this much damage? McCoy noted that the newest injury appeared to be about five years ago, but the ensign had injuries ranging from the time he was two and up. He called up a copy of the ensign's previous scans, some of the injuries had shown up in previous scans, and Dr. McCoy remembered that Chekov had been in an air skimmer accident when he was 8. Dr. McCoy had seen the marks still on his body from that accident, which the physicians in Russia hadn't been able to heal without scarring, but some of these injuries didn't appear in any of the previous scans. The doctor briefly considered that perhaps the new module was malfunctioning, but how was that possible? As far as he could tell the other crew member's scans had been correct. Dr. McCoy stood up and hurried out his office to the diagnostic module and began running a diagnostic on the machine, but all the systems checks came back in perfect working order. Dr. McCoy stood back and looked at it with a distasteful eye, this was what he got, as soon as he started liking the smallest piece of technology it stabbed you in the back.

Dr. McCoy considered asking Spock or somebody else to check out the machine , but something in his gut told him that the image he had seen was real, which could only mean one thing Pavel Chekov had some sort of disease. And judging from the ensign's haggard appearance he looked like he was having a relapse. Dr. McCoy could think of half a dozen that left your bones that messed up, (Chekov had at least 10 different fractures a lot of them either before or after before the air skimmer accident.)

McCoy sat back in his chair bleary eyed from running over Chekov's medical record surprisingly there was very little of it, he seemed extremely healthy on paper, but now having read it over several times it made very little sense, according to his medical records almost every year he had suffered several injuries mostly fractures , but also lacerations. McCoy remembered Chekov's earlier comment about how he was clumsy; perhaps the ensign had suffered an undiagnosed neuromuscular disease and was now suffering a relapse. McCoy wondered why the doctor's at the academy hadn't picked up that something was wrong. Then McCoy snorted at his own foolishness, that showed how tired he was, the doctors at the academy were mediocre at best, many incompetent at worst. Well, he mentally amended the thought, they could fix injuries, run tests, but most of them didn't have what a doctor really needed: intuition. And Dr. McCoy's intuition was telling him that something was definitely wrong.

**To really understand the background for this chapter you have to read New Beginning (Decision Points [part 1]) and Worst Memories (Dr. McCoy's chapter). anyway I hope you like it, read and Review!**

**p.s. this isn't the Chekov you thought you knew, the seemingly nice exterior hides a dark side and a dark past. **


	5. Chapter 4

_Beep! _The sound of the door buzzer to his office jolted McCoy straight out of a sound sleep. _What the-_ he thought glancing dimly at the chronometer on the wall, it was late who was calling. He pulled a piece of paper off the side of his face from where it had stuck (Spock was always referring to the illogical waste). He jumped as the door buzzer rang again and sighed only one person, sans his nurses would do that if it wasn't a medical emergency.

"Come in, Jim", McCoy sighed wearily as the door slid open revealing James T. Kirk, who promptly walked into the room.

"Sure, have a seat" McCoy said sarcastically as Jim sat down without waiting for invitation. "Don't mind that I haven't had a wink of sleep and I've been staying up all night trying to figure out an image from that new diagnostic machine"

McCoy was surprised when Jim instead of replying with a quip of his own stared talking about something completely unrelated, well not exactly unrelated but Jim didn't know that.

"Bones" Jim said looking at him seriously. "I Need to know what's going on with my main navigator" Jim saw Bones expression and said impatiently "Chekov,… the 17 year old"

"Jim, I know who the main navigator is what I don't know is what you mean by what's going on" Bones said somewhat irritatedly "what is he showing weird symptoms? acting differently?"

"weird symptoms no" Jim said " acting differently yes" he continued " Spock informed me that for the pass two months, his efficiency scores have been falling, slowly but steadily, this started about 2 weeks after the Narada incident . it wouldn't really be that significant , since his score is considerably higher than most of the bridge crew, but it's like his temper has been extremely frayed, hell until recently I wouldn't have even known the kid had one". Jim shifted in his seat and ran a hand through his hair " 4 days ago I was in one of the Rec halls , getting something to eat and he was talking to the synthesizers and you know with that accent he's got he was having quite a bit of trouble, anyway one of the engineering techs who was standing behind him laughed, Chekov turned around and if you can imagine he looked like he would have punched that tech right then and there if Spock hadn't called him to the bridge at that moment" Jim paused, then continued " it was weird… he just put his tray down , smiled and walked away like nothing was wrong."

"Well, Jim he's an adolescent he's prone to mood swings" Bones said evasively he wasn't ready to share his diagnosis with Jim, not until he confronted Chekov, and he couldn't really share anything anyway since he didn't have a definitive diagnosis, just a hunch. "I swear sometimes I don't know why they let 17 year-olds on a starship" Bones continued "this place is a serious institution, not high school"

Jim shook his head "Bones I don't think this is something that can be explained away with adolescent angst, something is bothering him, today on the bridge I came on and he and Uhura were talking and I heard her ask him something about his accent " she said something like " I've been meaning to ask you what part of Russia are you from, it not exactly like your typical Russian accent, I can't place it" or something like that, then for no reason he blew up in her face started saying something really angrily in Russian , then stormed off the bridge, he wasn't on duty or I would have called him back, I don't know what he said but he said something really bad because Uhura shaken up and she seemed preoccupied the rest of the day"

" Bones, I can't have a kid with adolescent angst or whatever throwing of my bridge crew" Jim said "what if does this during a battle at a crucial moment , then were all dead, I was wondering if you knew what was going on, Uhura told me some of what he said ' he said it's not my fault, everything's not my f-in fault' he obviously can handle the normal pressure that comes with serving aboard a ship, but this is something else entirely, if he keeps up like this I'll have to inform Starfleet .You now what that means."

Bones knew. Starfleet would probably have him removed from the ship a black mark would go in his records. His career could very well be ruined. "Jim I'll do my best and let you knows when I find out something" Bones said privately planning on confronting Chekov.

Jim nodded, then stood up and stretched glancing at the time, and with a "goodnight Bones" left, the door hissed shut behind him. Bones sighed he had his work cut out for him, it was hard enough treating adults without trying to get into a seventeen year-old's head.

**Okay, first off I know I said I wasn't going to post another chapter until I finished nowhere left, but I couldn't resist. With that said Nowhere Left is almost finished I stayed up way late the other night writing a few scenes. With that said I promise this is my last chapter for a while **

**p.s. notice I didn't specify how long the awhile would be ;)**


	6. Misuse of power

_Okay I kinda, sorta , half-way implied that I wouldn't post anymore of this story until I finished **Nowhere Left** (check my profile page for stories in progress if you have no idea what I'm talking about), but I couldn't resist. and this story ties into nowhere left , in a twisted convoluted sort of way. By the way there's a contest involved in this story. read the authors notes at the bottom of this chapter for the rules. And rule sticklers this story is in no way a contest itself!_

* * *

Silkar walked through the compound watching as the people hurried around making the preparations for the journey that would be undertaking in a few days, He noticed that most of them were glancing at him and then noticing his gaze quickly glancing away with frightened looks. Silkar looked at them and wondered what they were thinking. Smiling to himself, he opened his mind to the disparate thoughts swirling around, breaking through the light shielding they had to penetrate their consciousnesses.

_He felt some of the females admiration and desire for him, and he pushed himself at the outskirts of their minds revelling in their fantasies, he brushed over the fear the most of them had coursing through them at the thought of him, feeling pleasure with the power he had. In several minds he felt hatred and anger towards him, he pushed his way into those minds enjoying the pain he caused, he was careful to go just to the edge of their consciousness, just enough for them to know he was watching and to feel the brittle resistance that some of the stronger minds offered, before he crushed it, he penetrated their consciousnesses just enough to give them a taste of the searing agony that he could inflict if he chose, then he withdrew. They had a part in the plan to fulfil, so he couldn't offer them much more punishment…yet. _

As he came back to himself, Silkar looked around taking pleasure in the fear in their eyes, the power was intoxicating they were his to do what he wanted to, and nobody was powerful enough to stop him. He cleared his face as his sister T'Kas came into the room, he knew that she disapproved of the "talents" he used, he knew she followed some of their grandfather's weak ideals .She refused to totally accept that they were the rightful rulers, Silkar could tell, that while she would do nothing to stop there plan, she was not fully committed. Silkar felt fury that the old man had managed to contaminate her with his poisonous thoughts before he had been killed. He couldn't imagine how they could both have Solkar as their father. T'kas was so much unalike him. T'Kas just didn't understand.

They had power, so they should use it.

* * *

_See that chapter was so short it's almost not a chapter. But to the contest not contest. It's a little piece of star trek trivia I think, If you use the internet instead of scouring your star trek books for the answer shame on you! but here it is in This chapter the Vulcan called Solkar shares the name of a character that is related to Spock, this wasn't mentioned in the epsiodes but appears in a star trek book. If you can find out how the character is related to spock and what book this tidbit of info appeared then you win. Your prize you ask? _

_A sneak peek at the first chapter of N**owhere left** and possible I haven't decided yet **And ...Action**_

_Hint: the author that wrote the star trek book where the answer can be found in also wrote the novel adaptaion of a popular television show in the past that involved aliens coming to earth and red dust. is your curiosuity piqued?I hope so. Feel free to PM me with the answer. and as always reviews are appreciated!_


	7. Falling Apart

_Oop's another chapter! Just joking, Enjoy!_

* * *

_He was eight Again, The boy's arms encircled his little brother Pitir and his even younger sister Irina. They were hidden in the back of the closet but he could still hear the shouting and breaking glass, the boy heard his mother's soft voice rising trying to calm his father down. Then the harsh drunken voice of his father shouting, he wanted to go out to protect his mother, but she had told him to take Irina and Pitir and go to the closet. Irina sniffled quietly, tears and snot running down her face and soaking into the boy's shirt, Pitir was quiet his small hand clutched his brother's arm tightly and the boy felt it tighten convulsively as the noise got louder and closer. He heard his father ask his mother "where are the kids, you don't hide my own kids from me!" His mother said something to soft to hear and his father shouted an obscenity, the yelling started again in earnest, his father's shouts laced liberally with invectives. His mother screamed and he couldn't take it, he knew what he had to do "Pitir, Irina stay here" he said disentangling them from him and standing up, moving towards the door, he paused his hand on the door knob, he looked back into the gloom of the dark closet and said "don't come out until I or Ma come to get you" somewhere from the dark he heard his brother's whispered Reply of "da". Then he stepped out. His father's back was to him, so he didn't see him at first, he moved away from the closet so his father wouldn't know where he had come from. His mother who was standing in front of his father, moved to avoid a piece of glass that his father threw and saw Chekov standing there, her eyes widened as she silently pleaded with him to go back and hide. He could see a bruise forming on her face where his father had struck her and numerous cuts and bruises on her arms where she had tried to fend off his drunken blows. His father turned around to see who she was looking at and saw him standing there. "There you are" his father said slurring the words "where's Irina and Pitir"._

_"Outside in the barn" he lied to his father. "Outside in the barn" his father repeated his face darkening with drunken anger. "You are the oldest damn it, you don't leave them outside by themselves". "I-I-I" the boy stuttered "was just feeding the cows and they wanted to watch so-"The boy's words were cut off as a string of swearwords issued forth from his father "you need to learn some responsibility you little sh-"His father moved toward him, his hand raised, his mother rushed forward and grabbed the arm to try to hold him back, his father jerked his arm free sending his mother backwards. His mother picked herself up of the floor, a thin stream of blood trickled down the side of her face where glass ha cut her. "Andrei, No he's only eight!." His father turned to look at his mother a look of rage clearly evident on his face. "When I was eight I did more than him, I took care of things!" His father turned back to him "You need to learn things the hard way." His father struck the boy across the jaw he felt something crack, the boy tasted blood in his mouth, his mother screamed his name, then he was falling and everything went dark._

_XXXX XXXX_

Chekov sat up straight a strangled scream coming from his lips, his bed sheets were soaked with cold sweat and twisted around him, he had been having nightmares every time he slept for weeks, he couldn't even remember the last time he had slept well. He was thankful that his roommate wasn't here to witness this. He had avoided sleeping whenever the other ensign was around, when after one night he had awakened both of them with his screams, some nights he claimed that he wasn't tired and others he was with a girl. When in reality he had sat awake in a deserted corner of one of the Rec decks trying to stay awake to keep the nightmares from coming and the rush of memories that followed after, until he was too tired and succumbed to sleep. The dream was the last memory he had of his mother before she died. Nightmares of the day his mother had died alternated with memories of the failed attempt to transport Spock's mother from Vulcan and the other times that people had died because of him. The guilt gripped him tightly like a vise; memories rising up continually to recriminate him with the consequences of his failures.

He gripped the sheets tightly his knuckles white, trying to avoid remembering as image after image erupted in his mind, and bile filled his mouth. He barely succeeded in untangling himself from the damp sheets and making it to the toilet, before he was sick. Afterwards, he leaned back resting against the shower stall and let the cold metal soak into him, as the memories played themselves over in his head and his stomach dry heaved briefly, causing his mouth to fill with a bitter taste. He had thought about going to sickbay to get something to help, but that would have meant explaining why he needed it in the first place and he had no desire to relive any of this. He slowly picked himself up as his stomach settled, and walked on rubbery legs to the sink he turned on the cold water letting it run over his fingers, he looked in the mirror his face was gaunt, dark circles encircled his eyes, his eyes were rimmed red with tiredness, bruises still remained from his fight earlier. He was falling apart, ever since the Narada incident, something had been awakened in him that he thought he had put behind him. He splashed the cold water on his face trying to clear his mind of the guilt and shame that filled him.

XXXX XXXX

He was sitting on the edge of his bed; He looked at the bottle, running his fingertips around the rim and down the label. One of the engineering crew had given two bottles to him as a joke a few weeks ago, claiming all Russians liked Vodka even though he had told him he didn't drink. Instead of throwing the bottles away he had kept them, tucked away in the back of the cabinets near his bed. For the past few nights he had pulled one out, contemplating drinking it until he was no longer plagued by the memories that haunted him and collapsed into a dreamless oblivion. While one part saw it as his escape the other, the other saw it as a prison that he wanted nothing to do with it. He wouldn't become like his father. His hands trembled as he put it down but instead of throwing it into the disposal chute he found himself tucking it back in his hiding place. He looked at the chronometer on the wall and saw that in a few hours it would be time for his bridge shift, he was incredibly tired and wanted nothing more than to sleep, but dreaded what would happen if he did. Instead he pulled himself up and started putting the cabin to rights before his roommate came back from his shift. The sour stench of guilt and shame still permeated the air.

* * *

_Reviews please!_


	8. Chapter 7

_A/N: This story is technically still on hiatus but I figured I'd post another chapter rather than leave everybody hanging. Concrit and reviews are welcome! I reply to all reviews, PMs or follows, so feel free to drop a comment._

* * *

15 years ago

The people that were gathered in the small room were mostly young. The older Vulcans refused to listen to his "blasphemous" teachings but he was tolerated because he was respected as one of the oldest Vulcans in the colony and because who his son was. The old man had always been interested in the old Vulcan ways more than other of the other colonists. On T'karis Surak's teaching were regarded as weak, but Sulak, as the old man was called, believed that Surak's teachings of logicalness and thinking over blind violence had given Vulcans the stability they needed to keep from destroying themselves. It still distressed Sulak to see how crime was present in the colony and the lack of control that the younger generations had. The group assembled before him was a prime example. Even though a significant portion of the colonists weren't entirely Vulcan, it still was no excuse for the paltry control they exhibited. The older man turned his focus outward, looking at the crowd arrayed before him.

The noise level rose and fell, laughter broke out, and even small scuffles as the Vulcan youngsters tussled with each other. As he looked, he noticed the number of people in his group had fallen. He knew that his son Solkar had been telling the other Vulcans not to attend the group, and that his father's teachings represented everything that the colonists were trying to leave in the past. Still, Solkar hadn't entirely denounced the group because his two children T'Kas and Silkar attended the sessions. Sulak knew his grandson only came because his twin sister insisted on coming. Silkar disagreed with his grandfather's talk of meditation and logic, but he had taken a startling interest in the techniques for mental skills that was somewhat disquieting. In addition to Silkar's interest, to Sulak's dismay he had detected a disturbing habit in his young grandson. The boy showed no respect for the sanctity of another's mind; he thought that everybody should give him whatever he wanted, and he delighted in causing pain and showing power over others. Despite numerous conversations with his son, Solkar refused to see anything wrong with his son's behaviour. And privately Sulak was sure he encouraged it.

Sulak looked at the small figure of his grandson seated cross-legged., His black hair had fallen forward and his brow was furrowed with concentration. A few places away a boy was whispering to another child throwing glances at Silkar he did so, he said something to the other boy and then they both laughed. Solkar inwardly frowned at the two boys' lack of control. However, he knew the children were only displaying an attitude to Silkar that was held by many of the colonists. Silkar was widely regarded as odd and though there were few people who would admit it: many feared the young boy.

Sulak saw his grandson's face changing, an intense expression grew. Silkar turned and stared at the two boys. They didn't notice his gaze and continued talking and laughing. Silkar glared at them, and then abruptly closed his eyes. One of the boys stopped talking, his face furrowed in pain, and then he screamed. His friend stared at him in shock. Silkar opened his eyes and gave a small smile at the sight of the boy screaming. The boy stopped screaming, green blood trickled from his nose. He looked around wildly, then he stiffened and fell over his body twitching and jerking, like he was having a seizure.

Sulak quickly moved toward the seizing boy, glancing at his grandson as he did so. Silkar showed no remorse and looked cruelly delighted with the results. Sulak kneeled next to the boy and pushed back the crowd of Vulcans that had gathered. They didn't realize what had happened but Sulak did. Sulak touched the boy's temple establishing a link; carefully he began repairing the damage Silkar had done. When he withdrew, the boy was still unconscious but lay quietly now. Sulak stood up aware of the crowd of people staring at him, ignoring their looks he gave orders for two people to take the boy to the infirmary.

As he turned away he saw, Silkar and his granddaughter, T'Kas, standing there. He could see by the way she looked at her brother that she knew what he had done. Silkar looked unapologetic and defiant.

Sulak continued the group as originally planned, but afterwards he caught his grandson alone. He admonished the boy severely for what he had done. Silkar stood there sullenly, then after an angry outburst walked away. Later a rumour spread throughout the colony that Sulak had mentally attacked the boy. Sulak knew who was responsible: his own grandson. It didn't matter whether the rumour was the invention of a vengeful 10-year old who didn't want to be reprimanded for his actions, it still was believed. Or at least many used it as an excuse to stop Sulak's teachings. Solkar forbade his father to have anymore groups

Sulak defied his son's orders and continued teaching in secret the few that still wanted to learn. He was gratified to see that his granddaughter T'Kas still remained in the group. Over the next few months he taught as much as he could , trying to instil in the young vulcans the ideals and philosophy he hadn't been able to give his own children. He knew that his time was limited sooner or later he would be found out.

It was hard to remember his early life it had been so long ago, but he remembered being a few years old and taken from his parents, he knew that they had most likely been killed. But he wouldn't allow them to have died in vain; even the prospect of his own death didn't stop him from trying to save some of these young Vulcans from the principles that they had been embroiled in since birth. And with that goal in mind he hatched the plan that led to his downfall.

XXXX XXXX

Sulak was coming back from sending a message. He walked quickly down the hall hearing the distressed note in a young girl's voice. He found Silkar standing next to a young Vulcan girl, clumsily trying to force her to mindmeld with him. He pulled his grandson away, shaking the boy as he did so, and the girl had gratefully ran away. Silkar jerked away from his grandfather's grasp, and stared up with hatred at the man. Sulak began berating his grandson, "You are deviant, your behaviour is lower than any I have ever had the displeasure of seeing, the things you do are sick and evil, you do things no Vulcan would do"

His grandson snarled at him "I'm not a Vulcan!" then he turned and ran away.

An hour later the old man had returned to his quarters, he was seriously distressed by his grandson's behaviour. _This was why he was risking everything with his plan, he couldn't risk anyone else becoming like Silkar._ Sulak slowed changed into his meditation clothes ,then settled down on the stone his used for that purpose. He closed his eyes and was just beginning to enter the first stages of mediation, when the door sounded. He opened his eyes and said "enter". To his surprise his grandson was standing there, instead of anger the boy expression was calm and strangely emotionless. Sulak inclined his head and greeted his grandson with the Vulcan greeting. Surprisingly the young boy returned the traditional greeting.

Silkar spoke "I have come to talk to you"

Sulak waited for the boy to continue and when he did his voice was even "You say I'm deviant, you dislike my power." The boy straightened up as he talked "you say I'm not Vulcan." He spat the last word like a curse. He stared at his grandfather, something darkly present in his young eyes "and I'm not!"

Sulak spoke this time "Silkar you may only be half-Vulcan, but you _are_ Vulcan you must embrace this part of your heritage and discard the negative practices encouraged by others."

Silkar spoke "you mean my mother's people? I'm not a traitor like you. I don't seek to be a pacifist snivelling coward either. I will rule and the weak will fall." He stepped closer to his grandfather until he was less than two arm's length away. He said "I know what you've been doing".

Sulak felt a small a flicker of apprehension, but said "What are you talking about?"

Silkar stared "I'm not stupid. I know you've been trying to contact the federation, through one of the empires' traitors."Silkar continued "You say I'm deviant, you think I'm a pervert. You say what I do is wrong. You're the one who is wrong. You're a traitor a traitor to your own people. It's you that's deviant."

Sulak knew there was no use denying what he had been doing Silkar obviously knew. Watching the young boy carefully he began to explain what he had been doing. He finished with "I've been contacting someone for the good of us all. This colony is wrong and my actions whether they are wrong or not do not change the wrongness of yours".

Silkar said angrily "I'm not wrong! You are."

Sulak shook his head "Silkar you have strayed far from the right path but there is still time, accept that you have been doing wrong and change."

Silkar was trembling with rage at his grandfather's words; suddenly he pulled out a disruptor and levelled it at Sulak. Silkar yelled "Take that back, I'm not wrong, Say I'm not wrong! Say it!"

Sulak stood up cautiously and shook his head refusing to acquiesce to his grandson's request.

"Tell me! I'm not those things you called me. Tell me!" The disruptor trembled, the boy's voice shook, tears ran down his face. "Say it" he yelled again.

Sulak spoke quietly "All those things I said about you were true, one can't deny the truth. Silkar you can change, but you have to want to"

Silkar screamed at him "There's nothing wrong with me. I don't have to change, and I want you to admit that!;

"No" Silkar said simply.

Silkar stood there breathing heavily, staring at his grandfather. Then the disruptor went off; a beam of energy lanced out hitting Sulak in the chest. The older Vulcan looked surprised ,then crumpled to the ground. Silkar dropped the disruptor unable to believe what he had done; he stared with horror at the inert figure. "Grandfather" he said quietly, before he could move towards the old man, the doors opened and his father and several guards entered.

Solkar touched his son on the shoulder and said "He was a traitor and you got him to confess, you did your duty"

Silkar didn't care about his father's words; he stared at his grandfather watching as the guards moved his body and the head lolled limply. He asked "Is he dead?"

Solkar frowned at his son's question but said "he's not, merely injured." Silkar looked away unable to watch as his grandfather was taken away and asked "What are you going to do with him?"

Solkar looked down at his son and Silkar saw a shred of remorse before it was covered by an icy expression. Solkar looked away and said "Silkar you know the penalty for treachery"

Silkar knew and it was enacted a few days later.

Silkar was setting up a game of 3-D chess, he had begged T'Kas to play. She was an awful player and in truth he made no effort to make her better. Often he liked to play against somebody that wasn't challenging; the pleasure of utterly crushing an opponent was thrilling. He needed something to take his mind of what had been going on. He knew his Grandfather's execution would be soon he just didn't know when. He had gone that day to try to apologize to the old man, but Sulak had refused to speak ton him. In desperation Silkar had tried to force his way into the old man's mind, trying to let him know he was sorry, and surprisingly he had let him in. Silkar had felt Sulak say _"you have never experienced the consequences of your actions; you must do so to learn."_ Silkar had tried to draw some meaning from the old man's words but he couldn't understand what he had meant. As he had withdrew from Sulak's mind he had felt stuck for a moment, then suddenly he pulled free.

Silkar had set up half the pieces when he felt it start. Silkar had always been more sensitive, than others and could sense things from much farther away. He knew without a doubt what was happening as a pain lanced through his body driving him to the floor. the chess pieces tumbled down around him. Screams started, his grandfathers' screams. Silkar put his hands over his ears and huddled on the floor trying to blot out the sound, but he couldn't because it was in his mind. He tried to close off his mind as he realized what was happening, but the thoughts and emotions easily cut through. A scream was heard again, this time it was in his mind and it was his own. As the pain intensified, Silkar hit his head repeatedly against the wall until blood ran into his eyes, he gripped his arms tightly his fingers biting into them, and he rocked back and forth. It was almost half-an hour before the sensations ceased abruptly. Silkar sat up; green blood was running down his face, his fingernails had pieces of his own flesh under them.

He knew why the feelings had ceased.

Silkar glanced upwards as he heard a sound. T'Kas was standing over him She said "Silkar?" She stared at his ruined appearance. Then he felt a gentle probe in his mind. His mind which was already raw and weakened with what he had experienced offered little resistance. Silkar saw her expression change to horror as she realized through his jumbled thoughts what had happened. Silkar stretched a bloody hand out to her pleading "T'Kas."

She backed away from him horrified with what she had discovered in her his mind, then turned and ran not looking back.


	9. vhat do you really vant vith me?

_A/N: Why am I posting another chapter right now?... Your guess is as good as mine. Anyway enjoy._

* * *

Dr. McCoy's glanced around the mess hall, his eyes searching for the ensign in the rush of crew eager to eat breakfast before their shifts started. He spotted him at a table tucked in the corner of the room alone, a mug of something in one hand while the other held a fork that picked half-heartedly at a plate of food. Dr. McCoy grabbed his own tray of food and wound his way through the early-morning crowd towards the ensign's table. He placed his own heavily laden tray down on the table with a jolt, startling Chekov. "Mind if I sit here?"

Before the ensign could give his consent doctor McCoy had pulled out the chair and sat. Chekov eyed him warily, watching to see what the Doctor was planning. Dr. McCoy innocently sprinkled salt on his eggs and took a sip of coffee before speaking, "So, Chekov how is everything going?" Chekov who had obviously suspected something more intrusive was startled. "Um-fine" he mumbled, before taking a large gulp of whatever was in his mug, Dr. McCoy saw him make a face before swallowing and smelled the sharp pleasant aroma of coffee. _What was the ensign doing drinking coffee? He hated the stuff. _McCoy thought.

McCoy watched as Chekov took a bite of food and slowly chewed. The kid looked even worse than yesterday, his face was more tired than ever. Chekov stifled a yawn, and then scrubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. McCoy wondered what would be the best way to broach the subject of the ensign coming in for a check-up; he was saved from figuring out the answer, when Chekov looked up from his plate and said "vhat do you really vant vith me?"

The doctor was about to falsely claim that he had simply wanted to talk to the ensign when Chekov cut him off, "You didn't come sit here chust to talk to me".

McCoy rather than insult both their intelligence decided to go with the truth, "I think you have something wrong with you and I think you know what that is."

McCoy watched as the boy's face turned pale. The fork he was holding in his hand dropped to the table with a clatter. Dr. McCoy pressed on, sure that he was on the right track, "I'd like you to come to sickbay so we can talk about it, you have about an hour before you have to report to the bridge".

Chekov opened his mouth to protest and Dr. McCoy leaned forward and softly said "Chekov, It's going to come out anyway, please don't make me have to order you". Chekov looked at McCoy and nodded a look of dread present on his face.

XXXX XXXX

Chekov sat on the diagnostic bed watching as Dr. McCoy set the dials and recalibrated the monitors, and thought about what Dr. McCoy had said a few minutes earlier after they had arrived in sickbay. The Doctor was firmly convinced the Chekov had some sort of illness. Chekov had thought that the doctor knew about his past, they each were wrong, Chekov was tempted to laugh from the sheer absurdity of the whole situation, but resisted as the Doctor would probably have taken that for a sign of hysteria related to his impending "diagnosis". The doctor would probably not even realize the reason for all the numerous injuries he had, no doctor ever had. They didn't bother to ask the right questions, not that he would have answered them anyway. The doctor finished setting the dials and said "I'm going to start the scan as soon as this is finished recalibrating, then I'll run a few more tests and hopefully we should have an answer before the end of –." The rest of the doctor's words were cut off as a voice rang out.

"Dr. McCoy, it's engineering somebody managed to nearly amputate their leg, with a torch, they're sending them up, and the captain wants to speak to you ".

"Damn it, Christine tell him I'm with a patient" McCoy said irritated.

"I already did sir, he still wants to talk to you" Christine said

Dr. McCoy looked at the monitors which were still cycling through figures and glanced at Chekov who was perched on the side of the bed "I'll be right back" he said before walking off.

5-minutes later Dr. McCoy came back, grumbling about kid captains. The doctor told Chekov to lie back then commenced the scan and physical.

55 minutes later Dr. McCoy watched Chekov leave sickbay, he couldn't understand what had just happened, the ensign had checked out perfectly healthy. The scan had came back negative for all of the injuries that McCoy had noted the previous day, a second scan that McCoy had run refusing to believe the machine's results had come back the same way. Blood tests, chem panels, it all had come back fairly normal, the only abnormality was that the ensign had high levels of stress hormones, and several of his vitamin levels were near the low end, but altogether he was fairly healthy. McCoy couldn't understand how this could be. He had been so convinced that he was on the right track. Chekov had given the same excuses for his numerous old injuries as was listed in his medical records, various farm accidents, and childhood injuries, but McCoy still believed that something was wrong with the ensign, and he would damn well find out what it was.

**Coming up next: The action begans, spatial anomalies, a colony tettering on the edge of destruction, a revelation about Spock and Uhura, and more Dr. McCoy being ...himself.**


	10. Captain I'm picking up a signal

_A/N: After much thought I've decided that enough is enough. This story will be posted regularly and I'll finish Nowhere Left while I'm posting. I didn't mention Words of Revolution because that one will be finished pretty quickly. Initially I thought to Post Nowhere Left before finishing posting this , but everybody isn't a Chekov fan and you don't really need to read Nowhere Left before reading this one. At the bottom of each chapter the next date for an update will be listed in bold. Keep in mind I'll try to be as close to this date as possible but due to my schedule the actual post may be 24 hours off either way. _

* * *

Captain Kirk unsuccessfully tried to avoid a yawn, as he resisted the urge to get up and walk around the bridge for what would be the fifth time in the past hour. The ship had been patrolling several light-years away from the Romulan neutral zone for almost a week and so far they had found nothing. According to Starfleet nothing was exactly what they were supposed to find, but then again Starfleet was never very forthcoming with information. The rumour mill of the fleet however said that they suspected Romulan involvement in a series of ship disappearances and spatial anomalies that had been noted recently. But so far the outcome of the _Enterprise's_ exploration coincided more with Starfleet's view of things then the fleet rumour mill.

"Captain I'm picking up a signal of some sort" Uhura frowned and listened intently to her earpiece.

Kirk immediately straightened from his slouched posture, eager to finally have some excitement after the day's long patrol.

"I can't pinpoint the origin it seems to be coming from a sector of space where there's no object" She said as she ran her fingers glided across her board, watching frequencies and translating

"There is an unknown spatial anomaly developing two light-minutes ahead of us" Spock said his eyes glued to his console.

"On view screen" Kirk said

The view screen blanked out from the regular view of stars to reveal a coruscating bluish-green mass washing across space.

"Several unstable subspace readings and incongruities are developing in the surrounding space" Spock continued "captain the phenomenon is accelerating outwards."

"Mr. Sulu take us away warp 3" Kirk said

"Aye, captain" Sulu, keyed the order into his console and then twisted around as the ship refused to respond. "Warp drive isn't responding, impulse isn't working either"

"Keptain eet's surrounding-" Ensign Chekov's voice was cut off as the ship rocked with enough force to throw more than one crewmember from their seat. On the view screen the centre of the anomaly seemed to bulge outward. The lights dimmed and flickered then cut out all together as the ship rocked again. Several cries of pain could be heard throughout the bridge; the emergency lights flickered on, red lights blinking on and off in the familiar sequence of a red alert as Kirk picked himself off the floor from where he had been thrown.

Kirk jabbed his hand on the console to his chair keying open a channel to engineering. He gripped his chair more tightly as the shipped rocked again, struggling to stay in his seat.

"Scotty what's going on down there?" Kirk said hearing what sounded like explosions, and shouts in the background.

" Uh- This is ensign- Kinitz- Captain.." panted and out of breath voice between gasps ," Mr. Scott is trying to stop the -"

" I'll take that now lad" Scotty's voice cut in breathlessly "captain the engines are down all of them—I dinna know how long it'll be before I can get them on line again" The ship rocked again and the intercom cut out as the lights dimmed . Kirk released the comm button, not bothering to call engineering again.

"Captain I believe we are inside the anomaly. Readings are indicating that several objects are occupying the surrounding space , we are unable to send any transmissions outward beyond a approximately four light-years" Spock replied without turning around from his station.

"Are they ships?" Kirk asked they were close to the neutral zone, who knew what technology the Romulans had developed with Nero's help.

"The sensors indicate planetary system" Spock, said even his Vulcan voice showing a slight hint of bewilderment. "The anomaly is stabilizing" he reported as the ship's motion started to lessen. He pressed something on his console and the viewscreen lit up to show a planet.

"A planet wide distress call is coming through" Uhura's voice rang out. "They're identifying themselves as the T'karis Colony."

"I wasn't aware that any colony had been established this close to the neutral zone " Kirk said.

" There weren't any colonies established this far out" Spock turned away from his console and said "The T'karis colony was the name of a group of Vulcan's that left Vulcan almost 195 years ago"

"Open a channel, Uhura " Kirk ordered.

"This is Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise, a federation star ship, state the nature of your emergency" Kirk stood up.

"They're sending over a visual captain" Uhura said

"On view screen" he said

The image of a planet was replaced with the crackly image of a grim faced middle aged Vulcan. His face was covered in grime and green blood trickled down his face from a gash on his forehead; in the background people were hurrying back and forth carrying wounded people.

"Captain Kirk, I am Solkar , head regent of T'karis we are in dire need of aid. Our people have lived on this planet for almost two centuries trapped inside of a spatial anomaly which prevented us from communicating with the outside world or leaving space" The man coughed then continued. "The planet we are on is experiencing severe gravitational disturbances due to the dimensional shift and our scientists estimate that within three days it will no longer be able to support life, it is estimated that we have approximately 1.3 days before the rift recloses displacing this planet back into exile and dooming us all to death. We ask for your help in assisting us with evacuation."

Kirk glanced back at his science officer for confirmation of the Vulcan's words

"Computer projections extrapolate the planet's inhabitants have approximately 2.12 standard days before the planet is unsuitable for life" Spock said glancing up from his science console.

"Our ship has was damaged when we were caught in the dimensional rift but we will assist with the evacuation as much as possible" Kirk said


	11. You don't know Vulcans like I do

The senior and bridge officers were in the ready room, discussing the evacuation of T'karis. Scotty was only giving the conversation half-his attention, as he monitored the progress on the engine repair on a data pad.

" My preliminary readings of the anomaly show that it is a piece of universe that is similar , but isolated and it experiences a periodic expansion and contraction about every 195.67 years, temporarily allowing it to interact with our universe " Spock pressed a button and causing the holographic image in the middle of the table to change configuration and continued speaking. " I would postulate that the anomaly pulls whatever is near it when it contracts into its gravitational field causing the object to occupy a congruent trajectory. The _Enterprise _ was near the anomaly at an inopportune time ."

"Could you speak god-damned English for the rest of us who lack the stiffness necessary to understand your Vulcan technical gibberish" McCoy said irritated, glaring at the Vulcan science officer.

Uhura stared angrily at the doctor and was about to open her mouth when somebody said. "Mr. Spock means that the anomaly is a pocket uniwerse that pulled the planet along vhen eet expanded into our uniwerse temporarily and eet pulled us into eet also."

"Precisely, Mr. Chekov, simply put" Spock said

McCoy rolled his eyes and muttered under his breath sarcastically "well, why didn't you just _simply _say that at first."

Spock ignored the doctor's comments and continued "according to the sensors the planet T'karis is under severe gravitational stress, and will experience such an increase in gravitational stress that it will be unable to support life within approximately two days. Currently the planet is only marginally M-class."

"The information they transmitted indicates that have around 1343 people on the planet. A small number of Vulcans factoring in population growth and the original number of Vulcans that left" Spock continued "However, we can't possibly evacuate them all using the Enterprise. The logical plan would be to let them—"

"What the hell is wrong with you, you cold green-blooded bastard" McCoy said interrupting "you're saying that we should leave the rest of your own race behind to d—"

Kirk, gave the doctor a sharp glare, and cut him off before he could say any more incendiary comments, noting the furious look Uhura was giving the doctor. " Nobody's suggesting that we leave them on the planet. According to the information they transmitted to Uhura, they have around 5 ships that were used to bring the original colonists to the planet. With our help they should be able to get a few of these operational."

"I'm beaming down a group of crewmembers to help them out," he continued.

"There's a wee problem with that Captain and I've got some lads working on it" Scotty said glancing up from his data pad to join in the conversation. "but I canna make the transporters work correctly there's too much activity by that anomaly. If I risk beaming anybody, they might be scrambled. Ye'll have to use shuttles" he finished almost apologetically.

"The communications are also going to be a problem, we can't get a consistent signal to the planet or them to us" Uhura added

"Similarly, Sensor readings of are vague due to the interference of the anomaly. Our shuttle's and the ships on the planet especially will have difficulty navigating, however it is possible that we may be able to devise a method of counteracting some of the interference.," Spock said

"So we're going into this mission severely crippled" Kirk summarized, not liking his options.

"Since we're only going to be able to send a limited number of crew. Uhura we're going to need you, so the communications have the best chance of getting through. Spock, you, Chekov, and some of the science crew can work on making the sensor arrays on the ships down there work so they can navigate. Dr. McCoy and a few of his staff can help stabilize the colonists and if Scotty can spare a few engineering crew they can help repair the ships." Kirk said reaching a decision.

The officers assembled nodded, and then as the meeting adjourned, they started off to their assigned duties to prepare for the mission. Kirk stopped Dr. McCoy before he could leave, and waited until everybody had left the room. "What was that a few minutes ago Bones?" Kirk said looking at his friend.

"That was me trying to show that emotionless green, robot that being a soulless "logical" perfectionist, is a bunch of bullsh-"

Kirk cut him off before he could continue "what do you have against Spock?"

McCoy began angrily "I've got nothing against Spock; I've got a problem with his entire lying, cheating, rac-"McCoy broke off abruptly aware that he was saying too much.

"You don't like Vulcans" Kirk summarized cutting to the heart of the matter. "and you don't want to be down there on that planet taking care of them."

"I have no problem taking care of anybody" McCoy said heatedly "I don't like self-righteo-"

"I'm friends with both you and Spock I'm can't to allow you to keep saying these things about Spock or Vulcans in my presence. " Kirk said firmly cutting off the doctor's newest rant of insults.

McCoy looked at Kirk, his face angry. "You don't understand what—"

"I understand that your behaviour undermines ship authority and morale and Starfleet has a clear policy on Xenophobia" Kirk could see the words weren't having an effect on McCoy so he continued. "Bones you've been there for me more times than I can count. Even when I didn't deserve it, but Spock is my friend also. And even if he won't admit it having somebody criticizing him and belittling him for everything he does, for some goddamn reason even I can't figure out bothers him and more than that it bothers me." McCoy was uncomfortable, he shifted his weight and looked away from Kirk.

"You don't know Vulcans like I do. They are a bunch of heartless bastards, that will—" McCoy began

Kirk cut him off "You don't know them. I've known several Vulcans before Spock, one saved my life and -." Kirk broke off thinking of the child in question and the circumstances of the event. McCoy watched as a litany of emotion crossed Kirk's face.

In a deadly serious voice the young captain continued. "Doctor, if you can't keep your views to yourself. I will report you." Kirk added in response to the somewhat defiant look on McCoy's face. "Understood?"

"Perfectly _captain_" McCoy said stiffly, and then he turned and walked out the room.

Kirk looked at McCoy's retreating back as the doors to the ready room slid shut behind him. _Why did McCoy hate Vulcans so much? _ McCoy tended to wear his heart on his sleeve and Vulcans were a lot more reserved. The two opposites presented by the doctor's emotions and Vulcans emotionless behaviour created an opportunity for conflict, but not with the vehemence the McCoy showed. Kirk hoped that McCoy could get over whatever it was or at least avoid public displays of his hatred, or Kirk would be forced to do something he really didn't want to do. He would have to choose Spock or McCoy and either way he would lose an excellent officer and a friend. Kirk knocked his head against the wall and thought.

_At times like these he wished he wasn't the Captain._


	12. we're married

Uhura and Spock walked to the shuttle bay. Uhura was still furious at what McCoy had said. Spock glanced at her out of the corner of his eye as his felt through a ripple of fury run through her; he was surprised to feel it with such force. Even though they were not bonded mentally like many Vulcan couples were. The many mind melds they had shared had caused a link of sorts to form. Even so, he usually wasn't able to sense more than the tiniest brush of sensations without opening his mind or physically touching her. He turned as he felt the emotion against more forceful this time. "Nyota" He began knowing what was bothering her. "What Dr. McCoy said while inaccurate and narrow-minded did not bother me—"

Nyota stopped, and turned to him "It may not have bothered you Spock, but it bothered me."

She continued her face extremely angry, "that racist a—hole is one of the very reason why we can't tell anybody that we're married."

Spock watched at her, privately thinking that Uhura comments while correct on one front were not encompassing the full scope of the problem. They had been married a few months ago, right before she graduated, and they had both agreed to not tell anybody. Their families didn't even know. The reasons for the nondisclosure were several.

Firstly , Uhura was several ranks below him. Even with the promotion she had received there was a marked difference in their ranks and if somebody had found out Spock would have very likely been accused of favouritism ,especially in light of his changing Uhura's assignment from a different ship to the _Enterprise_. The backlash would have damaged both their careers and could have led to a court-martial if authorities really pushed for it.

Secondly, even though Starfleet had a policy against Xenophobia there were many people that disapproved of fraternizing between humans and aliens. It didn't matter that Spock was half human. If people found out they were married ,Dr. McCoy's routine insults would look like child's play compared to what some others would say and do.

Even now when people just thought they were together, whispers and stares followed them. The Narada incident hadn't done them any favours either, many people thought that Romulans and Vulcans were to close for comfort. Spock had heard more than one crew member express that the Planet Vulcan had deserved to be destroyed since the Romulans were a clear indicator that those "kind" of people were a ticking time bomb in the heart of the federation.

"Nyota, Dr. McCoy is only one—" Spock began

She interrupted angrily "I know that you can look at everything logically but Dr. McCoy has no excuse for his behaviour. He shouldn't be allowed to continue with his sarcastic racist comments every few minutes …"

Spock let her vent and waited until she quieted somewhat, before he said "Uhura you should not let his remarks bother you. He-"

"Spock, I can't just let what he said go! So don't ask me to" She said frowning indignantly up at him. Her face was furrowed with anger.

Spock glanced down at her; she was quite pretty, even when she was furious. Another wave of her anger rushed through him like a fiery tide, the sensation spreading throughout his body. The passion she was putting into her rant seared through them stirring up his own feelings, but they weren't of anger.

As she opened her mouth to say something else, Spock pulled her against him and kissed her. He felt her surprise for a moment tickle the back of his mind, and then she kissed him back. He twined his fingers in her hair and let one hand stray to her temples. Carefully he probed her mind and she opened, allowing their consciousnesses to mingle. The awareness of where they were faded away for both of them. Spock pulled away after several minutes and looked back down at her. She raised an eyebrow at him and said slightly out of breath "and if I ask you if you did that to shut me up, you're going to say no? Right?"

He gave no answer, a slightly amused look was on his face that only she knew him well enough to detect. She looked up at him still out of breath and hissed "You Hypocrite! you were telling me we shouldn't show 'displays of affection 'in public because somebody might see." Spock still didn't answer. She sighed and said "well your distraction worked, at the moment McCoy doesn't seem worth discussing"

"Precisely what I was trying to establish" Spock said "Now I suggest we get to the shuttle bay before somebody realizes we're not there and comes looking for us, or before another you need another... distraction"

She looked at him for a moment then gave a small smile and slipped her hand into his and they continued on.

* * *

_A/N: I love Spock and Uhura. They're so beautiful together I'd love to know your thoughts on this scence. Did I capture the romance? Was it touching? Cheesy? Mawkish? Did I go far enough or should I have gone farther. Remember , their in a public cooridor;)_


	13. Is that a date chekov?

The crew for the away team that would assist in the evacuation was in the hangar deck preparing the equipment they needed. Ensign Kelly was near one of the shuttles checking and triple checking that she had all the things, they would need. It was a worrying feeling to know that the transporter wouldn't work, so that if anything happened there couldn't be a quick beam up to safety or help couldn't be beamed down. Kelly thought back to a time at Starfleet academy.

_It was after a particularly gruelling series of tests that she and her friends had decided to go to one of the fairs they were having in San Francisco that summer. After they had tried nearly every ride, her friends in a fit of silliness had coaxed her into going with them to a fortune teller. The fortune teller was a small-red eyed alien woman, who had white tufts of hair, and long-yellow clawed fingers._

_The woman had told the fortune of Kelly's two friends first. One would get married and never graduate from the academy; another would be promoted extremely quickly. The two cadet's had laughed as their fortune's were told, then it had been Kelly's turn. Kelly held her hand out for the woman to read, as the alien ran a clawed finger down Kelly's palm, the alien shuddered and pulled her hands away. "Are you sure you want to know your fate" the woman asked her face grave. Kelly's two friends laughed and one of them said" of course she does". Kelly wasn't sure that she wanted to know, but she felt she had to know or she would always be wondering. She nodded for the woman to continue. The alien picked up her hand again, and her eyes focused solely on Kelly told her fortune_

_You shall graduate and find the one you love,_

_And on a faraway planet, you both shall die,_

_You in his arms,_

_Kelly's two friends were shocked._

_"Why would you say that?_

_"That's awful, come on Leah let's leave"_

_The two girls scowled at the fortune teller as they tugged Kelly away._

_Kelly followed them out and laughed with them afterwards, she told herself it was stupid. But the woman's words had come true one of her friends was married now and had a child. In the second year she had dropped out of Starfleet and now worked on a cargo freighter near one of the Martian colonies. The other friend was already a lieutenant. The woman's predictions had come true. For Kelly she hoped that the last part of the woman's predictions wouldn't come true because the first part already had. And every time she went on an away mission she wondered would it be her last._

_Stop thinking like that_ she chided herself _everything will be fine._ She took a deep breath to steady herself and went back to her equipment check. She had just finished checking her list for the 4th time when a voice interrupted.

"Hey, Kelly"

She looked up irritably recognizing Lieutenant Roth's voice.

he smiled at her, leaning against the shuttle, lazily, as he said " So their sending you down, huh?" He continued ignoring or maybe not recognizing her annoyed look "That's nice I'll be going down to" (Lieutenant Roth was security with a computer rating) "Somebody's got to keep your pretty little self safe" he said reaching out to pat her on the head.

"Drop dead Roth!" she said ducking underneath his hand and pushing it out the way.

"Ooh, not a nice way to talk, I'm wounded"

"I mean it Roth get the hell out my way and go somewhere" she said

"Getting a little mad aren't we, you and ensign Checkers still having problems" he said not moving. "He still _wery_ mad at you" He added in a mocking stage whisper.

"His name is Chekov, and you know what? it's none of your business, okay, now leave me alone" She said angrily practically snarling at him.

"Feisty aren't you, just what I like in my women" Roth continued unperturbed

"I'm not your woman you idiot! Now why don't you go talk some of your lame lines with a girl who has nothing on her upper decks and maybe you'll actually get somebody who falls for it."

Roth turned a deep red at her words, he looked angry now.

"What's that dumb a- Russian got that I don't huh?"

"Don't talk about him like that"

"No, Kelly I want to know. Why do you want to be with that idiot who can't even talk right and just barely got out of diapers? When you could be with me?" He said furiously "what's he got Kelly, Huh?"

"How about this , he's not a stupid oaf , that can't take no for an answer, he cares more about me than how I look nude, and I love him okay, I love him."

Roth looked at her his face twisted in an angry scowl

"You know he's nothing right? He's nothing and anybody with him is nothing also." And with those words Roth stalked off.

Kelly looked after him thinking of what she had just said. She had just admitted to that oaf that she loved Chekov. He probably hadn't heard what she said and was to focused on the insults pertaining to himself, and although the words had been angry and impulsive they were true. She loved Chekov. She wasn't even sure exactly why, there was something about him that was sincere, and nice. He wasn't like the other males she had seen throughout the academy and Starfleet, always trying to show off or impress her so they could add her to their score card. And as much as she liked to think that she was prepared for anything and could handle herself, Chekov added that one extra note of security. she always felt when she was with him she was safe. _I love him,_ the words had surprised her when she said them but they were true.

"Leah...Leah?" Kelly looked behind her and realized that somebody had called her name and more than once too. It was Chekov; she had forgotten that he was assigned to this mission also.

She saw him look at the angry look on her face, and then he looked at Lieutenant Roth, then back at her.

"He vas bothering you?"

"No, it's fine" she began

Chekov hadn't even waited for her to answer his question; he had already moved toward Roth a dark expression on his face. Kelly reached out and caught his arm, she grabbed it firmly. "Chekov its fine, I'm serious just – just let it go okay" She looked at him and could see he still wanted to go after Roth.

"Please Pavel"

He sighed "Okay I vill for you"

They stood there for a moment each looking at the other somewhat uncomfortably, unsure what to say next. Chekov broke the silence.

"Leah, I'm sorry for how I've been treating you lately"

"It's okay. Pavel it's fine, I'm-"

"No, eet's not" he said shaking his head "Lately, I've been really—" he broke off biting his lip, then continued "anyvay, vhat I'm saying is I shouldn't be taking out stuff on you, I don't vant to be like my fa-" he broke off again and glanced away then said quietly. "I don't vant to be like that; I don't vant to be that person"

"Pavel, it's okay, I understand you've been kind of stressed lately and I am somewhat pushy and annoying" She had been determined to remain mad at him , but the guilty expression on his face washed away her anger.

"You're not pushy and annoying" he said vehemently he paused, then asked ,his brow furrowed "so you're not still mad at me?"

Kelly almost laughed at his forlorn expression. "Chekov, I was mad at your for a few hours, it's been days now, I'm not still mad at you, I could never stay mad at you"

"Vell, in that case, ve could go for a holovid vhen ve get back" he said hopefully, his face brightening slightly.

"Is that a date Chekov?" she replied teasingly

He nodded.

"Then in that case, I'll be there, you're in charge of the snacks" she grinned. Chekov smiled back at her.  
"Now come on and help me get this equipment loaded before we get in trouble." She grabbed some packs, he picked up a few and they walked off together.

* * *

_A/N: That's all for now folks. __**Next Update will be January 9th. with a two day margin either way.**__ I'd love reviews. I want to know in particular about my OC kelly. Is she Mary sue-ish? Does the memory that the fortune teller told her feel out of place? It was meant to show that her character is a tad superstitious, but maybe it was unecessary? There's Roth again , I like him even though he's a bit of an idiot. Concrit, opinions, all welcome. _


	14. I don't vant to talk about eet

The crew finished packing in a half an hour and boarded their assigned shuttles. Kelly along with Spock, Chekov, Uhura, Havarii,a young female ensign named O'Connor and an engineering lieutenant Smith were all in one shuttle.

They had been in flight for almost half an hour. Under normal circumstances the journey to the planet would have only taken a few minutes at most, but the anomaly tended to distort sensor readings making navigation incredibly hard , forcing the shuttle's pilot to go at only a fraction of normal speed. Also, the _Enterprise_ couldn't move any closer to the planet due to the anomaly's effect.

Kelly was just finishing the last words to a letter to her father. The letter was hard to write as all the letters had been over the past few years, especially the ones she sent never expecting a reply. After her mother had died, her father had fallen into a long depression, for years she had to take care of everything. She had no choice but to grow up fast.

Almost four and a half years ago, she had come in one night and announced that she was applying for Starfleet Academy. The announcement had woken her father out of the blank daze he spent most of his time in and he had spent the better part of two days trying to dissuade her from leaving. After seeing her mind wouldn't be changed, he had coldly announced that if she left she was to never speak to him again. Kelly had been firm in her decision and had left that night. Shortly thereafter she was accepted into the academy. She had tried writing her father but had for years never received a reply. She didn't entirely blame her father. She knew that he had been heart broken when her mother Clara had died and was afraid of losing her too. After the Narada incident he had sent her a frantic e-message begging for forgiveness. Kelly had reread it repeatedly over the course of a day before she finally replied. Her and her father's relationship still wasn't mended and probably never would be but it was a start.

Kelly heard a soft murmur off to her side and looked at Chekov he had fallen asleep. She thought about waking him. They wouldn't arrive at the planet for several minutes more, but he really wasn't supposed to be asleep in-flight. He wouldn't have been prepared if something happened and would probably get in trouble if anybody saw him. She couldn't bring herself to wake him, His face was quiet and calm, and he looked almost peaceful. And it was dim in the cabin interior, he wasn't very noticeable. She would let him sleep a little longer than she would wake him up.

She looked out the window at the anomaly which twisted and turned outside the window. It was the colour of an aurora borealis; _The waves of light and energy were incredibly beautiful and potentially deadly._ She thought remembering how the anomaly had hauled a small planetary system and the _Enterprise_ along with it.

She turned as she felt someone scratch her hand, it was Chekov. She gasped sharply as he gripped her hand tightly the fingernails biting into her. He held it so tightly she feared he might break it. His face was tense, he moved restlessly, and then quieted for a moment. He said something that sounded like "Liska!" then he started moving again, this time he twitched and jerked. Abruptly he let go of her hand and now he was talking aloud. The words quiet but audible "Don't I can" He strained against his harness, "Let me go!" he said louder. Kelly reached over and gently shook his shoulder "Chekov?" she said. She knew if she didn't wake him soon, the entire shuttle would know whatever or whoever he was dreaming about. She shook his shoulder harder this time and said "Chekov?"

Spock was coming up the aisle towards them. Kelly ,finally managed to wake Chekov up. His hand came up to grip her arm in an iron tight grip. He stared at her blankly for a moment, then let go noticing the back of her hand which has small scratches trickling blood. "Did I do that?" he said quietly.

Kelly turned her hands over so the cuts weren't visible and have opened her mouth to lie when, her denial was cut off by "Mr. Chekov, you're supposed to be awake we will reach the atmosphere of T'karis in about four minutes, with planet fall approximately 7.8 minutes later ." Spock continued "If you are asleep you will not be adequately prepared."

"It's my fault sir, I didn't wake him and—" Kelly began.

Spock glanced at her and said "it's not your responsibility to wake Mr. Chekov, his sleep patterns are his own affair, he should be able to keep himself awake" He turned back to Chekov and said "do you understand Mr. Chekov?"

Chekov looked chastened and guilty as he said "aye, sir."

Spock nodded curtly and turned away.

Kelly watched him go, feeling very irritated. It wasn't that he had singled them out. Spock used his cold logical manner on everyone especially: "impressionable" junior subordinates, but he still irritated her to death. She turned back to Chekov, rubbing the cuts on her hand as they stung painfully.

"I'm sorry I didn't wake you" Kelly said quietly

"Eet's not you job, Mr. Spock's right" Chekov said glancing at her.

"Are you okay Chekov, It look like you were having a really—" Kelly trailed off as his face turned red and she saw a mixture of intense anger and embarrassment flash across.

"I'm fine okay. I don't vant to talk about eet" he turned away from her and stared out the window. She left him alone she recognized the mood from the other times she had awoken him. He would awaken furious, whether at her or somebody else she didn't know. She only knew that it was best to leave him alone.

She wasn't afraid of him. He had never laid a hand on her and the few times he had actually yelled at her he had apologized profusely afterwards. But she had seen him many times, his jaw tight, his fist clenching and unclenching as he restrained himself. She would say something and he would walk away or hit the wall so hard sometimes his hand would have spilt skin and be bleeding. She stayed out of his way when he was like that, not for her own sake but for his. She knew a lot of his past and she knew that to him if he ever laid a hand on her he would have become what he worst feared. Kelly knew that if that happened Chekov wouldn't forgive himself.

* * *

_Next update as promised. I'll be posting another chapter before the night is over. After this story is finished I'm probably going to repost each chapter and fix any gramarical erors and punctuation issues that I'm missing now. The last chapter I post will have the next chapter update date._


	15. the crew disembarked from the shuttles

Minutes later the crew disembarked from the shuttles and looked around. They had taken three shuttles and had only brought as many crewmembers as could be taken up in a single trip by the shuttles. It was a small crew for the task they had before them. A contingent of Vulcans was waiting inside the hangar deck of one of the main compounds to greet them. Spock recognized Solkar, the head of the T'karis colony. He was flanked by a young man and woman that bore a resemblance to him.

Spock raised his hand in the traditional Vulcan greeting, parting his finger in the familiar V-shape and he wondered would the man return it. After, Solkar had stated they were the T'karis colony; Spock had searched the computer banks for information on the colony. The computer had given an approximate date for when the colony had left Vulcan and had listed that the Colony ships they had left on had lost contact with Vulcan after a few months then was never heard from again. The computer didn't have the full story.

What the computer hadn't mentioned was the T'karis colony was a group of individuals that most Vulcans knew of but never spoke of to outsiders. The future residents of the T'karis colony had left Vulcan after engaging in debauchery, wanton violence and refusing to follow Surak's logic. They had intended to travel to different planets build an army and build an empire in which they were the rulers and the other races of the galaxy subjugates. Spock was mildly disturbed to see the Vulcans arrayed before him, looked just like Vulcans that he had seen on his home world. They appeared to proper to logical to have come from such irrational and violent forebears.

The man raised his hands in the salute Spock had offered, intoning the traditional Vulcan greeting, but as he did so Spock saw a slight hint of some emotion dart across the man's face so quickly Spock was almost unsure he had saw it.

Solkar introduced the Vulcans behind him, as his head engineer, one of the colony's doctor and various other departments. The woman and man standing next to him were his son, Silkar and his daughter, T'Kas, a scientist and doctor, respectively. The woman was beautiful, her raven-black hair was crowned around her head in two silky braids, her skin was a pale-green, and the gray tunic she wore clung appealingly. Spock stared at her for several moments, she was quite beautiful. As if she was aware she caught his gaze, and her eyes held his intently for a moment, like she was trying to give him a message. Then she looked away her face blank. Spock was somewhat disquieted by the interaction, he looked at the Silkar. Silkar was a stark contrast to T'Kas, his face had a dark look about him, the impassive look that he wore seemed to hide a darker countenance, as Spock looked at him the man caught his eye and what could have only been a expression of malice flitted across the man's face, then was quickly covered.

The man turned away, and Spock focused on what the middle-aged Vulcan was saying putting the slightly uneasy feeling he had out of his mind.

XXXX XXXX

"The ships were placed underground when we knew that the anomaly would return, to avoid as much damage as possible, even then with the shielding we were able to devise our computer systems were severely damaged and the engines are only barely reparable in time to evacuate" Solkar said as he led the crew down a series of circuitous passages.

Silkar, Spock, Chekov Uhura and several engineering and science crew members walked down a corridor. As they walked through the colony they could see evidence of the damage the anomaly had wrought. Chunks of the building had fell down half-blocking corridors, Vulcans carried wounded members to the infirmary, and others hurried back and forth preparing for the evacuation. The anomaly effects could still be felt, every few minutes, the ground under their feet would shake causing more than one crew member to stumble and the lights would dim. They travelled several hundred feet the passage way gradually sloping downward. The place was like a maze, the passages took twists and turns that would have confused a bloodhound. They turned one last corner and the corridor opened onto a walkway. The walkway lined an enormous cavern that housed several ships. The ships loomed largely above the crew, Spock could see they were the original colony ships the colonists must have came in. They were built in a style that was over 200 years old and most of the original components were still there.

Vulcans scurried over the hull and the quiet but urgent voices of the repair crews filled the air, mingled with the sound of falling rubble and tools being operated.

"This is one of three hangars…" Solkar explained as he led them around the ships. He continued explaining that each hangar was in a separate part of the compound and housed a part of the fleet. There were 5 colony ship's total. Spock mentally admired the man's logic by dividing the ships up. If a hangar was damaged they would still retain some of their fleet, but working on the ships the way they were situated would require dividing the crew. Logically, that was the only way they could complete the job, but something about the thought made Spock feel uneasy summoning his control he pushed down the feeling.

Solkar continued showing them the other hangars, and then Spock gave the crew their assignments. Spock, Uhura, and several other crew members were in one group.

The _Enterprise _crew had dispersed throughout the ship each going to their assigned duties. Havarii was in the engine room of the colony ship along with Lieutenant Smith. O'Connor, Chekov, and Kelly were busy checking the life support systems. Various members of the colony were dispersed throughout the ship making repairs of their own as they all tried to get the ships ready for departure in the short time left. The only people on the bridge of the ship were Spock, Uhura and Silkar.

Uhura was busily working on a comm. console trying to link the communication equipment from the enterprise to the console in an effort to boost the signal and achieve a reliable channel. Silkar watched her.

Once Solkar had given them a tour of the ship, he told his son to come along. After a brief conversation, Silkar had broken away from his father and Spock heard the words "I want to monitor things here". Solkar had nodded but, Spock didn't miss the look of disquiet that had crossed the older Vulcan's face. Silkar came back saying the initial repairs would go better if they had somebody that was very familiar with the ship's system, he claimed that few of the other Vulcans knew more about the ships then he had.

As he walked he told them his grandfather had been one of the main engineers responsible in making the over a hundred year old ship, modern enough for another journey through deep space. Silkar ended with the words "he always thought like a visionary" But instead of pride as he talked about his grandfather, Spock noted a hint of disdain in the younger Vulcans words.

Now Spock watched Silkar closely, unbeknownst to him. Uhura was too focused on re-wiring the comm.-console to notice the attention she was getting. Half-her body was twisted under the panel, as she fixed the circuitry.

Silkar watched the lieutenant's movements with a fascination that Spock found unpleasant to behold. Spock glared at the man. Silkar, almost as if he felt Spock gaze upon him, turned around and briefly looked at Spock, before returning to his work, his back to Uhura. The man's face had been expressionless, but Spock illogically, irrationally, felt there was something indefinable unpleasant about the man.

Uhura inched out from beneath the panel and tugged her uniform down, brushing dust down off herself. Spock watched as she sat down at a console and began to work. Silkar continued working, he gave no indication that minutes ago he had been staring at Uhura. Spock still had the feeling that Silkar was up to something and whatever it was, it wasn't good.

* * *

_Sorry for not posting the next chapter when I should. I was called in to work abruptly, worked for several days under crazy (emphasis on crazy) conditions and then got very, very sick. To make up for it here's a few chapters. Thanks for the reviews and to the new followers and favorites! You are very much appreicated._


	16. just like deceitful Vulcans

Dr. McCoy and the other medical staff had arrived in the infirmary. The staff immediately moved to help. McCoy saw T'Kas and the other Vulcans began directing the crew to various patients. McCoy didn't move he just stood there, trying to summon the energy to help a people he utterly despised. Against his better judgement, he was drawn towards a whimpering baby. The child was clearly Vulcan, and the mother was also. She had the same stiff reserve, her face betrayed not the slightest hint of concern. As McCoy passed a scanner over the small child he thought angrily that for all the concern she was caring she might as well have just held the small infant out at arms length and said "fix it". McCoy looked the baby over carefully and analyzed the results of his scan, then came to a conclusion. The little baby had a cold of some sort, not something that would harm the child, but definitely something that was irritating.

McCoy pulled out the right drug and gave the baby a hypospray. It quieted, then looked sleepy, and gurgled contently at him. As he pulled his hand away the baby reached a small hand upward and grasped his finger tightly in one of its small fists. Against his will McCoy felt something that was dangerously close to damaging his hardened exterior. He suppressed the feeling and pulled his finger away from the infant. He explained harshly what was wrong with the baby to the impassive mother, and then went onto anther patient, this time a young girl with a scalp laceration.

McCoy worked on the Vulcans for hours treating, and curing them, all the while doing his best to avoid thinking about what he was doing. As he worked, he started noticing something odd. A large percentage of the Vulcans in this colony had bloody types or tissue antibodies that were rarely found in the normal Vulcan population. The rest of the _Enterprise _medical staff hadn't noticed it, probably because their knowledge of Vulcan physiology wasn't as extensive as his own. But he was almost an expert on the subject. After his wife's deceitful betrayal, in between long hours spent intoxicated he had studied Vulcans obsessively. Know your enemy had been his motto.

He found the results strange, but one words suggested itself to him-inbreeding. He thought that's exactly what these filthy aliens have probably been doing all these years. He set aside samples of his findings in a corner of the lab near an unused machine intending to come back later and store them away. He didn't really know what he'd do with them exactly, perhaps use them in a research article or perform some experiments on them. As he walked away from dropping off another sample, an older Vulcan walked by and noticing the tubes, disks, data cubes, and tricorders littering the corner said "Why do you have all this?"

McCoy shrugged looking at the woman with irritation. _Who was she that she thought he had to answer her._ The woman stared at him demanding an answer, and grudgingly he said "I was going to take a few samples back to my ship, your people have some rare blood types and such." The woman nodded and said "What are you planning to do with the samples?"

He was extremely irritated now, but managed to remain civil with great difficulty. "I was going to study them, maybe write a paper or run some experiments." The woman nodded, and then moved away. McCoy glared at her back, before moving on also.

He had been working for only a few minutes, when he heard what sounded like a small explosion from then other side of the infirmary. He finished what he was doing and went to see what had caused the noise. He found a Vulcan woman standing next the machine which he had placed his samples near. The machine had apparently exploded, destroying his work. The woman looked up as he approached and said "My regrets Doctor, I neglected to tell you that this machine is in need of repair, it appears your tricorder may have set it off in some way. My apologies for the destruction of your samples."

McCoy turned on heel and walked away not bothering to answer. Her manner didn't fool him one bit. He knew that Vulcan woman had probably destroyed his work, to foil him. Now, that she was about to be rescued she probably planned to steal his idea and present the resulting project at the next federation research council. He stormed through the infirmary, furious. This was just like deceitful, Vulcans, always taking what was other people's.


	17. So, Spock Are you and him together?

Spock looked up from where he was writing a report on a data pad as he heard a voice say "Commander Spock, Commander Spock" He glanced at the person who had spoken it was Lieutenant Smith.

The short engineer was highly agitated. He spoke quickly, obviously affronted "They told me to get out the engine room, I was in there and I opened this panel, and there were all kinds of things in there that didn't make any sense. They saw me there and told me to get away. I told them what I was doing and they told me to leave the engine room!"

Lieutenant Smith finally paused for breath.

Spock raised an eyebrow and said "They told you to leave?"

"Yes, Commander Spock, you'd think they'd be grateful that—"

Spock raised a hand forestalling any further comments and got up. He glanced around the bridge and saw Uhura was still there, along with Ensign O'Connor. Silkar had disappeared. Spock paused for a moment wondering should he leave the two women alone here by themselves, then shook off the illogical feeling. There was nothing there that could hurt them.

Spock wasn't surprised the engineer had managed to get himself kicked out the engine room. Smith had an attitude that seemed to generally inference that everybody was inferior to himself and knowing Smith he had probably put up quite a fuss when the Vulcans had told him to get away from that panel. Still, Spock knew he had to go investigate the man's comment if only so he wouldn't have to listen to the irate engineer complain for hours.

They walked towards the engine room, Smith chattered the whole way, hurrying to keep up with Spock's long strides.

When they arrived at the engine room Spock found everything as it should have been, the Vulcans and _Enterprise _crew worked side-by-side. As Spock walked in Smith said "that's who told me to leave! Him!" he pointed a finger at a man and Spock saw that it was Silkar he was pointing at. Silkar walked towards them his face expressionless. Silkar walked up to them, Spock explained what Smith had told him. Silkar looked at him and said "Commander Spock, Lieutenant Smith was near a critical piece of circuitry, also there was the possibility of harmful radiation from the panel he was near. We had no wish for your engineer to come to harm. I believe my words were to leave and go to the infirmary for a medical scan."

Smith sputtered indignantly and said "that's not what you said! You told me to leave."

Silkar said "My apologies if you misunderstood me."

Smith said "I didn't misunderstand you. I heard what you said."

Silkar stared at Smith then said "are you saying I'm lying?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying—" Smith said crossly

Silkar turned away from Smith and spoke to Spock. "Your crew man was in danger of coming to harm through his actions and we removed him from the vicinity. He was not told to leave. Offence was not intended. We merely did not wish him to be injured, that would be most _unfortunate"_

Silkar stared at Spock holding his gaze.

Spock turned to Smith and said "His words do have logic lieutenant, they know this ship better than we do. It would be advisable for you to report to the infirmary for a diagnostic scan."

Smith said begrudgingly "Aye sir" He was still glowering angrily at Silkar. After a last look Smith turned around and walked away. Spock began to walk away, Silkar followed saying "are you going to the bridge" Spock nodded curtly.

Silkar asked "Is Uhura there?"

Spock turned to look at him not answering the question. Silkar continued, "I wanted to tell her that I changed some of the comm. circuitry"

Spock's face was stony, but he gave a half-nod.

He and Silkar continued to the bridge in silence, when they got there Silkar gave Uhura the message then left. But Spock didn't like the way he had stared at her as he had talked. No matter how Spock tried he couldn't shake off the feeling that there was something not right with Silkar. Almost an hour later Spock was called away to another hangar deck, he didn't want to leave Uhura here, but reasoned she would be okay, logically there was no reason to worry. She wasn't alone, Havarii was also on the bridge, and he would only be gone a few minutes. He walked over to where Uhura was, she looked tired. They had been working for hours, it was nearly the middle of the night ship's time. "Uhura" He said quietly not wanting to attract the attention of Havarii. She glanced at him , he spoke "I'm going to one of the other ship's I'll be back in a few minutes. Be-" He stopped feeling illogical, but then said it anyway "be careful"

Uhura gave a tired smile and said "Be careful? Spock , what am I going to do? Cut my finger on the console while I'm typing or trip on a step while you're gone?"

Spock said "Uhura, I'm serious. Be careful around Silkar, there's just—something odd"

Uhura looked at him soberly and said "Okay Spock, I will."

Spock nodded then walked away. Uhura continued working. She felt more alert feeling; the entire conversation had been so unlike Spock it was startling. Spock talked in absolutes and objective data, not subjective impression. Havarii walked by telling her he was going to check a circuit in a nearby room, and then he left. Uhura was alone now. She turned back around as she heard footsteps on the bridge, Silkar was behind her. He glanced around and said "Is Spock around?" Uhura equivocated, thinking of what Spock had said "he just stepped out for a moment."

Silkar nodded, but he appeared to see through her words. He sat down in a chair that was disturbingly close to her and said "you're very aesthetically pleasing"

Uhura was silent and ignored his comment wishing Spock or somebody would come back.

"So, Spock. Are you and him together?" Silkar asked

Uhura turned to him startled and said "That's none of your business"

Silkar was unperturbed and said "My pardons if you found the comment intrusive, he just seems very _protective _of you"

Uhura felt very uncomfortable, she wondered if she got up would Silkar follow.

Silkar continued "You're not like the other humans you're more ordered, more logical, I see why Spock likes you"

Uhura didn't know whether his comments were clumsy attempts to flirt with her or not, but they were unwelcome and downright creepy. She stood up, and was about to walk away when the door opened and Spock entered. He looked between Uhura who looked angry and Silkar who was sitting there calmly. Silkar spoke "Uhura and I were just having a conversation".

Spock's face was cold. Silkar stood up and walked past Spock and off the bridge. Spock watched him go then turned to Uhura.

"What was he doing, Nyota. And where is Havarii?"

"Havarii left to go look at something" Uhura noted Spock's face which was clearly angry if you knew how to read it and continued "and Silkar was talking, he wanted to know whether you and I were together" She left out his other comments.

Spock moved closer to her and said "I don't like him coming around you" A muscle twitched in his face. Seeing his anger Uhura reached out and grabbed his hand "I'll be careful Spock, there's something about him that's... odd "

XXXX XXXX

As Silkar walked down the passage he recognized one of the _Enterprise_ crew as Havarii. He stopped the human and started talking to him, complimenting the man's work. After a few moments he slipped into the conversation "So is Spock a Vulcan?" Havarii looked startled by the statement but answered "Well yes, not completely though he's half-Vulcan, half-human But can't you tell that from looking at him that he's Vulcan ?"

Silkar said "one should never assume anything."

Havarii shrugged and said "Okay I guess, but why do you ask?"

Silkar replied "I was just curious" then he walked away, leaving Havarii staring after him puzzled.

* * *

**_Next update will be January 18th. _**_So , how is the story so far I'm planning on going back and correcting some stuff a little later. Now that I'm posting I'm spotting errors and I'm trying to fix them as I go, but when I finish posting this story, I'm planning on tidying it up. I know this story probably isn't the same quality as Words of Revolution, but I wrote this story several months before Words of Revolution and my writing has vastly improved. Anyway hope you enjoy! And reviews are definitely appreciated._


	18. both races were the same: evil

The _Enterprise _ crew continued working almost continually, barely taking the time to sleep or eat. They were all aware of the time limit imposed on them by the anomaly .But that wasn't the only reason for their haste, they also desired to leave the planet as soon as possible. There was an undercurrent of dislike running throughout most of the crew, human and non-humans , against the inhabitants of the colony. Spock overheard many crewmembers' comments to each other when they thought he couldn't hear.

"—Vulcans or Romulans, they look the same to me. And I don't trust any of them—"

"These damn point ears tried to destroy the federation and now we're bringing some more in-"

"-The captain is blinded to what Vulcans really are because he's friends with one—"

Spock ignored the comments, there was no point even bothering to report them. More crew would take there place. The sentiment against Vulcans and Romulans had intensified ever since the first incident with Nero years ago and the Narada incident with Nero's destruction of Vulcan and attempt to destroy the federation had only cemented in the minds of many the evils of both races.

It wasn't only the crew that had expressed these sentiments. One of the higher-ups in Starfleet had been quoted by a reporter as saying "It's a good thing that Vulcan was destroyed, the cyst of evil that was sitting in the heart of the federation was removed. And the remaining Vulcans should be rounded up to prevent that malignant cancer from returning to destroy us all ". The official had later retracted his statement and issued a formal apology stating his words had been taken out of context, but Spock knew that his statement reflected the views of many. A lot of the federation didn't bother to make the distinction between Vulcans and Romulans. After what had happened there was too much pain and grief; to them both races were the same: evil.

The colony's inhabitants were helpful and pleasant, but none of the crew trusted them. The children that played in the corridors were treated with as much distrust as the adults. Food that was offered was declined and there was a general air of suspicion. Spock had his own misgivings about the Vulcans in the colony, and a part of him wondered was it a by-product of being around the other crew and unconsciously picking up their sentiments, or a real feeling based on something he subconsciously detected.

He had no way to be sure which, so he tried to push away the illogical thought and focus on his tasks.


	19. Nyota, T'Kas and I were merely having

"Damn all these Vulcans and their crazy physiology" Dr. McCoy muttered as he pulled a gloved hand from the chest cavity he was working in and gestured to his assistant for a surgical laser. The young nurse held out the tool, which he snatched from her. She busied herself with arranging the surgical supplies on the tray and studiously ignoring the doctor's comments. He had been going on like this for almost an hour.

As he finished the repair and sealed the chest up, he gave the patient over to the nurse's care and peeled of his bloody green gloves, and tossed then away disgustedly. It was still unnerving to see blood that was another colour other than red. Not to mention all the different sights and smells that came with a body that wasn't human. A few races had insides and bodily fluids that were downright putrid. In medical school when they had xenobiological surgery, it was common for many students to "fill their mask"- the term used for becoming sick in surgery. In school he had been a lot better than most, and once he graduated, most aliens' insides hadn't bothered him at all. But for some reason today, the smell of the Vulcan's insides was almost unbearable. And it wasn't only the smell that bothered him; it was the fact that he had spent half the day trying to save the lives of god-dammed Vulcans. And to make matters worse, it was hard to even tell exactly where they were hurt because they didn't have the decency to even complain of pain or moan like a normal being.

"It's those damn Vulcan's self-righteous, to good-for-everybody-else mentality that's there own downfall.—" He stopped as he became aware of a woman standing next to him. He glared down at her irritably; _it was…, what was her name. T'Pas …T'Las… T'Kas, there he finally found it. _The woman was staring at him with that impassive gaze that made Vulcans so annoying, and McCoy realized that he had been speaking aloud. Great, with just his luck, she'd get off this god forsaken planet and report him to Starfleet for xenophobia. For a moment he thought back to his conversation with Jim earlier on that subject, _had he been serious?,_ he sure as hell had looked serious when he said it.

The woman spoke surprising him with her words."It is quite difficult to treat a patient when they don't provide any non-verbal or verbal cues as to the nature of their distress"

McCoy was startled, first because she had apparently heard a lot more than he thought she had. Second because she was agreeing with him, even if she was talking in that annoyingly logical voice her entire race had.

"Hmm, so you're saying that all this_ logicalness_ is pretty stupid if you die of a ruptured Vessel, because you're to _perfect_ to moan in pain"

"I didn't say that" the woman replied. McCoy could have almost sworn that he saw the ghost of an amused smile on her face. As he looked down at her he realized she was quite pretty, She had a heart shaped faced. Her thick black hair was done in a plain style that McCoy found quite attractive. Her eyes were coal-black and almond shaped. She was very pretty. _For a Vulcan_. He amended his mind, shutting down his line of thinking as he came to his senses and realized who he was thinking about. The next moment any charitable thoughts he had towards her disappeared as she spoke again.

"I was merely stating that cues to problems are helpful with diagnosis"

He snorted irritably. _was she mocking him ? _That was what he got, as soon as he thought he had found a Vulcan that didn't have their head stuck up their rear, he was proven wrong. Well, what did he expect; he knew they were a bunch of two-faced bastards.

He walked away from her, without another comment, muttering darkly under his breath and went off to find another patient. The next patient was a young man with an open fracture; Despite his Vulcan reserve you could tell he was in pain. McCoy pulled on a pair of gloves and examined the leg. it would have to be reset before the tissue and bone could be healed. Even with pain medication it would be quite painful.

_Was he a bad doctor if some part of him would enjoy it?_

_XXXX XXXX_

Spock walked down the corridor back to the hangar deck that housed the colony ships; he had just finished downloading information from the main computer banks. He turned a corner his mind preoccupied with the entire task he had to complete and walked right into someone. He looked down and saw the top of a head, black hair neatly crowning it

"Pardon" he began stepping aside to allow the person to pass.

"Spock?" A female voice issued forth as the person tilted her head up. It was T'Kas he had walked into. She had a medical bag slung over one shoulder, her eyes were looking at him intently, and her delicate features were solemn.

She spoke again "I was down in the Hangar Decks treating one of the workers for a burn" she glanced around at the moment the corridor was deserted. "I have something to talk to you about" she paused biting her lip in a very un-Vulcan display of worry.

Inwardly he felt apprehension at her reaction; this was yet another display of emotion by yet another person in the colony. It was like most of the Vulcans here had the emotional control of a small Vulcan child or they were all playing at a bad imitation of Vulcan control. Even allowing for the philosophy of the T'karis colony's original founders, the lack of control exhibited by their ancestors was disturbing.

A technician came down the corridor carrying an armful of data tablets, and wires. The man glanced at them for a long moment before continuing on his way.

T'Kas waited until the man had disappeared down the corridor, out of earshot before continuing then said in a low voice "Can we go somewhere , a little more private." T'Kas glanced behind herself furtively checking for people even though the corridor was empty.

Spock nodded his assent at her request and followed her as she started to move. She led him down the corridor and opened a small door. He followed her in and the door clicked shut behind him. He heard T'Kas move then a light blinked on. Spock looked around the room they were in. It was very small, there was hardly room for both him and T'Kas as it was they stood barely half an arms-length apart. The walls of the room were covered with shelves, wires and ship circuits were neatly stacked, bulging against the webbing that held them in place against the shudders that threatened to send them hurtling to the ground.

Spock stared at T'Kas. _She was beautiful. Her entire appearance appealed to him. He was disturbed to feel his body reacting in such a way to her close proximity that he usually only experienced with Uhura._ He tried to push down the feelings that were rising in his mind and was only partially successful. Since he had left Vulcan at an early age, he had very little contact with females of his own race that were of a similar age. He found himself thinking of how a Vulcan female differed from a human female. _T'Kas was very aesthetically pleasing in a way that few humans were._ Except, Uhura, he amended.

"Spock, my—"the rest of T'kas's words were broken off as the lights dimmed and the ground heaved.

T'Kas fell forward landing against Spock, and he reflexively wrapped an arm around the young woman to hold her upright as the ground shook again threatening to throw them both off their feet. The wires and ship's components that lined the shelves strained against the protective webbing. The shaking gradually ceased and the lights grew slowly back to their former intensity. Spock looked down at T'Kas again, she was still up against his chest, through the thin cloth separating their bodies he could feel the heat from her body. _He had forgotten how pleasantly warm other Vulcans were with their higher core temperature, than the cool skin of humans. _T'Kas stared up at him; he could feel her warm breath on his face. She looked a moment longer than turned away as his gaze burned into her eyes.

She began pulling herself away "I should—"she began. The door opened, startling them both; there was a sharp intake of air. Both Vulcans turned towards the door.

Uhura stood framed in the doorway; her eyes took in the scene. Spock was keenly aware of how he and T'Kas must look. T'Kas pulled away from him straightening her tunic, and said "I'll talk to you later" to Spock. She then turned, and walked past Uhura out the door, Uhura coldly watched her leave, and then turned back to Spock fury clearly evident in her eyes.

Spock spoke "Nyota, T'Kas and I were merely having—"

Uhura cut his words off "Were merely having what? I walk into here to get some supplies and I find her in your arms and you say you were merely having something?"

"Nyota, you're not thinking logically, I—"

"How do you expect me to be logical, when I find you with her in this tiny supply closet?"

"If you keep cutting me off, how can I explain—"

"Spock I don't care what you want to explain. There's no way you can explain this ! I've seen the way you looked at her when we arrived, and now I find her with you in here. I—" she broke off tears suddenly sprang to her eyes and it was like her anger disappeared.

"What's wrong?" Spock began moving towards her. He was exceedingly alarmed by the sudden change in emotions.

"Nothing, I just—I just need some time by myself okay?" She said swiping tears away with her hands even though as she cleared those more appeared to replace them almost immediately.

"Nyota" Spock said again unsure what to do

"I just need- some time alone okay -I'm going to evacuate- with the other shuttle- I just need to think." Every few words was interspersed with a sob. As finished talking she began crying uncontrollably, tears streaking down her face. She turned and fled.

Spock stared after her, very little of what had just happened made sense to him.

* * *

_A/N: I was planning on making the next update sooner, but I realized I worked that day. So __**the next update for this story will be January 21st.**__ I totally definitely appreciate reviews. And not to increase my review count. I honestly just want feedback. So if you're following, favoriting or just reading please drop a review, or a PM. I really don't mind the criticism or praise and I don't bite;)_


	20. Always worrying about nothing

Lieutenant Smith walked down the hall, his head buried in the data tablet he was reading. He stopped and waited for the door in front of him to open only vaguely glancing at it with his peripheral vision as he stepped inside. He glanced around puzzled. This wasn't the main computer banks. He was about to leave when, he heard footsteps approaching. Smith looked past a console to find to Vulcan males walking towards him. He decided that he'd leave after they were gone. The last time he had been in here one of the computer technicians had told him off for accessing some information claiming that the information was sacred and meant for Vulcans only to see.

The two Vulcans stopped walking and activated something on one of the main computer screens. Smith could make out what looked like ship diagrams, but he couldn't tell from this far of what.

The younger man broke the silence "This Starfleet crew is stupid and easily fooled. They are helping us repair the very ships they will be taking a part in their own destruction."

Smith's eyebrows went up into his receding hair line.

"Silkar, you are too naïve I believe they may suspect something, they are not entirely imbecilic. Several of them have made comments about us and the colony." The older man said

"Father, does it matter whether they suspect or not? Most of them haven't seen a Vulcan before, besides Spock, and I hear that he's half human, and with that woman Lieutenant Uhura." Silkar continued "They don't really know any Vulcans to compare us with, and any differences in behaviour they do detect may be construed as cultural differences caused by isolation and time."

"Still, my son, we must be careful. If one of them becomes too suspicious they must be eliminated. If not the plan could be ruined or at least have to be seriously altered" The older voice replied.

"Father, even Uhura with her...stimulating...mind, hasn't discovered who we are." Silkar said.

Smith saw the older man frown at his son slightly. Solkar hadn't missed his son's tone when he spoke of Uhura. He spoke "And you my son must control yourself so that she doesn't. You are taking an unhealthy liking to the communications officer."

"Father, you must admit she is intriguing, even the edges of her mind has such depth that I long to experience her fully." Silkar continued his voice almost rapturous "Any human that could remotely appeal to a Vulcan, must have something that other minds lack and she is aesthetically pleasing in a human way."

Solkar was still disturbed by his son's comments. it wasn't that he disapproved of Silkar's invasions into other people's minds, or the way he was discussing Uhura. Solkar was worried his son, who could be obsessive at times about things he wanted , was becoming fixated on Uhura. He cautioned him "Silkar, do not lose sight of what this plan requires in an attempt to fulfil your own desires." The older man continued lecturing in a disapproving tone. "You must leave the woman alone. If anything was to befall her, I suspect Spock would search however long needed and find out what happened. We must be focused if we are to accomplish our goal."

His tone changed as he beheld his son's angry face " Silkar I don't disapprove of you using your talents, indeed when we get into the federation, you and the other transplants with the power of your minds will play a crucial role in our success. But there is a time and place for that."

"Yes, Father" Silkar said somewhat sullenly.

The older man continued in a more conversational tone. "Patience, soon the galaxy shall be ours, and the fascinating thing is they are contributing in their own demise. They will be the ones bringing the individuals who will destroy the federation, into the heart of it."

As they continued talking they started to walk away. Smith was terrified he couldn't believe what he had seen and heard. He gulped, waves of fear emanating from him. The younger Vulcan paused as they passed where Smith was hidden. He glanced around and said "did you feel that?'

The older man had also stopped now and was glancing at his son curiously "feel what, you know my sense is not as good as yours and I thought the anomaly was interfering with your ability also."

"It was, but this was so strong..."Silkar trailed off, then stiffened slightly "There it is again."

Smith leaned backward against the console his breathing harsh and panting, the footsteps approached. Smith knew he had a choice, to run and possibly live or stay and die. And a choice like that was no choice; he ran. Catching sight of him one of the Vulcans shouted out. Smith felt weapon fire pass close to his temple, then he dove through a side door. He fumbled behind him somehow activating a lock, but he knew it wouldn't hold for long. He had only a minute or two to put as much distance as possible between himself and the two Vulcans.

Smith ran through random passageways, and doors, losing track of where he was going but he didn't care as long as he was moving as far away from them as possible. Think he told himself as he desperately sucked in air feeling his ribs ache with the exertion. The answer came in a flash, Spock! Spock would know what to do. . Smith ploughed through a door knocking a girl down, he wound up tangled with her. Kelly pushed him off and said "Smith?"

Smith struggled to catch his breath, as he hurriedly pulled himself to his feet not offering Kelly a hand. He stared at the girl. She couldn't help him, and it wouldn't do any good to tell her what was going on , it would only put her in more danger than they all were already in.

"Is there something I can help you with, you look flustered" Ensign Kelly said noting his appearance.

"You—can't help—me—with anything" he gasped, the words gruffer than he had intended

"Uh, Okay." Kelly said.

"Where's Spock?" Smith asked

The girl thought a moment. Where was he? When she had left he had mentioned something about the control room. Was he there?

"I think he's in the main control room, but—"Kelly began, before she had finished speaking he had already set off .

"But he might still be with us, he might not have left yet." She called out to Lieutenant Smith's retreating back. He didn't pause of make any sign like he had heard her.

Kelly stared after Smith. Whatever he was agitated about was probably some miniscule detail that had left him practically drowned in worry. Smith only a few weeks ago had called together the crew and sent out a posting claiming there was a serious and dangerous design flaw in the ship. When people had read the attached almost 15 screen incredibly detailed and technical report he had included it had turned out that a few of the charging ports on the ship had a 0.0000000003 energy arc when in contact with fluids. Basically it had boiled down to that if you used one of them and for some reason poured the equivalent of a bucket of water on the charging station you might feel the equivalent of a static shock. The way Smith had been making a fuss , somebody that didn't know him would have thought the warp core containment field was decaying in a few seconds. Kelly sighed at the thought of Smith. That was him always worrying about nothing.


	21. It wasn't even possible they were Vulcan

Spock was preoccupied. He automatically entered the necessary codes for the programming he was doing, but his mind wasn't concentrating on the task. His fingers moved on autopilot, he was busy thinking about Uhura. He couldn't figure out what was going on with her. It was true he and T'kas had been in a compromising situation and perhaps he had been taking a little too much interest in the Vulcan woman, but Uhura's response had been exceedingly abnormal. She was usually calm even if something bothered her. She could be passionate and fervent but her typical moods were nothing like the erratic emotions she seemed to be experiencing; it was like anything could set her off. He couldn't figure out if it was something he had done or not. It was like something was wrong with her. But what?

Spock paused and looked down as he realized he had finished the section he was typing, without analyzing a single line. He scanned the data, checking for errors while mentally chastising himself for his lack of concentration. The information was correct. He entered and it then glanced around at the other crew.

Chekov was assembling some last circuitry for the navigation console, helped by Kelly. Havarii was checking something on his data pad and Ensign O'Connor was busily entering analysts of the anomaly into the computer system. The only person missing was Lieutenant Smith. _Where was he?_ Spock thought back and vaguely remembered Ensign Kelly mentioning that the lieutenant had wanted to tell Spock something? Using his time sense he estimated that it had been 1.365 hours ago approximately. Lieutenant Smith had left right after he had returned to correlate some of his data with the shuttle's flight data, but he should have been back by now. The shuttles were scheduled to leave in few hours and Smith was supposed to be helping finish the last tasks that needed completion before departure.

Spock turned around and selected the least busy person "ensign Kelly?"

The girl looked up from where she was laughing with Chekov and said "Commander Spock?"

"When did you last see lieutenant smith?"

Kelly came towards a few steps towards him; her face frowned as she thought "When did I last see him? Oh god... It was at least an hour and a half ago" She bit her lip and said "Oh, I think I accidentally told him you were at the wrong place. If so he probably went looking for you in the main control room,."

Spock knew that Lieutenant Smith while an excellent engineer and an extremely competent individual, had an unwelcome tendency to be absent minded and worry obsessively. The small somewhat chubby man was forever wringing his hands and saying "do you think this is right?"

Spock asked Ensign Kelly "Do you have any idea why Lieutenant Smith is not back yet?"

"No, not really , except he did mention that he thought he could rewire the communications console so , it was more efficient, he had to pass by the hangar deck to leave so he could be there."

Spock nodded at the ensign's words her guess was as good a hypothesis as any. He nodded "very well, Ensign Kelly find Lieutenant Smith and have him report here."

"Aye sir" She said starting off. As she passed Chekov on her way out he glanced up setting his tools down "You are going somevhere?"

"Commander Spock asked me to find Lieutenant Smith. I really should since it probably my fault he's still gone; I accidentally told him Commander Spock was in the control room."

Chekov looked at her his face worried. "I'll come vith you"

He started to stand up ,Kelly pressed him back down. "Chekov you're supposed to be assembling these circuits not following me around" She said exasperatedly at his protectiveness.

She eased up a little seeing his expression as he said "I just don't vant anything to happen to you, there's something odd about these people."

"I'll be fine you worry too much; I'll be back before you know it."

Chekov nodded, still looking like he wanted to go with her, but he picked up his tools as he watched Kelly disappear into one of the passageways.

XXXX XXXX

Lieutenant Smith hurried down the halls wishing that he wasn't so meticulous. His worrying had brought him into trouble on several occasions but this time was the worst. If only he hadn't gone back to triple check that -. The thought was unfinished he couldn't even remember now what had been so important. All he knew was that if he had avoided his obsessive –compulsive desire for perfection he wouldn't be running for his life down these dark tunnels.

After meeting Kelly, he had gone to the main control room, but Spock hadn't been there. He had ran desperately throughout the maze-like corridors of the compound trying to find some other crew. Less than an hour after seeing Kelly he was caught, cornered by several Vulcans with disruptors in an abandoned storage room. Silkar was in the lead, he gave a gesture and the guards left the room. Smith was intensely scared. He tried to summon some courage. he knew he was going to die, but he didn't want this man to know he was afraid. But as he felt something slide into his mind, cold and sharp, he knew that it didn't matter what he showed. This man already knew everything; there was nothing he would be able to hide.

XXXX XXXX

Ensign Kelly walked down the corridor , a few spaces back she had found a stylus , exactly like the one Lieutenant Smith was fond of carrying. The stylus was in the general direction, of where he was last seen and so she had set off down there. As she walked she thought about Lieutenant Smith. The man was brilliant but extremely introverted, he also had a superiority complex like none other, which was one of the reasons she reflected ruefully, that she was searching for him now. If he had just told her whatever needed to be told instead of insisting that he speak to Spock directly, she would be back with everyone else instead of wandering around these creepy tunnels.

She slowed down and was about to turn the corner when she heard another voice. "leave us" said a man's voice.

Kelly ducked back around the corner as a door opened and two Vulcans came out, their faces were stiff and cold. Ensign Kelly inwardly shivered at the sight. She wasn't sure what but there was something odd about these colonists that gave her the creeps. It was like they were being too Vulcan and putting on a show. In any case she had no desire to see them. She glanced around for a place to hide as she heard the Vulcans nearing her and noticed a small door set into the wall.

She reached out, pulled it open, and slipped in just in time to avoid being seen. She pulled the door shut behind her, as the Vulcans rounded the corner. She held her breath, when the Vulcans passed by her hiding space. For some reason she knew she didn't want them to find her. Instead of leaving however, they settled against the wall each on one side of the corridor. There was no way that she could leave her hiding space, now, without being seen. She thought for a moment about walking out the door and claiming she had gotten lost, but the cold expressionless faces of the Vulcans and the way they blocked off the corridor made her feel as though that would be a very bad idea. She moved further back from the door and pulled her tricorder out using the light from the device to see her surroundings. What she had mistaken for a room was actually a small passageway; it extended in two directions darkness swallowing up both ends. In the distance she could hear the faint murmur of voices and from the little she could make out she thought one of them was Smith's.

She moved down the dark pathway towards his voice and the corridor grew brighter as she came to a door. There was a small view hole and through it she could see Smith standing there his face turned talking to somebody out of sight. She was about to open the door , when he turned half-way and she saw a clear look of fear on his face.

"Whatever you're going to do to me, you'll be caught, I've already told. They know about you" Smith said his voice frantic. He backed away from something and Kelly saw what it was as a Vulcan came into view; it was Silkar.

She gasped as she saw the cruel smile darkening his face. He glanced toward the door and she ducked out of sight. She crouched in the darkness praying she hadn't been seen. Kelly waited several moments before cautiously pulling herself up. The Vulcan was an arm's reach from smith. "You haven't told anyone, and I can make sure you didn't before you die. Don't worry when you die it'll be seen as an accident, a horrible accident."

Smith was clearly terrified. His voice shook as he said "you'll never get away with this."

Silkar smiled "I already have" before Smith could move Silkar's hand had shot out and grabbed the man by the front of his uniform. The Vulcan pulled the man towards him and with his other hand sought Smith's temples. Then Silkar's and Smith's faces blanked as contact was made. They were motionless for several seconds, before smith began to moan, his faced pained. The cries transformed into screams, then bloodcurdling yells of agony. His face was twisted in an excruciating mask of pain.

Kelly watched sickened at the sight, each of Smith's screams cutting through her like a knife. Silkar's face was transformed with pleasure. Abruptly Silkar opened his eyes, and Smith stopped screaming. Smith's mouth moved for a moment like he was trying to say something, then he slumped in the Vulcan's grip his head lolling to the side , his eyes wide, terrified, staring,… lifeless.

Kelly stuffed a fist in her mouth to block off her scream of horror as Silkar let the dead man fall to the ground, but a whimper escaped her. Silkar turned to the door and before she could duck out of sight he spotted her.

Kelly didn't wait for him to move, she ran. She could hear the door opening behind her and shouts. Her feet thudded down the dark pathway and she ran down a staircase nearly tripping and tumbling down , but she didn't stop. if Silkar got her he would kill her, and death at his hands after what she had seen him do to Smith, was the worst thing possible. She had to find the others and warn them. She didn't know exactly what had just happened, but she knew one thing. Whatever or whoever these people weren't- they couldn't- it wasn't even possible that they were Vulcans or that they meant any good.

* * *

_**Next Update will be January 25th**__ (with as always a two day margin either way). Thanks to my reviewers, followers, and favouriters. To all of you that read , I'd love to hear feedback in the form of a PM or a review. Praise or Criticism are equally welcome. __**Coming up Next:**__ The crew sees a side of Chekov they haven't seen before, We find out what happens to Kelly, and Dr. Mccoy offers unwelcome relationship advice._


	22. You're not a Vulcan

McCoy looked up as he heard footsteps approaching. He was packing away some of the medical supplies he had finished using, when the time came to evacuate he wanted to be ready. There was no chance of him being left on this godforsaken planet crawling with Vulcans for any longer than necessary.

Uhura walked over to him. Her eyes were red and she looked like she had been crying. She asked "Where's lieutenant stager?"

McCoy shrugged, how anybody expected him to keep track of where everybody was in this labyrinth of passages, he didn't know.

"Well, if you see her, tell her, I'm evacuating on the _triton_" Uhura said beginning to turn away.

"I thought you were evacuating on the _devlin_ with Spock?" McCoy said stowing away some diagnostic equipment.

"I am—I mean, I was, I just need to—"she broke off tears coming to her eyes.

McCoy straightened up and looked at her knowingly. "All that logicalness finally getting to you too?" Uhura didn't answer, as she brushed tears away with her sleeve.

"I'm going to give you some advice; you can't have a relationship with an emotionless person. They'll act like they care about you at first. You'll care about them, but eventually they'll show their true face and you'll lose everything. " McCoy said his voice distant, eyes his staring out past her.

Uhura looked at McCoy "Spock's not like that, he just—"

"He's just what?" McCoy said glaring at Uhura "For god sakes he's already got you making excuses for him! Uhura you can't love somebody if they can't love you back. You're better off if you just leave him."

Uhura looked at McCoy, her face angry and confused, "you're wrong, I don't know why you hate Spock and Vulcans but you're wrong!" Then she turned around and started to walk away.

"I'm not wrong, I'm right. You just don't see it yet" McCoy called after her, he could see her pause for an infinitesimal moment before she continued walking away.

McCoy stared after her. He was right. He was sure of that. Spock had the same emotionless, logical, cold manner of Jocelyn. It mattered not to him that Spock's manner was because of his race's philosophy and his upbringing and Jocelyn's had been because that was how she was. The outcome would be the same. Whether he intended to or not Spock would hurt Uhura, the same way Jocelyn had hurt him. McCoy's words may have seemed harsh, but he felt they needed to be said. He was trying to save Uhura from the pain and sadness that he felt every day.

XXXX XXXX

Chekov glanced behind him as he stowed equipment in the shuttle. There was only one other group of people set to go up, other them. They had to evacuate now, the anomaly left a very narrow window for when takeoff would be possible without conditions making navigation almost not viable. The only person they were waiting for was Smith. He glanced around again. _Where was Kelly?_ She had left to get Lieutenant Smith from wherever he had wandered off to and she should've been back by now. Unless the lieutenant had gotten himself lost and she was still trying to find him and knowing Smith that was a definite possibility. Chekov was just about to ask Spock could he go look for her, when Kelly burst into the room. her face was flushed her,breath came in pants. "Smith's dead- we—have to—get—out of here! " She gasped.

Spock, Ensign O'Connor, and Havarii turned towards her. "Kelly vhat are you saying?" Chekov asked startled.

"He killed him- he's dead, Silkar just—he saw me -he's coming we have to leave" a note of horrified urgency in her voice.

Everybody could se that ensign Kelly was obviously shocked by what she had saw. "Please—we have to go—she broke off fighting to control herself. She was clearly terrified.

She had started to speak again, when the door opened behind her, a group of Vulcans stood there, Silkar was at the head, "I think you'd better re-think that". He said as Spock's hand moved towards his phaser. Silkar gestured at the guards and they moved forward encircling the crew. Chekov moved in front of Kelly. "I would presume you've figured out some of what's going on by now Spock" Silkar said looking at Spock.

"You're not a Vulcan" Spoke said calmly.

"Well not, full Vulcan and I'll let you in on the rest of secret since, you're not going to live to tell anybody. " Silkar said enjoying his power "We may not be fully Romulan, but we are Romulan in spirit, and you're looking at what will in a very few months be ruling the galaxy. The federation will be destroyed and all the races shall be subject to our will. And this colony is the advance force; we're the group that will make the entire conquest possible"

With a gesture from Silkar the guards grabbed the crew forcing them to follow as the group moved off. They walked through the colony, taking back ways and corridors to avoid any possibility of the few crew members from the enterprise that were still present seeing them. When they reached their destination, a series of cell blocks, the guards searched them removing anything that could be used to escape, and then they were locked away. Guards were posted outside and the door was reinforced with a force field, they're would be no chance of escape Silkar promised them. Then he left after telling them he would be back to _question _when the shuttles left.

XXXX XXXX

Silkar came back sooner than expected. The crew looked up as light flooded into the dark cell, Silkar stood in the cell's doorway he was flanked by by two guards all three Vulcans carried disruptors.

"The shuttles will be getting ready to leave in a short while. They'll be suspicious if your shuttle doesn't depart with the rest. " Silkar continued "So I need one of you to tell the others that the _Devlin _will be staying behind for a while. I don't care what excuse you make, just be convincing."

The entire time he had been talking Silkar, had been staring directly at Spock. Spock looked back at Silkar calmly. "I will not tell the crew anything." He glanced at the disruptor that was levelled at his head "and if you threaten to kill me that will just highlight your illogical behaviour, as if I am dead I cannot contact the crew as you wish, and therefore you cannot effectively threaten to kill me because you would not be able to carry out your threat without thwarting your own aims."

Silkar stared at him, utterly amused "spoken like a true Vulcan." He gave a small smile. " but who said something about you telling anybody anything... Indeed I think it better if the message comes from somebody else that way its less of a chance for you to sneak any little hidden messages in" Silkar turned away from Spock and gestured with his disruptor at Chekov. "He'll do the talking."

The young Russian looked up from where he was seated next to Ensign Kelly attempting to console her and said forcefully "vhat makes you think, I vill do anything you say?"

"Because I'll kill her if you don't" Silkar said simply, turning his disruptor and pressing it to Kelly's head.

"Don't do it Chekov" Kelly said her voice steady, even if her face was afraid.

Chekov looked at her hesitating. Silkar changed the setting on the disruptor.

"you had better do as I say" Silkar said looking straight at Chekov, his eyes boring into the ensign's ." This disruptor was on kill before. Now the setting is lower , but this level will also kill, However at a very slow rate. Do you know how?"

Chekov remained quiet, he had turned to stare at Kelly. He didn't see Silkar's face but he could feel his words.

"The cells inside her head will disintegrate slowly, every minute, every second will be agony, this room will be filled with her screams, she will beg you to die, and eventually she will. And the entire time you will know this was your fault."

Kelly whimpered at his words as the disruptor pressed more tightly into her head, digging into her temple. Chekov stared at Kelly his gaze haunted. The only sounds that breached the silence were Kelly's ragged breaths.

"Go ahead Mr. Chekov" Spock said quietly. Whether he said it because he knew that Silkar was serious and would kill Kelly and felt there was little to be gained by holding out or he did it to take the pressure of the ensign's shoulder because he thought Chekov was going to give in anyway, he wasn't sure.

"See, even Spock see's the wisdom in complying with my wishes I suggest you do as he says. Or we'll all have the pleasure of listening to her as she dies an agonizing death."

"I vill do eet" Chekov said abruptly, tearing his eyes away from Kelly

Silkar smiled and held one of the communicators that had been taken away from them out.

Chekov opened a channel.

"Lieutenant Roth here" said a bored voice from the other end of the line.

"This is Ensign Chekov, Mr. Spock vanted me to tell you that the _Devlin _will be leaving about 30 minutes after everyone else"

"And _vhy_ is that, Ensign Checkers?" Roth said enjoying himself

Chekov thought fast "Mr. Spock vants to collect data on the anomaly's effect on planetary departure. Can you relay the changes to the other shuttles?"

"Sure thing, by the _vay_ ensign Checkers, tell your girlfriend Kelly, I said hi and that I'll be waiting for her when she gets back if she decides to leave your dumb a—"Roth laughed then clicked off.

Silkar lowered his weapon and took the communicator back. "Now that we've got that settled, I'll leave you until the shuttles depart, then I'll be back and we can have a little conversation" with that last comment Silkar and the guards left the room.

Kelly was shocked, her face was extremely pale, she looked like she was fighting back tears. Chekov placed an arm around her.

They all sat there for several moments in silence before Ensign O'Connor broke the quiet. "I hate! Roth. Even if you had tried to put a message in that communication that a—hole wouldn't have caught it because he was to busy insulting you."

Spock said "Indeed that was extremely unprofessional on the lieutenant's part, when we get back to the ship, he'll have to be reprimanded"

Kelly sniffed back tears and looked across at Spock "you think we'll really get out of here Commander Spock?"

"I believe we will Ensign." Spock said his face as calm and reserved as ever. He felt the other crew relax at his words. Spock had no desire to have hysterical humans on his hands and he had discovered that oddly they sometimes preferred a lie to the truth. It was believed throughout the federation that Vulcans didn't lie. Spock wondered whether he had just gone against that common belief. Because as it was he saw no way that they were getting off this planet alive.

* * *

**_Next update will be February 3rd_**_ (with as always a two day margin either way). Well there you go a nice long update. Thanks to all my reviwers , favouriters, and followers. Specific questions for this chapter are : How is Silkar as a villian? Evil enough? Should McCoy ahve given Uhura the advice he gave?__** Nice to see you guest reviewer markie804.**__ I wish you had an account so I could reply without taking up space in my AN;) but here's the answer. Spock is a bit OOC at times in this story because of Uhura, you're correct she's pregnant, but neither of them knows that. Her decreased emotional control a is affecting him because of their bond, basically her emotions are spilling over into his mind. If Spock knew that Uhura was pregnant he could be on his guard controlwise but he doesn't know so he isn't. As to how Uhura's pregnant anyway with Spock being half-vulcan and her being human, that's to be answered in the sequel to this story. Oops I just leaked the news..._


	23. one does not thank logic

Chekov and Kelly sat next to each other in a corner, talking in low voices. Spock was contemplating ways to escape and winding up at the same conclusion each time, they were trapped. Havarii paced the length of the cell turning when he got to the end and repeating his steps. O'Connor watched him irritably as he turned for the 100th time, then she said angrily "will you stop that, it's hard enough waiting for that psychopath to come back and do god knows what, without watching you walk a hole into the floor while we wait."

Havarii stopped pacing and turned to O'Connor and said "will _you_ shut the hell up and stop your whining, I—"

He fell quiet, as they all heard a muffled sound. It sounded like a phaser being fired then a loud thump. They stood up unsure of what was happening. They had gathered together, when the door opened allowing light to spill into the dark cell. A woman appeared, behind her they could see other figures.

"Come we don't have much time" The woman said gesturing for them to move, as she gestured her face came into the light allowing them to clearly see her.

"T'Kas?" Spock said recognizing her, and feeling faintly surprised.

"Yes, Spock, I couldn't go along with this plan. It's entirely wrong, my grandfather would have agreed as much" She gestured for them to leave again as none of the crew had moved. "You have to get out Silkar will kill you if you stay. I can't get you to your shuttle there's to many guards near there, but I know a hiding place few people know of."

"You're Silkar's sister. Why should we trust you?" O'Connor said defiantly not moving, as she crossed her arms.

"Because you don't have any other choice" T'Kas replied reasonably.

Spock moved forward stepping out the cell door. He glanced around. Three other people were with T'kas, 2 Vulcan males and a Vulcan woman. Lying on the ground were three unconscious Vulcan guards. The other _Enterprise _ crew members left the cell. Havarii and Chekov quickly checked the unconscious Vulcans for weapons and started passing them out to the rest of the crew. Spock noticed out the corner of his eye that Chekov took a worn looking knife from, one of the guards and tucked it into a pocket, then stood up a grim look on his face. Spock remembered seeing the same knife when Silkar had the guards take their weapons the knife wasn't Starfleet issue, but regulations were the least of Spock's worries right now.

T'Kas told one of the males and the woman to watch the cell and stun anybody that came to check so they would have long enough to get away. Then she and the other male which she introduced as Sunil set off, leading the group down a circuitous route through the various underground pathways. They had been walking for barely two minutes, when three Vulcans stepped in front of them. The Vulcans were surprised, but reacted astonishingly fast raising there disruptors. Instead of firing they instead said "drop your weapons and we'll take you back without harm"

They were the smaller group in numbers but apparently felt they were in control. Havarii snarled "you point-ears have a lot of nerve, you're the ones outnumbered. "

Before anybody else could speak, they all heard a yell in Russian and a torrent of swearing. Spock noticed three more Vulcans had come up behind them and grabbed the two youngest members of the party. One was holding a struggling Chekov, the other had Kelly. The one holding Chekov gave up attempting to restrain him, as the boy elbowed him in the ribs and in one motion the Vulcan standing opposite fired on the young navigator. Without another word Chekov collapsed.

Kelly screamed and struggled against the one holding her. Havarii raised his weapon and tried to fire. Nothing happened. The first Vulcan who had spoken, said coolly "not working right? Those weapons were made to be disabled in the event that they fell into the wrong hands, a useful mechanism in the case of an uprising" As he said the last comment he glanced at T'Kas , and told her "A lot of us always thought you weren't on our side. You're weak, and now you'll die for your weakness."

He gestured for them to drop their weapons. T'kas and Sunil dropped there weapons, but the _Enterprise _ crew was more reluctant. The Vulcan holding Kelly pulled a weapon out aimed it at her, "Hand them over."

Spock and the others began to set there weapons down. Nobody was paying attention to where Chekov lay. Havarii who was the closet to the Vulcan man holding a weapon on them , gave Spock a signal that the Vulcan recognized from academy training. O'Connor saw the sign also, both her and Spock waited, watching Havarii carefully. When Havarii moved Spock and O'Connor were ready. When Havarii quickly rushed the nearest man , Spock moved toward the other. The Vulcans had apparently anticipated the attack, O'connor was quickly knocked aside. When Spock moved in to neck pinch his opponent the man twisted aside.

Havarii was grappling with his own Vulcan without much success, the alien's superior strength would soon overcome the strength the human had gained from anger. It had been seconds and any moment Spock expected to feel a disruptor blast at his back. The Vulcan hissed as Spock tried to choke him, "Kill them R'nak" . Spock heard the sound of a disruptor firing twice but the searing heat he expected to feel didn't come instead Spock felt a warmth pass perilously close to him then Spock's opponent fell backward, half his side was burned away.

Spock straightened up and twisted around. T'kas and Sunil had each neatly dispatched a Vulcan, but Havarii was still grappling with his attacker. Spock moved toward the two figures intending to render the remaining Vulcan unconscious with a nerve pinch. A figure beat him to it Spock had one second to be shocked as he watched Chekov neatly come behind the Vulcan that was trying to strangle Havarii. Before the man could react Chekov had grabbed the man's head and tilted it backward, without hesitation in one fluid movement he took the knife and sliced the Vulcan across the throat. Green blood flowed out and the Vulcan fell to his knees then his eyes glazed over.

Chekov wiped the knife off on the man's clothes, slipped the weapon back into his pocket and dropped the disruptor he had in his hands. Then he went to Kelly who was trembling. "Shh- it's okay" they heard him murmuring to her tenderly. He gave no indication that moments earlier he had killed three people, as he stroked Kelly's hair. The other _Enterprise _crew was still staring at Chekov. Even Spock was surprised, and if he wasn't a Vulcan the cold look in the Chekov's eyes as he had killed the Vulcan would have shocked him to the core.

They didn't have much time to be stunned the sound of fighting had alerted others, and voice yelled out "they've escaped" from behind them they could hear footsteps rapidly approaching. T'kas , Sunil set off at a run the others following closely behind. They made it several feet before a phaser blast sizzled out catching Kelly in the arm, she gasped and stumbled. O'Connor pushed her out the way and continued past not stopping to help the fallen girl. Havarii reached out and caught Kelly's arm before Chekov could reach her and pushed Kelly into the alcove which the Vulcans and O'Connor had disappeared into. The others squeezed in after them. They could hear footsteps from both ends of the corridor now and disruptor blast scorched its way down the hall at irregular intervals pining them down.

"We're going to die" O'Connor wailed her face twisted with fear as she stared at the blood welling from the wound in Kelly's arm. "we're going to die" she repeated her voice whiny.

"Vill you shut up?" Chekov snarled, looking up from where he was bandaging Kelly's arm.

Behind them T'Kas and Sunil crouched by a seemingly plain stretch of rock. They conversed in low tones running their fingers over the panel searching for something.

"We're going to die. We have to leave before they get close. If they catch us they'll kill us!" O'Connor said hysterically

"Calm down" Havarii said glancing back at her as he watched the corridor and tried to keep the Vulcans from advancing any closer. T'Kas and Sunil had found what they were looking for, they had exposed a panel revealing a keypad. T'Kas fingers raced across the keypad, rapidly typing in a sequence.

"We're going—to die—if we stay- here' O'Connor said hyperventilating and before anybody could stop her. She bolted forward past Havarii leaving the relative protection of the alcove.

"O'Connor don't!" Kelly shouted

O'Connor didn't stop. She made it several feet down the corridor before a phaser blast dropped her. Whether she was dead or not, they couldn't tell, but her prone form didn't move.

Kelly moved to go after her and Havarii and Chekov stopped her. "You can't go out there it's suicide" Havarii said.

"We can't just leave her!" Kelly replied

"Ensign, she's probably already dead judging by the strength of phaser blast they are using" as he spoke another blast ripped down the corridor landing on an outcropping of stone. The stone crumbled falling to the ground in blackened pieces."The death of more of us in an attempt to recover her corpse would be illogical" Spock said.

Havarii glanced backward at Spock's words and gave Spock a malicious glare that nobody noticed because T'kas had just finished keying a the sequence, and a small piece of rock pushed inwards from below the keypad she was typing on revealing a tunnel. It was just small enough to walk through if you bent over almost double.

"Come one" T'Kas said gesturing for them to follow her. They walked into the dark tunnel the only light provided by, a small emergency light that T'Kas held. Sunil brought up the rear of the group, closing the door behind him.

They walked for several minutes in the cramped tunnel, before it ended in another door which T'Kas pushed open. They followed her out and found themselves, back in the corridor. Without a word they set off again. The path she took was winding. They travelled for several more minutes before T'Kas stopped at another seemingly random and repeated the same process they had earlier. This time the rock revealed a tunnel so small that they had to crawl or their hands and knees to get through. They had gone only a short distance, when the tunnel dropped off , into a large cavern. The cavern was lined with stone ledges. Stalactites and stalagmites festooned the surfaces and the cave dimly lit by two emergency lights that were propped on one ledge. In one corner a pile of containers was lined against the wall.

"What is this place?" Kelly said looking around, and shivering in the cool air.

"This is the cavern where my grandfather, used to teach me and some of the other colonists the true Vulcan ways. Nobody but me and a few others know of this place" T'Kas said looking around the cavern. She continued "There's food, water, blankets and other supplies stored here. This room is actually quite close to the main passageway, but if you are quiet , nobody should be able to find you. We'll try to find you a way out in a few hours, once it's safer."

Spock said "thank you"

T'Kas looked at him the ghost of a smile on her face and said "one does not thank logic." Then her and Sunil made the familiar V-shape with their fingers and said "live long and prosper" Spock replied in a similar manner, then the 2 Vulcans disappeared back down the tunnel.

* * *

_**Next chapter update will be February 8th.**__ This chapter was kind of hard to write and it feels a little out of sorts to me, a bit stiff I think. but I don't know, tell me what you think. As always reviews are appreciated guest reviews and otherwise. Thanks to all my readers._


	24. Defiance, I like that

Silkar was furious his rage was so clearly evident that the other vulcans near him stayed as far away as possible particularly the three Vulcans who had been guarding the cell when the _Enterprise _crew had escaped. "Do you have any idea where they could have gone?" The three dazed men shook their heads, Silkar paced back and forth "so for all we know they could be half-way back to their ship right now and our plan will be ruined all because you couldn't do your jobs. You should be killed" He turned his disruptor on the guards.

One of the Vulcans said boldly, not looking afraid at all "if you weren't Solkar's son you would be killed. You have endangered our plan many times. You have no control. That communications officer is a prime-" The man stopped speaking as he was hit viciously across the face with a disruptor butt.

"Defiance, I like that. " Silkar said looking coolly at the man as green blood streamed down his face and from his mouth.

The man spat at Silkar's feet, "just kill me, I know you're going to do it anyway"

Silkar gave a small smile and said "as you wish" He took his fingers and pressed them to the man's temple then he took the disruptor and placed it in the man's hands, he held the fingers until they clutched them on their own. The guard was still conscious as he stared at Silkar his eyes wide. Then he began to scream, after a minute he stopped.

Silkar said "I'll let you do the honours'." The man's hand slowly began to rise against his will; his arms trembled with the effort as he struggled to control his own body. The disruptor rose until it was level with his head. The man's fingers were still wrapped around the trigger, Silkar hands were at the man's temple. With one final grunt the man lost complete control at that moment his fingers pressed the firing switch. The shot went through leaving half his head blown off. The body swayed for a moment then collapsed. Silkar turned away, he looked down at his clothes which were splattered with gore . He turned to the last guards who were staring at him in horror "you" Silkar said "get me a fresh tunic and pants" . The guards hastened to obey, they realized how close they had been to dying.

Silkar turned to the rest of them and said "one of you find Uhura and tell T'son to meet me in my quarters. " Then he walked away.

XXXX XXXX

Silkar outlined his plans as he changed his clothes. "Do you understand what you must do?"He said as he pulled his over shirt off and tossed it to the floor. T'son understood and agreed with the plan completely. It also just so happened to be exactly what she wanted .She didn't like how Silkar, who she was betrothed to, had taken to Uhura. His obsession with her was extremely irritating.,. _What did that weak, ugly human have in comparison with her? _

Since Uhura had arrived he had followed her around surreptitiously. He had been fixated on her, to the point where he refused to mind meld several times, and had all but pushed T'son away. Still, she didn't blame him it was her responsibility as his betrothed to keep his interest and that was what she would do once she had eliminated the competition. She would bring Uhura to her demise and then she and Silkar would be left in peace. He would be hers entirely again.

She didn't say any of this instead she said "I understand completely and as you know am willing to do anything that will ensure our success," as she said the words she slid out the chair she was sitting in and came towards him. She laid her head on his shoulders and let her hands trail down his chest to his fingers . She pulled them up towards her temple and then gently placed hers on his temple. She sent the first brushes of contact, he responded and they both opened allowing their thoughts and minds to mingle on a level known to few species...

XXXX XXXX

She thought back to that now as she walked up to the human woman. She felt disgust with this creature for even presuming to be her equal. She was careful however to let none of it show on her face as she said "Spock sent me to tell you he wishes to speak with you"

Uhura turned to her and said "really? Tell him he did enough talking already!" She spat the words out, her eyes flashing.

"He said he would like to apologize." T'Son said

she watched the human woman angry resolve start to crumble and continued "he said that he was wrong to be with T'Kas like that but he didn't intend to hurt you and they were only talking" Silkar had briefed her on what had happened, after one of his spies had alerted him. T'Son and Silkar both knew what T'Kas had been trying to do: alert Spock to their plan. But to the human woman it had apparently appeared to be something else entirely.

T'Son added the last piece "He said he didn't want you to leave without knowing that. He said he didn't know when he would see you again" The words which had been so carefully rehearsed brought the desired effect.

Uhura looked teary-eyed as she said "where is he?"

T'Son told her and offered to show the way, after telling Dr. McCoy she'd be gone for a few moments Uhura left with the Vulcan woman leaving the _Enterprise_ crew to finish packing the shuttles. T'Son revelled inside at her success. _You weak human. You think you're going to that half-breed mongrel. You're actually going to your own death._

As soon as they had gone far enough that the crew was left behind, T'Son turned on the communications offficer pulling out a disruptor. Uhura was amazingly quick as she realized she had been tricked she lashed out hitting the other woman, and put up a good fight, but T'Son's fury and superior strength soon crushed any resistance. T'Son picked up her disruptor and licked the blood of that trickled down from her spilt lip. She held the disruptor steadily on Uhura. "Just give me a reason." She told the woman.

"We mustn't kill her yet" a voice said from behind her, she turned around recognising Silkar.

"What I thought you said we were going to kill her?"

Silkar shook his head looking amused "I told you what you wanted T'Son. To kill her now would be stupid" he reached out and grabbed the disruptor. "I knew you wouldn't like if you knew what I really had planned."

"And what do you have planned!" T'Son spat realizing she had been tricked

"She will..." he gestured for his guards to pull Uhura up and continued moving forward till he was standing in front of the human woman. He was totally ignoring T'Son now. "be used as bait, but first I'll _question_ her" he reached out a hand and stroked the side of Uhura's face, his hand trailed down her neck and over her chest. She jerked away from his touch. He laughed and told his guards to take her to the cells. He would have to find away to avoid arousing suspicion about Uhura's disappearance, and he had the perfect plan.

* * *

_**Next Chapter update will be within 5-6**__**days.**_ THanks to the few people that review and to my favouriters and followers. So the plot thickens. Silkar has shown his true colours. Uhura had been taken hostage . How will Spock react? And what do you think Silkar's plan to avoid arousing suspicion about Uhura's disappearance is? Reviews are definitely welcome, but I'll still continue updating without them;)


	25. not Vulcans, at least not in philosophy

Ensign O'Connor crouched in the cell terrified. Her head still felt groggy from being stunned. She had only woken up an hour or two ago and had very little idea of exactly how much time had elapsed. Any minute they would come and kill her. She waited for what seemed like hours before the door opened and she gave an involuntary whimper. Light spilled into the room and a Vulcan came in. He wasn't Silkar but his face had the same cruel gaze. She nearly fainted as she tried to stand up on her wobbly legs. The man reached out and grabbed her "you're wanted "before she could say anything he half-dragged her from the cell to a small room. She trembled with fear as she recognized the person there.

His face was angry. He looked at her, "what do you want with me?" O'Connor found the strength to ask.

Silkar looked at her for a moment his eyes staring into hers " I have a job for you to do."

"And when I say no, and tell you to go to hell what are you going to do" O'Connor said her words much stronger than her feelings

Silkar smiled at her comment and said" You won't say no, if you did I would kill you in such a painful way that each second would seem like days of agony; you would be begging to die" As he finished speaking he reached out across the table and touched her temples. O'Connor felt a staggering sensation of pain that coursed through her mind obliterating all thought, that seemed to last for hours before the feeling, vanished leaving her gasping for breath.

Slkar said "that was just a taste, I think you'll be a little more cooperative now, or do you need another" he reached towards her.

O'Connor jerked backwards, and said her voice hoarse "what do you want me to do?"

Silkar smiled and began to outline his plan, as she listened horror closed in . If she did as he wanted, she would be betraying her friends if she didn't they would be killed, there was no alternative. She found herself agreeing to the plan; inwardly she was sickened with herself.

XXXX XXXX

"I don't understand, Uhura was supposed to evacuate on this shuttle "McCoy said confusedly.

O'Connor forced herself to smile "Well Mr. Spock sent me to tell you about the change in plans."

"I still don't understand why Uhura's leaving on the _devlin_" McCoy said his brow furrowing

O'Connor fidgeted nervously aware of the Vulcan standing behind her pretending to work at a panel, in his hand concealed was a phaser; he was one of several vulcans dotted around the room. Silkar had made it quite clear if she couldn't get the crew to leave without Uhura then they would have to be killed.

"Doctor, Spock thought it better if she evacuated with us since we'll be on the planet a little longer than everyone else, so when can have the best chance of getting communications through while we're here. "Seeing that he wasn't fully satisfied with her explanation, she continued speaking lowering her voice like she was telling him some of the gossip that Uhura and Spock had spiralling around about them. When in reality she was telling him a small part of a rumour she had heard earlier and the rest was a story she had invented on the spot.

"I think they had an argument and they made up because, Uhura came to say she was evacuating with us and Spock sent me to tell you of the change in plans." She said praying he would take her word and leave without asking to talk to Spock.

"Hmm, they made up. Well that just goes to show, some people can't take sound advice and have to be burned to learn a lesson." McCoy muttered to himself

O'Connor watched him nervously hoping he had accepted her story, and wondering what McCoy was talking about.

"Well, if he wants his _girlfriend_ evacuating on his shuttle then, who am I to care.I'm just the doctor who nobody ever tells anything until at the end." McCoy said fuming, he glanced back at O'Connor and said "don't let me keep you ensign. We've only got a few minutes before we take off."

"Aye, sir" O'Connor said breathing a sigh of relief as McCoy turned away and simultaneously feeling guilty. She had saved McCoy and the crew from an untimely death, but she knew that Silkar had a reason for wanting them to think that Uhura was evacuating elsewhere. He probably didn't want anybody asking questions, because he had her, and if he did whatever he was planning wouldn't be good.

She walked away the Vulcan unobtrusively walked behind her. She could feel the hidden phaser trained on her. She forced herself to be silent as she passed more crew members in the corridor. She longed to say something, to ask for a help or to make some signal. But anything she did would be seen by the Vulcan and he would kill her and whoever she tried to ask. As they branched off into another corridor the people thinned out until it was deserted .The Vulcan moved closer until he had her arm his fingers biting painfully in her. They walked for a few minutes before they arrived at the door of a room, he keyed it open and pushed her inside then followed her in closing the door behind him. Silkar was there, watching her fingers arched. The guard who had came in behind her said "she did as you asked."

"Excellent, I was sure we would have no problems after we reached an understanding."

"What are you going to do with Uhura?"

"Spock and the rest of them have hidden themselves away somewhere I can't allow them to escape and possible alert others to our plan, and we can't find them, Uhura's bait. "

"What? I don't understand they won't even know you have her! There—"

Silkar broke in cutting her off "The rest of them won't know but Spock will feel that I have her. He will come, and after I have him, I will extract the hiding place of the others and kill them all"

"You can't-"O'Connor said realizing fully what she had done

"I can and if I was you I would worry more about yourself. you've outlived your usefulness." O'Connor felt a cold fear settle in her stomach, as Silkar gestured she saw the guard raise his weapon and fire. She felt a searing pain travel thru her chest, she twisted and fell to the ground her legs folding and she tried to gasp a breath that wouldn't come. Then a wave of darkness swallowed her.

XXXX XXXX

Kirk paced back and forth, not even trying to restrain himself. _Where were they?_ The away team had been gone for almost a day and a half and in that time only three communications had been able to get through the anomaly's interference to be picked up by the ship. The last communication an hour ago had been a garbled transmission and from the little that had been understandable it seemed to indicate that the crew had finished helping repair the ships and were coming back to the _Enterprise. _

What worried Kirk was that for the past ½ hour they had also been receiving distorted transmissions from the planet's surface, outside of standard Starfleet frequencies. The messages couldn't be deciphered because the interference had so damaged the low grade signal that the transmission had degenerated into an indecipherable mass of random sounds and words.

The communications officers who were working on translating the messages had only gotten from the messages what they believed were the words… _was kidnapped... Romulans are… stranded… killed_. But due to the degradation of the messages they had only a 35% chance of those being the correct words. Still Kirk felt something was wrong.

"Captain, the are shuttles coming back" Kirk glanced at the lieutenant hunched over his console. "There's only – three of them" the young man said glancing back at the captain.

"Three of them?" Kirk said coming to stand behind the lieutenant at the science console. "are you sure?"

"It looks like there's only three captain" the lieutenant said his fingers running across his console as he checked the sensor readings.

Kirk turned toward the ensign on communications and said "open a channel to one of the shuttles" the young woman complied instantly.

A distorted crackly image of a young man filled the viewscreen. "Lieutenant Roth , here Captain"

"Mr. Roth our sensors are indicating that only three shuttles are with you. Where is the _Devilin_?"

"I wouldn't know sir" the image blanked for a moment before coming back "when we left the planet , the _Devlin said _that they would be leaving the surface a little later than us to collect data from when the shuttles departed, but they should have left behind us and be pretty close right now." The image crackled an audio disappeared for a moment then Roth continued "We couldn't detect any of the other shuttles , until we got further away from the anomaly sir. So we didn't find it that odd that we couldn't detect the _Devlin_"

"Thank you Lieutenant Roth" Kirk said.

Roth replied "aye Sir" Then Kirk indicated for Ensign Lara, the young woman at the communication console to cut the transmission and open a channel to the other shuttles. Similar inquires indicated that nobody knew what had happened to the _Devlin_ after the had taken off, but nobody had thought this odd, because all the shuttles had lost contact and sensor detection of each questions confirmed that Spock, Uhura, Chekov and several other crew members were missing.

Within the next five minutes the three shuttles docked, and the interference of the anomaly had experienced enough of a lull that a channel to the surface of the planet could be opened. Ensign Lara was opening the channel when McCoy burst out of the turbolift, Kirk glanced at the doctor.

"The _Devlin's _ missing? " McCoy asked. Before Kirk could reply a distorted image of a young Vulcan woman. appeared on the view screen

"Is this the _Enterprise_?" the woman inquired

The communications ensign looked back at Kirk and apologetically said "Captain this transmission just cut into our channel; it's blocking our signal from reaching the planet"

Kirk nodded at the ensign and turned toward the viewscreen. "This is Captain Kirk of the _U.S. S Enterprise _who is—"

"Captain Kirk there's no time for pleasantries." The woman said agitatedly cutting him off. "Your crew is in danger, one of them at least has been killed. Silkar has Uhura, and the others are hidden. We are—"

"Wait T'Kas what are you talking about?" McCoy said recognizing the woman.

Kirk looked back at the doctor thoroughly aggravated. He was going to have a conversation with Bones after this was all over about interrupting official transmissions.

"Dr. McCoy" The woman said glancing at the doctor and continuing "this colony is not what is seems. We are not Vulcans, at least not in philosophy or training. The Ro—"

The transmission cut out, the screen going entirely blank. The ensign at communications said "Its gone Captain. I can't get it back. Someone on the planet is blocking us from receiving the transmission." Ensign Lara said .

Kirk turned to McCoy

"You know that woman?"

"That's T'Kas. She's a doctor and that Vulcan Solkar's daughter; she has a twin brother Silkar, the one who has Uhura."

"So you think she's telling the truth?"

"What she said made sense. Right before we left, one of the ensign's who was supposed to evacuate on the _Devlin_ came to me saying that Uhura, who was evacuating with us , had decided to evacuate on the _Devlin" _McCoy continued "I did find that a little odd , but it seems that her and Spock have been having some_ disagreements_ lately, apparently the logical bullsh-, that Vulcan bastard likes to put down gets to h—"

Kirk cut the doctor off with a glare and pointedly cleared his throat, aware of the crew listening in.

McCoy only looked slightly chastened and continued. "Yes , well anyway, now that I think about it , I didn't actually see anyone from the Devlin after that. And I'm willing to bet nobody else did either. Maybe, somebody kidnapped Uhura , and made O'Connor tell me that she was evacuating with the _Devlin_ so nobody would be suspicious. The ensign did seem a little more nervous than usual"

Kirk had opened his mouth to reply, when Ensign Lara said "Captain the colony is sending a transmission now"

"On view screen" Kirk said. The screen changed to show two Vulcans. One was Solkar and the other was a younger Vulcan who looked similar.

"Captain Kirk, you just tried to contact us earlier and your transmission was blocked by another signal." The elder male continued "I'd like to apologize for my daughter; she's somewhat disturbed. Her and a few of the other colonists are reluctant to leave this planet, even though it is the only way we will survive."

Kirk studied the man's face. It was impassive and showed no signs of deceit, but the raw desperation of the Vulcan woman had held more sincerity Solkar's words. Kirk spoke "we're looking for a missing shuttle, the _Devlin_, and she informed us that one of our crew was killed"

This time the younger Vulcan spoke "on that fact my sister was telling the truth. One of your people, a lieutenant Smith was killed in a cave in right before the _Devlin _departed, and we did detect an explosion shortly after the _Devlin_ left. we're searching for survivors and will bring any we find with us when we evacuate."

Kirk stared at them. There was something wrong, and he could feel it."We'd like to send a party down to search for survivors ourselves" Kirk said

"Captain, that's not a good idea, it would be more logical for you to keep your crew on your ship-" As the Solkar spoke Kirk heard McCoy say under his breath "here we go again."

"We plan to evacuate within a few hours." Silkar paused, his dark eyes looking intently at them "If somebody else came down here, they might not make it back up."

Kirk studied the man, his words had sounded like a thinly veiled threat. Keeping his voice calm Kirk said firmly "I'd still like to send some crew down to search for our missing people"

"As you wish , Captain Kirk. We will be available to give you any assistance you may require" said Solkar. He continued "if you'll excuse us, we have to return to our evacuation preparations."

"Live long and prosper" Solkar said holding up his hands in the familiar Vulcan salute.

Kirk replied in similar fashion, and then indicated for the transmission to cut out.

"That's Bulls-" McCoy began angrily as soon as the transmission ended. 'They're a bunch of damn liars—"

Kirk was already moving towards the turbolift as he cut off McCoy's newest rant "Ensign Lara, tell security to meet me in the shuttle bay. He turned to Sulu "Mr. Sulu you have the Conn."

"Wait Jim you're going?" McCoy said

Kirk turned to look back at the doctor "I've stayed on this damn bridge, enough. One crewmember is dead and possibly more. I'm not sending another group of crew down without going myself, something's going on down there and I'm going to find out what it is!"

"But, Jim you're the captain. Is it really best if you go down and get yourself killed!"

"Damn it Bones, this mission is shot to hell anyway, half the bridge crew is down on that planet dead for all we know. According to that Vulcan, Uhura's being held hostage. I'm going down there!"

McCoy subsided, as he realized Kirk's mind was made up and nothing was going to change it.

"Well I'm going too" McCoy said gruffly after a moment.

"Bones, you need to stay—" Kirk began

"I'm going there's probably several people injured and you didn't say you were taking any medical personnel. So I'm coming" McCoy continued noting the look on Kirk's face "you can write me up for insubordination when we get back."

Kirk and McCoy stared at each other for a long moment before Kirk said "I might just do that," he continued "Okay get, your gear and meet us in the shuttle bay in 5 minutes"

Kirk turned away from his friend and to Sulu who had moved to the captain's chair. "If we're not back by the time the planet starts breaking up. I want you to leave and send a message to Starfleet. And if anything tries to get off this planet and we're not back…. Destroy it." Then Kirk stepped onto the turbo lift along with McCoy and the doors slid shut.

* * *

_**Next Chapter Update wil be February 22th. **__Thanks to all favouriters and followers. Special Thanks to all my reviewers. So Finally Kirk comes into the picture, things are about to get very interesting. Coming up... seriously angry Spock that will make the time he tried to kill Kirk on the bridge look like horseplay...Silkar interrogates Uhura...More moments with Chekov and Kelly...And somebody attempts to forcibly mindmeld with Kirk...Hope I've whetted your appetite._


	26. All control was gone now

_It was dark, cold. He shivered, causing a sharp jolt of pain to travel down his leg. Where was he? Why did he hurt so much? He opened his mouth to speak and stopped as he pain shot through his face travelling up from the line of his jaw. He tasted blood in his mouth. He groped out with a hand and his fingers brushed something, cold and soft. It felt like a hand, the fingers dangling limply._

_He faded back into darkness._

_He awoke, with a cough. It was hot, uncomfortably hot. He smelled smoke, the acrid smell making his eyes water. Where was he? He could see jagged piece of metal, plastic and fabric surrounding him; he was in an air skimmer. He looked around and saw the cause of the smoke, a fire burned to his left hungrily consuming fabric and plastic, and causing's gouts of smoke to fill the interior of the vehicle. He desperately searched for an opening, the thick smoke making it almost impossible to see. His lungs burned with the hot smoke, then he felt a gust of cold air move across his face momentarily and he realized that directly ahead of him was a window. The glass in it had been shattered leaving shards still clinging to the window frame. _

_He tried to crawl to the window and was stopped as a sharp pain shot through his leg; he tried to move it and realized it was caught wedged between a seat and something else. He jerked trying to free his leg as the interior of the vehicle filled with more and more smoke. He reached back blindly his hands trying to free his leg, his hands pushed against something it was stiff, cold; inwardly he shuddered when he touched it. Then with one last jerk his leg was free, a cry tore free as pain unlike any he had felt before rippled through him, and his vision dimmed momentarily. He took a breath his ribs protesting sharply at the movement, and then crawled forward, slowly…painfully, towards the open window, and tumbled through glass shards cutting his face and arms, he landed face down in snow. He tried to stand and fell back as his leg refused to hold him, in the moonlight he could see that it was covered in blood, the cloth of his pants torn in places and sticking to his legs in others. He edged forwards away from the uncomfortable heat of the burning vehicle and as he crawled, tried to remember what had happened. It came back to him in brief flashes then, a flood._

_**His mother. She was in the air skimmer**__. _

_He staggered back to the air skimmer half crawling, half walking ignoring the agony in his leg. flames and smoke rose from the air skimmer, lighting the night. He knew now what he had brushed past when he was crawling out it was a person. He reached the air skimmer and could see a hand lying through a window on the drivers side, he grabbed her arm trying to pull her out, but she was wedged tightly her body pinned beneath the crushed metal of the air skimmer, he thought he felt her fingers grip his momentarily as he struggled to move her . He didn't know how long he spent trying to pull her out, the heat from the car growing more intense by the second, his eyes watering, the smoke causing him to choke. Then, arms encircled him, pulling him back; he fought them trying to get back to the air skimmer. The arms pulled him back, saying words he couldn't understand. When he was several feet away there was a roar, then the flames lept higher illuminating the night sky and the entire air skimmer was consumed ,Flames burned everything, a wordless scream came from him; he collapsed to his knees, somebody's hand restraining him from going back to the vehicle. He had no idea how long he kneeled there in the cold snow, watching as the vehicle burned, as the medics tried fruitlessly to get close enough to the flames to free the person trapped inside… as the harsh odour of burning flesh grew stronger by the second. _

_"Pavel...Pavel...Pavel_?"

Chekov awoke to somebody shaking him, he realized he was screaming, but a hand was clamped over his mouth muffling the noise.

"Pavel, wake up" a voice said softly from the gloom.

Chekov squinted and could just make out ensign' Kelly's face in the dim glow provided by the emergency lights. As awareness came to him he stopped screaming. Kelly removed her hand from his mouth, her face worried, and he sat up.

"You were having a nightmare or something, you started moving around then you started screaming"

He sat there breathing heavily, his entire body trembling, he was covered in a cold sweat, his stomach twisted and turned with the aftermath of his nightmare. Kelly sat next to him; _he wished she would go away_

He closed his eyes, fighting to avoid the images that plagued him. And another memory rushed back.

_He had awakened in a hospital room; the beeping of monitors surrounded him, dimly he could hear voices out in the corridor outside his room. He listened and could just make out what they said._

_"Is he still asleep?"_

_"He was when I last checked"_

_"Good...For his sake I hope he sleeps a long time, I certainly don't want to be the one to tell him"_

_"Tell him what?"_

_"You didn't hear? ….He's that boy from the air skimmer accident, his mother, sister and brother were all killed, he's the only one that survived"_

_The rest of the conversation was unheard all that he heard over and over in his mind was: the only one that survived. He was alone._

"Pavel are you okay?" ensign Kelly's voice brought him back to reality.

Chekov nodded. He took several deep breaths, he could feel himself trembling. Kelly placed an arm around him. His stomach turned uncomfortably again. He placed a hand over his mouth as he retched, hoping he wouldn't throw up on Ensign Kelly. He gulped down the acid that had come up, trying to forget. _Please just go away._

_"_Do you want some water?" she said looking at him concernedly.

He shook his head not trusting himself to speak.

She moved the light closer staring at his pale face; his hair was damp with sweat, the light flashed in his eyes painfully bright. The orange-white glow reminded him of flames.

_Flames- Fragments of memories flashed through his mind. Flames…leaping up burning everything…everyone …. The odour of burning flesh filling the air…_

He turned away from Kelly at just the right moment, and he threw up.

I'm okay" he mumbled embarrassed, as she pressed a cold wet cloth to the back of his neck. _He wished she would just go away; it was embarrassing enough without her here._

They sat there together for several minutes before she broke the silence. "How did they die?"

"Who?" He asked, a cold pit forming in him, as he realized who she was asking about.

"Your family"

"How do you know about that? He said not looking at her.

"You talk in your sleep Pavel…." Kelly said quietly. "You talk a lot"

He probably didn't realize it, but lately he tended to fall asleep all of a sudden. The time on the shuttle had been just one of many. Several times they had been watching a holovid or even sitting on the observation deck and she had turned to say something and found him fast asleep. At first she had been offended and annoyed, and had awoken him, and he had apologized profusely. But as it happened more often she realized , that it wasn't because she was boring or he was ignoring her, he was just tired. He wasn't sleeping much, his face was fatigued and his mood had changed somewhat. After the first few times she hadn't bothered to wake him up, she would let him sleep. She would sit next to him for sometimes an hour or more, his head nodded off on her shoulder, his face peaceful, eventually he would start talking. Soon after moans and whimpers would start, a few times he even started crying in his sleep. She had usually managed to awaken him before he began screaming and most of the time he hadn't realized he had been asleep for more than a few minutes.

"Oh" Chekov said avoiding her gaze. "It was an air skimmer accident, I was eight" he said his voice muffled. She reached out and grasped his cold, sweaty hand in her's. They sat like that for several minutes; Kelly pretended she didn't see him surreptitiously wipe his eyes on his sleeve.

"Eet's stupid I should be over eet, eet vas years ago" he said after several moments of silence almost like he was convincing himself.

There was a silent pause for a moment, then Kelly spoke, something about his confession had brought the events of the past few hours into sharp focus it felt like death was looming over her. "My mom died when I was eleven" Kelly said "it was cancer, one of the few they don't have a cure for-"

She paused her voice breaking, then continued, "She was dying . My father left the room and he me leave. He said we would leave the hospital for ony a little while , but we didn't come back for hours , by that time she was dead." Kelly looked at him "she was alone Pavel, I don't want to die alone"

"Nobody is going to die "Chekov said looking at her intensely disturbed by the conversation. "Ve are all going to get avay from here."

"You don't understand, when that disruptor was pointed at my head I thought I was going to die- and a year ago somebody told me -, and then today when that phaser blast hit me I—and then that man had me and you killed him -"she said her voice rising higher with each word.

"Leah" he said using her first name. He grasped her hands in his., she looked up at him her eyes shining with tears "You're going to be fine ve all vill". He tried not to think about how he had killed the Vulcans.

She was silent for several minutes before she said tearfully" Pavel, How can you be so sure"

"Because I von't let anything happen to you" He said brushing the tears off her face, with his fingertips. His words were the most sincere he had ever spoke. He would do anything for wouldn't let anything happen to her, because she was the only thing he had left. If she died, he would to.

Kelly, gave a small smile through a wall of fresh tears "my mom always said that one day I would find somebody, she would've liked you" Kelly said as tears ran down her cheeks in rivulets, Chekov draped an arm around her , and pulled her closer, she cried quietly for several minutes before, he felt her start to relax. She sighed sleepily; her head resting against his chest, the last thing she murmured before she fell asleep was "I love you Pavel".

Chekov said nothing, he had heard her quiet words, but was unsure what to say. It had been years since anybody had said that to him. He didn't want to say it back. He didn't want to love her. He didn't want to care.

He already did….and it scared him.

XXXX XXXX

Uhura could feel Silkar's gaze on her, his eyes ran over her. A small smile played on his lips, his dark eyes glinted maliciously.

"I'm willing to bet that while Spock has an allegiance to Starfleet, he has more of an allegiance to you" the man said enjoying the fear on her face. "I may not be able to find him but when he senses this he will come to me"

Uhura pulled back trembling, as the man advanced on her, signalling the guards to take off her restraints, he waited until they had finished then dismissed the guards.

They were alone now but rather than feeling that she had a better chance of escape, she felt more trapped.

"Now it's just the two of us" he said

"What are you going to do?" Uhura said her voice breaking

"Nothing that you and Spock haven't already experienced" was Silkar's reply.

Uhura started to back away, before she could take more than a few steps, he had grabbed her roughly dragging her back , as he did so Uhura became aware that all the time Spock had touched her, held her, caressed her, he had been holding back a large part of his strength, so as not to hurt her. Silkar had no such qualms. He grabbed her hands in one of his and with the other he sought her temples. Uhura struggled wildly, but his strength was too much and slowly, inexorably his fingers reached their destination.

As his fingers touched her temples, Uhura felt a presence. It was like an itch at the corner of her mind, and then the cell started to fade away; the room slowly grew blurry. Silkar penetrated her mind, cutting his way through the flimsy barriers she tried to erect. She gasped in pain, as he forced his way in, enjoying her distress.

The link they had was a sick a parody of the links her and Spock had shared. Whereas Spock had been gentle, cautious, slowly acclimating her to the link, allowing her mind toopen on its own before going further and the tendrils of their mind twining together. Silkar did none of these things. He forced his way in going deeper and deeper, gouging at her mind as he went, the agony he caused giving him pleasure. Then he was in, she could feel his mind running through her memories, glimpses flashed through her consciousness as he looked through them.

-Her graduation from the academy-

-The Narada incident-

-Times with Spock-

As he finished with her memories, she could feel him turn his attention to her. She recoiled in hatred and disgust as she felt his malevolent conscious run over her. She could feel the equivalent of a mental smile starting in his mind.

"_Why so scared? The real fun hasn't even begun"_

With that he went deeper into her mind, then she would have ever thought level of the link was so great that every facet of her being, mind, and body was at his control.

Enjoying the agony he caused and the power he had, He began to form an image, a thought, Uhura tried to pull away her entire mind filled with horror, but her consciousness was firmly bound in his.

Silkar deepened the image and the line between what was thought and what was reality began to blur. The projection became more real. _No this can't be true._ The image became more real until it wasn't an image it was reality, her reality. _This can't be true. _But it felt real. As Silkar ran his hands along her and his hot breath brushed across her face and neck, and she felt his intent, her mind screamed "Spock!"

XXXX XXXX

Chekov and Kelly were fast asleep, their arms wrapped around each other, and a blanket draped across their shoulders. Havarii paced nervously back and forth, but other than the quiet sound of breathing and Havarii's soft tread, it was silent. Spock like Havarii couldn't sleep, unlike humans he could go without sleep for several days, with only one or two sessions of meditation in between. He had also found that mediation was in a lot of cases more relaxing and restorative than several hours of sleep.

Spock settled down on one of the rock ledges that lined the room .He closed his eyes and calmed himself, allowing his mind to sink inward as he examined the events of the last few hours. Gradually, his breathing slowed, and his scattered thoughts coalesced into an order; he began to feel peaceful.

Abruptly, he gasped as a pain shot through him, a torrent of emotions followed immediately after, flooding his mind with, anger, fear, horror. _Uhura?_ he thought as he felt the familiarity of the consciousness. Flashes of what she saw flickered through his mind, _stone walls, Silkar's face._ Spock opened his mind slightly and felt another consciousnesses, it was filled with a sick malicious intent. He closed his mind off before he could be sensed. Another flood of emotions swept trough his mind threatening to overwhelm him with their intensity. He felt almost physically ill at the emotions he felt. They came in wave after wave, increasing in frequency and intensity. He could feel that Uhura was in trouble and that Silkar had her. He gasped again as the force of her distress coursed through him stronger and this time he heard her voice scream in his mind. _"Spock!"._

He didn't know he had collapsed to the ground, until he heard "Commander Spock?" and opened his eyes to find Havarii standing over him. The lieutenant gazed down at him with worried eyes "are you okay? You were just sitting there then you slumped over."

Spock sat up still out of breath from the flood of emotions he had felt. "Uhura" he gasped.

"Uhura?" Havarii repeated puzzled "what about her? She's on the ship—"

"Uhura's here"

"What are you talking about? How would you know anyway?"

"She's here I know" Spock fell silent. He fought to maintain control, as another wave of emotion flowed through the link he and Uhura shared. Spock unsteadily pulled himself up.

"I'm leaving."

"Mr. Spock you can't leave here . You vill be seen" Chekov said looking alarmed, both he and Kelly had woken up and come over to where Spock and Havarii were talking.

Another wave of emotion surged through Spock's mind, He heard Uhura yell his name again.

"How can Uhura be here?" Kelly asked.

"She's here" Spock said fighting to keep his voice steady, as the emotions became almost unbearable. His mind was blocked off, but through the link that had been formed from the many times their minds had linked, he felt her emotions even if he couldn't see or know exactly what was going on.

"Silkar has her. " Spock said.

"Silkar-?" Kelly gasped.

Behind them they heard a movement. They turned around and saw Sunil. He said "you must leave here now. There is a shuttle you can get to and you can go back to your ship, but if you stay here much longer you will be captured. T'kas sent a message and they know about us . They are looking for her, if they catch her they'll torture her for your location."

"I'm not leaving" Spock said.

"What?" Sunil asked confused.

"Commander Spock says Uhura's here and Silkar has her" Kelly said

For a moment Sunil looked at Spock confusedly, then as he watched Spock's face he noticed the subtle changes in his expression as the flood of emotions poured into his mind. . Sunil's face straightened with understanding. "You can feel her"

Sunil continue "Before I left they had said Silkar was about to interrogate someone, I knew that it wasn't T'Kas , But I thought they had caught one of us. When I last saw Silkar I should have known from the expression on his face that it wasn't one of us. We wouldn't allow ourselves to be taken alive and if we were we wouldn't provide him much sport." Sunil paused then said "He has her."

Spock moved towards the tunnel which lead from the cave, "I'm going" . Now his mind was almost entirely clouded, he had trouble concentrating on anything but Uhura.

"Take the rest of them to the shuttle and I'll—" Spock said as he moved.

"Mr. Spock ve are coming vith you" Chekov's voice said from behind him

"While I appreciate the offer ensign, I cannot allow it" he paused his control faltering and all but gone as the feelings intensified to a level that threatened to engulf his mind completely. He struggled to regain enough to say steadily "I look Vulcan like they do, if I wear similar clothes I can blend in, you would be noticed almost immediately."

Chekov fell silent, quieted by the logic of Spock's words.

Spock continued "when you get to the shuttle leave, don't wait for me to come."

"Mr. Spock—" Chekov began.

"Commander I really—" Havarii started.

"We're not—" Kelly replied.

Spock cut them off turning around to look at the three humans. His voice had an edge of iron, that brooked no argument and he said "That's an order."

He waited for a few seconds before they said "aye sir."

Spock turned away, he knew that going after Uhura was suicide and quite possibly what Silkar wanted, but he couldn't leave her. However, he didn't want the rest of the crew waiting for him or Uhura to come back, because he knew it was likely neither of them would be coming.

Sunil came over to Spock and opened a container. He reached in pulling out an outfit similar to the one the other Vulcans wore. "Here" he said passing the garment to Spock. "Do you know the way to the cell's from here?"

Spock nodded, tugging off his uniform and pulling on the proffered clothes. Sunil passed him a phaser. Then gave Spock the Vulcan greeting before stepping away, Spock returned it, he turned away and began crawling into the dark tunnel. All control was gone now. He moved as fast as he could fuelled by the emotions which filled his mind and yet weren't his own and by his own anger which blazed brightly beneath it all. He would kill Silkar when he found him for what he was doing to Uhura, of that he promised himself.

* * *

**_Next Update will be February 28th._**_ Thanks to all my favouriters and followers, but most especially reviewers. Hope you enjoyed the update. I hope the scene with Chekov and Kelly wasn't too sappy. Silkar is awful isn't he? And Spock is about to get seriously angry. So if you feel inclined drop a review. Oh , and the next chapter update will be over 5,000 words;)_


	27. a mistake you will live to regret

Sunil lead the three _Enterprise _crewmembers through the tunnels taking a route that was ill-used and indeed quite dangerous. The walls and shook and threatened to collapse and at one point, a large section gave way behind them, barely missing Havarii. As they walked they heard sounds of fighting, but the noise grew fainter with distance. Minutes later they arrived at the shuttle. Standing near it were four Vulcans holding weapons at a gesture from Sunil the Vulcans lowered there weapons. Sunil hurried forward, the humans followed. The shuttle was old and obviously rebuilt, but hopefully space worthy.

Sunil spoke "your own shuttle is too heavily surrounded to be used. This is one of the ones we sequestered for own use, in case we have to escape quickly. Nobody knows about it"

Sunil gestured for them to enter the shuttle and Havarii started to go in , but Kelly's voice stopped him. "Orders or not, we can't leave commander Spock behind" she continued insistently "and what about Uhura he say's she's here too."

Chekov agreed "Ve must vait for them."

Havarii turned to them both and said "We have orders and I don't know about you but I'm leaving here. I'm not staying and letting some psychopath point ears kill me!" Sunil and the other Vulcans shifted at Havarii's remark. Havarii continued "I'm supposed to be married in a few days! Not breathing my last breaths on planet hellhole!" He slashed an arm out encompassing all the Vulcans in the room. "And look who you're talking about waiting for. Spock's one of the same damn one's who's got us in this mess, for god sakes he's not even human. He's probably gone back to be with his own people and Uhura's with him. she's a traitor as far as I'm concerned."

Havarii stood there breathing heavily. Chekov and Kelly were silent as they stared at the man. Sunil broke the silence; he spoke not looking at Havarii "He is right, you must leave now you won't get another chance"

Chekov was about to speak, when Sunil interrupted his unspoken protest "go, we will help Spock."

After one last look at the Vulcan male Chekov and Kelly followed Havarii into the shuttle and the door was sealed behind them. They looked around the shuttle; it was small with only 4 seats in the back and a cockpit that sat two. Havarii walked to the front followed by the tow ensigns. They entered the cramped cockpit. Kelly looked inquiringly at the controls which were the originals and definitely not comparable to Starfleet shuttles.

She asked "does anybody know how to fly this thing?"

Chekov had flown or been in the cockpit of numerous alien shuttles during his short life. As long as you weren't intimidated by the foreign controls and different layout every vessel was quite similar. Chekov answered "I can fly eet, I've flown a lot of different crafts"

"You're not flying anything" Havarii said as he sat down in the pilot's seat and starting activating various panels. He continued talking to Chekov "this isn't an opportunity for genius boy to save the day, so sit down, shut up, and do as you're told.

Chekov turned red.

Kelly was furious "How dare you say that!—" Havarii glanced back at her and said "you shut up too!"

Chekov was furious now and Kelly was almost beyond words, they were both about to speak when the shuttle gave a sudden lurch as it went airborne, that nearly toppled them both over.

Havarii snickered and without looking away from the controls said "I told you two to sit down didn't I?"

Kelly sat down still fuming. Chekov angrily strapped himself in. The shuttle rose higher and flew through the shuttle bay's opening doors. It was quiet as Havarii carefully piloted the vessel onwards, fighting the effects of the anomaly. The only sounds were Havarii occasionally questions about readings and Chekov terse answers.

They had been flying a little more than 5 minutes when Havarii and Chekov both noticed a difference in the controls. Havarii punched in a command and "ERROR" appeared on the screen. He typed in another command and "ACCESS DENIED" scrolled across. Chekov was having similar difficulties. Helm and Navigation refused to respond to input. Havarii swore loudly and turned to Chekov saying "what did you do?" Havarii continued irately "and don't you give me that crap about how you didn't do anything or say '_Vhat _do you mean'. I know you did one of your little programming numbers; if you wanted to fly the shuttle you could have just said so. "

Chekov denied having any involvement in the malfunctions and pointed out that his console was disabled also and why would he have done that?

Havarii snorted "How am I supposed to know how your damn mind works, I have my suspicions about you!"

Chekov said something in Russian to Havarii about where he could stick his suspicions. Havarii didn't understand the words but got the general feeling and turned a dark shade of red. Then a short but furious argument started between them both , the shuttle continued flying steadily upwards.

Kelly came to see what the commotion was about and after taking in the situation reached past the two arguing males, and typed a series of commands in. She tapped the console and said "that's why."

Havarii and Chekov glanced at the screen and saw the message "REMOTE CONTROL ACTIVATED" somebody else was controlling the vessel. Chekov turned back to his console and his fingers flew as he tried to circumvent the programming that had locked the shuttles circuits. Havarii was silent, watching Chekov. Suddenly the shuttle took a sharp dive. The course had changed drastically; they were now angling towards a cliff side that at an alarming rate.

With a final tap, Chekov managed to get helm and navigation back. Havarii began to pull the shuttle out of it's nose dive and at that moment the shuttle's engines cut out.

"Sh—" Havarii said. Kelly stared at the words "ENGINE FAILURE" in horror before racing towards the back of the shuttle where the engine compartment was.

"Kelly get avay from there !" Chekov shouted moving quickly to undo his safety harness.

Havarii slapped his hand away from the harness's opening mechanism, the other hand still clutched tightly around the control. "There's no time for that, we have to—" Havarii stopped in horror staring ahead. Chekov turned to see what he was staring at and saw one of the anomaly's aurora borealis like waves hurtling toward the ship, Before they could react it overtook them. Metal screamed, and groaned. Chekov heard Kelly cry out. The shuttle was tossed around then the ground rose up to meet them and as it impacted everything turned to chaos. Shouts, ripping metal, sparks and smoke filled the air. Chekov was yelling Kelly's name then something hit his head and he blacked out.

XXXX XXXX

The ride to the planet was worse than it had been, the effect of the anomaly had intensified and navigation and sensor output were sketchy at best. The ship was rocked by waves of force as the anomaly roiled chaotically outside the shuttle. When they finally managed to enter T'karis' atmosphere gusts of wind buffeted the shuttle tumbling it around and threatening to send it careening into the planet's surface.

After several tense moments of fighting to maintain control over the ship, they were finally able to find the colony. The shuttle was directed to a small shuttle bay and as they disembarked the _Enterprise _crew was met by a small group of Vulcans of which Solkar was in the lead.

After a brief exchange of greetings Solkar said "Captain Kirk, our search has yielded no results, however we are willing to give you the coordinates to where the shuttle was last, to aid in your search."

"That will be fine, but we'd also like to search the colony" Kirk said.

Solkar looked faintly surprised, and then his face hardened. "You want to search our colony? I can assure you that your people are not here." There was something dangerous' about the middle-aged Vulcan's tone, that dared Kirk to challenge him. Behind Solkar the group of Vulcans moved slightly as they watched the_ Enterprise_ crew closely.

Kirk wanted to avoid a confrontation for as long as possible, not only because his crew was seriously outnumbered , but also because it would be easier to search for the missing crew and possibly retrieve them alive , if Solkar and the other colonists still believed the _Enterprise _crew didn't have any suspicions of them."I don't believe your people have anything to do with my crew's disappearance, but it's possible that your daughter T'kas or one of her faction have them as hostages." Kirk said diplomatically, not believing his own words for a moment.

Solkar looked at the captain closely, like he was gazing through him, then seemed to relax somewhat. "Very well Captain, I suppose it is logical to theorize that my daughter would stoop so low as to hold your crew hostage."

Solkar moved toward a door leading off from the shuttle bay. "If you'll follow me"

Solkar led the group through the colony, following him were the group of Vulcans who Solkar introduced as security saying that while he didn't believe any of T'kas's group would resort to violence, it was best he remained careful. Kirk wasn't deceived for a second, he knew that Solkar didn't believe them fully and the guards were for Kirk and his crew. They briefly passed through the living quarters; around them they could feel the cold stares of the other colonists. At McCoy's insistence they made a brief stop at the infirmary, there Solkar showed them Lieutenant Smith's body. McCoy's quick scan showed that the man had had a stroke, but the lieutenant also appeared to have been in a cave in. McCoy was unable to determine whether he had died due to the trauma from the cave-in and that had caused a stroke, or he had a stroke then had been in a cave-in. The startling thing about the body though was Smith's face. His expression was frozen in a look of terror.

After a short discussion Solkar agreed to have Smith's body transported to the shuttle bay so they could take it back with them. Solkar then led them deeper into the facility; the corridors now had more stone and less metal and plastic panelling. The number of people they passed also thinned. The crew had their tricorders out and were searching for human life-signs, but the interference of the anomaly skewed the scans causing false positives and numerous ambiguous readings.

Solkar was leading them through a cavern filled with various chemicals and fertilizers that the colonists used in there agricultural domes, when one of the guards stopped. He pressed a button on his tricorder and without looking up said "captain, I've got a...no it's gone again." The man turned pointing the device down a passageway to his left, paused for a moment studying his screen, then said "okay, I've got it again, it might be human"

"Where does this lead to?" Kirk asked Solkar, already moving toward the opening.

"It doesn't matter. You and your crew are not allowed there. " Solkar said flatly

Thus far the man had been obliging allowing the _Enterprise _crew to go after the faint signals and had even lead them down passageways that Kirk wasn't sure everybody knew about. Kirk sensed that Solkar had decided to drop all pretence.

"One or more of my crew is down there possibly and you're refusing to let me search" Kirk said. Behind him, the security guards tensed watching their Vulcan counterparts closely.

"I believe that is what I said. Captain Kirk you made a mistake coming down here a mistake you will live to regret." Before Solkar had finished speaking, the Vulcans behind him had pulled out disruptors, but the _Enterprise _crew was prepared for them. At the same moment they had drawn their phasers. Now both groups faced each other, each with weapons trained on the other.

Solkar didn't even look mildly intimidated. "it appears, we have a standoff, although one in which your crew stand little chance of winning. As you can obviously see we outnumber you two to one, the logical thing would be to lay down your weapons."

Kirk had also pulled out his phaser and stared at the man unflinchingly. "I think I'd like to take a few of you bastards with me if I'm going to die"

Solkar moved a half-step closer, behind Kirk the security guards shifted, uneasily. Solkar ignored the movement speaking to Kirk only. The Vulcan had the air of one who was utterly confident. "I'm not going to kill you; I think if there were any more deaths your ship would be rather suspicious. I'm going to remove you and your crew's memories, then you all will go back and tell your ship of how the others died in a shuttle craft accident and you will put any suspicions about this colony to rest. Then our plan will proceed." Solkar finished his voice icy.

"Like hell it will" McCoy said angrily to Solkar "if you think I'm just going to stand there and let you and your pointed eared henchmen, mess around in my head, you've got another thing coming! I'd rather die!'

"That can be arranged" Solkar said coolly tithe doctor.

Solkar nodded and the Vulcans fired, but the security had been prepared. They put up a valiant effort against the Vulcans, but within seconds, sheer numbers overwhelmed them. The _Enterprise_ crew was hit by a disruptor beam, set to wide dispersal. Kirk felt himself falling. He was still conscious, but he couldn't move. He couldn't speak. As he collapsed to the ground, he realized the disruptor had been set on light stun. Light stun only temporarily paralyzed its victims leaving them fully conscious. Kirk would regain control of his body within the short time of 1-2 minutes, but by then Solkar would have accomplished what he intended to do.

Solkar loomed over Kirk. Then the Vulcan knelt down, bringing his fingers towards Kirk's temples. From the corner of his eye Kirk could see other Vulcans kneeling next to the other crew. Some of the crew had maintained more muscle control then others and were trying to weakly move away from the Vulcans reaching hands, others mumbled words of defiance. Kirk struggled to move putting all of his willpower into the effort, but his body refused to respond. Nearby he heard one of the security guards began scream, a bloodcurdling yell of agony, then abruptly the man fell silent.

At that moment Solkar made contact. The room blurred around Kirk, noise dimmed and he felt a powerful excruciating sensation in his mind. It was like somebody was driving a spike through his head. He wanted to scream but his mouth wouldn't work. The pain he felt was blinding, waves of agony rolled through him. He felt an unfamiliar force pushing against his mind trying to force his way in, desperately he tried to hold it back. The force increased ripping aside the barriers he tried to erect causing intense pain in the process, then suddenly the sensation ceased.

Sound came back so abruptly it was like somebody had turned the volume up full blast. Kirk, struggling for breath, opened his eyes, and for a moment he thought he was blind. Then he saw a faint glow ahead, that quickly winked out and he realized the room was pitch black. Around him he heard the sounds of disruptors firing and saw flashes of light fly overhead. He barely had time to register what was going on before he felt strong hands dragging him to his feet. The person gave him no time to get his bearings and instead pulled him along. Kirk was pleasantly surprised to find he could move albeit unsteadily. Blindly he followed the person for several steps, before the lights came on. He blinked in surprise staring at the person in front of him. It was a Vulcan woman. The woman glanced up at the lights and muttered in a language that sounded like Vulcan. Kirk couldn't speak much Vulcan, but to him it sounded like a curse. He was faintly surprised. _Vulcans had curse words? He'd have to ask Spock._

"Here" the woman said passing him a phaser. It was his; she must have snatched it off the floor when she had gotten Kirk. Kirk glanced around quickly, taking in his surroundings. They were in a large cavern lined with crates. He was gratified to see that as far as he could tell his crew had also been rescued, although one of them, an ensign Stehl appeared to be unconscious and was being half-carried half-dragged by two guards. Several Vulcans were there also, he realized they were apparently on the _Enterprise _crew's side as they weren't firingand a few were helping support some of the guards who were still dazed.

Before he could say anything, Kirk heard the sound of disruptor fire close by, then a Vulcan entered the room. If Kirk had, any doubts about which side this man was on they were put to rest as the Vulcan spotted Kirk and fired. Kirk and the other crew barely had enough time to seek shelter behind the crates that lined the room, before Vulcans spilled into the room and disruptor fire filled the air. Blast scorched the walls leaving blackened streaks behind. Kirk leaned around the crate he was sheltering behind, and squeezed off a blast catching a Vulcan in the chest. The man fell, but he was just one of at least twenty Vulcans that were still firing on them. "Any ideas?" Kirk said to the Vulcan woman crouched beside him, as he fired again and the shot went wide. He was forced to quickly duck around the crate to avoid a blast which had been aimed for his head and instead passed uncomfortably close to his ear. The beam hit a nearby container causing it to explode.

The woman fired her disruptor, and Kirk heard a yell, then she replied "we have to get to that door it has a keypad that I can temporarily jam. And the door is strong enough that it should take then several minutes to cut through, which should allow us to put some distance between them and us."

Kirk said "I take it you're a part of T'kas' group."

The woman nodded as she fired the said "we are, one of Solkar's guards alerted us to what was happening and we came to assist you"

"You came just in time" Kirk said shuddering slightly as he remembered what Solkar had intended to do.

The woman nodded and said "be prepared to move" She made a gesture to a Vulcan that was crouched nearby and Kirk watched as the man spread the signal. The weapon fire intensified, the woman remained crouched where she was still firing. Kirk shot a man hitting him in the chest and then ducked back to avoid a return shot. "When are we—" he began.

"Now—" the woman said grabbing his arm. he followed her at a run towards the door . The others were following, two guards hung back slowed down by the weight of their unconscious friend. The others laid down cover fire. Then they were at the door, it slid open and they hurried in. Kirk was the last person, as the door closed he felt a beam pass above his head searing the tips of his hair, then something hot and wet splash across his face.

One of the guards, who had been carrying the unconscious man, had been hit by a disruptor blast, full on in the face. It had taken his head off. The guard stood there for a moment, and then his hands loosened dropping the unconscious ensign to the floor. His body slowly toppled forward onto the other guard who had helping carry the unconscious guard. The headless corpse twitched and jerked, gouts of hot blood jetted out his neck spraying them all. The guard the body had fallen on turned pure white. He was completely still for a moment then pushed the guard's corpse away from him. It fell to the ground with a dull thud still twitching. The guard backed up muttering "oh, sh-! Oh sh-!" repeatedly.

His entire shirt front was splattered with blood, his face was dripping with it, and his hands shook. The others turned to look and Kirk saw the colour drain out of all their faces, even some of the Vulcans looked shocked. One guard, who Kirk recognized as Lieutenant Roth, said "what the f-! is that Nelson?!"

Behind them a grating sound started, they were starting to cut through the door. . The Vulcan women who had finished jamming the lock turned away from the key pad and stood up saying "we should go. The door will only hold for a few minutes more"

"will you give me a minute" McCoy growled at the women, he was kneeling next to the unconscious guard doing his best to avoid looking at the still twitching corpse of Nelson, or the pieces of his head which had scattered across the corridor.

"What's wrong with him Bones?" Kirk asked wanting to have something to focus on other than what had just happened.

"I don't exactly know, I think it's a type off neural shock" McCoy said giving the guard a hypo. He checked his readings on his tricorder and frowned.

"Can you get him awake?" Kirk said wiping the blood off his face with a sleeve.

"That's what I'm trying to do, Jim!" McCoy said angrily giving the guard another hypo.

A few seconds later the man's eyes fluttered open. Ensign Stehl blinked confusedly for several moments then said "where am I? What's going on?"

McCoy looked up at Kirk and said "I told you I'd wake him up; I didn't say he'd be any _help_ if he woke up."

McCoy looked back at the guard and said irritability "You're a security guard in a compound where people are trying to shoot and kill us, I suggest you get up". Without giving the man a chance to move on his own McCoy dragged him to his feet.

Stehl looked at McCoy confusedly his voice slow "what am I supposed to do?"

McCoy glanced back at Jim and said "he's going to be like this for a while" Then he turned back toward the guard and said slowly as if speaking to an idiot child "you follow him" he pointed at another guard then continued "and do as you're told" .

"I still don't understand." Stehl said. He was silent for a moment and he looked down at his shirt which was soaked with blood. Then said "why am I wet, what is this?—Oh, god is that somebody" he had spotted the headless corpse on the floor. "Is this blood? I've got blood on me!" The guard stopped talking he looked sick. his face turned pale and he swayed on his feet looking like he would faint.

McCoy reached out and with one hand steadied Stehl, with the other he searched his medical bag, and triumphantly pulled out a hypo and pressed it to the side of the guard's neck saying as he pressured it in "I did not just wake you up for you to pass out again." The guard grew steady as the shot took effect, but his face was still extremely pale. After a moment of thought McCoy let go of the guard and walked over to the one who was still standing there looking at the body of his friend. He had stopped swearing and now looked like he too was about to pass out. McCoy gave him a shot also.

Around them the grating sound intensified and a fine wisp of smoke began to filter through the door seam. Kirk glanced at it and said "let's go" the others moved forward.

Nelson's friend took one last look at the corpse then, shouldered his weapon and walked on. As Stehl passed he stopped and said "we're going to leave him behind?"

"Yeah, you idiot. He's dead. We can't take him with us, unless you want to wind up like him" Lieutenant Roth said angrily pushing past Stehl.

McCoy replied in a more conciliatory tone pulling the guard along "We'll have to leave him. He'd slow us down too much."

As McCoy passed the Vulcan woman he glared at her and said "your people have a lot to answer for!" Then he moved on.

The group of people moved through the corridors trying to put as much distance as possible between them and their pursers. In the distance they could hear the sound of weapon fire and occasional shots. "There are other's that do not agree with the plan. We have did not want to resort to violence, but the others have given us no choice. They are determined to take over your federation at all costs. Still we are outnumbered here, it is probable that our efforts are in vain." As they turned a corner the women continues. "My name is T'Suna I'm a cousin of T'Kas, I heard that Silkar was holding someone in the cellblocks, it's quite possible that they are your people."

At that moment one of the guards who had managed to retain his tricorder in the commotion of the past hour halted in front of a passage way, they were at a crossroads with tunnels leading off to three passageways. "Sir, I'm picking up a life sign-reading, it's human , and somewhere this way" the man said pointing with his tricorder.

"Can you pinpoint it?" Kirk asked

The guard shook his head "it's too faint"

Kirk was about to reply when a disruptor sizzled past. They ducked into the passageway the guard had been standing in front off, narrowly avoiding the beams of disruptor fire that flew by.

The vulcans and _Enterprise _crew fired who had taken the tricorder said "they must be down here I'm definitely getting a human reading, but I can't tell how many"

Kirk grunted in acknowledgement as he fired and struck a Vulcan. As he ducked back into the passageway, somebody cried out to his left and he glanced back and saw a Vulcan lying sprawled on the floor , her eyes were wide and staring, a gaping hole was in her chest. Green blood pooled around her. T'Suna looked at the woman for a moment, her face, fighting to avoid showing some emotion. Then, she turned to look at Kirk,. He saw her expression and said "you knew her".

T'Suna looked at him and swallowed before saying "that was my sister." She paused before continuing in a determined voice "This is our fight, our responsibility, enough of your people have died. Go find the others and get away from here."

Kirk hesitated. It wasn't in his nature to walk away from a fight, however bad the odds and he didn't trust these people. But the current circumstances didn't give him much choice. He nodded at the women, then at a signal from Kirk his crew set off moving at a run. As they ran the sound of weapon fire grew fainter. The passed more doors some open as they walked by they quickly checked for life signs. They had been walking for several minutes when McCoy at his tricorder intently. "I can finally make out the reading, it's only one person but they're really close, I thi—"

He was interrupted by a slow confused voice. Stehl was slightly ahead of them staring into a room , he spoke his voice slow , and confused. "I think.-I see something" he paused then said "somebody's asleep" He stared through the door. The others moved forward to look into the room, weapons at the ready. On the ground was a girl, her reddish-brown fanned around her, her face was pale. She was sprawled on the ground her limbs stiff around her. Her chest was badly burned, by what appeared to be disruptor blast. The others stared at her in horror. Stehl looked at her and said thoughtfully "she's pretty". Roth looked at him askance and snorted.

McCoy walked over to the girl and bent down checking for a pulse then stood up saying quietly as he walked away "She's dead; it was ensign O'Connor." The others started to walk away, but Stehl stopped refusing to move. He looked at the others and asked "why are we leaving her? We should—"

Roth turned around losing any patience he had with the dazed guard and shouted angrily "because she's dead you damn moron! D-E-A-D dead!" In the distance disruptor fire which had been faint moments ago , now could be heard very close, screams were interspersed.

The guard's face looked like a frightened little boy's. He stared at Roth , then around at everybody else and said "why is everybody fighting? Why are they angry and shouting?" Then he started to cry.

"Oh this is just great" Roth said angrily, looking at Stehl in disgust. "Can somebody shut him up or I swear I'm going to shoot him, at the rate he's going next he's going to be sucking his thumbs and singing nursery rhymes." Roth glared at the guard who was now sobbing loudly and said "it's embarrassing he's acting like a freaking three-year –old!"

McCoy turned away from where he was quieting the sobbing guard and said "Will _you _shut the f— up. He's got neural shock you should be happy it isn't you or who knows what you'd be doing!"

Roth turned red and was about to say something when a piercing scream rent the air. It sounded like a women. McCoy pointed his tricorder toward the direction of the noise and looked at it intently for a moment, then said "it's definitely this way. As the woman screamed again they set off at a run, Kirk had no idea what was happening. He just hoped they would get there in time to save whoever it was. He had no desire to see another dead body.

* * *

_**Next update will be March 5th.**__ Sorry for the late update, I had a few internet issues. Hope you like the update and as always thanks to favouriters, followers, and reviewers._


	28. they're all dead?

Spock hurried through the corridors, allowing nothing to stop him. Most Vulcans in the compound moved out of his way. Either the expression on his face warned them that he wasn't to be bothered or they sensed something about him that brooked no resistance, but either way he faced little opposition. The few that disturbed him were quickly dispatched with either a stun or a neck pinch if he was close enough. He finally arrived at the cell blocks, the emotions in his head had reached a crescendo minutes earlier before dying down into a chaotic, barely palpable mass that washed in and out of his mind like a tide. Spoke didn't know what the change meant, but he knew that whatever Silkar had done or was still doing to Uhura, he would pay for.

Two guards stood in front of a cell door, they turned as they saw him approach. One opened his mouth about to say something, when he dropped to the floor as a phaser blast hit him squarely in the chest. The other tried to reach for his disruptor, and was bringing it around to fire when he collapsed; the disruptor fell from his hand and skittered across the ground. In the distance Spoke could hear the sound of weapon fire, but he didn't care his mind was solely focused on Uhura. His fingers race across the key pad, disarming the door and the cell door slid open.

Uhura was on the floor, sprawled ou,t her clothes were dishevelled, her form still.

Spock kneeled next to her and scooped her up gently in his arms. "Nyota" he whispered brushing her hair back from her face, at his voice, her eyes fluttered open.

She stared at him blankly for a moment, confusion racing across her face "Spock?" She gazed at him her eyes questioning , like she couldn't believe he was real "Spock" she said again then she crumpled in his arms tears running down her face in rivulets. Spoke pressed her to him, holding her tightly. Through the link they had , he could feel her emotions and thoughts. Where they had been once so crisp and clean, neatly ordered and almost logical for a human. They were now a chaotic jumble, of images, thoughts and emotions that he could barely begin to decipher.

_What had Silkar done to her?_

Spoke held her as she cried not wanting to let her go; as her sobs intensified he stroked her hair, and then ran a hand down the side of her face and let his fingers trail down to caress her neck that small motion caused something to change. She shuddered and he felt her body stiffen. Through the link in their minds he felt a bright spark of fear push its way through her disorganized consciousness, forcing its way up like a drowning man breaking the surface in desperate search of air. Then she started to struggle against him.

"Spock, Let me go" her voice was quiet, but intense "let me go."

"Nyota, what's wrong?" he said

"Let me go Spock!" she said pushing at him, hitting him, trying to pull away, struggling like a wild animal.

"Let me go, Let me go, LET ME GO!" she screamed pulling away as he released her. She backed up until she was against the wall of the cell her breath coming in terrified jerks.

Spoke moved toward her, his hand outstretched

"Nyota, Please?"

She gazed at him clearly frightened and screamed "don't touch me! don't touch me," the last word was almost a whimper.

He stopped moving closer, his face confused. "Uhura we have to leave here, come on." She didn't move. Her entire body trembled, tears ran down her face. She stared at him like he was a monster.

"Please Nyota; Silkar could be back any minute, we must leave"

"To late for that "a voice said from behind them. Spoke turned around Silkar was framed in the door; in his hand was a disruptor but he had it pointed at Uhura not Spock.

"Give me your weapon" Silkar said coming closer the disruptor still trained unerringly on Uhura. Spock handed over the phaser, he knew without a shadow of a doubt that Silkar wouldn't hesitate to kill Uhura if he got the slightest reason to.

Silkar took the phaser and tossed it to the side, then did the same with his own disruptor.

He saw the faint expression of surprise on Spock's face and said "To kill you with weapons would be too easy, too impersonal; I want to feel it when you die… I want you to feel it"

Silkar walked the few paces till he was standing in front of Spock. They both stood staring at each other. Silkar looked at Spoke's face, and then a cruel amused smile crossed his face as he saw the fury in the Vulcan's gaze. "You truly do love her; perhaps you're not as Vulcan as you say you are."

The only sound that broke the silence that followed was Uhura's sobs. Then without warning, but simultaneously Silkar and Spoke both raised a hand and made contact with the other's temple.

Instantly the cell was obliterated from view, Silkar's mind invaded with astonishing swiftness. It was a dark and slippery thing, filled with sick malevolent hatred and utterly sure of its victory. He ruthlessly pushed through Spock's mind leaving destruction in his wake. Then Silkar felt an obstacle, he pushed at it, but it refused to move then it grew larger, pushing him back like the shockwave from an explosion, the wave continued advancing. Spoke was now in Silkar's mind, and he ran through causing more damage then Silkar ever had. His fury and anger was more powerful, than any force Silkar had ever encountered. Spock reached out and began cutting off Silkar's life force, blotting out the consciousness of the man. As Spock felt the other Vulcan start to fade he realized he didn't want Silkar to die this way, in a clean sanitized manner, on his own terms.

Spock wanted to watch him die slowly, painfully; he wanted him to feel the pain he had caused so many others...especially Uhura.

Spock withdrew from Silkar's mind, and the Vulcan stumbled dazed, then collapsed. Silkar tried to move, but Spock was already there. He hit the Vulcan over and over again, letting go of all restraint that his training had imposed on him and allowed the millennium's old ancestral heritage of fury and violence that all Vulcans had possessed before it was covered by a veneer of logic to flow through his veins.

Somebody was shouting in the background but he ignored them. As Silkar gasped weakly, green blood running down his face, Spock reached down and grabbed the man's throat and began to slowly squeeze. He heard somebody say "enough Spock, enough" and try to pull his arm away, and he swung out with his other hand catching the other person across the face. He heard the person swear and felt other hands trying to pull him away. He didn't care who it was. He didn't care what he did. He just wanted Silkar to die. Silkar's eyes bulged out; his face was turning a sickly shade of green. He had raised his arms up and was futilely trying to loosen Spock's grip, before he weakened and his arms fell down, but still he clung to life.

"Spock stop! No!" the voice cut through his consciousness, bringing him back. _Uhura?_

"Spock don't do it" He felt his grip loosen at her words, he turned toward her.

"What he did to yo—" Spock began angrily

"Just leave him, Okay Spock, you're better than that, you're not like him, just leave him" Spock stared at her for a moment then he slowly released Silkar.

He felt somebody's hands on him and looked up into the face of an apprehensive security guard "I'm perfectly in control of myself" he said to the man "you may let go" The guard said "uh, yes sir" and loosened his grip on Spock, then took a few steps back looking nervous. Silkar lay on the ground, his breathing harsh and coming in spurts as he struggled for air.

Spock stood up aware of the people gathered watching him. "Finally somebody got through to you" He heard McCoy say, beside the doctor stood Kirk, who was pinching a bloody nose. Kirk stared at Spock and raised an eyebrow in an almost Vulcan way "was that what you were going to do to me on the bridge?" Kirk said looking from Spock to Silkar and back. "Thank god your father was there"

Spock looked at Kirk and noting his injured nose and a bruise on his face said "are you okay captain"

"I'm fine, although it's not every captain who gets belted across the face by his first officer, even though I'm sure a lot of first officers have wanted to." Kirk said letting go of his nose tentatively and checking to see if it had stopped bleeding.

Spock felt a flash of guilt as he remembered striking somebody is his fervour to strangle Silkar and realized the person had been Kirk.

"I'm sorry captain, I didn't intend to cause you-"

"That's what everyone says" Kirk quipped looking somewhat amused, as he gingerly moved his nose deciding the bleeding had stopped "anyway my nose has been broken many times before, you never know that blow might have actually put it back into alignment". Spock stared at Kirk for a moment wondering was this an incident of human humour. Outside the sound of weapon fire grew closer.

"Can we get a move on here before we get blown to bloody bits" McCoy said crossly glancing out the cell door.

Kirk irritably glanced at McCoy and then said to Spock "where are the others? We found Ensign O'Connor's body a few cells back but where's everybody else?"

Spock quickly summarized what had happened.

"So they should be back at the ship by now. Great we can leave this godforsaken planet" McCoy said gratefully. From behind them they heard a weak laugh.

Silkar spoke his voice rasping "the others are not back on your ship, they are dead." The man coughed then continued. " We detected a shuttle leaving, the compound and all out shuttles have a tracker in them , T'Kas thought she had deactivated it, but I never trusted her so she didn't have all the codes. We waited until the ship left then I disabled the helm and Navigation and the shuttle crashed into a cliff." The Vulcan stopped speaking still smiling as he gasped for breath. He tremulously propped himself against a cell wall.

Uhura gasped "they're all dead?"

"They're all dead, as you all will soon be and—" he turned to Uhura his face cruel "even if you do not die you will think about me every day of your life and remember our ...time together."

Spock moved towards Silkar, his face a mask of fury, when several hands caught the back of his shirt holding him back. "Spock leave him!"

Kirk's tone was cool as he asked Silkar "where did they crash?"

Silkar coughed "it doesn't matter, you won't find them in time anyway, this planet is breaking apart and you all will die soon." The man dissolved into mirthless laughter

Kirk turned away in disgust.

"Spock you did the geological survey what's the nearest—" Kirk suddenly broke off as he saw a flicker of movement in the corner of his eye "Uhura!"

All the others quickly turned, while they had been talking Uhura had moved toward one of the fallen weapons; she now held a disruptor in her hands and stood in front of Silkar. Before they could move or do anything Uhura fired. Silkar gasped once, then slumped over a gaping hole in his chest, a fine wisp of smoke rising from the wound.

Everybody stared at Uhura; Their faces were openly shocked. Uhura stood with the weapon still pointed at Silkar, her hands trembling. Spock moved to take it away "Nyota " he began. She turned at the sound of his voice and now the weapon was pointed at him . Her hands trembled, but she held the weapon firmly. Her eyes were wild, distant; as she stared at him it was like she was seeing someone else.

Spock froze staring at her, Uhura's finger shook on the firing switch.

"Give it here Uhura, give it here" McCoy said gently coming behind her and taking the weapon from her hands. As he did so he glanced at Spock and saw that the Vulcan's face was hurt and stunned, pain clearly etched his features and McCoy saw a glimpse of something that startled and disturbed him. He preferred to think of Vulcans as cold and emotionless it made it easy for him to hate them, but the look on Spock's face was definitely not cold or emotionless. it was filled with more emotion than McCoy would have ever thought possible for anyone to feel.

Spock stared at Uhura for a moment longer, then his face blanked , going colder and more Vulcan than McCoy had ever saw him.

Outside the sound of weapon fire was perilously close

"I believe now would be a good time to leave captain" Spock said breaking the silence and turning away from Uhura, At the sound of his voice the others turned away also, their faces still shocked.

"Uh- Yeah, -yeah let's go" Kirk said still dazed by what he had just witnessed. The security moved toward the door, Uhura followed walking beside McCoy, she stared ahead looking numb, her expression blank. She didn't look at Spock as she passed him. Kirk glanced at his friend. "Spock-?" he began then stopped. He didn't know what to say.

Spock replied to Kirk's unsaid query. "I'm fine Captain" then he walked past Kirk and out into the corridor, his walk was controlled and steady, his body was relaxed, but his voice betrayed him. He sounded anything but fine.

* * *

_**Next Chapter update will be March 12th with a two day margin of error either way.**__ Thanks for the review , follows, and favourites. enjoy!_


	29. This time would be different,

They raced down the hall; nearby they could hear a war being waged. They were halfway down a corridor when a group of Vulcans came running from the end opposite them. The _Enterprise _ crew had already raised their weapons to fire when a woman at the head of the Vulcans said "Spock!"

Kirk gestured for the guards to hold their fire, as he recognized the woman as T'kas, the Vulcan who had tried to warn them. The guards held their fire but didn't lower their weapons. T'Kas came forward ignoring the weapons, but the Vulcans behind her hung back slightly watching the _Enterprise_ crew apprehensively.

T'kas's hair had escaped its neat braids and strands hung in her face, she looked flushed and spoke quickly. "Spock we came to help, the others of your crew have already left. We must hurry we've cleared a way to your shuttle but Silkar will—"

Spock cut her off "Silkar is dead" he said coldly

T'Kas faltered, as she heard the new of her brother's death. After a moment she said "What? How did he die?" Spock glanced slightly back at Uhura. Uhura even though she was standing mere feet away from T'Kas appeared not to have heard the Vulcan woman's words and didn't say a thing.

Spock turned back to T'Kas, a muscle was twitching in his jaw as he said "He was killed ...in self-defence"

T'Kas stared at him for a long moment reading between the lines of his statement and then straightened slightly allowing her face to become expressionless and said "We must go there isn't much time the planet will start to break apart soon and eventually you will not be able to leave."

They hurried through the passageways, numerous times they were forced to stop as disruptor fire flashed past. As the passed through the corridors they saw the inhabitants locked inside combat with each other, even children as young as a few years were involved.

They passed near an overhang of rock and Kirk was forced to fire on a boy no older than ten. The child had fired from his hiding place overhead, hitting a guard in the shoulder. The wounded guard fell to the ground and blood started flooding his already stained uniform.

The young Vulcan boy tumbled to the ground from the ledge and fell hitting his head. His landed with his neck at a grotesque angle and a small widening puddle of green blood started under his head.

There was no time to check and see whether the boy was dead. The commotion had alerted others. They barely had enough time to help the injured guard to his feet before disruptor fire started down the corridor towards them. As they set of at a run again, T'Kas gestured for them to follow her into a side door and they found themselves inside a small dark tunnel. The door clicked shut behind them, blocking out the noise and one of the Vulcans in the group pulled out an emergency light illuminating the narrow tunnel. "This tunnel will take you to where your shuttle is" T'Kas said. The others wordlessly followed her and within minutes they arrived in a shuttle bay. There was one shuttle inside. Kirk recognized the shuttle as the _Devlin_ not the shuttle they had came in. As they walked toward it T'Kas said "we could not get to your other shuttle it was to heavily guard and this one will serve the same purpose".

"No, it damn well won't, over half my medical equipment was on that other shuttle" McCoy said from where he was kneeling next to the injured guard who was propped up against the shuttle wall. McCoy continued grumbling as he peeled the man's uniform back from his wound. The injury was awful looking, it was burned badly and blood streamed thickly from it.

Ensign Stehl, the guard, took one look at the wound and said "We're going to die" then started crying. Roth looked at him disgustedly and fingered his weapon.

McCoy finished bandaging the guard's wound, then stood up. He walked over to Stehl and slapped him across the face. The ensign stopped crying and looked startled. McCoy said glaring at the Stehl "If we're going to die, nobody wants to listen to you cry while they do. So shut the hell up!" Ensign Stehl didn't say a word. McCoy continued "If you start up again, I'm going to slap the sh—out of you"

Kirk told T'Kas what Silkar had said he had done to the shuttle the other three crewmembers had escaped in. T'Kas was startled, but had one of her people check the flight logs and the man quickly confirmed that a few minutes into their trip, somebody had remotely taken over the shuttle and disabled the engines, helm and navigation. They could only tell a general direction of where the shuttle could be, not pinpoint any specific spot due to the sketchy sensor data from the anomaly's interference.

Kirk nodded at the woman's words and gestured for the others to get on the shuttle. As they started board, T'Kas spoke "we'll try to hold them back long enough for you to find your people and get away from here."

Kirk said "T'Kas we –" then he stopped and simply said "Thanks"

Then he walked in the shuttle and settled in the cockpit next to Spock, they began running the pre-flight checks and within seconds they flew out into the planet's final night.

XXXX XXXX

Chekov awoke to the shrieking sirens and computer's calm, mechanical voice saying _containment breach in 5 minutes. _The interior of the shuttle was hazy with smoke and twisted pieces of metal and plastic showed that Lieutenant Havarii had failed to level off the shuttle before it impacted with the planet surface. The acrid odour of burnt fabric and plastic seared the air. Chekov was still strapped in the co-pilot's seat; he fumbled with the straps and unclasped the harness. His mouth was filled with the taste of blood, and his head was throbbing. He placed a hand to his forehead and when he took it away, a smear of red coated his palm. He blinked several times trying to clear his vision. The action only caused a surge of dizziness and nausea to rush forward. He put his head in his hands for a moment until the sensation passed. He tried to clear his hazy mind enough to think clearly. _ Where was he? What was going on?_

_Containment Breach in four minutes , thirty seconds_

He sat up at the shuttle's mechanized warning, he blinked a few more times and his vision cleared slightly. Desperately he tried to figure out what need to be done. He glanced around and remembered what had happened. He was in a shuttle, and from the computer's warning he realized he had very little time to get out. A quick look at the computer panel confirmed that the computer's voice was correct. The warp Core temperature was rapidly rising and the containment field was decaying; they had to evacuate. Chekov glanced across at Havarii who was slumped in his seat, still strapped in, his head limply lolled to the side, and blood trickled thickly down his face from a gash above his eye. Chekov touched the Lieutenant's neck and was rewarded with a steady beat beneath his fingers. Havarii was unconscious but alive. _Now where was Ensign Kelly?_ Chekov couldn't stop himself from thinking of how bad Kelly could be hurt. _Havarii had been strapped in on impact, Kelly hadn't. If the lieutenant was this badly injured and he was restrained, Kelly could be... _ Chekov's mind conjured up horrific images of Kelly lying seriously injured or dead.

_Containment Breach four minutes_

Chekov moved out of the cramped cockpit, frantically searching for the ensign, in the hazy shuttle interior. He was unsteady on his feet and the slightest movement, made the sensation of dizziness and nausea rush back. He pushed down his own discomfort focusing on the one thing that was important to him: _ finding Kelly. _He called her name, straining to hear something above the shriek of sirens, praying that she wasn't injured. _Where was she? They had to get out of here and moving the unconscious Havarii would be hard enough without having to help her if she was injured. _

_Containment Breach three minutes, thirty seconds._

He stumbled through the chaotic piles of wreckage in his way. He called Kelly's name repeatedly. Her name had taken on a harsh quality as he strained to be heard and smoke filled his mouth with every breath. Finally, Chekov heard a small moan of to his right and moved toward the sound, Kelly was awake and alive. A wave of relief washed over him until he noticed, most of her body was trapped beneath debris.

He rushed to her side and crouched down. "Pavel" Kelly said weakly, grimacing, her face ghostly white. He could see she was scared; he tried to school his features so his shock at the sight of her didn't register in his expression.

_Containment Breach three minutes._

"I'll get you out of here don't vorry" Chekov said shifting debris off her as quickly as he could without knocking anymore down upon her. The computer had said three minutes were left; he had no idea how he could remove all the debris in three minutes and still have time to evacuate. He tried to remain calm. He didn't want to alarm Kelly, but desperation and panic was eating at the corners of his mind. Chekov worked feverishly. Blood was trickling down the corner of his face but he didn't spare even the few seconds it would have taken to wipe the stream away. He ignored the protesting twinges in his chest that indicated some of his ribs were broken. He willed away the nausea and dizziness that made him want to collapse to the ground. Nothing mattered but freeing Kelly.

"Pavel is Havarii alive?" Kelly said her voice low almost a whisper. He heard the strain caused by pain in her tone. He nodded while continuing to move debris, as he started shifting the pieces closer to her body, he felt a sticky substance coating his hands, but refused to acknowledge what it was. A sickly coppery smell was wafting upwards; he swallowed back the acid the odour had caused to come up.

"Pavel-" The girl gasped painfully "just take him and go."

_Containment Breach two minutes, thirty seconds._

_"_No, "Chekov said stubbornly shaking his head, he pulled one of the last pieces off he. He finally glanced down as she gave a gasp of pain. A long shard of metal was sticking directly out of her chest pinning her to the floor, another piece of metal held her legs tightly pinned in place. Her chest was soaked in blood and a crimson pool was slowly forming beneath her. Chekov raised his hands and stared at them, they were covered in blood. The sticky substance covered his hands, like gloves of red. "No…I can't" Chekov murmured refusing to accept what he was seeing.

"Pavel take Havarii and go!" she said and coughed a painful grimace crossing her face as flecks of blood coated her lips.

_Containment Breach two minutes._

"No I can't… I can move this ... I can get you out" He said not listening to her. He refused to accept the situation and cut his hands on the jagged debris, as he doggedly strained to remove the piece of metal trapping her legs. The cuts from the metal throbbed with pain. However, the pain from the physical injuries were nothing compared to the pain he felt in his heart as he saw the past being repeated and once again he was powerless to change the course of events.

"Pavel you can't, even if you could this piece of metal is pinning me to the floor" she said weakly tears running down her face "you have to get out of here" The words of the fortune teller came back to her _You will graduate and find the one you love, on a faraway planet, you both shall die, You in his arms,_ She knew this was the end for her. She was dying, as much as she tried to hold on life was slipping away, but she wouldn't let the woman's words come true entirely. She looked up into Chekov's panicked, desperate face.

"I can't leave you Leah -, I have to save you" He said each word more painful than the last.

" You have to go" she said her voice finding some strength as she reached out to grasp his hand her cold fingers gripping his ,as her eyes searched his own. "Please" she said intensely her voice a whisper.

Chekov suddenly leaned down and kissed her, cradling her tenderly in his arms, her warm blood soaking into his clothes, their tears mingling. He tasted blood in his mouth and he didn't know whether it was his or Kelly's. Her skin felt icy cold next to his. Chekov kissed her trying to put all the things he wished he had said but hadn't into that one action.

Kelly wished the moment wouldn't end, her pain and fear had disappeared it was just her and Chekov but she could feel time and life slipping away . Her body beginning to shut down, and reality forced its ugly way in as the computer's calm emotionless voice issued forth its warning:

_Containment Breach one minute, thirty seconds_

Kelly pulled back, marshalling the last of her strength she pushed Chekov away "Go, you don't have much time." She forced a grim smile to her lips, ignoring the pain she felt, tugging at her body and her heart. Kelly felt tears burning at the corner of her eyes. She forced herself not to cry, if this was going to be his last sight of her, she wanted to be remembered smiling not with a face twisted with tears and pain. Chekov's face was tormented; she could see he had opened his mouth to speak. She gently placed a hand to the side on the his face and said quietly."It's okay...You can come back for me"

She knew those were the only words that would make him able to leave; she struggled with herself to avoid showing the falseness of what she had said. He barely had time to evacuate himself and the Lieutenant; he wouldn't be able to come back for her.

Chekov nodded not trusting himself to speak. Hot tears streaked down his face, that he couldn't find the energy to be embarrassed of. Chekov brushed a hand over Kelly's which still rested on his cheek. Steeling himself, he nodded quickly and with one last look at Kelly, he made his way back to the Cockpit and unstrapped Havarii. Hefting the unconscious lieutenant, he opened the emergency hatch .He exited the shuttle, half-dragging the unconscious man. Chekov made it several feet before he lowered the unconscious man to the ground, preparing to go back for Kelly.

_Kelly lay there, her breath was more uneven now it wouldn't be long now even if the shuttle didn't explode. She hoped Chekov wouldn't come back, if he did she knew she wouldn't be able to get him to leave and a part of her wouldn't want him to. She was afraid to die alone. She gulped painfully tasting blood in her mouth and turned her head. A bright light was starting at the back of the shuttle. Was that an explosion or something else? The light grew bigger and brighter seeming to encompass all of her vision in a coruscating white mass, it rushed towards her it's warmth enfolding her form. Her last thought before the oncoming blast obliterated all thoughts was he loved m-_

He knew he could get her; he refused to accept the alternative, He thought of all the people that had died because of him, all the people he hadn't saved.

_ This time would be different, _

_This time had to be different, _

He had taken only a few steps toward the shuttle when the containment field blew in a nearly blinding glare of light. An explosion rocked the night, sending a shockwave hurtling towards Chekov and the unconscious lieutenant. Chekov's body was struck by an intense force and he felt an excruciating pain in his leg, then he was falling. His last thought was of Kelly's face as he had last seen her pale and scared, and then he mercifully blacked out.

* * *

_**Next update will be March 14th**__. So early update! How was the chapter? Touching, sweet, sappy, drop me a comment. I was particularly worried about this scene and reworked it several times. Anyway, thanks to all my followers favouriters and reviewers. Reviews are most definitely welcome and appreciated. _


	30. I can't allow you to do this

The shuttle rocked back and forth, buffeted by the gale force winds that swirled around outside, the inertial dampeners did nothing to subdue the feeling that the shuttle's occupants were on a rollercoaster.

McCoy grumbled from the back of the shuttle as the medical bag he was holding slipped from his grasp and a hypospray fell out. He leaned as far down as his safety harness would allow him to go and stretched his fingers till he could reach it. As he straightened up he glanced out the window, saw swirling flakes of snow spiralling around outside. He swore as he looked at it, thinking about the people they were searching for. It was already cold enough outside and if there were any survivors of the wreck they would already be hypothermic from the cold air that had been present since they had arrived on the planet. The snow that had started to fall within the past few hours would only add to the hypothermia and it had the added detriment of decreasing visibility and further obscuring any thermal readings, thereby making the shuttle crew more difficult to find.

In the front of the shuttle, Spock's eyes scanned the console, intently searching for the thermal signatures that would identify the missing crew members or shuttle. The addition of snow along with the anomaly's effect which had intensified over the past few hours as the planet went through its death throes, only made his job harder. Spock was glad that the task required his full attention allowing him no time to dwell on the events of the past few hours.

Kirk glanced sideways at Spock. "Any luck?" Kirk said. The Vulcan contented himself with shaking his head slightly without looking up, which to Kirk was more indicative of his current mental state than anything else. His usual reply to Kirk's query would have been something along the lines of how luck was subjective and failed to fully account for the circumstances.

As the ship rocked again, Kirk risked another glance away from his own instruments and looked sideways at Spock's console, from what he could make out there was still no indication of the missing crew or the shuttle. An unbidden thought surfaced. _They had very little time to find the crew and most likely they were searching for dead bodies. And if they couldn't be found in time they might have to be left behind. _ Kirk rebelled at the thought, not only because if they weren't found it would seem like a personal failure on his part, but also because three of his crew was dead already and he had to find the others alive or dead, he couldn't give up.

"Captain I'm picking up a faint thermal signature approximately 5 klicks starboard" Spock fed the coordinates into the helm, and Kirk turned the shuttle in the indicated direction, straining to see something through the blur of white that cascaded down. Within seconds of the course change a shuttle came into view. The shuttle was severely damaged. Flames leapt up amid the twisted metal, they were undiminished by the snow that swept down. "due to the interference from the shuttle's warp core explosion and the anomaly's effect, I'm unable to ascertain with any certainty whether there are any life forms present without doing a direct scan. " Kirk focused on finding an area to set the shuttle down, ignoring the fact that one of the reasons they couldn't detect a life sign reading was that there was probably no one alive to cause one register.

The shuttle had barely settled in the ground and its engines put on standby, before Kirk took off his safety harness and started moving towards the back of the shuttle. The exited the cockpit and found the others already grabbing gear. After a quick check they exited the shuttle. Outside the cold wind ripped through their insulation suits, chilling them to the bone, the winds threatened to tear their feet from under them. They hurriedly moved toward the shuttle wreck fighting the wind the entire way.

Spock pulled out his tricorder and did a quick scan. He looked up and spoke confirming what they already could see, the shuttle was so severely damaged that it was impossible for anybody to have survived the explosion. Spock moved closer as near as the flames would allow, then looked back at the captain fighting to be heard over the wind as it tried to snatch his words away. "Captain there are faint molecular traces of at least one human, in the shuttle, but I cannot determine how many individuals were inside at the time of explosion."

McCoy looked up irritably at Spock emotionless words, removing his chin from the relative warmth of his collar as he did so. He would have replied to the Vulcan with a comment along the lines of "why can't you just say some of them might be alive you green hobgoblin" If he wasn't so cold that his teeth were chattering violently.

Kirk turned and gave an order to the rest of crew; they fanned out searching the nearby vicinity for signs of any other people. They searched for several tense minutes, the time growing more critical with each moment. Spock was the first to call out, "over this ridge I'm picking up faint life sign readings."

The others hurried forward toward the place Spock had indicated, McCoy took the lead his own discomfort was forgotten at the thought that he had people that needed him. At first glance as they cleared the ridge there was nothing there, just a blank expanse of white snow and sharp jutting rocks. Then they spotted a figure lying on the ground, a thin film of snow almost obscuring the body. McCoy hurried forward and knelt next to the prostrate body. It was Lieutenant Havarii. He felt for a pulse with one hand while the other operated his tricorder. After he felt a steady beat beneath his fingers, he looked at the results of his scan. The Lieutenant had a severe concussion, a broken arm and was hypothermic. Nothing that he couldn't fix once they were back on the _Enterprise_. He indicated for the security man standing nearby him to take the lieutenant to the shuttle.

McCoy stood up hoping to find another person but all he saw was snow. The crew continued searching for several minutes more before, a guard said "Sir I found another one". McCoy hurried to the still from it was Chekov. Snow crusted his pale face, his lips were blue. His entire shirt front and pants were soaked with a dark stain that McCoy could only identify as blood. The guard that had found the boy was Roth.

As McCoy assessed the ensign Roth said quietly almost to himself. "So it was Kelly in that shuttle, she's the one that's dead." McCoy glanced up at Roth's words but almost immediately turned back to Chekov. The ensign must have been closet to the blast his body had a lot of damage. One of his legs was twisted under him at a bizarre angle. A shard piece of white bone peeked out through a rip in his trousers and a thick stream of blood trickled out the injury.

McCoy swore under his breath, as he ran a scan on the ensign fearing the worst. The scan came back indicating that he had a lacerated spleen, numerous bruised internal organs, a concussion, broken ribs, and an open fracture to his tibia. McCoy quickly splinted the leg, bringing the bone back into a rudimentary alignment with a sharp jerk that caused Roth to look away. He gave orders for the young Russian to be picked up, and hurried alongside the security guard carrying the ensign. The others quickly piled into the shuttle, the mood was sombre. They were gratified that they had found the two they had alive, but everybody knew the other person who had been on that shuttle was almost certainly Kelly. She was the only person unaccounted for. McCoy confirmed that assumption.

The doctor stood next to the bunks where Chekov and Havarii had been strapped in. While holding onto a handrail with one hand to avoid falling, he gave Chekov a hypospray to bring his blood pressure up. Then he started fluids, gave oxygen and healed the blood vessels in the leg so they wouldn't bleed anymore. He was reluctant to heal it anymore without doing surgery, because he didn't want to risk nerve damage, but he stabilized the ensign as much as he could. Plus he didn't have the equipment he needed to do any major surgery anyway.

He was still puzzled though by where all the blood had come from. He had cut the ensign's clothes off looking for additional injuries and although the Russian had purplish-blue bruises covering his chest and abdomen. He had no open injuries there to account for all the blood. Even his leg hadn't been bleeding enough to have soaked his clothes with as much blood as he was covered with, and even if it had been: _how did blood from his leg get on his chest?_ McCoy had an uncomfortable hunch; he grabbed his tricorder and ran an analysis on the blood. He waited a moment as the results came back; they were a match for Ensign Kelly. Judging from the blood soaking the ensign's uniform she had bleed out almost half her blood volume on to him.

McCoy looked down at the unconscious ensign, whose chest rose and fell labouredly as he struggled to breath; he knew that Chekov and Kelly were very close. He wondered would Chekov remember what had happened when he woke up. McCoy certainly didn't look forward to telling him if he didn't.

XXXX XXXX

A transmission broke the silence of the shuttle, a crackly, voice speaking "Captain -are several ships coming - behind you, we can't raise - shields until –" The voice cut altogether, but Kirk knew what it had been saying, the ship wouldn't be able to raise its shields without leaving the shuttle trapped outside. He pushed the engines to their limits. The gravity generators in the shuttle couldn't begin to compensate. They all felt their insides tugged unpleasantly as acceleration pushed them back. An alarm started to sound behind him, he didn't glance back. His entire focus was on piloting the ship. The alarm continued, he wondered why Spock hadn't fixed the alarm or at least silenced it. "Spock can you turn that off" he asked not looking away from his task.

He heard Spock reply quietly, "that's not one of the ship's alarms captain that's one of Doctor McCoy's monitors." Kirk tried to ignore the sound as he realized what was going on.

In the back of the shuttle McCoy had hastily unstrapped himself, ignoring the acceleration that threatened to drag him to the deck as he struggled to make it the few feet to where his patient were strapped in. The sounds of a failed life support sensor going off gave him a cold chill. He glanced at the monitor that was confirming what he already suspected, one of crew they had rescued on the planet was dying. Ensign Chekov's monitor showed his blood pressure sinking fast, his pulse increased trying to keep up. "Damn it " McCoy muttered to himself as he looked down at Chekov's entirely too pale face. It was like all the blood was draining from the ensign's body. He frantically fumbled for a hypospray, as he realized what had happened. When the shuttle had suddenly accelerated, the force had caused something in Chekov's body which was already bruised and battered from the shuttle explosion and crash, to rip apart. Now, blood was gushing from one or more organs and vessels spilling into one of his body cavities.

"You two!" he barked pointing to the people nearest him as he grabbed a surgical laser. "come here!"

The two people he had randomly selected were Uhura and a guard .They looked startled but came to stand near the doctor; he passed the apprehensive guard and Uhura a pair of gloves and said "put these on."

Sterility was the least of his worries. He pulled on a pair himself then picked up the laser and cut open the ensign's abdomen. Fresh blood welled out the wound, the guard looked sick. McCoy grabbed some suction and then fumbled in the abdomen for a moment before grasping something. He asked for clamps which Uhura passed after the guard had spent a second confusedly searching for them.

McCoy snatched the clamps and hurriedly sealed off a vessel. He only had a few clamps and soon they ran out. Desperately, he grabbed one of the larger vessels that was still bleeding and pinched it off then he told the guard to hold it. When the man made no move to do as he was told McCoy grabbed the guard's hand and placed the man's fingers firmly around it yelling "damn you hold it!".

The guard's face was a nasty shade of green now, but he held the clamp in place. McCoy worked quickly isolating what was bleeding and trying to clamp it off. Soon both Uhura and the Guard had both their hands in the young Russian's abdomen. McCoy saw the blood pressure stop decreasing as quickly, but he couldn't do anything more yet. He couldn't use seal off the blood vessels in the unsteady shuttle. He didn't even really have the tools he needed to do it, The little he had accomplished had been done with a micro-cautery tool that was only supposed to be used for minor repairs, not full-scale surgery in the back of a rolling cramped shuttle.

Up front Spock and Kirk focused on getting the shuttle to the ship. The anomaly's interference, caused the ship to roll and tumble. Kirk tried to keep it as steady as possible, half-way aware of the surgery going on behind him.

Spock began. "Captain, the approach velocity is exceeding guard-rail limits. We'll-"

"We'll make it " Kirk said, his eyes solely focused on his controls, the shuttle bay doors opened to greet him. The shuttle skimmed in. It was approaching to fast, people ran out the way as the craft threatened to crash into the walls.

"Captain, We—"

Kirk didn't hear his first officer's words. Kirk directed the shuttle down slightly toward the deck floor. The shuttle's nose dipped downward and it dug into the metal deck, and awful grating noise filled the air. In the background McCoy was yelling something. The shuttle was hurtling going toward the wall at a rapid rate. At the last few moments, Kirk turned on the thrusters for a moment causing the ship to spin around and set heavily on the floor.

Kirk sat back from the controls. _That had been to close for even his comfort._ From behind him he heard McCoy shout at him. "Damn you and your hotshot piloting!"

McCoy had picked up the micro-cautery tool as soon as the shuttle had stopped spinning. Miraculously most of the clamps had still managed to hold, even during the chaotic flight in. The guard and Uhura still held some of them in place. The shuttle doors opened and the medical staff was already waiting.

McCoy was sealing off vessels even as they loaded the ensign onto an antigrav stretcher. The security guard he had commandeered for the procedure had, had enough. When the medical staff appeared the guard pulled his hand out of the body letting go of the clamps and turned away from them all gagging , his face a sick shade of green. Uhura still held on, McCoy mentally cursed the now retching guard, as he hurried to seal of the vessel ends which the guard had released. Chekov's face was silent and still. . McCoy hurried alongside the stretcher, praying that the ensign would make it.

XXXX XXXX

Kirk, unstrapped himself from the shuttle's safety harness, and made his way out of the shuttle adrenalin fuelling his movements. He passed the stretcher carrying Chekov but barely spared the sight a glance. He had to concentrate on what was happening now; he could worry about everything else later. _if there was a later._ Behind him Spock followed. They ran through the corridors, racing towards the bridge. Crew members who hurried through the halls made way as they saw who the two running figures were. Others who weren't as observant or were to slow were pushed unceremoniously out of the way. Spock and Kirk reached the turbo lift that led to the bridge and hurried in. Kirk slammed a hand against the door closure mechanism and gasped "bridge". The seconds it took for the turbo lift to move seemed like years. The doors had barely opened before Kirk pushed his way out onto the bridge. Sulu glanced behind, then quickly vacated the captain's chair. Spock took his own place at the science station relieving the ensign who was there.

Kirk had just taken his seat when the ship was rocked. "Shields at 91% " said Spock's calm voice. On the view screen, four colony ships loomed ahead; in loose formation. The colony ships were apparently better equipped at weaponry than they had appeared to be at first. A shudder ran through the _Enterprise _and another blast hit them "shields at 88%" came Spock's calm readout. Sulu was at the helm was skilfully manoeuvring the ship between the blasts of phaser fire that crisscrossed through space .

"Mr. Sulu take us away warp six." Kirk ordered. Sulu complied almost instantly. Kirk felt the familiar indefinable sensation as warp, engaged then abruptly, the feeling dimmed then abruptly stopped.

Sulu turned around confirming, Kirk's suspicions "warp drive was damaged sir."

Kirk called engineering. Scotty answered, knowing what the Captain wanted to know without asking. He sounded like he was far from the intercom "Captain, the warp engines will be back online in about 3 minutes, I'm working as fast as I can."

Kirk clicked off allowing Scotty to get back to his work. He knew Scotty was possibly the best engineer in his fleet, and was incredibly fast, but the few minutes it would take for him to fix the engines they possibly didn't have.

"Shields 83%" a voice read out, the four ships were surrounding the enterprise recognizing an easy kill.

Kirk had no intention of giving it to them. He studied the layout for a moment before an idea presented itself. It was a plan born more out of the desperation of the moment than conscious thought. He turned to the engineer at the engineering consol and said "at my signal I want you to cut the power to all the power in the ship, and divert it to the shields and impulse engines, and shield the power coming from there so it seems faint." The engineer turned around and aid "even life support sir?"

"Yes" he turned away from the lieutenant and told Sulu "get ready, I want you to steer us right between those two ships that are closest together. Make it so they both have to turn towards each other then drop between them, make it seem like it's an accident and the engines have failed completely." Sulu glanced back clearly startled but obeyed. The others were staring at Kirk clearly wondering what he was planning, but there was no time to explain. Ensign Lara began telling the crew what was about happen through the ship intercom, then the engineering lieutenant cut the power, the bridge grew dark, except the blinking red alert lights. The air seemed colder as life support was turned off.

Kirk resisted the urge to call Scotty. If the engineer said three minute, three minutes it would be and calling him would only irritate the engineer not change the time needed for repairs.

"Shields at 76%" Spock relayed calmly as the ship shook again. Kirk knew that he couldn't wait any longer if he did they wouldn't have enough shields for his plan. At the same time if Scotty didn't get the engines fixed in time they were dead anyway. Either way it was a gamble with the stakes being their lives.

"Now Sulu" Kirk said.

Sulu complied instantly. The enterprise neatly moved between two ships forcing the vessels to turn to continue firing. The manoeuvre blocked the other two ships from firing, but the weapon fire from the two vessels at close proximity was more than enough to destroy them. The _Enterprise_ seemed to shudder in its movement as it came to a halt directly in between the two ships. To the ships it appeared the _Enterprise_ had suddenly lost power.

They were now between both ships and each had a clear shot at them.

"Shields at 70%...65%...57%...45%" Spock calmly relayed the countdown as each second reduced their shields further. Kirk would have liked to tell him to shut up, nobody liked a countdown to their potential death, but he knew the science officer was just doing his job.

"Warp Engines online sir" Sulu said. His finger was poised over the control that would engage warp drive. Kirk didn't give the order that almost the entire bridge crew wanted to hear instead he said "lower the shields to 25%".

"Sir!" The Lieutenant at Engineering said incredulously.

Kirk said "Do it"

"Sir, I'm not! That's suicide—are you crazy?" the engineer yelled.

Kirk didn't have time to argue or explain. He turned to a guard and said "take Mr. Felton off the bridge, confine him to quarters." The man was dragged away shouting "he's going to kill us all!"

Spock had reduced the shields after the engineer had refused to follow orders. The ship shuddered again and Spock reported "shields at 20%."

The other bridge crew was staring at Kirk. Kirk ignored their looks his attention was focused on the battle going on outside. He waited for the ships to take the bait. The colony ships, took it, they couldn't resist the easy target the _Enterprise_.

"Sir, they're firing photon torpedoes!" The ensign at navigation said somewhat hysterically, turning wide-eyed to Kirk. Still, Kirk didn't order the shields to be raised or them to move.

The ensign at navigation made a wild lunge for the helm controls. Sulu blocked him, and knocked the young man aside. A security guard stunned the ensign as he tried to grab the controls again, then quickly secured the unconscious man and took his place at navigation. There was no time to remove the stunned ensign's body they left him lying on the floor.

Tense milliseconds passed, Kirk waited till the torpedoes were almost about to breach the shields before he yelled "Now!" Warp was engaged instantly. The _Enterprise_ shot out from between the two ships.

The colony ships didn't realize what had happened for a moment. Then as they realized and tried to move away it was too late. The torpedoes bereft of the _Enterprise _as a target instead streamed toward the colony ships. The colony ships didn't react in time and the torpedoes struck in a series of explosion. The bridge crew all stared at the viewscreen in shock still processing that they were still alive. Spock reported the results of Kirk's manoeuvre "one of the ships has minimal structural damage, although their engines appear to have sustained some damage, I am unable to ascertain the extent. The other ships' warp containment field is decaying currently at 15%..8..3 "

Then the ship blew apart. The other colony ship that was near it had been trying to get away but it wasn't quick enough. It was caught in the blast. After the explosion faded away, Spock said "The other ship's engines and weapons are offline. They appear to be completely disable, shields at 40%, multiple hull breaches."

Seeing the plight of there two sister vessel the other two colony ships renewed their attack with vigour.

Within three minutes the _Enterprise_ even with shields brought back up and warp drive active had shields at 35% and hull breaches across nine decks. There was an air of futility in the crew's actions.

As the ship shook and more damage reports filtered in Kirk remembered how his father had sacrificed himself to save his ship. Kirk thought bitterly that he wouldn't even be able to do that. His death would serve no purpose and if they died now the Romulans would be free to go through with what they were planning. Kirk refused to accept that this was the end. He didn't believe in no-win scenarios. But as much as he refused to see it. Death was fast approaching.

Sparks flew and a console blew apart badly burning a woman. Her screams filled the bridge, but nobody went to her. They didn't have the time. When the end seemed seconds away, Spock said "Captain another colony ship is approaching."

_Great _Kirk thought bitterly _it wasn't enough for two of the ships to kill them, they had to make it a party._

The new colony ship didn't start attacking them instead it turned toward the other two ships and began firing on them. The other two ships were taken by surprise and within second one was completely and efficiently disabled. Engines, weapons, and shields were completely destroyed. The second ship had its shield reduced to 50%. Then abruptly the fight between the new ship and the remaining colony ship ceased. They hung motionless in front of each other. The bridge crew watched tensed for what would happen but for seconds nothing happened.

Then ensign Lara said "The colony ship is sending a transmission to the one that just arrived"

"Can you intercept it?" Kirk said.

Ensign Lara said " aye Sir, it's not encrypted or anything."

The communication appeared on the viewscreen. Solkar was standing on the damaged bridge of a ship, behind him they could see other vulcans.

"T'Kas" the man said "You must cease this attack on us now! You are going against your own people!"

Ensign Lara turned around and said "The new ship is sending a reply now."

Kirk nodded and another image appeared on viewscreen side-by-side with Solkar's. The new image was of T'kas. She stood on the bridge of a ship. Her face was calm but her voice was intense as she spoke "Father, what you are doing is wrong. We cannot attack them they have done nothing to us!"

Solkar spoke, angrily "T'Kas can't you see they are apart of the federation. They seek to control the whole galaxy. They control the government of entire species and hundreds of planets, through the guise of making them federation members. Their prime directive is nothing, but an excuse to keep down anybody that might rise to challenge them. They have secret organizations that they used to clandestinely kill and torture people. Is this not wrong? How can you support this hegemony?"

T'Kas replied "Father, they may be controlling part of the galaxy, but that is not what bothers you. You want to control it yourself. And the federation largely has been good custodians; they have managed to live in peace with each other. The Romulan Empire and this colony have not, there is a history of murdering and killing that spans our entire existence!"

Solkar was openly furious "Peace! T'Kas, peace is weak, we were made to rule. Not be subjugates of somebody else! Why do you not see the innate rightness of this and support us!"

T'Kas said with tears in her eyes as she spoke "Because, I cannot go along with wrong!"

Solkar's face was icy when he replied "Then T'Kas you are my daughter no longer and you will die." Then the screen blanked and the two colony ships renewed their attack on each other. The _Enterprise_ was all but forgotten, as the two colony ship's sought to destroy each other with a ferocity that was awful to behold. Within minutes Solkar's ship with its weakened shields was disabled.

"Solkar's ship's containment field is degenerating; they have approximately 6 minutes left till containment breach." Spock reported.

There was another communication. The viewscreen lit up with two images side-by-side, to show Solkar standing on a bridge hazy, with smoke. Dead and injured Vulcans lay scattered behind him. T'Kas was on the other side of the screen. Her expression was agonized as she pleaded "Father, please, surrender, and let us rescue you."

Solkar spoke coldly, "T'Kas will you renounce your ideology and join us?"

T'kas said quietly "I will not"

"Then I would rather die, than be saved by you"

Then the screen blanked abruptly, and almost immediately after Solkar's hip blew up, followed by the incapacitated one near it.

Spock spoke "The remaining colony ship is activating its engine's, apparently they did not sustain as much damage as indicated or they have had sufficient time to repair them."

"There's a general broadcast coming from that ship" Ensign Lara added.

Kirk nodded and an image popped up on the view screen. It was T'Son, the Vulcan woman appeared deranged. Her eyes were wild and her face had flushed a dark green. She screamed "Traitors! You all will die" Then two photo torpedoes were launched at the _Enterprise_ and the ship flew towards them. The _Enterprise_ veered out the way, but they weren't T'Son's target. The torpedoes hit T'Kas ship damaging her engines. Then they all watched as T'Son turned at the last moment towards T'kas's ship, the injured colony ship tried to move away , but T'son didn't care , she manoeuvred her ship as close as possible then detonated it. The explosion appeared much larger than it should have been.

A large chunk of T'Son's ship careened into the other colony ship, tearing off a section. Bodies and shuttles tumbled out the gash, before T'son's ship gave its final explosion , swallowing the debris in a wash of light.

There was silence for a moment as they all waited for the surrounding space to clear enough so they could get a reading.

Spock scanned his screen then reported "T'Son's ship was destroyed it appeared she detonated her warp core in such a way that the resultant explosion was three times what it should have been." He continued "T'Kas's shuttle bay was destroyed, her ship has multiple hull breaches and her warp core will go critical in approximately 10 minutes."

Kirk asked "How many are on her ship?"

"At least 200 life forms captain, possibly more. Some are fainter due to their lesser mass."Spock replied.

Kirk that the Vulcans on T'kas ship had no way of evacuating with their destroyed shuttle bay. This whole scenario felt like the Kobayashi Maru all over again. Kirk quickly ran through the possibilities available discarding each one almost immediately. They couldn't use the shuttles; they were too small and would take far to much time to evacuate. As his frustration mounted Kirk called engineering, an out of breath Scotty answered "Captain?".

"Scotty have you found a way to make the transporters work?"

"Captain, the transporters have always worked, but I canna get the beam to stay together enough to transport somebody reliably."

Kirk clicked off. Ensign Lara said "Captain T'kas's ship is hailing us."

"On viewscreen" Kirk replied.

T'Kas appeared, the Vulcan woman looked drained. The image crackled and small fires littered the bridge behind her. She said "Captain Kirk, our shuttle bay's are almost entirely destroyed it would be impossible for us to evacuate in time, even if we did manage to find a salvageable shuttle" she continued "You owe us nothing, but I ask you to please let us evacuate to your ship."

"T'Kas we will do whatever we can to assist you, but we cannot evacuate you with our shuttles and—"

T'Kas interrupted urgently "Captain we can use you transporters."

"That's Suicide!" Kirk said .

"Captain if I may interrupt, there ship is transmitting us data summarizing an evacuation plan with around 50% feasibility."

The woman nodded as she overheard Spock's words and quickly detailed her idea.

When she finished Kirk stared at her aghast, "I can't allow you to do this " he said.

"Then you condemn us all to death" T'kas replied.

Spock quietly joined in the conversation "if we don't do as she asks , they all will die. This way a few will live"

Kirk didn't answer, at that moment he hated his first officer. He hated T'kas. He hated all these Vulcans. What they were asking him to do may have been logical, but that didn't make it any easier when he would have to be the one to give the order that would mean so many people's deaths. He already had too much blood on his hands. Kirk took a breath and forced the memories back and Kirk nodded at Spock. He called Scotty and told him what was about to happen. When the engineer heard he let loose a volley of oaths in Gaelic, then said "I canna do that!"

"Scotty there's no dispute it's an order!" Kirk yelled.

"Captain do you know what's going to happen, do you?" Scotty said.

"I do Scotty, but there's no other way."

"Captain there's got to be another way!" Scotty said desperately.

"Damn it, Mr. Scott! If you've got another way then f—king give it to me!" Kirk said.

The line was quiet for a second or two then Scotty said "Aye Captain, me and my lads will be down at the transporters." Then he clicked off

Kirk called Sick Bay next and relayed the information to a doctor. He heard a voice say "Damn you tell me what he said" There was a pause and somebody talking then McCoy came on line "Did you just say what I thought you said Jim, because if you did you're crazy, if you do this those people are as good as dead!"

"Some of them will live Bones" Kirk replied.

"As what?" McCoy yelled "Have you seen somebody after a transporter malfunction; they might as well have died! If you allow this you're a murderer. And I'm not going along with it"

"What the hell do you expect me to do, Bones? Leave them all there to die, because It'll be more to your liking." Kirk shouted "You want me to watch a few hundred people die because it will be more convenient for your conscience? Because either way this isn't going to be convenient for mine. If I didn't know better, I say you don't give a damn about them and want them dead because they're Vulcans!"

The entire bridge fell silent at the captain's words. The intercom was quiet before McCoy spoke again his words were sarcastic and angry "Go, on transport then, you haven't seen what's going to happen" McCoy laughed bitterly "You think you know everything, go ahead, and I'll be there waiting with the rest of the medical staff to pick up the pieces..._Captain_"

Then the intercom clicked off. Kirk regretted his words even though McCoy had a vitriolic dislike for Vulcans he knew the doctor wouldn't have wished what was about to happen on anybody. But there was no time to dwell on his words; they had a job to do.

T'Kas spoke "captain, please take a few adults to t-test it out, then take the children they have a smaller mass and if taken earlier in the beam while it is more stable will have a better chance."

Kirk nodded and relayed the information to the engineers stationed at the transporters. A few seconds later the required crew checked in to tell they were ready. Kirk gave the order to energize and within seconds the first people were up.

"It appears the beam is having a 46% stability rate we have 3 full transports."

The data was clean, Spock's voice was even, it didn't reflect what the entire bridge crew knew was happening in the transporter rooms.

* * *

_**Next chapter update will be March 20th (with a two day margin either way) **__ So how was the chapter? Do you think Chekov will live? Did Kirk make the right decision? Thanks to all my favouriters, followers and reviewers. Only a few more chapters left. feedback is welcome and definitely appreciated! ** To my guest reviewer: **You got a little worked up over the last chapter didn't you;) Yes, Chekov will be seriously messed up after this incident and I dislike Havarii too. I'm happy you liked how I created that little dilemma with Chekov and Kelly and basically used him to be the reason Chekov left. _


	31. On a ship full of people he was alone

Uhura stood in the middle of Sick bay. After they had brought Chekov to Sickbay a nurse had taken over assisting McCoy. She was left standing in the middle of sickbay as they moved the ensign into an operating room. Her hands were still covered in the young Russian's blood. People hurried throughout sickbay treating the people that had already sustained injuries from the battle going on outside. Other staff busied themselves preparing for the casualties that would come. She was largely ignored in the organized chaos.

After several minutes somebody came over and ran a brief scan over her, then after ascertaining that she had no injuries the man had tried to grasp her arm to steer her to a chair to sit down. She pulled herself free from his grasp and backed away.

The man stretched out a hand as he came towards her "Miss we need you to wait here until somebody can check you over more, you could have –" His words broke off as the ship lurched and then without warning the lights went out in sickbay for a second or two then emergency power came on. From the operating room McCoy was in, a swarm of invectives could be heard.

A small stream of people came into sickbay. Some were walking wounded. Others were carrying people that had serious injuries. Uhura started as she heard a woman say her name before passing out. She glanced at the woman and recognized an ensign she knew. Uhura had some medical training, in fact a good deal more than most of the regular crew. She stripped off her gloves and began helping.

In what seemed like hours later a call came through to sickbay. McCoy even though he was in surgery took it. Moments later he came out and grabbed a young doctor that was repairing a scalp laceration. He pulled of his gloves and told the startled woman "go in there and finish. He's stabilized, there shouldn't be too many complications and you'd better do the best damn job you can!" Then he turned to the sickbay at large and yelled for quiet. Even the patients that had been moaning fell silent.

He told the staff what was about to happen and ordered almost a third of them to go to different transporter rooms. Uhura didn't hear the first part of what he said she just knew medical personnel was needed at the transporter rooms and she went, pulled along in the tide of crew hurrying off. It was better to be helping somebody else then to give the memories time to flood back.

XXXX XXXX

Scotty had started transporting as soon as he was prepared, but there really was no way he was prepared for what happened. He had called in the best transport techs he knew. He had made sure the machine was calibrated as well as could be expected under the circumstances. He had braced himself for the worst.

Every cadet that had ever gone through the academy had seen pictures and videos of transporter malfunctions. They had read the effects. They knew what to expect, only they didn't.

Nothing in any of his training could have prepared him for what he saw when three adults along with 3 squirming mass of greenish blood and flesh appeared on the transporter pad.

The smell was awful. The medical staff pulled the living people off, and the security guards who had been called in to help, removed the piles of flesh that had once been people. There was no time to recover, they had to keep going.

The next transport pulled back 4 children and 2 heaps of mangled tissue and bone. The crew didn't stop they just continued taking the living and removing the remains of the dead. Scotty knew if he stopped to think about what he was doing he would be sick.

Several guards and medics already were sick, but as soon as they finished they came back and continued to help. Green blood and other body fluids were spattering the room and crew as bodies spilt apart and disgorged their contents. Screams and crying filled the air, human and alien.

Scotty felt like a murderer. Still he couldn't stop. He had four minutes left of transporting time. The transporter room was filling up as the guards couldn't remove the bodies fast enough. The floor was slick and slimy.

The last group of children brought two that had been fused together during transport. One child was clearly dead; half its body was missing. The other child was still alive but just barely. The only other child that was alive in that group was a little girl. She kneeled on the transporter pad in a pool of blood. She was covered head to toe in it. She screamed and screamed. The medical personnel quickly checked she wasn't injured and then moved on to the other transports. The guards began roughly pulling the girl out off the transporter pad.

McCoy, pushed past a group of people, and shoved the guards out the way. He bent down and gently picked her up; he held her tightly stroking her blood-soaked black hair. Her small face was pressed into his blood-soaked uniform.

The transporter room was chaos; the floor was slippery, with blood, vomit and other body fluids, pieces of flesh lay everywhere. As soon as the transporter pad was cleared enough, Scotty began transporting again. This time they transported the adults, it was better only worse.

The adults didn't scream or cry like the children, but due to their larger mass, very few of them were able to be picked up entirely by the beam. The chaos grew. The transporter was packed with people. It was hot and the stench of destroyed bodies filled the air. More than one crew member had to be led out and sedated. The others continued working, but every second was horror filled. When the colony ship finally blew, thirty people had been left there that couldn't be transported in time. Scotty honestly couldn't say if it would have been better for the ones that had been retrieved to have stayed on the ships.

If they had had a choice would a quick death have been preferable to the lingering death many would have or the pain that countless had suffered as there bodies were destroyed beyond recognition? Scotty didn't know. The decision that had been made might have been logical but was it right?

Scotty turned around just as Kirk came into the room. Kirk was followed by Spock. Kirk's face, as he surveyed the horror was older and more serious than Scotty had ever seen it. Kirk felt like an executioner. He stared for several seconds as the scene brought back the memory of another bloodbath years before. He only was aware that he hadn't moved when Spock said his name and glanced at him curiously. Kirk shook off the memories, and tried to concentrate.

Scotty moved away from the transporter controls and his hands trembled. A medic was going around giving hypo's to the crew.

Kirk didn't say anything; there was nothing he could say. No good job or good work, because it hadn't been either. It was an awful job and an awful order. And Scotty had to do it.

This was a day the engineer would remember his entire life. He waded through the mass of bodies living and dead. His feet slid on the slick floor, he felt numb. A medic caught up to him and gave him a hypospray, within seconds he felt his hands steady. The hypospray had stopped his trembling, but it couldn't stop the horrific scenes that continued to repeat in his mind. Scotty walked past Kirk and Spock back to the engine room and didn't say a word.

XXXX XXXX

Spock noticed how shocked the chief engineer was, at the moment he didn't care though because he had spotted somebody else more important. He walked towards her as the person straightened up helping a young girl onto a stretcher. She turned around at his approach. Spock spoke "Nyota, what are you doing here?"

Uhura's uniform was drenched in other people's body fluids. Her eyes were haunted. Uhura stared at him numbly. Her feelings were spilling over into his mind and Spock quickly blocked the onslaught which was strangely empty and yet startlingly strong, like a cold gust wind. Spock wondered who had allowed her to leave sickbay and come to help with this. Then he realized that everybody had probably been too preoccupied to notice her.

Uhura finally said "Spock". That one word held all the emotion she had felt, the past few hours. She looked like she wanted to fall into his arms but something held her back.

"You shouldn't be here" Spock said, noting the quiver in her voice.

"Please, Spock ...this is better" Uhura said tears falling down her face. "I need to help with this. I need to do something. If I'm here...at least I don't have time to remember..." Spock stretched a hand out to hold her, but Uhura wiped her eyes and turned away. Spock watched her walk away.

Uhura had wanted to leave when she had first started helping, but as the casualties kept coming she felt she had to stay. And a small part of her mind was saying that this was part of her penance for killing Silkar.

Spock would have gone to her again, to do what he didn't know, but a voice crackled overhead. It was Sulu "Captain, Scotty says he'll be ready to leave in 15 minutes. He's ready for Mr. Spock to start giving him the data he needs." Kirk turned to leave and Spock after one last look at Uhura followed.

There were things in the transporter room he didn't even know how to fix, at least on the bridge he knew what to do.

XXXX XXXX

The rift was fast closing, by pushing the engines to their limit and timing their departure just right they were able to escape, the engines which were overtaxed already, broke down and even with Scotty's best miracle fixes the most they could get was warp 3. The _Enterprise_ limped back federation space, with a brig and sickbay full of Vulcans, a damaged ship and hurt people.

Kirk stared out the window in his cabin and watched the stars streak by. In his hand was a glass of whisky. He took a sip of the harsh liquid and let it burn his throat. He was happy Spock was too preoccupied to notice where he had gone. Even though it was late into the night the Vulcan was almost obsessively working to fix the sensors and computer system. McCoy was likewise occupied in sickbay and had been in surgery for almost 18-hours as he had finished Chekov's surgery and started on the Vulcan casualties.

Kirk took another sip as he thought of the Russian Navigator. He had visited the 17-year old in Sickbay. McCoy had taken the time to tell Kirk that Chekov would live, but Kirk knew what had happened on the planet and in the shuttle and he knew the boy wouldn't forget. None of them would forget. Uhura would remember whatever had happened with Silkar. The Vulcans who had lived and every crew member there would remember what had happened in the transporter rooms. Kirk would remember the face of each and every one who had died or been hurt because of his orders. His decisions.

The weight of command lay heavy on his shoulders just as it had so many years ago. Kirk remembered his other charges and took another convulsive swallow of his glass. He grabbed the bottle and poured himself another glass, this would be his last he promised himself. He had a ship to command. He had decisions to make and next time he wouldn't fail. He couldn't fail, because when he did other people paid the price for his mistakes and too many peole had already paid. He contemplated the liquid in his glass and took another sip of the fiery beverage. It seared his mouth, as flashes of faces new and old swirled through his mind. If either McCoy or Spock knew what he was doing they would try to stop him. Kirk didn't want to be stopped he needed this. Kirk would regain control of himself, but for now he needed to forget. For his sanity he needed to forget.

XXXX XXXX

McCoy knew he was about to wake. The monitors' readings had changed about an hour ago, showing the subtle change in waveforms that indicated a patient was returning to consciousness. McCoy stood by the bedside watching the ensign as he moved restlessly, then mumbled something in his sleep. His consciousness slowly returned, until minutes later his eyes opened.

They looked around blankly before settling on McCoy's face with a confused look. The first thing he said was "Leah?" the word was barely comprehensible and sounded like a hoarse croak. Chekov croaked the word again and McCoy this time was able to understand it. For a moment he wondered who Chekov was talking about, he was used to hearing people's last name. After a second he realized he was asking about Ensign Kelly.

McCoy reached out and gave him drink water, avoiding the ensign's question as he helped him to sit up. Chekov took a sip, then pushed the cup away and said again "Leah?"

McCoy avoided his gaze, and said "do you know where you are? You're in sickbay, there was an accident and—"

"Where's Leah?" Chekov said cutting him off, his voice demanding an answer.

"You don't remember what happened?" McCoy said evasively stalling for time. _Where was Nurse Chapel when you needed her?_ "You're probably having some residual effects from your concussion and –" he began to say as he picked up a nearby instrument and raised it towards the ensign.

Chekov pushed it out the way and repeated "where is she?" while struggling to get up of the diagnostic bed. McCoy pushed him back. He had put it off for as long as he could. This was one of the things he hated about being a doctor: having to tell somebody that someone they knew and cared about had died. He was never prepared for the onslaught of emotions that followed.

Steeling himself he began "you're were in a shuttle accident, Kelly was—" slowly he began to tell the ensign, what had happened. The details were sketchy but he had been able to put together a lot of what had happened from the pattern of injuries, the damaged shuttle and how the y had found Chekov and Havarii. After he finished speaking, he looked at Chekov waiting for what would come. The ensign stared at him blankly, not saying a word.

As Chekov looked at McCoy he felt numb. McCoy thought that Kelly had died and he had left her in the shuttle and saved Havarii. He didn't realize that she had been alive when he left. He didn't know that she would still be alive, if he had saved her.

McCoy watched him somewhat worriedly, startled by the lack of response and asked "Chekov, do you realize what I said?"

Chekov made no answer he continued to stare his face blank. There were no tears, no questions, no expressions of anger, no anything. It was like he was devoid of emotion. It was disconcerting.

"Chekov, do you understand what happened? Kelly died." McCoy said trying to elicit some sort of response.

Chekov turned his eyes toward McCoy and the doctor saw a flash of something dark and disturbing, then it was replaced by nothingness. He spoke quietly, his voice steady and empty "I remember vhat happened."

When McCoy finally let him out of Sickbay a day later, the ensign hadn't changed. Chekov gave no sign that he even cared that Kelly had died.

McCoy watched him leave, and wondered if he had done the right thing by letting Chekov leave. Medically Chekov was stable; his injuries were cleared and his labs were within normal range, there was really no physical reason to keep him. But there was something that gave McCoy pause.

He had seen other people before that had looked blank when you told them that someone they loved died. They would be okay for a while, but then it would come down on them, slowly then in a rush. Those types of people were worse than those who expressed their grief and anger in a sudden rush. Those that seemed okay, didn't get it out of them, it laid in wait festering. They were quiet and appeared to be okay for days, even weeks. Then they exploded.

XXXX XXXX

Starfleet had given orders that T'Kas and he group were to be interrogated. Even though nobody wanted to admit it ,Spock because he was a Vulcan was put in charge of the questioning. The rest of T'Kas faction had proved to be either extremely unwilling to participate or they truly didn't know much either way they had yielded little information.

T'Kas after demanding a promise that the information she gave wouldn't be used to attack the Romulan Empire had agreed to tell them what she knew. Strangely, the Vulcan woman while not agreeing with the Romulan government was reluctant to inform on them. It was like she was off two minds.

She told Spock that all Romulans weren't bad and it was mostly a misunderstanding and government and military influence that was responsible for what had happened. The information that T'Kas gave showed that the Romulans had been kidnapping young vulcans for over a century. The initial Romulan plan had been a long-term invasion after sowing Vulcans with Romulan ideals and training throughout the federation, but the technological advances that Nero had transmitted them, made the Romulans bolder. And the plan had been moved up.

It was going to take 5 days for the _Enterprise _ with its crippled engines to rendezvous with the transport shuttle which would take the Vulcans. After two days Spock had gleaned as much information as T'Kas was willing to give, but still he came back. He told himself that it was because the Vulcan woman might decide to tell something else, or let something slip accidentally, but part of him knew that he just wanted to see T'Kas.

After they had gotten back from T'karis Spock had noticed a change. The crew was treating him cold and mistrustfully. The entire ordeal with the T'karis colony had only reinforced to them how close Romulans and Vulcans truly were. In addition Uhura was avoiding him, to the point that if he even came within a few feet of her she would unconsciously flinch, or walk away. Spock couldn't figure out what he should do, the whole situation was confusing.

To make matters worse Spock had noticed that his control was becoming more difficult to maintain. Numerous times over the past few days he had noticed himself unintentionally manifesting emotion, he couldn't figure out whether the lapses in control due to himself or a result of spill over from Uhura's emotions. Her emotions as of late had been much stronger than usual and they filtered through the bond they shared no matter how he blocked off his mind. He couldn't talk to Uhura but he needed to talk to somebody and everybody had seemed preoccupied since they came back from the planet including Kirk .

So Spock came and spent hours in T'kas's cell, they didn't discuss what had happened back on the planet, instead that talked about other things. At her request he began to teach her some of what he had learned of Vulcan control and logic. He also taught her 3-D chess, and was pleasantly surprised to find her an almost genius level pupil.

It was the fourth day. Spock and T'Kas were alone in the cell. At Spock's request, after overriding the young security guards objections, the force field had been turned to a frequency where it was opaque and blocked out noise. They were playing three-dimensional chess.

Spock watched T'Kas . She appeared indecisive. Her hands hovered over one piece then the other, for all her seeming indecision she showed aptitude that had left him startling close to defeat several times. Spock found the challenge very stimulating.

T'Kas finally moved a piece, then looked up at Spock. He could see she was trying to remain impassive, but he saw the mischievous glint in her eyes. Spock inwardly frowned and then examined the board. He saw the reason for her delight in a flash. When T'kas had seemingly been mounting a defence on one side of the board, she had carefully manoeuvred him into leaving his king wide open. Defeat was inevitable; within 4 moves he would be checkmated. He toppled his king and T'Kas looked up with delight. She stood up exuberantly knocking pieces over as she did so.

Her smile faded, as she realized her lapse in control and regained it. But Spock didn't mind , T'Kas had just the right amount of rationality, logic and emotion, like Uhura he thought.

T'Kas started picking up the pieces scattered across the floor and Spock went to help her. He squatted down and scooped up the chess pieces. Then, they both stood at the same time, and wound up facing each other, they were almost touching. They stared at each other for several moments, not speaking, before T'Kas turned away. She sat down and began setting the pieces up for another game. Spock sat down opposite her. T'kas's hands were clumsy; she fumbled a piece sending it toppling onto the table. They both reached for it. T'Kas grabbed the rook. Spock was a second to late his hand landed on top of hers.

"Spock?" T'Kas said softly looking at her hand. Spock didn't move his hand; T'Kas gently slid her hand out from under his and looked at him. She swallowed before speaking "Spock you need to stop coming here, this has to be your last time."

"T'Kas ...I-" Spock began

"Spock let me speak" T'Kas said "I know about you and Uhura."

Spock looked surprised.

She continued. "One thing that the Romulans encouraged in us was to use our minds to their full extent. I don't know if this is something all Vulcans can do , but I can sense your emotions, even feel your thoughts sometimes, without even trying, especially if they're strong." She looked down at the table turning a knight contemplatively in her hand. Then continued "and they're strong Spock. They are extremely strong... when you think about Uhura...and me."

Spock looked uncomfortable but didn't deny it.

T'Kas turned her face up staring into his eyes as she said "Uhura loves you. I know you doubt it now, but she loves you in a way I don't even know if I could love you like that...You don't know what my brother was capable of—" She trailed off then she continued her voice stronger. "You don't know the things she's gone through, I don't know. I can only guess and I knew Silkar... whatever he did was to her was horrible.."

She continued getting up and pacing around the cell. "All these years of going into other people's minds and killing and hurting. It got to him, he isn't-wasn't sane." She turned to look at him and stopped pacing "He killed our grandfather or knew who did. I know that, I was his twin. He was evil. That's why when I saw him looking at Uhura like that, I tried to warn you but..." she trailed off.

"Silkar " Spock said the name with poorly disguised anger , "and the others like him are what all Vulcans would be if we didn't have logic. He was what we were in the past... and waht we can be now. ... Back on the planet I was going to kill him if Uhura hadn't stopped me." T'kas turned to stare at him her gaze was neutral either accusatory nor forgiving. Spock continued "She saw what I was about to do and she said 'I wasn't like him'. But at that moment I was... I would have killed him and- "

Spock took a breath and said "and I wouldn't have felt guilty—After what he did to Uhura... I would have enjoyed it." Spock fell silent he stared at the chess pieces on the table. Neither he nor T'kas said anything.

Finally Spock spoke again. "Uhura saw what I could be—what a am and she hates me. She looks at me like I'm a monster. They all do. To them Romulans and Vulcans are the same."

"You can't do anything about the crew. You can't do anything about those people." She continued firmly "but you can do something about Uhura " T'kas sat down at the table and stared at him intensely holding his gaze. Her fingers lightly rested on his hand and through their contact he could feel the passion in her words,. "Uhura doesn't hate you Spock. She hates herself, and she hates what you remind her of."

Spock said "You don't understand, T'Kas we were having problems before this. For awhile she's been acting... differently. It's like something's changed"

"Something's changed? Everything changes. People change, the galaxy changes. People grow , but you don't have to grow apart" She continued her eyes blazing fiercely "Spock, she's going through what's probably one of the hardest times in her life... Don't let her go through it alone."

She let go of his hand thrusting it away from her and she said "Now go a-and-don't come back"

Spock left; he didn't see her again until late the next day. The federation transport arrived and took T'Kas and her group away. As he saw T'Kas walk away being led by two guards her hands restrained behind, she turned, like she sensed his presence. Their eyes met and they shared one last look, before she turned away. Then he was alone. On a ship full of people he was alone.

* * *

_**Next update will be March 26th. **_Thanks for all the feedback! Thanks to all favoruiters , followers and especially reviewers. Questiosn for this chapter: Now that you know the out come did Kirk make the right decision? What do you think will happen between Spock and Uhura? What do you think is gong through Chekov's head? Feedback is appreciated! Enjoy.


	32. I need to know what happened

Somebody got up to read a poem. Somebody else told an anecdote. Sometimes the words brought laughter, sometimes tears. Chekov sat perfectly still staring straight ahead. For him they brought neither, he felt cold numb, alone. As the words spiralled around him, he couldn't stop remembering Kelly. She couldn't be dead. She couldn't have died. He wouldn't allow himself to believe it, but he kept seeing her in his mind as she had been when he last saw her, pale frightened. He saw his hands covered in blood, her blood. As the image came to him again he shut his eyes tightly and a sound escaped his lips. Had he said her name or was it just a voiceless cry?

He opened his eyes as he felt a change in the crowd. Kirk was walking onto stage. He began to read the list of names of the people who had died. The words were heavy and seemed to hold more sadness as the Captain read each name out in a voice that was thick with held back emotions. As each name was read a picture flashed onto the view screen, and the sound of people crying filled the room. The last name to be read was Kelly's. On the view screen, a picture appeared; in it Kelly was smiling, happy, her face slightly mischievous.

_It wasn't as Chekov remembered her, pale, afraid, dying._

As the picture remained on the screen, the sobbing grew louder than before. People were holding one another. Chekov felt somebody pat him gently on the shoulder, but didn't turn to see who it was. He waited until he felt the slight presence move. He was fine he didn't need to be comforted. Chekov let the cries wash over him and tried to ignore the sounds. He had closed his eyes against the sight of people's faces twisted in grief and was slowly letting his awareness of where he was drift away.

Then a shriek that sounded like somebody was being tortured rent the air. Chekov's eyes snapped open as he automatically scanned the crowd for the source of the sound.

"Oh my god, Kelly!" A blond haired girl yelled. She was standing up and repeatedly saying "oh my god, why did she die?" Chekov recognized her as Ensign Tanner, who had been one of Kelly's friends. He watched as three girls tried to calm her, but she refused to be comforted.

"Why did she die? She was so young." Tanner wailed then threw herself on the ground.

The other girls tried futilely to soothe her. "Why didn't somebody save her?" Tanner screamed apparently oblivious to the others attempts to quiet her. Chekov felt her words cut into him. Tanner continued to wail until somebody that was dressed in a medical uniform got up, grabbed the girl by the arm and led her out of the auditorium. Her screams and wails could be heard growing fainter in the distance, until the doors slid shut drowning out the noise.

As the door closed the sound of others crying intensified like Tanner's response had given the other crew permission to express their emotions. To Chekov Captain Kirk appeared disturbed by the response but he watched as the young captain quickly concealed his own emotions. The service was delayed for several moments until the cries had slowed down somewhat then Kirk finished the rest of the memorial service.

As the program finished, the crew milled around the auditorium, talking, eating, and consoling one another. Kirk after speaking to the crew and mingling for a few minutes had departed. Chekov, hung back at the periphery of the room, unnoticed by anybody. He stared at the people gathered there. How could this be it? They had a service, and then everybody who died was just forgotten. He couldn't do that; he couldn't accept that Kelly was dead.

He glanced up as he heard a half-familiar laugh. He searched the crowd for the source of the noise; he finally found it. It was a girl; she was standing talking animatedly to a group of people as her brown ponytail bounced behind her. She looked like Kelly. _But it couldn't be could it?_

He moved through the crowd shouldering people out the way. As he stared at her, she started to walk away. "Kelly?" he called out pushing people out the way now, words of protest rose in his wake. "Kelly?" he shouted, as the girl didn't turn.

He was running now, the crowd of people around him quieted. "Kelly" he yelled again at the same time, he reached out and spun the girl around. "Kelly, I-"he stopped looking the girl in the face, she looked nothing like Kelly now that he was close up. The only thing they had in common was brown hair and a ponytail.

The girl looked up at him confusedly. "My name's Ensign Lara, not Kelly" She paused then said "and could you take your hand of my shoulder?"

Chekov removed his hand allowing it to fall limply to his side. The girl moved away. Her friends leaned in closer, and one of them said "Kelly, he thought you were Kelly?"

The other said "that's the girl who died. Has he lost it!"

"I think he was the one that was with her when she died" he heard Ensign Lara reply quietly glancing back at him briefly. Her face held a pitying look, before she turned away.

Chekov stared after them, watching as the girls were swallowed up in the crowd. Chekov felt people staring at him; it was very quiet in the auditorium. Somebody put a hand on his shoulder. "You're that kid from the bridge, Chekov right? Its okay –"

He shrugged the hand off, not even looking at who had spoken "I'm fine" he said "I'm fine" he repeated as he walked toward the doors, ignoring the stares and whispers around him. "I'm fine" he whispered as the door's shut behind him, but he was far from fine.

XXXX XXXX

Two days later

They were about to enter a Nebula, it was the most direct route, but the nebula was pitted with hazardous black hole's and other anomalies were littering the space. Still it was the best option unless they wanted to spend an additional six days to navigate around it, as opposed to the few hours it would take to get through it.

The entire bridge was preparing for the journey. Spock was carefully scanning the area ahead and trying to develop a rudimentary layout of the anomalies. Scotty was double –checking the engines. Sulu and Chekov were carefully plotting an initial course and having a quiet discussion about which route to take.

Uhura, who at the moment didn't really have much to do at the moment, was collecting status reports from all the ship's departments. She was doing her best to concentrate intensely. It was several days since they had left T'karis but she was still plagued by the memories of what had happened on the planet. She logged a report from auxiliary sickbay and pressed the key that would transmit it to the Captain. Belatedly she realised she had accidentally routed it to Spock. She quickly fixed her error, but she knew Spock had noticed. He glanced at her slightly his eyes concerned but she quickly turned around unable to bear his gaze. His features sent a shiver of fear through her.

She pushed down the emotion and focused on her work, but she couldn't stop remembering the hurt expression that had flitted across Spock's face at her actions. She frowned at the thought and then noticed a light lit up on her board. A star base was calling them. She quickly opened the channel and after a brief conversation with the caller said. "Captain I'm getting a request from an Admiral. He wishes to speak to you in private."

Kirk was surprised. He had just spoken to a commodore Willis, merely two hours ago and when he had signed off the man had told him that Starfleet was keeping subspace communication to a minimum so the channels wouldn't be severely crowded, due to the interference from the ion storms near Earth. The commodore had also reiterated to not send any of the information they had discovered about the Romulans through subspace channels because they weren't taking chances about the information being discovered by anybody but Starfleet. Kirk wondered was the admiral calling to say they had changed their mind and wished to have the information transmitted immediately.

"I'll take it the briefing room" Kirk said nodding at Uhura.

Uhura acknowledged Kirk's request and transferred the call.

When Kirk got to the ready room, he found an older man staring out at him from the view screen. He recognized admiral Komack. "Admiral Komack, what can I do for you?"

Admiral Komack was straight to the point not bothering with even the most brief of pleasantries which made Kirk take even more note of what he was about to said. "Kirk there's a man holding a group of approximately twenty-five hostages, including a Rigellian ambassador's son. The man is threatening to kill the hostages if his demand isn't met within the next hour."

Kirk had a feeling the demand had something to do with him or his ship and crew. However he couldn't see how his crew and ship, with its crippled engines, would be able to help when it was light-years away from the situation. Kirk began "Admiral Komack, I'll offer any assistance possible, but the _Enterprise_—"

Komack cut in "Kirk it's not your ship or you that I need. It's one of your crew." He continued "This man" and a picture of a man with brown eyes and hair and a worn face appeared on the screen, next to Komack's image.

The face was vaguely familiar in an odd way. For some reason Kirk remembered seeing somebody very similar recently. Admiral Komack continued "is Jonathan Kelly, Ensign Kelly's father. He was notified of her death and apparently he didn't take the news very well. He's been hounding Star fleet for days to find out exactly how she died" The admiral sighed and added."Today he kidnapped the hostages and said unless he could speak with the person who was with her when she died he was going to kill them. He believes Starfleet won't tell him the circumstances of her death because there was a conspiracy. We tried talking to him but he won't listen to us now."

Kirk realised who the man wanted to speak with. Admiral Komack continued "We don't usually cooperate in this sort of thing but the circumstances are a little different. His wife died years ago. He only had one child and he was estranged from her. Apparently he thought of it as betrayal when she left home and joined Starfleet. Your navigator is the only person that can resolve this situation peacefully."

What admiral Komack had said made sense, but Kirk couldn't stop thinking about what he was going to have to ask Chekov to do. He said "I can't ask that kid to talk to somebody about how his girlfriend died and have him recount to the girl's father how she died. I lost crew down there and hell , I'm going to be honest I didn't know any of them really well and most of them I didn't see die and I'm still getting over it. Chekov though, watched as Kelly died and nearly died himself. I can't—"

"Kirk you don't really have a choice. Starfleet hostage Negotiations is involved and if you don't ask him, they'll bypass you and give the order themselves. "

He couldn't forget how people had made him talk after he had been debriefed after an incident when he was only a little younger than Chekov. He remembered having to recount the details and see the images as people coldly assessed what he was saying without really understanding at all. He wasn't going to make the navigator go through that if he could spare him. "Admiral I can't allow you to do this. You don't understand what it's like. I understand the situation is critical but I'm not going to force one of my crew to d this. I already debriefed him once , I'm not going to allow it again. Figure out something else Hell get an actor to play Chekov for all I care"

"That won't work Kelly sent pictures of Chekov to her father. He knows what the young man looks like. Also he may ask questions about her only Chekov would know the answer to. I think you're operating under the assumption that you have a choice Kirk. You don't." Komack continued in a quieter tone as he saw Kirk about to protest. "They're going to make him do it anyway. They were going to contact Chekov directly. I optioned to alert you first... I think the order would be better coming from you for his sake."

Kirk had no room to manoeuvre. He sensed a dead-end; if he couldn't prevent the situation he could at least control it. Kirk was quiet for a moment then said "What do you need?"

Komack quickly outlined the plan and then signed of. Kirk left the briefing room and told Uhura that he needed her to open a link to Starfleet Hostage Negotiations. He ignored her puzzled glance and turned to Chekov, who was studiously bent over his console inputting data. "Ensign Chekov?"

Chekov turned around at the sound of his name. Kirk saw dark shadows under his eyes, but his voice was steady as he answered "Keptain?"

Kirk hated what he was about to order the ensign to do but he spoke anyway. "Chekov, there's something Starfleet needs done and only you can do it."

Everybody on the bridge turned slightly and watched Kirk. Kirk wasn't usually that equivocal. Chekov was puzzled but said hesitantly "I vill do eet If I can."

Kirk explained "There's been a hostage..." When Kirk had finished speaking , Chekov summarized "They vant me to tell him vhat happened, so he von't kill all those people?" Kirk nodded. Chekov was quiet, and closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them. He stood up and swallowed before saying "I'll go."

Chekov didn't look back. Sulu watched as he walked stiffly by. He would have said something to his friend by way of encouragement, but he knew Chekov wouldn't have liked that. As Chekov passed Spock, the Vulcan said softer than was usual for him "You won't have to tell the details most likely, a brief overview will suffice Ensign."

Kirk was irritated by Spock's comment until he realized that it was the closet thing to support that the Vulcan could give. Chekov said "Aye Mr. Spock". He was walking carefully, avoiding meeting anybody's gaze. When he passed Uhura, she passed him an earpiece and said "I'll be monitoring the channel". Her hand lingered on his a moment longer than necessary. Chekov thought he saw pity in her eyes. He turned away quickly, he didn't want pity.

Without allowing anybody else a chance to speak he inserted the earpiece and walked the short distance to the briefing room. As he walked into the briefing room He heard Uhura's voice through the ear piece say "Establishing link with hostage Negotiations now".

A stern female voice through the ear piece said "_This is lieutenant Lyons , Starfleet hostage negations officer. I take it your Captain has apprised you of the situation?"_

Chekov responded. "Aye."

" _Good, then you know that the situation is very delicate right now. You're ordered to give him the minimum of information possible. Just let him do the talking and answer his questions. We can't risk any civilians knowing about the T'karis colony, and the situation with the Romulan You're to answer as I instruct for all queries. Do you understand Ensign Chekov?"_

"Aye, Lieutenant"

"_We're opening a visual to Jonathan Kelly. I'll be listening to the conversation and providing prompts as necessary"_

A man's face appeared on the viewscreen . It was older and male, but bore a striking resemblance to Ensign Kelly. The man looked utterly miserably his cheeks were covered in stubble; his face was thin and worn and his eyes were sunken and bleak. He spoke "Who are you?"

"Ensign Chekov, Pavel Andreivich Chekov."

Kelly's father said "Chekov, the navigator on the bridge, right?"

Chekov nodded.

"Leah talked about you in her letters; she—she said she loved you"

Chekov didn't know what to say.

"Did you take care of her ? Did you love her?" Kelly's father asked

Chekov swallowed for a moment he couldn't speak. The earpiece crackled as Lieutenant Lyon chimed in "_Answer yes, tell him you did, even if you didn't. We—"_

Chekov tried to ignore her as she continued talking; he fought to keep his voice steady, even so it cracked slightly as he said "I did, Sir."

"_Excellent response , brief believable-"_

Jonathan Kelly was silent for a moment and stared at Chekov inscrutably, then said abruptly. "Starfleet came to where I was staying and told me she had died. Right out of the blue, you know?" He ran a hand over his face then continued "I asked what had happened and they told me it was classified."

Kelly's father was quiet then suddenly yelled "Classified! My only child is dead, the only thing I have left and it's f—ing Classified!" He laughed humourlessly and shouted "My little girl, Leah, is dead and it's classified!"

Chekov's eyes were burning; he swallowed past the lump in his throat.

"_Just let him talk ensign. Right now he's venting, a normal reaction to the grief he's experiencing"_

"I need to know what happened I need to know!" Kelly's father fell silent and there were tears in his eyes. After a moment he asked softly "Was she alone? Leah was always afraid of dying alone...I-I made her leave when her mother was dying, we both left the room - I couldn't take seeing Clara like that. - I didn't want Leah to see her like that. We left. I just needed to get away for awhile and then Clara died. She was alone."The last phrase was whispered. His eyes were turned downwards. He glanced up and said "I don't think Leah ever forgave me for making her leave Clara. Then when Leah told me she was going to Starfleet, I told her that if she did that not to come back and I never wanted to see her again. I thought that would dissuade her, I was so afraid I would lose too. Now she's gone ...I never apologized."

"_He's obviously feeling guilt over his relationship with his daughter. If necessary we can use this to our advantage in negotiating the hostages' release—"_

Chekov was having a hard time controlling his own emotions, listening to Kelly's father's words were pure torture.

"She continued writing to me, but I didn't answer until after the Narada Incident. God, I'm so stupid. I miss her so much." Kelly's father was silent again. Chekov wondered whether he had been given a reprieve, maybe he wouldn't have to recount how Leah had died.

After a moment though, Jonathan Kelly asked "You were with her? You know how she died?"

"I do " Chekov said softly.

"Please, you have to tell me was it quick? What happened?"

Chekov didn't answer he didn't want to talk about it. He felt sick just remembering. The silence stretched.

"_Ensign Chekov, answer his questions. But remember don't tell him anything remotely classified, lie to him if necessary. He doesn't need the truth. I—"_

Chekov reached up and pulled the earpiece out. He threw the object to the floor and crushed it with his heel. Steeling himself, he began to tell how Kelly had died. When he got to the part where Kelly had told him to leave, he faltered.

Kelly's father asked "So, you left her?"

"I-I-did-didn't" Chekov lied; the words stuck in his mouth but after a pause he finished the rest of the story.

Jonathan Kelly had tears running down his face as he said brokenly "At least she wasn't in pain and she didn't die alone"

Chekov hated himself .He hated the lies he had told.

"And it was quick you say?"

"Eet vas sir"

Kelly's father stared at him, then said "Pavel, you made Leah's last month's happy...Thank you"

Chekov blinked back tears at the man's gratitude. He felt even worse, Kelly's father was thanking him and he didn't deserve it. _Leah would have been alive except for him._

He didn't say what he was thinking, instead Chekov replied "You are velcome sir...are you going to let the people you have go now?"

"I will Pavel; I never wanted to hurt anybody. I just wanted answers...Take care of yourself." Then Kelly's father signed off.

Chekov stared at the suddenly blank viewscreen without seeing it. Then he sat down in a chair at the briefing room table. He put his head in his hands; all the emotions he had felt since Kelly's death but suppressed threatened to come down. He sat in silence for several minutes then a tear rolled down his cheek, a small sob escaped. Another tear ran down his face and he took a long shuddering breath. He felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Are you okay, Chekov?"

Chekov quickly wiped his face on his sleeve and glanced up. It was Kirk who had spoken.

"I-I'm fine Keptain" Chekov said.

Kirk studied him carefully then asked uncertainly "Are you sure?"

"I am sure" Chekov replied. As Kirk continued staring at him Chekov realised Kirk was probably wondering why he had found him sitting at the table with his head in his hands. "I had a small headache" Chekov lied.

Kirk looked like he saw through the feeble excuse. He noticed the tears in the young Russian's eyes and the way he was still breathing heavily. "Maybe, you should take the rest of the shift off and go to the sickbay, or something". He glanced away from Chekov giving the navigator time to wipe eyes again.

"I'm fine now sir" Chekov answered quickly.

"Well okay. " Kirk perched on the edge of the table and said with an attempt at Light-heartedness "that tight a- Lieutenant Lyons was really mad that you broke contact. She wanted to have you court-martialed or severely punished. I got her to settle for me reprimanding you. So... consider yourself told off". Kirk had a small grin on his face."It all turned out okay though. Kelly's father surrendered himself nobody was injured. You did a good job Chekov."

"Thank your Keptain" Chekov replied quietly, there was an awkward silence, and then he finally asked "Keptain may, I return to my post now?"

Kirk wanted to say more instead he answered "you may." The grin on his face had disappeared.

Without another word Chekov left. Kirk stared after him.

Being captain meant he was the one who had to make decisions. Decisions that led to people dying or that hurt them. He didn't have a choice. In his life he had already made those decisions several times. Too many times. It didn't get any easier no matter how many times he did it.

XXXX XXXX

"Doctor you've got a message, in your office" He glanced up from where he was repairing an ensign's hand and said "what?"

"I said you've got a message" the nurse repeated.

McCoy looked back down at what he had been doing and said "tell whoever it is I'm busy, and I'll be a few minutes"

The nurse cleared his throat and said "sir, it's a woman; she said that if you didn't talk to her now she was going to hang up and leave you as clueless as you usually are." McCoy looked up now angrily.

The man said apprehensively "I was just relaying the message. She also said it's about your daughter."

McCoy dropped the tool he was holding, and peeled off his gloves. The Ensign whose hand he had been sealing up said "what about this?" His palm was still open and you could see muscle and tendon through the gash.

Dr. McCoy didn't even turn around as he said "Find somebody else to take care of it" He walked into his office leaving the startled ensign and nurse behind.

McCoy strode into his office and glared at his computer screen. McCoy recognized the black –haired woman there only too well, and felt a pain in his heart.

"Hello Jocelyn" he said evenly.

The woman sighed and said "Leonard, let's forgo the pleasantries, I didn't call to have a conversation with you. So let's make this as short as possible."

"You don't even have something to say to your ex-husband? Nothing? Not even an I-hate-you. I think I deserve something we were married for several years." McCoy quipped just to irritate her.

"Don't remind me, and unless you stop talking and let me tell you what I called to say, I'm gone."

He fell silent. _God he hated her!_

She pursed her lips enjoying the power she had and waited for several moments. McCoy didn't say a word, his eyes said it all.

"Your sister called me a few days ago, saying she couldn't contact you and did I have a way to or know where you were." Jocelyn paused and brushed her hair back. The she continued "Anyway I told her in no uncertain terms, I had no idea where you were, And wouldn't know how to contact you if she didn't since I had no desire to speak to a drunk a- like you"

McCoy had had enough of her insults "Well you're speaking to me now, so can you cut to the point, you bi-"

"Insults really? Leonard I'm hurt" she said but she didn't seem hurt. Indeed, she looked quite smug that she had succeeded in making him so angry. "And I said don't interrupt I'm trying to tell you about _your_ daughter"

Her tone and comment made him angrier "God damn it ! She's yours too Jocelyn , just because you'd like to forget that doesn't change the facts.-"

"I'm not getting involved in one of your arguments" she said talking loudly over his words. She continued dropping her next comment like a bomb "Joanna was in an air skimmer accident. She's in the hospital."

McCoy stopped midsentence; he stared at Jocelyn, in shock. "Are you serious!" McCoy was beyond anger now. "What the f- is your problem, you've spent all this time trying to insult me and playing some kind of game, when you could've have just come out and said that!"

"Leonard don't you dare talk to me like that. Do you want me to tell you the rest? Or should I just go now?"

He wanted to reach through the screen and throttle her but instead he said politely "I'm sorry Jocelyn. Please continue." The words galled him. But they had the desired effect Jocelyn told him the rest of the story and the contact information for the hospital .

He allowed her to finish speaking , then quietly said "did you even go to the hospital? Is she alright?"

"How should I know how she is, I've barely seen her in the past few years. She's your responsibility, a responsibility you pawned off on others. You'd know how she was if you acted like a father and stopped putting your work before everything else."

McCoy couldn't believe, she could be this callous. He tried to reach through to her "She's our daughter Jocelyn, our daughter. I know you hate me and I probably deserve it. You don't have to like me. But don't you care anything about Joanna?"

"No I don't Leonard. She's your daughter. Not ours! Yours!" Jocelyn was angry now. "Your guilt trip doesn't work on me! I didn't choose to have her, you wanted her . She's your child your responsibility" Jocelyn continued her eyes blazing with fury "I'm not the person who should be feeling guilty; I didn't turn into a drunk just because I had a hard time in life. I didn't almost kill my own daughter." She continued each word cutting deeper " I didn't go gallivanting across the galaxy, because I lacked the self-control to stop myself from being a drunk on my own. ...I didn't abandon Joanna you did." With those final words she clicked off. McCoy stared at the screen for several moments he couldn't believe he had married her. _He hated her guts._

McCoy turned away from the screen and tried to call the hospital, but his transmission wouldn't get through. He called down to the communications department, and a polite, ensign told him that transmission to and from Earth were severely restricted due to an unusual amount of ion storms in the area. Starfleet was only using the available resources from priority calls.

The ensign was unprepared for McCoy's response; first the doctor tried asking calmly again, explaining what he needed to do. The ensign was sympathetic but unmoved. As McCoy listened to him repeat what he had said, while politely refusing his request for the fifth time, he lost it.

He yelled at the man, swore at him, and generally insulted him right down to any future generations he may have had. He said things to the young man that he had never said to anybody, even when he had been in a drunken temper. Then he clicked off the channel. He stared at the intercom breathing heavily for a moment, then an idea came. He called Uhura.

Uhura may not have liked him very much, but she would surely be a lot more helpful than that man. He tried to contact her, but she wasn't on the bridge and she wasn't answering in her cabin. He turned away from the intercom frustrated. His fingers itched to go to his cabinet and get out a bottle of liquor and have a long drink.

He was about to fulfil his urge when the door opened, and Christine chapel came in catching him red-handed, with the bottle of brandy. She waited until the door had closed then said "The caller was your wife." He didn't confirm or deny it. She was the only one he had told about his past and only after she had gotten in the crossfire of him and Jocelyn.

Jocelyn had called a month or two ago and asked to speak to him. Chapel had unluckily answered. Chapel, not knowing who she was talking to, had started talking about McCoy in glowing terms. Something about this other woman's knowledge and praise of her ex-husband had raised Jocelyn's hackles. After allowing the Christine to talk for several moments, Jocelyn had slowly started to tear into Christine with little insults and particularly nasty insinuations. McCoy had come into the room to find Nurse Chapel close to tears, and after a quick argument with him Jocelyn had clicked off. In the midst of consoling Chapel clumsily, he had accidentally spilled his story.

Now Chapel stared at him almost pityingly but sternly as she said "Put that back Dr. McCoy, you can't take care of people if you're half drunk."

"Leave me alone Chris, you don't need to be a b-ch too" He said opening the bottle and raising it to his lips.

She strode toward him and slapped him hard across the face . Then, before he could do anything, had snatched the bottle out his hand and tossed it down the disposal chute.

He glowered at her furiously, rubbing the side of his cheek which was bright red .He was angrier about her disposing of his liquor, then being slapped. He yelled "what the _f-,_ did you do that for? And that bottle was vintage!"

She looked at him and replied calmly "Because you're a doctor and you have a responsibility to do, you can't sit in here and reach for a drink every time something get's bad."

He looked at her, he knew she was right. Still, she just didn't understand. He explained what had happened. When he finished he could tell she was worried to but she said "McCoy, I understand you're worried about your daughter but you're not going to do her any good, getting drunk or standing around moping. Come out here do your job and as soon as the channels are open call the hospital."

McCoy sighed, but she was right once again. He followed her out the office, and got back to work. But he was preoccupied and gruff, the staff avoided him recognising his mood. All except Chris who finally told him mid-shift "Take a break, Go get something to eat or some coffee Leonard. You're driving everybody here crazy. And while you're going to the Messhall you can stop by the communications department and ask are the storms clearing up."

McCoy protested for a moment but she was insistent. He found himself walking towards the mess hall. Now that McCoy really thought about it her idea was good, brilliant in fact. First he'd get a cup of coffee then he'd go raise hell in the communications department until they at least attempted to patch him through to earth.

* * *

**Next Chapter update will be April 1st. ****_(with a two day margin of error either way.)_**_Thanks to all followers, favouriters and especially reviewers. Question for this chapter: What do you think the effect of Chekov talking To Kelly's father will be on him mentally, good or bad? What is your opinion of Chapel and McCoy in this chapter? How did you like Lieutenant Lyons? To my guest reviewer: I love your feedback, just wish I knew who you were;) Thanks to all my readers and enjoy!_


	33. I need some time alone

Chekov was in the mess hall standing line waiting to get something to eat. While he stood there he thought about what he had almost done earlier on the bridge, after Kelly's father had called.

_The ship had been travelling through the nebula for a few hours and in another 15 minutes it would have reached the other side. The course shouldn't have been a problem, even with all the dangers the route wasn't as dangerous as some places they had travelled through. With a well trained crew and careful calculations it was almost as easier than some academy training exercises. The bridge crew especially Sulu, Chekov and Spock who had the most crucial jobs at the moment was focused on the task. _

_Chekov was tired, exhausted. He had trouble concentrating, and was trying to keep himself alert until they were out of the nebula, then his shift would be over. Sulu looked over at him as he yawned and asked "you okay?. Chekov nodded and glanced down at his console, he noted the data Spock was feeding them from the science console and plotted a course correction to avoid the black hole they were nearing. Black holes normally wouldn't have been that great a threat, but with there damaged shields and engines and reduced warp capacity, if the ship got to close it was quite possible they would be drawn into the event horizon._

_Seconds after Chekov had fed the course correction to the helm; Chekov heard Sulu curse under his breath and turned his head slightly to see the helmsman quickly typing a command into his console. Chekov turned back to his console trying to figure out what was going on; nobody else on the bridge was reacting with alarm. He stared at his screen for a moment before he realized that Sulu had changed the course from the coordinates Chekov had given him. The course Chekov had plotted would have taken them directly into the black hole. Chekov turned ashen as he realized he had almost killed everybody on the ship. Sulu glanced at him after he had corrected the course, but didn't say anything. Sulu turned back to his console after a moment and the rest of the shift passed without event, although Chekov noted that Sulu had checked every course plot Chekov had given him before implementing it after that._

Chekov knew he would have never made such a large and almost fatal mistake if he hadn't been so tired, but ever since Kelly had died, He couldn't sleep, he didn't want to eat. All he could do was exist, each moment of everyday turning itself into an almost unbearable agony. After his shift was over, he would wander the ship's decks for hours walking restlessly from place to place then moving on, as each brought back a memory. Several times during the day he would turn thinking he heard someone, and would see Kelly standing there sometimes her face was smiling;often times he saw her as she had looked when she died. Her face was pale and scared; blood soaked her clothes, the shard of metal protruded from her chest.

Somebody passed with a tray laden with food a whiff of something travelled across to his nose, and it reminded him of one of Kelly's favourite foods. It was something that she had teased him into tasting, and he had thought it tasted okay but had politely declined a second bite. Now the smell of it made him feel physically sick. The line had moved up, he ordered something to eat without paying attention to what it was. It all tasted like nothing and settled in his stomach like a lead ball. The only reason he ate at all was because Dr. McCoy had looked at him two days ago, and said he looked like he had lost several pounds and threatened to drag him to sick bay for a check-up.

As he turned away from the line searching for a deserted table, he saw Kelly standing next to him; he nearly dropped the tray he was holding. He stopped moving and stared at her pale face and ruined uniform, somebody bumped into him.

"Hey kid, get out of the way" a voice said behind him. He moved, and glanced back at where Kelly had been, the spot was empty.

_Was he going crazy?_

He didn't know the answer to that question, and he wasn't sure he cared.

XXXX XXXX

"I need to know"

Chekov looked up from his plate of picked-at food and into Ensign Tanner's face, the girl who had been Ensign Kelly's best friend. The girl was tall with blond hair, her face was long and angular, and she was widely regarded by most of the male crew as very beautiful, she was also prone to hysterics. At the memorial ceremony she had dissolved into tears and refused to be comforted. She had wailed and moaned for what seemed like hours. Now, she sat down in the chair opposite Chekov and said "You were there. I need to know how she died."

Chekov looked at her uncomfortably; he didn't want to tell her. He didn't want to relive it himself. "I can't-"he began.

" Please, she was my best friend" The girl said tears welling in her eyes as she reached across the table to grasp his hand. Chekov gulped painfully past the lump in his throat as he looked at her, his own eyes burning.

Tanner knew the story the rest of the crew did, Chekov didn't want to tell her the truth, but he couldn't bring himself to tell the lie that everybody assumed was real. He cleared his throat, and looked down at the table, away from her pleading eyes. "We were in a shuttle—"he began and slowly, painfully he told what had really happened. As he finished he looked back up. She stared at him her face was angry? Accusing?

"She was alive? You left her there and she was alive" Tanner said loudly, anger present in her voice.

"I tried to free her, I couldn't get her out" He said the words sounding weak even to his own ears.

"You left her there" She whispered angry tears flowing down her cheeks." You left her" As Tanner's voice rose people in the mess hall turned and looked at them.

"I didn't…I tried-" he began.

"No, you didn't" said another voice

Chekov turned around. Lieutenant Roth was standing behind him and had apparently been listening in.

"You left her there to die" Roth said, enjoying the look on Chekov's face.

"I didn't leave her. I tried to get her out." Chekov said his voice breaking angrily, and yet almost pleading.

"you didn't try. You're a typical Russian you saw that shuttle was about to blow it was you or her and you left her there." Roth said loudly, a cruel look on his face;the noise level in the mess hall had dropped abruptly as the crew members assembled there watched the scene before them.

"I didn't" Chekov repeated, his voice was almost a whisper.

"You got cold feet, and left her, you didn't give a damn about her as long as-"

Before Roth could say another word, Chekov had laid into him knocking the Lieutenant to the floor. Chekov was vaguely aware of a crowd surrounding them, but he didn't care. He wanted to kill Roth. Lieutenant Roth was fully unprepared for the ensign's attack or Chekov's fury and was barely able to offer any resistance.

The fight only came to an end when somebody bodily removed Chekov from Lieutenant Roth.

Roth looked up from where was on the ground and said through a mouthful of blood from a broken nose.

"He's f-ing crazy!"

Chekov strained against the security guards holding him and shouted "Иди На Xуй!" at the prostrated Roth.

"That's enough you two "one of the security guards holding Chekov said jerking him back.

But Roth wasn't finished, he spat out the mouthful of blood and pulled himself up, saying "I wouldn't have left her there Chekov, she wouldn't be dead if she was my girlfriend, - I wouldn't have been such a f—ing coward"

With a roar Chekov lunged at Roth, straining to break from the guards grip and succeeded in ripping one of his arms free. Roth backed up, for the first time he looked scared.

"Damn it! For God sakes somebody restrain him, he's insane " Roth said nervously.

The security guards got a grip on Chekov and before he could break entirely free, they slammed him down to the floor twisting his arms behind his back. Still Chekov fought them, swearing and yelling like a crazed animal. The two guards strained to hold the thrashing ensign down. Ensign Tanner was in the background saying repeatedly "oh my god, Oh my god." Roth was for once, thankfully silence as he pinched the bridge of his bloody nose.

Noise broke out from the surrounding crew at the commotion, but the words didn't make sense, it was just a mass of noise. Chekov continued struggling to get up, until he heard the noise surrounding him dim.

"Let him up" a quiet voice said from above him.

"But, sir he's-" one of security guards said.

"Let him up Johnson…Vilk" The voice repeated, just as quietly.

Slowly Chekov felt the pressure lessen and the security guards let him stand up .They nervously positioned themselves between Chekov and Roth providing a physical barrier against any further altercations. One of the guards held onto his arms and as Chekov tried to move his hands he felt a wrenching pain in his shoulders and realized that they had restrained his arms behind his back.

"Free his hands" Chekov looked around for who had spoken and saw Dr. McCoy

"Sir, I can't do that."

"Damn it, Johnson free his hands."

The security guard hesitated, and then complied, nervously watching Chekov as he did so.

"Sir we still have to take him to the brig" Vilk said.

"No you don't, he's going to sickbay" Dr. McCoy said.

"Sir, he was assaulting an officer, by Starfleet regulations, I have the authority and obligation to-"

"And I have goddamn medical authority, that usurps your little power trip" Dr. McCoy said becoming angry and losing the little patience he had. First he had to deal with his damn ex wife, now he had to deal with some young man's overinflated ego.

"Sir, I'll have to check with my superior about—" began one of the guards.

"You check with your goddamn superior, you check with whoever you damn well please, but he's coming with me. He's a patient and I'm taking charge of his care under the power given to me as CMO. Go see what your regulations say on that!" Dr. McCoy yelled at the security guard daring him to challenge the decision.

The security guards stared at Dr. McCoy but for several seconds made no answer before they nodded tersely at the doctor.

"I can't believe this! " Roth said looking from the McCoy to security to Chekov and back."I'm pressing charges, that little sh- tried to kill me" Roth said "and you're taking up for him, he's a f-king lunatic"

The security guards hands tightened on Chekov, as they felt his body tense.

McCoy looked at the ensign praying he wouldn't start attacking Roth again and force him to sedate the boy. "You'd better shut the hell up" McCoy said angrily as he turned and glared at Roth. "Everybody in here heard what you said, you should count yourself likely that nobody's hauling you a- to the brig."

Lieutenant Roth quieted under McCoy's glare. All the mess hall was watching the display and the entire room was quiet. The only sound breaking the silence was Lieutenant Roth and Chekov's ragged breathing.

"Come on, son" McCoy said laying a hand Chekov's shoulders, he felt the ensign almost jerk away at his touch before he moved, the security guards released his arms and stepped back clearing the way for the ensign. The crowd of crew surrounding them broke apart and Dr. McCoy left the mess hall, with Chekov following, anger mixed with guilt showed on the ensign's face.

XXXX XXXX

Chekov sat quietly as the doctor repaired the split skin on his knuckles and the cuts on his face.

McCoy grumbled to himself as he set about his work. "I'm writing a report that's going to say that you had a severe reaction to stress and I'm also filing a report against Lieutenant Roth for verbal assault and instigating an altercation, that a—hole has got away with too many things too many times with too many people." McCoy had finally realized who had beat up the ensign the time he had walked into sickbay, almost two weeks earlier, when McCoy had forced his way through the crowd gathered around the fight and heard the words Chekov was yelling laced with profanity as he hit Lieutenant Roth.

McCoy bandaged the ensign's knuckles, so the new skin would have time to strengthen, noting that Chekov stared straight ahead like he hadn't heard a word he said.

"Chekov, I understand that Ensign Kelly died and you were very close to each other, but you can't go around attacking people" McCoy said " Roth's an a-, and a bully but if you act like this you'll wind up being kicked off the_ Enterprise_."

The young Russian sat mutely; he avoided the doctor's gaze.

"I want you to know that it's okay if you want to talk about what happened, maybe it'll help you come to terms with Kelly's death."

Chekov stared at the floor in stony silence, a muscle twitched in his jaw; he was clenching and unclenching his other fist.

McCoy tried again to get through to the ensign "you're taking Kelly's death hard—"

"No I'm not. I'm fine" Chekov yelled angrily cutting the doctor off , ripping his hand free from McCoy's attempt to finish bandaging it, and sliding off the exam table "I'm fine you can leave me alone, you and everybody else can chust leave me the hell alone! Okay, I'm fine!"

"No you're not". The doctor said unperturbed. After he had calmly waited for the outburst to end he continued. "Your temper's frayed .You haven't been getting much sleep, and, you're tired. I'm going to give you something to help you sleep. Then, I want you to go to your quarters and get some rest and I want you to come and see me tomorrow"

The doctor waited until the ensign calmed down and wearily agreed to do as McCoy said, he shook two pills out of an almost full bottle into another container. He was about to pass the container to the boy and dismiss him when he heard the sickbay door open , he glanced up and sighed angrily, standing there framed in the door was a security guard , and not just anyone it was the head of security. McCoy glanced at Chekov, the ensign was staring dully at the floor, and he looked back at the security chief who was looking around the sickbay like he was searching for someone. The security chief sighted Chekov and began moving towards the ensign pulling a set of restraints from his back pocket as he did so. McCoy swore underneath his breath and moved to head the guard off. He walked over to the man and they began having an animated argument, as it grew louder McCoy gestured for the man to go into his office. He followed him in and shut the door.

Several minutes later, McCoy exited followed out by the man who carried a data tablet and looked somewhat satisfied. The security guard began walking towards the door. McCoy looked at the man with distaste. The guard was utterly single minded, he had been determined to drag Chekov to the brig at all cost, only the promise of a long report and an explanation of McCoy's suspicions about Roth had gotten the man off his case. The security guard had left with plans to look into Roth's activities as of late and claimed that if McCoy's assumptions were true than Roth was in serious trouble. , McCoy doubted whether that would come to anything, Roth was the son of a rich, prominent admiral, and nothing short of mass murder would likely get that kid into serious trouble.

McCoy was thoroughly flustered, by his conversation with security guard and he was still concerned about his daughter. His mind was elsewhere. He moved back to Chekov who was still seated on the exam table where he had left him, looking lost. He grabbed the bottle of pills he had left sitting on the tray, not noticing the contents and gave them to Chekov. Then he dismissed him.

XXXX XXXXX

Chekov didn't go back to his quarters; he knew his roommate would probably still be there. Instead he wandered around the ship, avoiding people. He was sitting on the floor of the cold observation deck, staring off into space. This had been Kelly's favourite place to come, she was perfectly content to sit there and watch the stars flash by as warp turned them into streaks of white across a black canvas. The place brought back memories and he couldn't get away from them. He didn't even try anymore.

Chekov shivered in the cold air, Scotty and the rest of engineering had rerouted the majority of life support to the central parts of the ship to conserve power. Chekov didn't move to somewhere warmer; he felt he deserved the punishment, and beside the coldness that he felt outside was nothing compared to the coldness he felt inside.

After a few minutes of sitting there, Chekov became aware of someone near him. He glanced to his side and saw that it was Kelly. He watched as she settled down next to him. He starred at her for a long moment. Kelly was only a foot away, but Chekov knew that if he tried to touch her nothing would be there. He realized he was slowly losing his grip on reality. He couldn't figure out whether the reason he kept seeing her was sleep deprivation or because he was becoming insane, but it didn't matter to one part of him which one it was anymore. He just wanted to see Kelly again.

The other part of him was scared and horrified by her image. He tried to assert some reality by saying "you're not real" but the words were hesitant.

_Kelly just smiled at him and said "does it matter?"_

Chekov stared at her for a few seconds, and then shook his head mutely. He turned away. They both sat there for several minutes.

_ Then Kelly turned to him and said "I know it's getting late, but can we stay here a while? Chekov will you stay with me?"_

"Sure, I von't leave you alone" Chekov said quietly thinking about how he had left her alone back on the shuttle.

_Kelly smiled trustingly at him and said _ "_I love you Chekov."_

Chekov didn't say anything he was thinking of how he had never said the same to her.

"Chekov... are you talking to somebody?" A voice said uncertainly from behind him. Chekov turned and saw Sulu standing behind him.

Sulu had come searching for Chekov after he had heard about the fight in the mess hall. After searching for over an hour and a half, Sulu had finally found his him. When he neared the Russian he had heard the soft murmur of a voice, as the ensign spoke. As Sulu drew walked closer he had realized with a start, that Chekov was alone.

Sulu had watched as Chekov glanced repeatedly to his side, almost like he saw someone there. Something was very wrong. When Chekov had gotten back from T'karis, he had been withdrawn, barely speaking to anybody and avoiding people. Sulu knew that Chekov had almost died on that planet and that his girlfriend Kelly had, but if anybody asked him Chekov would say that he was fine or everything was okay. Sulu knew it wasn't. He knew that after the ensign completed his bridge shift, he would leave and go off by himself. Sulu had tried numerous times to bring him back from wherever he had retreated to, but whenever he tried to get Chekov to do anything, the boy would say he didn't feel like it or was busy. But Sulu had glimpsed the Ensign numerous times after he had made excuses, not doing anything but wandering aimlessly across the ship late into the night.

Chekov stared up at him now, his face was gaunt. He didn't say anything he just stared at Sulu emptily. He looked incredibly tired, like he hadn't slept well in weeks. Sulu thought about the mistake Chekov had made on the bridge and knew that it would never had happened if he hadn't been so fatigued.

Sulu asked "is it okay if I sit here?"

Chekov shrugged like he didn't really care and turned away to stare out the observation deck window.

Chekov knew that Sulu had come because he was worried about him, but Chekov didn't care, he just wished the helmsman would leave. There was nothing Sulu could do to make him feel better because there was nothing, Sulu could do that would bring Kelly back.

It was silent for several minutes before Sulu said "Chekov, you can't keep punishing yourself for Kelly dying."

_What's he talking about Chekov? He says I'm dead! Kelly asked Chekov._

Chekov glance at Kelly who was sitting between him and Sulu, but he couldn't bring himself to answer her, so he said to Sulu "I'm not punishing myself , I chust vant to be alone for avhile"

"You're alone almost all the time Chekov, you spend every chance you get by yourself. You avoid people. You haven't been yourself." Sulu said

Chekov said tiredly "leave me alone Sulu"

"I'm not leaving you alone, somebody needs to help you. Chekov you nearly made a mistake on the bridge that could have killed all of us."

Chekov looked at Sulu and the helmsman saw his guilty expression and said "I didn't come here to blame you Chekov, I came here because you need to take care of yourself ,come on go back to your quarters and get some sleep."

Chekov turned away and muttered "I don't vant to go to sleep". The dreams he had, had gotten worse and every night since Kelly had died, if he allowed himself to sleep he awoke to nightmares.

"Well, eat something. You haven't eaten have you?"

"I'm not hungry."

Sulu said "okay if you aren't hungry or tired, then let's go to Havarii and Musgrave's reception, almost the whole ship will be there."

Chekov shook his head and continued staring out the window. Sulu continued talking trying to persuade the ensign to leave the cold deserted observation deck. Halfway through Sulu's one-sided conversation, Chekov turned to look at him and appeared to be listening intently. Sulu didn't realize that Chekov was looking at him , but at Kelly. He didn't realize Chekov was listening to her.

Finally Chekov said loudly "Eet's okay! I'll stay with you. I von't leave you alone." Sulu stopped mid-sentence and watched as Chekov stared at empty space looking anguished. Kelly had been begging him to stay while Sulu had been talking.

_Kelly continued, pleading like she hadn't heard Chekov's statement. "Please, Chekov you said you wouldn't leave me. Let's just stay here .Don't go .Don't leave me alone"_

"I'll stay here vith you all right, okay? I promise, I promise I von't leave you" Chekov said desperately as Kelly started to cry.

As Sulu, watched Chekov attempt to console empty air, he realized that he had been right at first when he suspected that Chekov was talking to somebody else. He was quite worried but tried to be calm as he said "Chekov, come on let's go back to your cabin, and you can get some sleep, or maybe we can stop by sickbay and –"

Chekov, stared at Sulu then back at Kelly. Sulu and Kelly were both talking to him at the same time and Kelly was pleading with tears running down her face for him to stay and Sulu was telling him to leave her. Chekov couldn't take it.

Chekov was talking half to Sulu and half to Kelly , when he yelled "Don't you understand! I'm not going anyvhere, I'm not leaving her. I'm not leaving you. I von't leave you alone. I'm not leaving L—" Chekov stopped as he realized what he was saying.

Sulu finished quietly "Leah?" Chekov didn't say anything, but Sulu knew he was right and understood why Chekov had seemed so distracted while he had been talking to him.

Sulu said concernedly "Chekov, Leah's ... not here anymore. She's gone; you've got to accept that."

Chekov shook his head violently at Sulu's words. He had seen Kelly die, but she was sitting here talking to him. It didn't make sense. Chekov knew his grasp on reality was slipping, he knew it had been for days, but he couldn't agree with what Sulu had said.

"Chekov whether you want to accept it or not she's dead" Sulu said gently. He added quietly almost to himself. "It's the hardest thing in the world...but you have to let them go."

_Kelly asked hysterically "what is he saying, Chekov why is he saying that!"_

Chekov couldn't bear her frightened questions and he more than half didn't agree with what Sulu was saying himself.

Chekov shouted at his best friend "you're lying, you're a damn liar. She's not, she's not, don't say that!"

"It's true Chekov; she's gone... she's not coming back." Sulu said kindly realizing that Chekov was perilously close to the breaking point, but Sulu couldn't reinforce the ensign's delusion.

At Sulu's last statement Kelly stood up and faded away. Chekov stared at where she had disappeared then rounded on Sulu furiously. He stood up and said "she's not dead!She can't be!"

Sulu stood up also, he saw how furious the Russian was but couldn't agree with him, instead he said "She, wouldn't want you to fall apart like this ... She's gone... let her go."

At Sulu's words Chekov's face twisted into an expression of pure insane rage. Before Sulu could move, Chekov swung on Sulu. Sulu's quick reflexes saved him from a blow that would have broken his jaw. Sulu dodged out the way, as Chekov attacked him, he tried to manoeuvre himself into a position where he could restrain the ensign without injuring them both in the process.

Chekov wasn't concerned about who he injured, he was enraged and beyond caring as he lashed out in any way he knew how.

Sulu was vaguely surprised with the expertise Chekov displayed. When they had sparred together Chekov had been skilful, but it was nothing like the deadly proficiency that anger had unleashed. Chekov used a mixture of various alien techniques as he did his best to kill or at least seriously injure Sulu.

The fight was mostly one sided as Sulu tried to subdue the ensign without hurting him and Chekov showed no such restraint. Sulu swore loudly as he got a grip on Chekov and the boy broke the grip and punched him in the stomach. Chekov then twisted around and kicked Sulu hard in the kidneys, knocking the helmsman to his knees.

Sulu had, had enough. Before Chekov, could use the opportunity he had, Sulu got to his feet. As the ensign blindly rushed him, in a rage, he swept his feet out from under him. Sulu then pinned him to the deck, Chekov tried to buck Sulu off, and generally refused to be held down. Sulu knew that if he let him up as he was now, he would renew his attack. Sulu was having difficulty containing his own temper now. Chekov snarled something at him in Russian, then spat in Sulu's face. As Sulu's grip slackened slightly Chekov tried to free his arms. Sulu let him get an arm free , but before he could resume his attack, Sulu hit him across his face as hard as he could, several times.

The blows did what nothing else had; Chekov stopped fighting and seemed to come back to himself. Sulu waited several moments waiting to see what Chekov was going to do. Chekov glared at Sulu and panted "let me up."

Sulu eased up slightly, and when Chekov showed no sign of going berserk he got completely off him and stood up.

Chekov regained his feet and they both stood staring at each other. Chekov had fresh bruises on his face, a split lip and his nose was broken. Blood trickled down his face.

Sulu was sore all over and knew from the twinges going through his chest as he moved that he probably had a broken rib or two.

Chekov felt guilty as he saw Sulu wincing and realized that he had attacked his best friend. The anger faded leaving guilt and shame behind.

Chekov said "I'm sorry Sulu". He couldn't meet the helmsman's eyes and instead stared at the ground as he dabbed his bleeding nose with a sleeve.

Sulu was still angry himself but he said "It's cool Chekov" He saw that Chekov was still feeling guilty so he added "it's fine really."

Chekov looked up at him and Sulu saw tears in his eyes as he said "Eet's not. Nothing's fine. I feel so guilty... Sulu... Leah vas—" Chekov stopped talking, he was unable to continue.

Sulu thought he understood what was bothering Chekov so he said "Chekov , you had to leave her behind. She was already dead. There was nothing you could have done to save her."

Chekov stared at Sulu and swallowed; he couldn't bring himself to admit the truth. Sulu only knew that story that almost the entire crew did, apparently Tanner and Roth hadn't told anybody else what Chekov had said yet. Chekov had done nothing to refute McCoy's assumption of how Kelly had died and when he had been debriefed it had been easier to go along with the assumption than admit the truth.

But the truth was eating away at him.

Chekov felt miserable; he was angry with himself and ashamed of what he had done both to Kelly and Sulu.

Sulu saw his expression and walked over to Chekov he tentatively placed a hand on his young friend's shoulder and said gently "It's not your fault she died, there was _nothing_ you could have done to save her."

Something about the sureness and finality in which Sulu said the words angered Chekov further. Chekov shook Sulu's hand off, then glared up at his friend, Sulu thought we was about to attack him again but instead Chekov snarled furiously "f—k off!". Then he stormed away, leaving Sulu standing on the observation deck staring after him.

XXXX XXXX

Uhura was about to exit her cabin, she had only a few minutes to get to the auditorium where Havarii and Musgrave's wedding would be held. She was typically punctual, but today she had dawdled. She didn't really want to go. There would be so many people there….and Spock would be there. She had been avoiding him every since they had gotten back from T'karis. She couldn't stand to be in his presence and yet she was torn, he was her husband she loved him. He reminded her of Silkar, and yet he comforted her. She couldn't begin to decipher the mass of emotions that filled her she did the best thing she felt for them both and stayed away.

She slowly pulled on her clothes and was trying to clasp the back of her dress uniform when she felt the soft brush of warm, almost feverish hot fingers, across the back of her neck and the uniform sealed up.

She spun around, jerking away from the touch. She had felt a familiar presence flicker at the corner of her mind as the warm skin had brushed her neck. "Spock " she gasped as she looked into his solemn face. He had entered her cabin quietly and her preoccupied mind hadn't noticed. She stared at him now, trying not to flinch away and said "Spock what are you doing?"

"I came to find you and you appeared to be having difficulty closing your uniform so I assisted you" Spock replied formally he raised a hand "on your neck there is a -" he reached out to brush something away and his hand made contact with her skin again. She closed her eyes. Images of Silkar flashed through her mind, her rational mind knew it was Spock touching her; irrationally his touch reminded her of Silkar.

"Spock, don't ...just …don't" Uhura said pulling away.

Spock dropped his hand and took a half-step back through the link they shared he could feel the pain his touch had caused her.

Uhura looked at him fighting back tears. She swallowed and said "I know that we were supposed to go together to the wedding and I said that would be okay, Spock but— I can't-" She broke off tears tumbling from her eyes against her will. Spock instinctively pulled her towards him, trying to comfort her. Gently he kissed her forehead. He stopped as he felt her stiffen in his arms. He could still feel her mind but it was more shielded now. He longed to mind meld with her and find out what was wrong, what had happened on T'karis, to fix her. He had even suggested a mind meld to her a few days ago and she had reacted with such anger and revulsion at the thought that he had let the subject drop.

Now, Uhura stepped several paces back from him. He let her go, allowing his arms to fall to his side.

"Nyota what's wrong " He said knowing that the words were extremely inadequate to phrase the level of his concern. She refused to look at him.

"Spock I need some time alone for awhile-" she looked up at him. He could see aversion and fear in her eyes at the sight of him.

"I would never do anything to hurt you." Spock said quietly.

"It's not you. I just need time alone Spock" she glanced away. She couldn't bear to look into his eyes, to see his face; it reminded her too much of Silkar. She couldn't bear the touch of his skin; the slightest brush was reminiscent of Silkar._ His hands running along her, his hot breath against her face and neck. His harsh panting in her ear..._

She shook herself and with a shuddering gasp pulled herself back to the present. "Can you go?" Uhura asked.

"Nyota please come—" Spock had moved closer. Uhura froze as he leaned down and she felt the slightest brush of his lips as he kissed her neck. She shivered and pushed him violently away.

Uhura shouted "I'll be there Spock, I just can't go with you! I can't stand to be around you!—" Uhura stopped as she realized what she had said.

Spock gazed at her, his face held the deepest expression of pain she had ever seen him display. He looked more grief stricken then he had, even when, his mother had died and his home planet had been destroyed. "Spock I'm so sorry " she whispered before rushing past him out of her cabin. The last glimpse she had of him was as he stared at her an expression of intense loss on his face. She felt the worse she had ever felt. She loved him more than anything and she had caused him more pain than anyone. She longed to go back and comfort him. She didn't

….because she couldn't stand to be in his presence a moment longer.

* * *

_**Next Update will be April 9th (with a two day margin either way)**_ Specific questions for this chapter are what did you think of the scene with Chekov talking to Kelly? Do you think Spock and Uhura will be able to get over this or is their relationship irreparable? Thanks to the few people who reviewed and to my followers and favouriters. Enjoy!


	34. He couldn't take it anymore

A few hours later

He was alone on the bridge, the crew member he had relieved was happy to have an opportunity to join in the celebration of Havarii and Musgrave's wedding that was more of an opportunity for the crew to let off the stress of the mission, than anything else. Spock had no desire to go to the reception party; after attending the wedding he had left for the solitude of the bridge. It wasn't only that he didn't find parties very intellectually stimulating, or because he preferred to avoid being around other people that were under the influence of mind-altering, potentially poisonous beverages.

If he was completely honest with himself he would have acknowledged that he really didn't want to go because of Uhura. What had happened earlier was just one incident. Ever since she had returned from the T'karis she had changed. She had been acting distant; she almost avoided him, she shied away from linking minds finding numerous excuses, and spent a large amount of her time off duty in her cabin away from him. At the wedding she had sat apart from him, barely looking his way, it was like when she looked at him she saw a monster. He didn't know what was wrong and he didn't know what he could do to fix it.

As he sat on the bridge he thought of his mother, she would have known what was wrong. While her logic had been as flawed as most humans, her human talent for intuition had more than made up for it. As he recalled her he realized that her features were becoming blurry in his mind, he knew this was absurd. He had a typical Vulcan's memory. He could remember far into the past. There was no reason for him to forget her, but illogically he felt he was.

He looked around the bridge checking it was deserted, and then keyed an order into the captain's chair; he remotely accessed a holovid from years ago. Spock settled back as his mother's face filled the screen. She was smiling her eyes aglow with mischief; it had been April fool's day on Earth how his mother had managed to keep up with the Terran calendar when she was light-years away he never knew , but that day she had been intent on trying to get a smile from her all too-serious son. Spock allowed himself the hint of a smile at the memory, but it was tinged with sadness. He watched memorizing his mother's face as she smiled and laughed and he wished he could hear the sound again.

Spock was unaware of the turbolift door opening and closing, until he heard footsteps behind him, and he clicked the holovid off and turned to see who had caught him in an almost human act of nostalgia. He was surprised to see Chekov.

"Ensign Chekov" Spock said acknowledging him while wondering what he was doing on the bridge. He had heard about the Ensign's fight earlier and Spock could see the evidence on the boy's face and clothes. His clothes had blood stains on it and he had several bruises darkening his face. Spock felt slightly guilty, in his preoccupation with Uhura and the Romulans he had forgotten about Roth. Roth should have been disciplined long ago, especially after what he had done when Chekov had called him back on the planet. Spock resolved to issue a report against Roth as soon as he finished his bridge shift.

"I vas just coming to see if there vas anything that needed to be done" Chekov said looking at him strangely.

"Commendable, Mr. Chekov, However I don't believe that there was any additional work that needed to be done" Spock said. "It's my understanding that the captain said the main bridge crew had the day off, I suggest you make use of it, and get some rest"

The ensign nodded "aye sir" and began walking towards the turbolift.

Spock had halfway turned around when Chekov paused and glanced back. "Mr. Spock?"

Spock turned back around and looked at the ensign. Chekov had a pleading look on his face, Spock saw him take a deep breath, before he said."I'm sorry."

Before Spock could question the ensign about his bewildering statement he had disappeared into the turbolift, and the doors slid shut behind him.

First Uhura, now Chekov, Spock wondered if it might not have been better to join the Vulcan Science Academy, because as it was he would probably never understand humans.

XXXX XXXX

Chekov had wandered over the ship for a few more hours, before he finally walked back to his cabin. His roommate was gone, it was quiet... lonely. He was so tired, all his body wanted was sleep. He sat on the side of his bed his head resting in his hands. His eyelids threatened to close, but he forced them open and got up. He started taking his clothes off, and as he did so a container tumbled from his pocket. Chekov bent down and picked up the bottle, wondering what it was then remembered that McCoy had given him: sleeping pills. Doctor McCoy must have made a mistake. He stared at the container there was a lot more pills in there then the few he was supposed to be given, _there were_ _enough to..._ he clamped off the thought, he wouldn't allow himself to think like that. But another thought replaced that one as faces past and present swam through his mind reminding him of events he hadn' t forgotten but daily forced himself not to think about. _Whatever happened he always lived ... and everybody else died._ Nothing could take away the guilt that he felt.

He finished taking off his clothes and pulled on a T-shirt and some shorts. Chekov picked up the bottle and placed it in the bathroom cabinet. Then he sat down on his bed; he reached out to a table by his bed side and picked up a picture. It was one of the last one's he had of Kelly. In it she was smiling her face bright, he remembered that day. She had been so happy... so alive. He looked at the picture for several moments. Suddenly he felt more exhausted then he ever had, he laid back. Her sitting next to him on the observation deck, her head pillowed against his chest in the cavern on T'karis,... her body pressed against his as he kissed her and held her for what would be the last time. Chekov took a deep shuddering breath, that seemed to tick in his throat. He just wanted to forget. If he wasn't so tired it would be easier to forget.

He stared at Kelly and then settled back. He would just rest for a moment, he wouldn't go to sleep, he promised himself. Rest was okay. Dreams wouldn't come as long as he didn't sleep. He just needed to rest ...he was so tired. He closed his eyes and within moments, against his will he had fallen fast asleep. His face wasn't calm with sleeps oblivion, but haunted by the images already beginning to form in his resting mind. He twitched and fidgeted in a restless twilight. The picture of Kelly was still grasped in his hand.

XXXX XXXX

_He looked around the room; the surroundings were familiar, painfully and pleasantly familiar. There was the blue overstuffed chair with its numerous rips and tears, he remembered his mother piling onto it with him, his brother and sister as she read them a story. There was the bookshelf which was scarred and pitted with age. He ran a finger down its tattered contents old-fashioned contents, over the faded covers of some of his favourite books. He walked through the rest of his childhood home seeing things in each room that brought back memories both good and bad; it was like seeing old friends and in some cases enemies. _

_The last room he entered was the kitchen; He was surprised to see a figure seated at the table the rest of the house had been deserted._

_The person was slumped forward, shaggy hair dropped forward obscuring the face, one hand clutched a bottle like it was a lifeline. The sour smell of liquor and sweat clogged the air._

_Chekov swallowed feeling a lump in his throat and said quietly "dad?"_

_The man raised his head and looked at him with unfocused glassy eyes. "Huh—it's you" the man said slurring his words slightly. "Been missing your old man?"_

_"But, you're …. Dead" The last word came out as a whisper and held a hint of horror._

_The man snorted "you're really smart aren't you? Is that all they taught you in Starfleet? How to state the obvious." The man said. He took a drink before continuing "Of course I'm dead, you know that after all it was your fault."_

_Chekov was shocked at the man's words even though a part of him knew that was what his father thought._

_"I—w-wasn't—"_

_You know that lieutenant, what's his name, Roth, you know he was right don't you?" His father continued ignoring Chekov's words "that girl, Kelly dying, it was your fault you could have got her out"_

_"I couldn't—I—I"_

_"You could" the man said inexorably, he pulled himself up from the table and moved toward Chekov. As his father neared him, Chekov unconsciously flinched._

_His father sized him up chuckling mirthlessly. "Still afraid of me?" he continued "The problem with you is you're weak, always have been. You don't try hard enough, you don't accept the consequences of your action, You're a goddamn failure."_

_"I'm not" he whispered looking away, the words hurt even though he had heard them so often during his life they were etched into his mind._

_"You are" his father leaned forward and gripped his shoulders painfully. "Look at me! Look at your old man!" he said shaking Chekov._

_The boy looked back at his father and saw that the man's face had changed. The skin was blackened and charred, patches flaked away; his hair was gone and he smelled of smoke, fire and burning flesh. Chekov nearly gagged as the smell forced his mind back into the past._

_His father spoke through burned lips "does this look like you didn't fail?" he gestured at his ruined face._

_"Please.., you wanted to… you left a note."_

_"I wanted nothing, I did what I had to do after I had nothing left, your mother, your sister and brother, everything was gone, and you let them die"_

_"I-didn't, I wasn't the reason she was in the air skimmer that night, she was leaving you, I-"_

_"Larissa wasn't leaving me, you ungrateful sh- she was taking you to the hospital after you got yourself in the middle of adults business; that's why she was out there. They died that night because of you."_

_"It wasn't my fault."_

_"They died because you didn't save them, you're a failure and you keep failing… Liska...Spock's mother…Ensign Kelly… your mother… your sister… your brother….me, it's your entire fault."_

_As his father spoke the kitchen dissolved around them and instead was replaced by a cliffside._

_… a woman stood near the edge rubble fell down around her and the group she was standing near. Dust and stinging scraps of stone tore through the air stinging faces; The woman's face was slightly panicked, an officer in a blue shirt stretched a hand out to her just as a piece of the cliff broke off sending her hurtling downward to her death a look of terror on her face _

_... A teenage boy was standing feet away , his shoulder had a spatter of greenish blood on it, Chekov watched as he wordlessly unsteadily walked over to a young boy crouched down feverishly working on something. Flames were leaping up in the background the air was hazy with smoke and the smell of melted plastic and charred metal pervaded the air. The older boy , bodily picked up the now struggling younger boy and forced him into the only life pod..._

_…Ensign Kelly lay under a pile of twisted metal , plastic shards and tangled wiring, a pool of blood surrounded her like a crimson halo. A jagged piece of metal impaled her chest while her legs were pinned under debris; she turned her head towards them, her eyes pleading and scared, before a blast obliterated her…_

_...His mother, sister and brother trapped in the air skimmer, as flames consumed the vehicle. He gripped an arm trying to free somebody. Pain tore through his own body as he struggled to free the person. He heard screams of agony and he wasn't sure they were all his own…_

_...His father slumped limply in a chair staring out with glassy unseeing eye. His body was unnaturally still. His skin was cold and pale. An empty bottle of liquor at his feet ,A cold cruelly twisted metal object was held loosely in one hand. A slow line of something dark oozed down one cheek and around him the house burned…_

_"No…No" Chekov shut his eyes tightly and tried to pull away from his father's grip._

_"what's wrong can't face what you did? look at them boy, look at them, they deserve that at least" his father said slapping him._

_Chekov felt his eyes open against his will, and standing before him was each person as they and looked when they died. _

_An unfamiliar woman stood there, her face covered in blood and dirty, her clothes were tattered and shredded, her body broken, her eyes were accusing…_

_Liska glared at him, his long black hair and clothes matted with blood. His clothes were charred and torn..._

_Ensign Kelly was standing an arms-reach away from him. The piece of metal protruding from her chest, blood dripped down her body, her lips were coated in it , she stared at him her face ghostly white…_

_Three bodies stood there, two were smaller and shorter than the other. One his mother, brother and sister, the faces were burned beyond recognition, tattered cloth clung to their charred frames, pieces of bone could be seen through patches of their ruined skin, the sickening aroma of burning flesh rose of them…_

_Chekov gasped trying to get away from the sight, but his father held him in place. "Take a look. This is what happened because you failed"_

_As Chekov struggled to free himself, his father released his shoulder, but he couldn't move. He was rooted to the ground as the corpses looked at him their eyes accusing, they stumbled toward him, their cold hands grasping him, dragging him towards them as they said in unison "you killed us."_

_XXXX XXXX_

Chekov awoke screaming, tears mingled on his face with a cold sweat. His covers were twisted around him like restraints and his bed sheets were soaked with a warm wetness. The memories of the cold grasping hands of the corpses and their ruined bodies filled him with dread and guilt. His entire body trembled like he was ill. Chekov struggled to free the twisted blankets from him, as his stomach roiled forcing acid into his mouth.

He freed himself, from the damp blankets and collapsed to the ground by his bed on his hands and knees. His breath was coming in harsh gasps, a memory rushed forward surging through his mind and as he remembered a torrent of memories he threw up. He retched violently, his stomach convulsed painfully. His entire mind and body felt sick with his dream. When he finished he sat back weakly, not caring that his leg was still half-in the pool of vomit, not caring that his clothes were soaked with sweat , vomit, and worse. He gripped his hair in his hands, screwing his eyes shut, tears coursed down his cheeks, and a moan escaped his lips.

He just wanted it to end.

He couldn't take it anymore, the guilt, the nightmares.

He just wanted it over.

Everybody was dead and it was all because of him. Chekov thought back to the day his father died. And shivered as he remembered what his father had said.

_He remembered coming home from school in the distance he could see smoke. He limped painfully up the path to his house, his body still bruised and hurting from his father's drunken rage the night before. As he got close, he could see the cause of the smoke, the house was consumed in flames, they leapt up covering the roof, the fire roared and crackled. The sound of wood falling and glass breaking rent the air, as the fire destroyed the house._

_Chekov ran up to the house tossing his school bag down, and raced in through the front door. He walked into the living room the entire place was hazy with smoke. Desperately Chekov searched for his father calling his name repeatedly,. He pulled his shirt over his mouth as the smoke stung his eyes and caused him to choke._

_ Finally he spotted a hand dangling limply over the edge of a chair. He ran over to the chair and said "Dad —". He stopped staring at the man in front of him, his father was slumped in the chair. His eyes stared blankly ahead. A revolver lay across his lap , one hand still limply held it. Chekov tugged the weapon from his father's grip and let it fall to the floor. He tentatively reached up and felt his father's neck for a pulse. The skin was cold and wet , as Chekov touched the body it's head tilted forward causing the hair to fall away from the temples and a bullet were revealed. He shook his father slightly, now noticing the dark stain on the side of the face and the shirt collar. A sticky metallic smelling substance coated his hands. As Chekov touched the body , the head tilted until the eyes were staring directly at him To Chekov they were blankly accusing. Desperately, Chekov pulled his hands away he gripped his hair and ran his hands down the side of his face. As he felt his cheeks grow wet , he noticed it was covered with blood. He desperately scrubbed his hand on his clothes then turned and ran._

_Chekov stood in shock and watched as the flames consumed his house; he had no idea how long he stood there, but eventually he was aware of people surrounding him, some were trying to fight the fire. Others tried to pull him away. They were talking, yelling, screaming, their faces flashed in and out of view. Somebody was asking him questions, maybe about the blood on his skin and clothes , or why he was blankly staring at the blazing flames and shaking. He couldn't understand. He could only watch as a detached observer._

_After the fire was finally over, the fire crews found a body; it was badly burned in the living room. 'It was his father. They also found the old-fashioned gun. They had questioned Chekov about what had happened and when they had seen the blood on his hands and clothes many had believed he was responsible. They had asked him what had happened. Somebody had asked him whether he had killed his father and they continued asking. Finally he had said yes, because to him he had. He had been sent to a juvenile rehab centre until they had sorted out what happened. After they found out that Chekov wasn't the blame he had been moved to another facility, but they hadn't found the truth. He was to blame._

_Earlier that day of the fire as he was unpacking his bag at school for his first class , He had picked up one of his book tablets and started to put it into his bag a slip of folded paper had fell out the back. Puzzled Chekov unfolded the note and opened it up recognizing his father's handwriting._

_I'm leaving. I'm going to be with your mother, sister and brother. I've got nothing left to live for since they've been gone. When you lived that night and they died, I lost everything... It's your fault, you could have saved them, they wouldn't have been out that night if it wasn't for you... you're alone now._

_The message ended abruptly, Chekov guessed what his father meant by the words, but he didn't tell anybody. He crumpled the note and shoved it in his pocket. He stood there trembling his body ached all over from his father's drunken wrath, part of him wanted to go tell somebody. To get them to stop what he knew was about to happen and a large part of him wanted it to end. He went to class. He didn't go home until late... He waited until he knew it was over. _

Chekov opened his eyes and stared ahead. He reached out as something caught his eye. It was the picture of Kelly. It had fallen to the floor. He stared at it for what seemed like hours, her eyes were cold and accusing. He couldn't take it anymore. He took the picture and threw it down. Glass flew everywhere. He pulled himself up; He walked over to his desk which was scattered with computer printouts and data pads on beaming people at high velocities and shuttle crashes, he swept all the papers and pads to the floor in a fit of anger. It didn't matter anymore what he did, if he figured out where he had went wrong, what he could have done differently it didn't change the outcome. They still were dead. He opened cabinets and threw things to the floor. He ripped everything he could apart, throwing it against the walls, smashing it with his hands, cutting his skin with jagged shards. Blood coated his hands, but this time it was his own blood.

He opened a drawer in the desk and pulled out some papers, He ripped the flimsies of warp theory and transporter adjustment ratios to shreds. The last two scraps of paper at the bottom of the drawer made him pause.

The first was the note his father had left behind it was wrinkled and yellowing, he stared at it for a moment re-reading the words, then he crumpled it in his fist and let it fall to the floor. The two other papers he had were pictures of his mother and siblings, they were creased and had been ripped into pieces and then taped back together. Chekov's mind went back as he thought of who had repaired the photos. Chekov looked at his family and felt so alone. Guilt overwhelmed him. Still holding the pictures, he moved toward the end of his bed and reached down to the cabinet there, with trembling fingers he pulled out one of the bottles of Vodka.

He turned the bottle over in his hands feeling the cold glass, beneath his fingertips, then he reached up and broke the seal.

The first swallow burned his throat painfully and landed in his stomach like a hot coal, nearly causing a revolt. He gagged for a moment before it settled.

The second went down easier.

The third numbed him somewhat, he walked to the bathroom and opened the cabinet above the sink, the bottle of pills Dr. McCoy had given him stared at him, he reached forward and grabbed the container.

He opened the bottle and with shaking hands let the pills fall into his palm. There was a small handful, he swallowed them all. He then raised the bottle back to his lips and took another long drink.

He didn't care anymore.

He just wanted it to be over.

* * *

_**Next update will be April 16th with a two day margin either way.**_Thanks to all my reviewers, followers and favouriters. I know that chapter was intense, but the whole story is rather dark. I imagine a federation that is darker and I think closer to Nu!Trek than TOS. Anyway questions for this chapter. How did you like the dream sequence? And what do you think is going to happen in the next chapter? Feedback is appreciated, but I'll update regardless;) Anyway if you like it, tip me with a review;)


	35. everything had been strained

Uhura looked around the Rec Hall; the party was in full swing. After the days of tension that had followed the departure from the planet T'karis, the crew was taking the opportunity to let loose. The turnout for Havarii and Musgrave's reception was much larger than it should have been as crew had taken the opportunity for an open invite as a chance for a party. The bride and groom didn't seem to mind .Uhura saw them off to her left dancing with each other both their faces glowing with delight. The rest of the crew was equally elated. Even the entire bridge crew had been given the day off, Kirk was busy flirting with several women from engineering, Scotty was becoming extremely inebriated and explaining the virtues of Scottish liquors to anybody who would listen and most of the other crew were generally engaged in behaviour that they would regret in the morning. The only crew absent besides the few more quiet souls who had decided to take the day off or were unlucky enough to have to work that day, were McCoy, and Spock.

McCoy had left shortly after the wedding grumbling that it made no sense for him to get a hangover himself when he would have to take care of everybody else's tomorrow. Spoke had left also shortly after the wedding claiming he had some data he wanted to analyze, she knew he just wanted to get away from her. She had been avoiding him. And she knew no matter how she tried to hide it he sensed that, his voice his hands, his touch, made her skin crawl. She didn't know how to explain to him what had happened on the planet; she didn't want to tell him because she wasn't even sure what had happened herself. So she did both the easiest and hardest thing: she pushed him away, allowing an icy exterior to envelope hiding her emotions and thoughts.

Uhura shook her head trying to clear her thoughts and looked out at the crowd of people trying to think of something else. She noticed a Ensign with bruises on his face , surrounded by people loudly talking and drunkenly gesticulating. And after a moment of searching her memory recognized Roth. As she stared at the blustery Lieutenant she realized that another bridge crew member was missing: Chekov.

Uhura moved over to ask Sulu whether he knew where Chekov was but Sulu said he hadn't seen him since in several hours. Sulu had faint bruises to his face and when Uhura questioned him about where Chekov might be the Helmsman's jaw tightened, almost imperceptibly. Then in a clipped way he tersely suggested a few places she might look and turned away from a bewildered Uhura and back to the woman he had been talking to ignoring Uhura.

She stared at Sulu's retreating figure and wondered briefly what was going on. The entire exchange had been most unlike Sulu. And the pointed terse way Sulu had politely but not entirely nicely suggested Uhura to leave the navigator alone said volumes. Usually the navigator and Helmsman were on good terms rarely if ever did they even have a large disagreement, but something in the two's friendship was obviously strained._ But then ever since the planet almost everything had been strained._

She sighed remembering her conversation earlier with Spock and the expression on his face. Uhura bit her lip to keep the tears she felt threatening to come down at bay and walked over to another group of crew to enquire about Chekov. Somebody needed to care about the navigator, everybody was too wrapped up in their own thoughts and concerns to see that he was falling a apart.

Similar inquiries of other crew members revealed variations of what Sulu had said. Nobody had seen Chekov in hours. One lieutenant named Penali snickered when Uhura asked questioned him and said that the he hadn't him but ensign was probably in his quarters crying his eyes out.

Uhura turned away from the unhelpful Lieutenant and after a few questions Uhura realized something Chekov had never even come. Uhura had heard about his fight with Lieutenant Roth in the mess hall, pretty much the entire crew had. Though the general consensus was that Roth had got what he deserved, Chekov wasn't the only person Roth bullied, just because his father was high up in the Starfleet chain of command Roth thought that gave him credence to act like an a-. Still perhaps the Ensign didn't want to come to a celebration so soon after Ensign's Kelly death; in fact her memorial service had only been three days before. It was more than natural for him to be feeling angry at her death and Roth's words. The lieutenant had blamed him for her death; she knew how close he and Kelly had been and the circumstances of her death. He probably wanted to be alone.

As the music grew louder, people became more raucous. Uhura decided to leave the entire atmosphere was giving her a headache. She wove her way through dancing crew, and towards the door. Once she was safely outside ensconced in the peaceful quiet of the corridor, the cacophony drowned out as the door slid shut behind her; she breathed a sigh of relief. She started walking back towards her quarters but halfway there she decided to take a detour. Going to sleep or more likely lying awake for hours staring at the ceiling in her deserted cabin held no pleasure for her. She decided to stop by Chekov's quarters and see whether he was in. 

She called up the computer and checked where he was. Chekov had seemed very depressed last time Uhura had seen him. Somebody needed to cheer the ensign up, maybe he wanted to talk or they could get a cup of coffee. _Or maybe not the last one she amended as she remembered that the ensign hated the beverage_. She waited until the computer identified Chekov as being in his quarters, then Uhura set off towards her destination. Even if she felt bad herself maybe she could help someone else and it would help take her mind off her own problems.

XXXX XXXX

Uhura pressed the buzzer again and called "Chekov, open up"

The door didn't move, and the ensign gave no answer.

_Maybe he wasn't in his room; perhaps sometime during her walk over he had left_

"Computer locate Ensign Chekov"

The computers mechanical voice replied immediately _ensign Chekov, Pavel Andreivich is currently in his quarters_

Then why wasn't he answering Uhura wondered, perhaps he was deep asleep, or with someone else. Though she highly doubted the latter or the former. The ensign like the entire crew was trained to wake up at the computer's mechanical voice and the various sounds that notified the personnel. And he was still to torn up over Ensign Kelly's death to even want to talk to anyone else.

She briefly wondered, if she should just go away and leave him alone maybe he didn't want to be bothered. Then she dismissed that idea. Something was wrong, she just didn't know what. She pressed the door buzzer again and called his name, no answer issued forth.

Something was off.

She pressed her comm badge opening a link to lieutenant Cavert in security.

"Lieutenant Cavert here"

"Lieutenant this is Uhura, I need a favour"

"Sure what is it" the lieutenant said through what sounded like a full mouth

"Can you override the lock to Ensign Chekov's quarters?"

"See, I could but technically that's illegal. Regulation-

Uhura cut him off irritated. "Cavert you owe me, so cut the crap or do you want me to tell the security chief that you were with lieutenant Kelsie from engineering making out in his office while you were supposed to be on duty?" (She had accidentally discovered them while running a sound check on the intercom)

"You wouldn't, you don't even have proof" he stammered sounding worried

"You sure about that" Uhura replied

"Fine, fine" he muttered then the door lock clicked open "but this makes us even and while I'm here can I ask you why you want-"

"No you can't" Uhura said clicking him off.

She keyed the ensign's door open and stepped inside his quarter allowing the doors to close behind her. The place stank like somebody had been very sick. She wrinkled her nose feeling queasy herself and looked around for the ensign. He was nowhere in sight. Flimsies and data pads were scattered across the floor. It looked like somebody had destroyed his room. Uhura wondered had somebody come with a grudge against Chekov and retaliated in lieu of Roth. She was about to call Security when something caught her eye. Uhura leaned downward and picked up some flimisies and skimmed over one that was discussing transporting at extreme velocities, at the bottom of the page were notes in Russian and crossed out equations. She glanced at the next sheet and found a paper on shuttle crashes, this sheet also was covered in Russian script that was untidy and rushed. Growing more confused, Uhura flipped to the final sheet, it was a partially torn old-fashioned picture of Ensign Kelly. Uhura let the papers flutter back to the floor.

She inspected the rest of the room, still wondering should she call security. One of the two beds in the room had the covers twisted and halfway on the floor like somebody had left it hastily and beside the bed she saw the source of the room's odour, a puddle of vomit. Skirting the puddle she moved further into the room as she passed the rumpled bed, Uhura smelled the stench of urine. Her feet crunched on something and she glanced down and saw glass littering the floor. An empty liquor bottle was lying on the ground seeping the last dregs of its contents onto the cold floor. Hesitantly she turned the bottle over with her toe and noted the label: Vodka.

Her mind searched for an explanation. _Maybe Chekov had gotten drunk and in a fit of anger destroyed his room? _She looked around, wondering had he passed out somewhere and something was very wrong. With a start Uhura noticed a dark stain on a piece of glass fragment and a sniffed confirmed it as blood. She straightened up and was about to call security when what sounded like a low groan filtered from somewhere near. Uhura turned around searching for the source of the noise and her eyes fell on the bathroom door; she moved toward it calling his name, and once again there was no reply.

"Chekov, I'm coming in" she said cautiously, not sure what she was going to find inside.

She pressed the door opening mechanism, and her senses were assaulted. She gasped at the sight laid out before her. Chekov was sprawled on the floor in a pool of vomit; by his side were another empty Vodka bottle. She rushed over to him. He didn't seem to be breathing; his face was deathly pale. Her fingers searched his neck for a pulse, and she waited for a moment before she felt a faint, thready, irregular beat beneath her fingers, a second later his chest slowly rose and fell as he gasped a shallow ragged breath. He was alive but just barely. His hands were cut and bleeding. She called Sickbay.

"Dr. McCoy here"

"Dr. McCoy there's an emergency in ensign Chekov's quarters" Uhura said in a rush, not bothering to state who she was or any other details.

"Ensign Chekov? Uhura, what?—"he asked recognizing her voice

"He's barely breathing, his pulse is faint. I think-" she began quickly, her words tumbling iver each other in her haste to explain.

Doctor McCoy didn't wait to hear anymore. "I'll be right there" he said hurriedly clicking off.

Chekov started to gasp and choke; his body spasming as he threw up again and his mouth and airway filled with vomit. He gasped and turned his head slightly coughing as alcohol-laced vomit spilled from his mouth in an untidy stream. Uhura quickly turned the ensign on his side and he groaned still unconscious and threw up more, making the smell of alcohol even stronger in the air. Uhura pulled back slightly to avoid the mess and her foot touched something sending it rolling across the floor. She glanced behind her to see what her foot had touched and saw an empty pill bottle and next to it were two photos.

XXXX XXXX

McCoy rushed around trying to stabilize the ensign. He didn't have to look at the monitors to know that the young Russian was perilously close to dying. In the background Uhura watched silently. There was only two nurses on duty, but he didn't bother to call others in. it would take to much time and any medical staff he did call in probably wouldn't be in a fit state for working.

He injected the ensign with another hypospray, but the boy's blood pressure continued to drop. As he worked on the ensign, he felt a pang of guilt. The analysis he had hastily run had indicated that Chekov's blood alcohol level was off the charts, but that alone wasn't what bothered him. In addition to alcohol, the testing indicated that the ensign had ingested an extremely large quantity of sleeping pills and McCoy knew that earlier today in a flustered moment he was the one who had given the ensign them.

"Damn it" he muttered as the monitors started beeping intensely now the ensign heart rate had dropped to the twenty's. "Give me 2 of veriz-"He shouted at the nurse for another hypospray, when the noise that all medical staff hated to hear sounded. The monitor abruptly stopped beeping and a continuous drone issued forth, McCoy spared a half a second to glance at the monitor, on the screen a flat line was present, the ensign's heart had stopped.

"Sh—" McCoy yelled, the two nurses rushed around already grabbing what Dr. McCoy needed. He yelled at them anyway. He was angry with himself. He was angry at the ensign. He was angry with the entire situation. He looked down at the Chekov and, made a silent promise to himself, that whatever he had to do, Chekov was not going to die, because when he woke up McCoy planned on giving him the worst lecture of his short lifetime and asking him what the hell he thought he was doing.

Twenty minutes later the ensign's heart was beating on its own again, albeit slowly and his blood pressure had stabilized. McCoy wearily walked away from where the two nurses were hooking the ensign up to various monitors and tubes toward Uhura. Uhura had stood there the entire time, watching silently, but McCoy could see that she was disturbed by what had happened. She had been very different ever since they had gotten back from T'karis. He didn't know exactly what had happened down there, when she had been debriefed she had been vague saying Silkar had interrogated her, but didn't tell any details. The brief medical exam she had gotten after debriefing had revealed more than she had said. McCoy had noted the way she flinched as the female nurse had gently examined her. He had noticed the marks around her neck, face and arms. He had seen the bruises on her body and the blankness in her eyes, and the small signs had spoken more to him than any words could.

Whatever had happened had changed her, she had already been through enough, she didn't need to see this. "Uhura, you can go now, we've got this under control" McCoy began quietly. He resisted the urge to put an arm around her trembling shoulders.

Uhura didn't answer him instead she looked at where the nurses were taking care of Chekov and said "will he live?"

McCoy looked at her and wished he had a better answer but he couldn't lie. "I think you might have found him in time, but the fact that his heart stopped and we don't really know how long he was in there like that—I don't know. " McCoy ran a tired hand over his face, and repeated "I really don't know."

McCoy and Uhura both stared at the ensign for several moments before Uhura whispered "I'll stay."

* * *

_**Next Update will be April 22nd with a two day margin of error. **__Thanks to all my favouriters, followers and reviewers. Question(s) for this chapter: What did you think of the chapter? Is doctor McCoy to blame in all this for not paying more attention and letting his personal life get in the way of his job? Only two chapters left! Feedback is appreciated!_


	36. through hell

Chekov, awoke, his body fighting its way to consciousness against his will. His eyes opened and he glanced around dim light hurting his eyes and waking him wince. His head hurt and his mouth was dry and sour tasting. His tried to swallow but throat felt sore and swollen. A mask was on his face and he smelled the faintly sickening smell of stale concentrated oxygen. Around him he could hear a dim beeping sound. He stared at his surroundings confusedly. He felt he should know where he was but he couldn't figure it out. He struggled to sit up and felt a wave of dizziness and nausea roll through him. He paused for a moment and let it lessen before he pushed himself weakly up.

The mask on his face felt suffocating; he pulled it off and immediately a new beeping sound added to the noises already surrounding. He turned his head and saw Dr. McCoy and Uhura sitting slumped in chairs by his bedside fast asleep. As Chekov watched McCoy gave a groan and woke up. He glanced toward a monitor, muttering something and then turned toward Chekov. When he saw the ensign was awake he got up rather stiffly and walked over.

The doctor was pleasantly surprised to see the boy awake. He scowled when he noticed the mask was removed. "Damn it kid you're supposed to be a genius and you're just as bad as the rest of my patients. How many times do people have to become short of breath before they'll realize they need oxygen to breathe? " McCoy grumbled as he securely put the mask back on Chekov ignoring the ensign's weak attempt to stop him. He grabbed a tricoder and began running a scan.

Chekov reached up again to take the mask off only to be stopped by McCoy's hand grabbing his firmly. "Leave it alone." The comment was firm but said in a kinder way than McCoy's usual gruff tone. Chekov desperately wanted to know what was going on. He couldn't remember anything past falling asleep in his bed.

McCoy finished his scan and put the tricorder away. "Your brain function appears normal, labs are still a little off though." The doctor muttered to himself as he picked up another instrument and documented something on a data PADD. Chekov used the opportunity to remove the oxygen mask, when McCoy turned back he frowned but instead of replacing the mask asked. "How are you feeling?"

Chekov opened his mouth to reply and all that came out was a faint croak. McCoy reached over and poured him a glass of water. Chekov gulped the water down, feeling the cool liquid soothe his parched throat. He finished the glass ignoring McCoy's disapproving expression as he handed the doctor empty glass.

"Do you remember any of what happened?" Chekov shook his head and regretted the action as his head swam; his stomach which was already turning uncomfortably with nausea, revolted at the action. McCoy who had apparently been expecting the reaction grabbed a basin from a nearby table and placed in front of the ensign as he threw up. Chekov's shoulders shook as he retched repeatedly, bringing up nothing but bile from his already empty stomach. McCoy glared at Chekov even though the boy wasn't paying him any attention as he heaved. The doctor tried not to feel sorry and resisted the urge to administer an antiemetic. He felt Chekov deserved the discomfort; maybe then he would consider not acting an idiot like half the rest of the crew. He refused to even think about what he suspected Chekov had been trying to do and instead preferred to think the alcohol ingestion and pills had been the ensign joining in the revelry going on by trying to get high. Even thinking that it was anything else made McCoy turn cold at the thought of how much he had neglected over the past few days , by being so preoccupied with his own problems he hadn't noticed anyone else.

His resolve to let Chekov suffer for awhile failed as he watched the ensign groan before dry heaves wracked his body and he spat a thin string of saliva out before retching again. McCoy picked up a hypo and gave Chekov an injection. Then he pulled the basin away after a few minutes as the ensign sat back weakly gasping before asking "vhy do I feel so bad?" That comment was the last straw for McCoy who had been doing his best to hold back his own anger at the Ensign's actions.

"Why do you feel so bad? This is your own damn fault" he began angrily "You're in sickbay puking your guts up and feeling like sh- because you drank at least two entire bottles of Vodka! Your blood alcohol was so high it's a miracle you aren't dead. And to cap it off you took an entire bottle of sleeping pills." McCoy continued berating him "You heart stopped Chekov; you were dead! For three damn minutes you were dead! What the f— were you thinking? " He slammed the hypo he was holding down on a table "you deserve to feel like sh-. You-"

The last bit of colour faded from Chekov's face as he remembered pieces of what had happened. His heart was hammering against his ribs as he recalled his father's words and the people he had seen in his dream. He remembered the sharp taste of alcohol as he had gulped mouthfuls down...

McCoy stopped, looking down at the pale ensign's face and watched as the boys expression changed as he remembered what had happened. His face was screwed up into such an expression of agony it was painful to watch. Immediately the doctor felt guilty for taking his own anger out on Chekov. He didn't need to be yelled at whatever was going through his head was bad enough.

"Chekov, what's going on? Why did you do this?" McCoy said quietly.

The boy had tears in his eyes as he turned to McCoy. He spoke his voice tormented, "I just vanted eet to stop."

"You wanted what to stop? Your life?" McCoy said the last part slipped out accidentally.

"The dreams, everything, I vanted eet all gone" Chekov said the tears falling now.

"What dreams?" A soft voice asked. Uhura had awoken from her sleep and without either of them noticing was standing by the bed.

"All the stuff I've done. I can't forget. I can't stop remembering: Everybody, My mother, Kelly, Liska, commander Spock's mother. " Chekov mumbled; his words jumbled and confused. He spoke like the words were tumbling out and he couldn't hold it back anymore.

Uhura hear a slight intake of breath at her side and glanced around; Spock was standing rigidly a few feet from her side. Spock had left the bridge at the end of his shift and was looking for Uhura when somebody he passed had mentioned they saw her going to sickbay. Spock's face had paled at the mention of his mother, but his expression remained the same, only Uhura could detect the emotions behind it. She reached out and fighting down her own fear and revulsion grasped his fingers for a moment before pulling away.

Spock was surprised by her touch. He stared at her his features carefully composed but his eyes were more expressive than any expression could have been. He felt Uhura at the edge of his mind and the link he sought was closed off. He was alone. The only hint of her he could feel were the emotions and thoughts that were so strong they seeped past her mental barriers. The trickle of her consciousness was painful as he felt it slip into his mind; he could have cut it off if he wanted to, but he was reluctant to close off any contact with Uhura no matter how painful it was too him.

Uhura held Spock's gaze trying to shake off the sick feeling that accompanied her at the mere sight or thought of him. She saw the firm set of his mouth and the flicker of sadness in his eyes and she realised that her mind was as closed off as she thought. They stared at each other intensely for a second longer and she could fell his mind brushing against hers, but she didn't allow him in; she couldn't. Uhura turned away fighting back tears, as Chekov spoke again.

"Everybody's dead" He whispered as tears dripped down his cheeks.

Chekov turned his face toward them his face was tortured, haunted. "They all died because of me, all of them"

"What are you talking about?" McCoy said gently

In a voice raw with agony, Chekov began to tell them. He told them what had happened while he lived with his father. How he had tried to save his mother. How she and his siblings had died. He told them how his father had died. His life at orphanages, working on a mercenary's ship, and a crewman named Liska's death. He told them about how Spock's mother death was his fault.

When he finally finished, with telling them how Kelly had really died he was wracked with sobs, his face twisted with agony and grief. He leaned forward, his legs pulled up, his arms wrapped around his knees. He didn't look at any of them. As he had spoken Uhura and McCoy had punctuated his narrative with unintended gasps of shock and horror. Even Spock's face couldn't help showing emotion at the ensign's words.

The details hadn't been very clear and Chekov had told the story in a confused tangle jumping from one incident to the next, but the horror he had experienced was clear. Spock and McCoy stood there simultaneously uncomfortable and shocked. Uhura had tears running down her face at the boy's words, Chekov who everybody had thought was fine, who had always seemed so happy, had been slowly being ripped apart inside.

Chekov cried for several moments in silence. As his sobs quieted somewhat, Spock spoke stiffly but softly, his eyes focused on Chekov. "Ensign Chekov. " Spock waited until Chekov had glanced up before continuing. "You had no fault in my mother's death, indeed if you hadn't been operating the transporter at that time it was quite probable that none of us would have made it. And to harbour guilt for all these deaths is illogical, based on the circumstances you could not have changed the outcomes." The young Russian stared at Spock, then fresh tears welled up in his eyes, but McCoy could see that Spock's statement while formal in its delivery, had taken some of the weight of guilt from the ensign's shoulders.

For Spock the entire display of emotion was uncomfortable, but he had been serious with what he had said. Chekov was not to blame for his mother's death; the ensign had showed such a display of skill with the transporter in conditions where there was a very slim possibility of any of them being picked up. In truth Spock had gone down to the planet Vulcan knowing there was a very high probability that he wouldn't be coming back. He had accepted his death because he wouldn't... he couldn't live with knowing that his mother had died without him even trying to save her. He didn't blame Chekov for her death, he blamed his father. His father had kept him from visiting her, had made him stay away. If he hadn't perhaps she wouldn't have even been on that planet, or he could have known where she was immediately. The few seconds he had taken to think of where she could be, would have made a difference. A few seconds and the cliff wouldn't have crumbled underneath her; she would have been safely transported. She would have been alive.

Spock noticed that Uhura had turned to look at him again; he saw an almost frightened expression flit across her face as she beheld the anger that must have been clearly evident. He cleared his face but not before she had glanced away extremely troubled.

Chekov said, his eyes refusing to meet theirs "You don't know the all things I've done...If you did you vould hate me w-w-wery " He gave up trying to pronounce the word and instead , was quiet then gave a mirthless laugh and glanced at Uhura. "You once asked about my accent right?" He said. Without waiting for her to answer he looked away and said bitterly " the reason I can't even talk right is because...my father broke my jaw when I was young...I never could speak certain vords after that...the same night my mom and Irina and Pitir vent out ...I think taking me to the hospital... I don't remember eet much...but they died and that was my fault."

Chekov fell silent for a minute. Nobody spoke. Then he said " I should have saved my mother, and Irina and Pitir. I could have saved them... I could have saved my father if I had told somebody earlier—I - I didn't want too,—I vaited until I knew he was gone-. And Liska put me on the ship—and he stayed behind and-"

McCoy spoke this time "Chekov your mother and your siblings couldn't have been saved. It's a miracle that you didn't die that night. And as for your father..." McCoy paused and cast around for something to say that wouldn't betray the horror he felt with Chekov's confession on what had happened to his father. McCoy finally said "You did what anybody in your position would have done, he was probably already dead, Chekov... And Lika, I mean Liska he did that because he didn't want you to die. It wasn't your fault"

Chekov looked up and said brokenly, his words interspersed by sobs. " Vhat about Leah? she's not my fault too?- You didn't see her,-you veren't there! You don't understand! I lied! You don't know vhat happened. That _vas _my fault.- I left- and she vas alive -she vas alive and looking at me, - and there was blood –"

His words came faster tumbling over each other, in a confused tangle; his voice growing louder with every word. "so much blood—I tried to get her out- I tried to— She told me to go-She said for me to go—and I did – I did -I left her there alone- I left her there to die " He was almost hysterical "she's dead and I killed her-, eet should have been me. -She should be alive and I should be dead, -eet should have been me!" He screamed at them, and then a wordless sound that sounded like somebody was being tortured issued forth from him. The noise cut through them like knife. They stared at him. He was panting and as they watched he reached out sweeping objects off a nearby counter and sending them tumbling to the floor in a loud clatter. His shoulders shook as he sank his fingernails into his palms, reopening the newly healed lacerations until his hands were wet with blood. At the sight of the crimson liquid he began sobbing harder and rocking back and forth.

Uhura moved closer and placed a hand on his back as she spoke "Pavel, she wanted you to live, that's why she told you to go; she knew that she was dying but she wanted you to live." She looked up at Spock her eyes staring into his, but she was still talking. "Sometimes, a person can't be with you, but the love you so they push you away so you won't be hurt. They don't want their pain, to be yours. They don't want you to be hurt, because they love you ..." She paused, her eyes gazing into Spock's he looked at her and she saw him swallow, a tear rolled down her cheek.

She glanced back at Chekov. He had tears streaming down his face as he whispered. "I loved her- and I never told her. I should -have stayed with her. I loved her ... I-I shouldn't have left her alone."

Uhura felt her own emotions threatening to overwhelm her. She brushed the moisture off her face trying to keep her voice steady as she said. "Pavel, Leah loved you that's why she made you leave. She didn't want you to die... she wanted you to live... Your mother, Liska, Kelly they all wanted you to live."

At her words something broke inside of him, all the pain and guilt, he felt, rushed forward in an overwhelming flood. His shoulders began to shake in audible sobs and whimpers which grew to wordless screams as he finally let go. Uhura sat down on the edge of his bed and wrapped her arms around him. She held him brushing his hair back and rubbing his back. In a quiet voice she gently spoke to him as he cried and screamed, the entire time her eyes stared into Spock's.

Finally Chekov fell into an exhausted sleep. Uhura gently lowered him down. All three of them stared at Chekov his face was still worried and he looked physically and mentally exhausted. But there was something about it that told them he was freer than he had been in a long time.

McCoy felt uncomfortable. _Where was Christine Chapel when you needed her? He wasn't trained for this consoling people. It just wasn't what he did. And what was going on with Spock and Uhura? He didn't need this he had his own problems._ All this emotional crap was getting to him; he brushed a tear from his eye, mentally convincing himself that it was the dry air of sickbay.

McCoy pulled the blankets over the boy and fussed over him running tests. Minutes later he ran out of things to do. Spock and Uhura still stood there staring at Chekov. McCoy turned back and sighed heavily, as he looked down at the ensign allowing himself to feel some of the emotion he was trying to repress. Spock, McCoy and Uhura stood there for several moments each was quietly horrified in their own way and preoccupied with their own thoughts. McCoy's gruff voice broke the silence summing up what each of them had been thinking.

"He's been through hell."

* * *

_**Next update will be May 4th (with a three day margin either way)**__ Many apologies for the late update. Thanks to all followers, favouriters, and reviewers. Questions for this chapter: What was your feeling about the chapter was it overly emotional, or on target? And were you surprised that Chekov once worked on a mercenary ship before joining starfleet? Yes there is alot to him (at least in my universe) than meets the eye. Anyway, enjoy and feedback is appreciated. _


	37. Epilogue : part 1 (glimpses)

The young woman's head was turned slightly watching out the corner of her eye a person seated at the edge of the match. Her inattention to her opponent was about to be her downfall as Sulu used the opportunity of her distraction to score as he had throughout the two matches in which she had been engaged in the same activity. Sulu swung his sabre upward and the at the last moment twisted his weapon bring it down under his opponent's guard to let the point lightly touch her chest.

The young woman across from him groaned, she twisted her head back around and lowered her sabre in resigned defeat. As Sulu lowered his weapon also and took a step back, she grabbed her helmet and tugged it off allowing a shock of cropped, sweaty black hair to be seen.

"Not bad, but you really need to work on your guard...that and not being so rushed to score that you lose track of what your opponent is planning next."

"I'll never get the hang of this." The young woman sighed.

"Sure you will you just need a little more practice, Aritha."

The young woman, Aritha, raised one eyebrow in slightly teasing disbelief and asked. "Hikaru, you sure you're not just being nice to me?"

"No it's the truth... " Sulu paused and tugged his helmet off then grabbed towels from where they lay on a bench nearby and tossed one to Aritha before using the other to wipe off his sweaty face. "Want to go again?" He asked hopefully.

Aritha shook her head and said playfully. "I've had enough losing for one day. All this easy winning isn't good for you. What you need is an opponent that actually is a challenge." She nodded her head toward an oblivious Chekov. She added obviously hoping the ensign would notice her "I think Chekov could probably teach you a thing or two." When Chekov didn't even glance in her direction Aritha sighed exasperatedly and shook her at the young Russian.

Sulu glanced in the young Russian's direction and frowned slightly. Chekov was seated in a t-shirt and shorts with his legs folded at the edge of the sparring mat and utterly engrossed in whatever his latest task was as his fingers raced across a data padd.

Chekov was better than he had been almost two weeks ago, when he had been rushed to sickbay for as McCoy has said 'letting loose a little too much.' It didn't matter that the doctor had tried to keep the tone light as he had spoken, Sulu hadn't missed the undercurrent behind the words as the doctor was a little too evasive for the words to sound real.

Sulu suspected that what was being called by McCoy an accidental alcohol poisoning and was the butt of jokes for several crewmembers was a lot less accidental than McCoy wanted everybody to believe.

When Sulu had gone to see Chekov in sickbay after he found out what had happened Chekov had been more worn-out Sulu had ever seen him. After apologizing repeatedly to Sulu for basically attacking him the day before, Chekov had broken down and confessed the truth of Kelly's death. Even though Sulu had been quick to reassure the Russian it wasn't his fault, he had still became so worked McCoy had been forced to sedate him.

Now after almost a week off-duty and what Sulu suspected was counselling sessions in which Chekov disappeared for an hour every day, he finally seemed a little more like his normal self. Chekov appeared to be sleeping better; he was eating again and had started socializing with other people, but he still had the habit of becoming utterly engrossed with something or staring off into space with a miserable blank look on his face.

McCoy had caught Sulu the day Chekov was released from sickbay and off-handedly mentioned that somebody needed to keep an eye on him and make sure he didn't spend too much time by himself. Sulu who already spent a good deal of time with the Russian had taken it upon himself to drag him along for all kinds of activities. Chekov had grumbled at repotting Andorian lilies in the botany lab, cataloguing geological samples, and Sulu's other odd hobbies but as the days passed the activity that left little time to brood seemed to be doing him good.

And today after going for a run Chekov had actually willing agreed to a fencing match with Sulu; though he had declined a second match after losing the first by a narrow margin and had instead preferred to sit on the sidelines and match as Sulu tutored Aritha.

"Well, Chekov how about it? You want to have another go?" Sulu asked. When Chekov didn't move or answer Sulu moved closer and asked again.

The third time as Sulu asked louder, Chekov visibly started and then stared blankly at Sulu clearly trying to figure out what had been asked. After a moment as the words registered he shook his head "No I'm wery busy. There are readings I have to analyse." The last words were muffled as Chekov refocused his attention on his task and stuck the tip of his stylus in his mouth deep in thought.

"Okay I guess." Sulu muttered shrugging slightly. He shook his head and moved off. He and Aritha changed out of their fencing gear and had a quick shower. When they came back, Chekov was still sitting on the floor in the same spot steadily working. As they came closer Aritha said off-handedly "I know it's late but I really don't feel like sleep yet. " She glanced at Chekov and asked. "Anybody want to join me for a holo-vid in Rec 4, Lieutenant Johnson got an early copy of something."

Sulu heard the note in her voice that suggested the a_nybody_ was directed to a specific person. When Chekov didn't respond Sulu asked. "You don't know of what?"

"Nope, but whatever it is has to be better than trying to sleep with all the adrenalin I have coursing through me."

Sulu nodded, watching as her eye lingered on Chekov who was engrossed in his work and unaware of Aritha's efforts to catch his attention. It was quite obvious that Aritha running into him and Chekov on an almost daily basis wasn't accidental. It had been a carefully crafted and so far unsuccessful plan on her part to gain the attention of the young ensign. Sulu decided to intervene. "Chekov you coming?" Sulu asked.

The Russian glanced up this time without having to have his name repeated. "Vhat?"

Sulu explained. Before he had even finished Chekov was shaking his head. He stood up and said "I have to finish this report Mr. Spock expects it to be completed before—"

Sulu held up a hand and Chekov abruptly stopped. "Commander Spock asked you to compile the report?"

"Yes, and if I don't have it finished, he'll—"

"Understand." Sulu interjected. Chekov shook his head and began to speak.

He was cut off by Sulu. "Commander Spock is always talking about the crew not being like Vulcans and how we need recreation for morale and he doesn't expect us to perform like Vulcans in terms of workload, right?"

Chekov nodded uncertainly, clearly unsure where Sulu was going with his argument.

"So you're not Vulcan. Put the data padd away and have some fun."

"Sulu, I have—"

"I have a higher rank than you. I could order you to stop." Sulu said only half-joking.

"Not really Mr. Spock ordered me to compile this report and since he's higher in rank than you. His orders supersede y—"

Sulu sighed. "Fine you've out logicked me. Just humour me will you?"

Chekov shook his head mutely and returned to his task, typing as he walked away. He had barely gone a step before Aritha glanced at Sulu and then back at Chekov and an inspired mischievous look crossed her face.

Without warning she neatly cut in front of the Russian and as he walked into her and he opened his mouth to protest at her obstruction of his path, she kissed him. His eyes widened and his whole face and neck turned red as she tugged the data padd from his suddenly limp fingers.

She took a step back , typed a sequence on the padd and waved the device in front of the shocked seventeen-year-old's face. "It's locked; you're done with work for today...What's the old earth phrase? all work and no play makes jack a dull boy. "

Chekov found enough breath to begin to say. "That's an archaic phrase and—"

"It applies to you."

Chekov was momentarily speechless, before he started. "I have a lot of vork..." He broke off as Aritha placed a finger over his lips.

"Tell you what. I'll be fair; you won the academy marathon once right. So, I challenge you to a race."

"A race? Aritha , I—"

"This is the only way I'm giving it back and telling you the password so take it or leave it." Chekov didn't speak he was still staring at her. She continued. "So my terms are: You win. I give you the code and you go back to boring work, or...I win and you watch a holo-vid with me and...you give me a kiss."

Chekov blushed a deeper shade of red at her last words. Aritha grinned and took off running down the corridor. Chekov glanced at Sulu who was watching the whole thing trying not to laugh. He said jokingly with a small grin on his face. "You'd better get going or you're not going to get any work done tonight."

The seventeen-year old frowned and then glanced at Aritha who had slowed down and was dangling the data padd temptingly in her fingers. "I have a report to finish. Eet isn't funny."

Sulu wiped the grin off his face and held up his hands. "Sorry kid but Aritha's behaviour is out of my hands if you want to file a theft report take it up with Security."

Chekov turned back to Sulu and this time the Russian's irritation was more obviously anger. "I have to get that finished. "

"Come on one night won't hurt you. Aritha likes you and watching a holo-vid with her won't be so bad, I—"

"I don't vant to! I don't vant her to like me. I don't vant to vatch a holo vith her. " Chekov was talking loudly, but his voice still hadn't rose enough that Aritha could hear it from where she was down the corridor. Chekov continued and this time his voice was cracking. "Me and Leah vere going to vatch a holo vhen ve got back, I promised. She—" Chekov broke off and turned away slightly clearly trying to compose himself.

Sulu let the silence stretch and stared at a bulkhead for a few seconds allowing Chekov time to wipe his eyes and clear his throat. Then he placed a hand on his friends shoulder and said quietly. "It's okay to live a little..." He paused wondering should he say what he was thinking of but continued. "Leah would want you to."

Chekov glanced up sharply at the mention of her name and Sulu saw anger then sadness rush across his face. Then he turned to stare at Aritha who had paused uncertainly in the corridor, waiting for Chekov.

Sulu said. "Go on it's okay."

Still Chekov hesitated, clearly torn. Aritha called down the corridor "Are you afraid you'll lose?" But her voice was less taunting and more like an invitation.

The Russian's shoulders hitched as he took a deep breath then he turned back to glance at Sulu once before he called to her. "Russians never lose. Ve invented running." Then he took off running after Aritha. He wasn't going very fast and Aritha was easily outpacing him, but Sulu was willing to bet Chekov's lack of alacrity wasn't entirely related to his leg healing from the injury weeks prior. He would have put his credits on Chekov having decided that the race had more of a prize to losing than winning.

Sulu grinned as he heard Aritha shout something and the Russian make a sound in reply that wasn't quite a full-blown laugh but to the helmsman the strangled almost hushed noise was one of the best sounds he had heard in a long time. It was a sound that while not exactly happy was at least hopeful. And as Sulu continued down the corridor behind the two racing teens he reflected that hope was all anybody really had.

XXXX XXXX

It was late at night. The ship was silent save for the soft hum almost imperceptible hum of the warp engines and the few crew members that walked the decks.

Very few people were awake. Running footsteps and a shout with a Russian accent awakened Uhura from the fitful twilight she had drifted off to. As the young shouts faded away Uhura rolled over and pushed her pillow into a more comfortable shape as she tried to get back to sleep. But sleep was an elusive goal and part of her was glad for her lack of slumber, it was no longer the peaceful refuge it had once been. In fact she wished she could go without sleep for several days like some species...like Vulcans.

As her memory recalled the tidbit of information she thought of Spock. _Was he sleeping or mediating? _ Either way his face would be calm and ordered. Uhura opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling with unseeing eyes. She was thinking of how Spock looked. His face was almost always peaceful, but she couldn't forget what she had seen behind his features; she couldn't forget the anger or violence he was capable of displaying. Remembering his face as he had sought to kill Silkar horrified her and yet she couldn't seem to stop thinking about it.

Images of Spock washed through her mind. _His face as he figured out something new. The intense concentration as he analysed some phenomenon. The upswept eyebrows one lifted in pleasant surprise and the small smile only for her as he saw her for the first time in the morning, like she was something special like; she was his. His arms holding her protectively, as he gently kissed her and they-_

She forced the rest of the image from her mind by sinking her fingernails into her arm. "Stop-stop " she whispered the lingering memory instead of bringing back a pleasant feeling mad her gag. It was too reminiscent of what had happened on the planet. It didn't matter that on the planet Silkar had been violent and forceful, and Spock was always gentle, the intrusion was the same. Both had the same strength, Spock only held back, but if he wanted to at any moment he could force his way into her consciousness with impunity.

The feeling of helplessness rose in her mind like an awakened beast. She threw back her bed covers allowing the cool air to shock her. She stood up her stomach churning with nausea, but it wasn't the feeling that had brought the sensation. The feeling had been there for a while now. Ever since she had gotten back from T'karis she had noticed a sickening sensation and the feeling of tiredness that she couldn't shake. She attributed the feelings to her chronic lack of sleep but it was getting worse the mere thought of foods had her covering her mouth and gagging.

She crossed to the synthesizer for a glass of water and halfway through punching in the code, decided to enter an entirely different sequence. Within seconds a steaming cup of tea was resting on the synthesizer pad. She cupped the mug in her hand savouring the flavour of chamomile tea mingled with lavender honey.

Uhura walked back to her bed and settled cross-legged atop the covers. The hot beverage was soothing, but the liquid wasn't making her feel any closer to sleeping. She sighed and took another sip before saying. "Lights 45%" The cabin lights faded on and she grabbed a data padd from a nearby table. She switched it on and began scanning the data that had been downloaded from the computer banks of the T'karis colony. It was mostly genealogical records, detailing the various Vulcan children kidnapped over the years to later be "transplanted" back into the federation. Some of the data though was details of the Romulan various exploits. The computer had already scanned and deciphered over 60% of the data but the rest was in a mixture of high Vulcan and Romulan, the combination of the calligraphic scripts and the faded quality of the words made human intervention necessary for entirely deciphering the documents,

Uhura started where she had left off, slowly converting the words into federation standard but the more she read the words she felt. Torture, Kidnapping, Murder Ra—Uhura clicked off the screen at the latest event detailed on the screen. It made her feel unclean just thinking about it. She stared at the suddenly blank screen the turned to her mug of tea which had cooled off from billowing steam to a slowly rising spiral.

Unwillingly her mind repeated what she had read. . She didn't want to think anybody could be that evil, but she knew the events weren't fictional recounts but a reality that had led to countless deaths and no doubt would lead to countless more. She remembered studying Romulans in the academy and how it was speculated that they had a common ancestor with Vulcans. Now that it was confirmed, people had argued what was the difference between the two species? Uhura had always disagreed with those people insisting the difference was one group was controlled and rational; the other was ruled by passion and almost without a conscious.

That had been before she had witnessed both races first hand. It had been before she had seen what each was capable of. She had gotten a glimpse after Kirk had taunted Spock on the bridge during the Narada incident. However she was quietly horrified at what he had done she had understood Spock's emotions behind his actions, but his demeanour on T'karis had been entirely different. The rage at Silkar had all encompassed him ripping away any traces that remained of him and turning him into what all Vulcans had been in the past and most Romulans were now. What had been the difference between Silkar and Spock then?

Uhura shivered and pulled her robe closer around her the thin garment was tighter than it had been. But all her clothes were now. A conversation from what seemed long ago but was actually a few weeks came back to her as she remembered Spock suggesting she requisition a new uniform size. She had been angry at his words then but he was right. Still the weight gain was probably due to her increased appetite which in spite of the nausea and tiredness still lead her to ransack the messhall late into the night.

And her mood was different but that was due to stress, she reassured herself. McCoy had suggested she come in for counselling but she had refused. She had passed the debriefing pysch eval and her work was still of the same quality so he would have needed a medical override to force her to come in. She was grateful he hadn't pursued that option. She couldn't imagine being forced to relive every moment of the events on the planet. _The hot hands caressing her roughly, the lack of control, the harsh whispers and panting breaths, the pain and humiliation._

Uhura dropped the padd and rose. She felt unclean, so dirty she would forever be tainted. She moved toward the bathroom intending to take a bath it would be her third that day, but soaking in the warm water made the memories fade away. At least for a time.

She turned on the water letting the tub fill with the hot liquid, which was so much more soothing than any Sonics could be. When it was full she slipped off her robe and nightgown and slipped into the water. She closed her eyes and let her mind wander to a time when everything had been simpler. Slowly the hot water lulled her to sleep as she drifted off to childhood memories turned dreams...

_She was racing barefoot through the warm savannah, under a sky lit with stars. The grasses brushed against her legs as she raced her cousins, a gazelle raced past startled by her. She watched it bound away, its grace and elegance didn't compare to her. She felt free like nothing could hold her back. But as she ran the darkness began to turn into something else; the crisp night air changed into stuffy circulated atmosphere, the sweet grasses and earthy dirt beneath her toes became hard rock and the voices of her cousins faded into racing footsteps. She glanced around the dim passage in shock. A shudder went through her as she recognised her surroundings. Her heart began hammering in her chest. Somebody was nearing and she knew who it was. She desperately ran, not turning to look. She rounded a corner and ran into a set of waiting arms. She struggled but the person held her easily. He was pulling her down; his breath was hot on her face. She felt like she was drowning she couldn't breathe. The air was as heavy as water. And he was pulling her down ...holding her down. She could barely breathe as Silkar's face loomed in front of her. He whispered. "You'll think of me forever." She struggled against him but he was stilling pinning her down... She felt like she was drowning._

Uhura awoke to hands holding her, water surrounded her. She thrashed against the person holding her. She wouldn't let them restrain her. Water beaded down her face and screams were tore from her throat as she struggled to free herself and drew in desperate water choked breaths.

"Shh, Nyota, shhh." A soft warm voice said. "You're safe."

"Let me go." She gasped still struggling, but the hands wouldn't release her. She saw a face as she turned her face upward. The features were familiar and yet not. The pointed ears, black eyes and neat hair was too similar to another person. She clawed at person gripping her, drawing green blood and still she wasn't released. She screamed again, choking out water as she did so. Somebody was pulling her from where she was still half submerged in the tub. Arms gently but firmly lifted her up effortlessly. She tried to pull free and whimpered but her cries were interspersed with sobs.

A warm hand swept her damp hair back from her face. "Nyota you're okay. It's-it's Spock."

She knew who it was now but that didn't make it easier when he reminded her of another person. She stopped struggling and allowed him to pull her against him as she curled up her body wracked with sobs. All her mental barriers and fallen and her emotions were trickling out in waves that were clearly perceptible by the person holding her.

Spock cradled her damp body to his, not minding that his uniform was soaked with water and now tears. He knew she wanted him to stay away but he couldn't. No matter what had happened he loved her and always would. He grabbed her robe from where it had fallen to the floor and gently draped it over her nude body. He held her until the water on his uniform had cooled and her breathing had quieted.

Uhura lay with her head pillowed on Spock's chest and her body wrapped in his strong arms, like he was all that held her together. She felt small and vulnerable. Uhura was grateful when he covered her with her robe, giving her a small measure of privacy. As her cries lessened, she tried to gain control of herself. She was a woman who had come from a long line of strong people. The person who had started and graduated academy ahead of numerous others. She had been part of saving innumerable peopled during the Narada incident. She should be able to handle what had happened on T'karis, she should be able to function. But it was easier to stay huddled against Spock and forgo her responsibilities allowing the past to drift away.

She felt Spock at the edge of her mind and knew that he was easily able to breach her consciousness if he chose to. However she knew he would never do so and she wouldn't willingly allow him in. Summoning her energy she shielded her mind and felt Spock retreat into his own. The void left by his lack of contact was gaping, threatening to drown her. She reached through their link and found him again.

She felt his emotions. His sadness, his anger at himself, his father, and maybe a small part at her. She also felt his pleasure at their minds mingling and his desire for more. Though the feeling was shielded she knew he wanted the link to go deeper for their minds and...bodies to be closer. She withdrew in disgust as she experienced the thought. Uhura was acutely aware of her naked body pressed against him and the feelings she was arousing. She pulled back shoving herself from his grip. Her feet touched the floor and she pulled her robe tighter around her shoulders, avoiding Spock's eyes. Water pooled on the floor around her as the silence stretched.

Spock felt her examining his mind and the roiling turmoil of emotion. He felt both her immaterial mind and her material body and the warm weight of her settled against him was enticing. As much as he tried to control the thought he felt her stiffen and shudder as she perceived it. He released her as she pulled away and watched in silence as she drew her robe around herself shielding her body from view. Water mingled with tears dripped down her face.

Spock stood feeling his wet uniform tug uncomfortably at him. Neither spoke for several minutes. Then Uhura whispered "Why are you here?"

"I was on my way to one of the science labs when I perceived your distress and though I was reluctant to breach your privacy. I thought it prudent I check on your well-being." Spock's answer was only half the truth. Spock had been going to the geology lab but even before he felt her chaotic emotions in his mind he had already started for her cabin. He needed to see her, the anguish he had felt her experiencing had only given him a rationalization for overriding the lock to her cabin and entering her room. He hadn't seen her through the open bathroom door, but he had noticed her clothes on the floor and when he had entered he saw her submerged in the tub. He had feared she was dead as he plunged his arms into the water dragging her upward, but as soon as he had touched her she had drawn a gasping breath and began struggling.

Uhura didn't acknowledge Spock's statement or meet his eyes, instead she whispered. "You shouldn't be here. I –I don't need you here. " Spock moved closer and reached toward her.

When she didn't move away but merely flinched, he leaned closer and placed a hand behind her head. He gently kissed her lips as he quietly murmured "but I need you." He felt her hands grip the back of his uniform as he held her tighter. He kissed her again. One hand stroked her hair back. He rested his head atop hers breathing in her scent.

They both closed their eyes feeling each other. As Spock's finger touched her neck a flashed of memory jolted through her like a lighting strike. She pulled away. "Please Spock don't."

For the first time in days she looked into his eyes. She tried to keep her voice steady as she said. "Spock I'm not the same person. Things have changed. They've changed a lot and—" She broke off.

"Uhura it doesn't—" Spock moved closer wanting her to know, whatever was going on they would get through it together. He stretched a hand toward her while extending his mind, but she walled him off shutting him out and pulling her arms protectively around herself. She cut through his words with a quite. "Don't do this, just leave." Then she turned and left the room. Spock stared at where she had been standing for a minute before following her out. He saw her curled on her bed quietly crying but he didn't go to her. He paused at her door for an infinitesimal moment, and then he left. His face was once again impassive, but inside he was slowly crumbling.

Tears coursed down her cheeks n silence. Uhura stared at her trembling hands. Spock didn't understand. So many things had changed and would never be the same. Silkar had said she would think of him everyday ad she did. She remembered picking up the weapon and killing him. She remembered what he had done to her and she felt different, both her mind and body felt different.

She stood up. She had to know. Slowly she walked towards the bathroom and pulled a small object from the cabinet.

* * *

_**Next and last update will be between 1-3 days from May 6st. Thanks to all who have reviewed, followed, or favourited.**__ So what are your thoughts on the update. Do you think things are resolved with Chekov now and he can finally begin to heal? What do you see happening with Spock and Uhura's relationship? This epilogue was meant to be a single chapter, but the chapter would have been 8k so I spilt it. Anyway enjoy and feedback is welcome. _


	38. Epilogue part 2 (intertwined)

Kirk tossed and turned. Even sleeping on the hard floor –something he hadn't done in a while but was an old habit-hadn't allowed him to rest. He finally gave in and opened his eyes. He glanced at the chronometer on the wall and saw it was late at night. He had a bridge shift in a few hours and had been up at least the better part of two days, but sleep was an elusive goal.

He sat up and stared at the wall, thinking. His day hadn't been pleasant. For hours he had been in conference with various admirals, commodores and ambassadors discussing T'karis and the Romulans. It looked like war was brewing and the intelligence from agents near the Neutral zone was promising. To add to his problems, as the captain of the Enterprise he had awarded several commendations to several members of the crew who had died on T'karis. He didn't feel fulfilment in his any of his actions. He and his crew had uncovered one of the largest plots in federation history but war was still the likely outcome. And the commendations had left a sour taste in his mouth even as he was talking with the family and friends of the crew who had been awarded the honour. _What did it matter they had been promoted a rank or received a medal? _They would never enjoy the recognition. It was only a poor solace to the people they had left behind. Kirk would have sacrificed everything he had if he could have given them back to their families instead of meaningless words.

The if-onlys plagued his mind, but he had long since learned to push them back. Suppressing his doubts and guilt so he could function, but the feelings were still there festering as he refused to acknowledge them except for in his darkest moments.

Kirk stood up tossing his blanket and pillow onto his bead. He yawned and rubbed his eyes. Then started toward his cabin door, seeking the one person who no matter how much he fussed and grumbled always seemed to have a way of making him feel a little better. He was also the only person with who he could even lower his guard slightly.

Kirk walked through the ship taking side corridors and maintenance pathways. Even though it was late at night, there always was the chance of meeting one of the night shift crew. And in addition to a strong desire to be left alone he didn't want anybody seeing him tousle-haired, with sleep still tugging at his eyes and clad only in a T-shirt and shorts.

He slipped into one of the main corridors intending to cross it quickly rather than taking a roundabout way that took a good deal longer for him to reach his destination. It was quiet and he was nearly to the next maintenance shaft when a door opened in front of him and his first officer stepped out. Both men froze staring at each other. Kirk was vaguely embarrassed at being caught skulking around his own ship but after a moment decided Spock probably would just chalk it up to "illogical human behaviour." Kirk smiled slightly and said "Hi Spock."

His first office rather stiffly inclined his head and said. "Captain."

Kirk frowned at Spock's formal tone; he had been acting too Vulcan way since they had gotten of T'karis. He stared at Spock trying to figure out what was going through the Vulcan's head then he noticed Spock's uniform was wet ; and was his imagination or did Spock look a little flushed? Kirk took a careful sniff as he smelled a familiar scent. The aromatic aroma that wafted off Spock was the pleasant combination of smells that only one person he knew used.

A glance at the door Spock had just come from identified the room as Uhura's quarters. A wicked grin grew on Kirk's face. "So Spock want to tell me what's going on here or... _what went on_?" Kirk paused and watched as the greenish flush to Spock's face and neck grew, but the Vulcan didn't speak. The expression on first officer's face only egged Kirk on. He careful apprised Spock and noticed faint scratches on his neck and hands and added ."It's okay if you don't want to I'm sure I can think up a few interesting scenarios on my own."

Spock still didn't speak. Kirk eyes lit up as he said " So I guess you and Uhura finally made up, huh?"

The words did what the others hadn't. Anger flashed in Spock's eyes so fast Kirk was almost unsure he had seen it. Then the Vulcan leaned close, causing Kirk to unconsciously taka step backwards. Spock's eys were blazing with anger as he said in a dangerous tone. "What goes on between me and Uhura is our affair and no one else's, _captain_." Kirk nodded once and wisely kept silent as Spock walked off. He stared after his first officer and then at the quarters Uhura occupied wondering whether he should talk to either of them. Finally he sighed and continued on, it wasn't like he knew what to say to them anyway.

Kirk made his solitary way to sickbay, and slipped unnoticed past the two nurses on duty. One was fast asleep; her head rested on a desk as she dreamed. The other nurse was alternately playing a game on a console and watching a vitals monitor.

Three crew members were fast asleep in biobeds nearby; one had a regen unit humming quietly as it slowly rotated over his leg. Kirk recognized two of the patients as ensigns from engineering and the other as a lieutenant from communications.

His worry for his crew overrode his desire to be unnoticed. He walked up to the nurse who was awake and tapped him on the shoulder. The man immediately clicked off his screen while simultaneously turning around. "Doctor, I –" The nurse stopped noticing he wasn't McCoy and when a second later he realised who it was an even more panicked look crossed his face. "Uh, Captain I was, just—" He stammered as he started to rise from his seat.

Kirk waved off the man's explanation and pushed the nurse back down into his seat. He jerked his head toward the crew in the biobeds and asked. "What's wrong with them?"

"Uh, nothing sir. One has pneumonia; the other two were in an engineering accident. One had an inhalation injury the other a broken bone."

"But nothing serious?" Kirk questioned.

"Uh, no sir."

Kirk nodded and turned away before he had taken a step, he looked over his shoulder at the nurse who was still watching him and added as he glanced at the blank console the nurse had been playing a game on. "If you want to take five minutes off that level; go around, not under the nebula."

The nurse was clearly shocked, but said. "Um, yes captain. Thank you sir."

Kirk continued toward McCoy's office. He entered without knocking. The doctor was fast asleep, with his head pillowed on his arms and a cold cup of coffee perilously close to the edge of the desk. Piles of printouts occupied the sides of the desk and stacked in a tower on the floor was a heap of padds. Kirk grabbed the cup of coffee and tipped it in a recycler before he dropped down in a seat at McCoy's desk. He watched quietly as the doctor slept, not bothering to wake his friend up. He only wanted company. Kirk just didn't want to be alone.

Minutes passed before McCoy turned his head. A piece of flimsy stuck to the side of his face and McCoy pulled it off and wiped a line of drool off his cheek with the back of his hand before glancing blearily at an old-fashioned clock he had mounted to the wall opposite his desk. The doctor sighed at the time before rubbing his eyes and straightened up looking around. When he finally noticed Kirk he visibly started and a steady flow of swear words flew from his mouth as his eyes widened in shock.

"Godamn it Jim!" McCoy gasped. He caught his breath then glowered at Kirk and added. "I hate it when you do that. Do you know how shocking it is when you wake up from a sound sleep to find someone watching you in silence like the f—king grim reaper? I'm surprised I'm still alive after all the times in the academy I woke up in the academy to find your creepy a—looming over me."

Kirk gave a small smile that was half-tired and half-unforgivingly mischievous. "Sorry Bones."

"You're no sorrier than you've been the few thousand other times you did this to me." McCoy grumbled. He rubbed his eyes again and then examined Kirk. He noted the fatigue in his friend's face and knew the reason he had awoke to find Kirk waiting for him. It was the same reason it had been the other thousands of times. "Can't sleep again kid?"

Kirk shrugged, knowing McCoy already knew the answer.

McCoy sighed. "I can't either. The cat nap you caught me taking is the first few minutes of uninterrupted sleep I've gotten in a few days. Too much on my mind to sleep... That and too much work." McCoy was silent for a few minutes. Abruptly he stood up and moved to a small cabinet. He pulled out a bluish bottle and two tumblers before returning to his desk. Wordlessly he poured two tumblers full with a pale pink liquid, pushed one towards Kirk and then took a long draught of his own. McCoy stared into the depths of his glass then muttered " Why couldn't Starfleet have all the work done by their forensics' team. Why are they having some of us combing through images and tissue samples from those corpses in the colony ship disaster?" McCoy took another swallow then spoke again . The words were quiet directed more at himself than anyone else. " three-hundred photos of the children alone..."

McCoy ran a hand over his face and drained his glass. He refilled it and took another gulp .Kirk took a sip of the beverage and swilled it in his mouth before swallowing. He sat back in his chair with a sigh. "I'm sorry Bones I—there wasn't another option...I—" Kirk broke off and simply stared at his friend's desk.

The doctor glanced up from his own reverie at Kirk's words. "None of that was your fault." McCoy read the ever present guilt in his eyes and said. "Jim I keep telling you, you can't take everything on yourself."

"I'm not taking everything on myself."

" No you're just accusing yourself continuously in your mind for something you have no control over. "McCoy said when Kirk didn't respond he continued. "You act in the moment making decisions that nobody should have to make. But you make them and save all our a—es in the process, but afterwards it eats away at you. You destroy yourself with the what –ifs."

"Bones, I thought you were as you tell everyone 'a doctor not a psychiatrist?" Kirk quipped changing the subject.

McCoy dismissed Kirk's attempt at redirection and said. "Jim, let..."

"I didn't come here to talk about me Bones. I just came for some company. " Kirk took another sip of his drink and then asked. "How's the crew?"

McCoy stared at Kirk clearly wanting to say something else, but he respected his wishes enough to say "Well, the three out there are fine. I'll probably release them tomorrow morning."

Kirk raised his eyes from contemplating his drink to lock gazes with McCoy clearly letting the doctor know the crew in sickbay weren't the ones he was inquiring on. McCoy avoided Kirk's eyes for a moment then took a large gulp of his glass draining it before he started talking.

XXXX XXXX

_Chekov was a foot behind Aritha as they reached the Rec room. She swung around, her face aglow with delight. "Hah, I won." She started to do a victory dance and bumped into Chekov accidentally knocking him down, she toppled onto him. They stared at each other as Chekov sat up; she was still sprawled across him. "Oops, a little too much exuberance." She said apologetically. Before Aritha could speak again, Chekov had kissed her, surprising them both. The kiss deepened and they reached for each other pulling closer. Both were unaware of where they were until somebody cleared their throat rather loudly. Aritha and Chekov both broke apart to find Sulu staring down at them, his eyebrows raised. Chekov sheepishly stared at his friend before he got to his feet and tugged Aritha up._

)( )( )(

() () ()

_Uhura had been feeling odd for days now, as much as she tried to deny it she knew something about her body had changed. The small changes that she had been trying to ignore were becoming glaringly obvious. ...painfully obvious. She wanted to deny what had happened but if what she thought was true, she would never be able to pretend it had just been a dream or a memory made to seem real by a mental link._

)( )( )(

() () ()

"I think we all know what happened on that planet isn't ever going to completely go away. Spock and Uhura are having some difficult times, and neither one of them is going to admit that something is wrong." McCoy said in response to Kirk's questions about his first officer and communications specialist.

Kirk sighed. "I wish I could have done something different. If I had got there earlier or maybe not even sent her. Spock said Silkar was fixated on her. Maybe if I had sent someone else—"

"The same thing could have happened. You can't analyse every decision afterwards, you'll kill yourself." McCoy muttered.

There was silence then Kirk asked "So what about Chekov?"

)( )( )(

() () ()

_Chekov was acutely aware of Aritha shoulder pressed against him. He tried to focus on the Holo but her scent was distracting. He scooted a little closer under the guise of shifting in his seat. She turned as he moved and he saw his movement hadn't covered his real intentions at all._

)( )( )(

() () ()

_Uhura stared at the object in her hand...If she did this there would be no turning back. She would be forced to accept and deal with the truth. No longer would what she suspected be a possibility but it would be a very real reality._

)( )( )(

() () ()

"Spock found out that apparently, Chekov had some kind of program he was using to trick the medical scanners so nobody found out about all the injuries he had and asked about them. And after we got back from the planet I noticed that the same injuries I had seen earlier were there but, there was so much going on I didn't ask him about them again. I can't believe for all this time I fell for the excuses he made for the scars across his body. " McCoy said. "I feel kind of guilty, for not noticing something was wrong with him earlier"

"We were all too busy and he never let anybody know." Kirk said taking a sip of brandy.

McCoy took a sip of his own glass looking pensive. He spoke "apparently the Narada incident was the trigger that started the cascade of events in his mind, he had a lot of memories and thoughts he had suppressed, probably for years. When that happened they all just came tumbling forward, and then Kelly dying pushed him over the edge"

)( )( )(

() () ()

_Half way through the holo-vid Aritha laid her head on Chekov's shoulder. He stiffened slightly then relaxed. The warm weight of her body next to his brought a myriad of emotions both good and bad. Memories of another girl and another place brought a burning sensation to his eyes and tightened his throat but at the same time the pit of his stomach was fluttering as he felt Aritha move even closer and her hair tickle his ear._

)( )( )(

() () ()

_She summed up her courage and pricked her fingers. A drop of blood welled out the tiny puncture and dripped onto the monitor. Uhura licked her lips, her mouth was suddenly dry. Her eyes were focused on the test._

)( )( )(

() () ()

"He's been coming in for daily counselling sessions, but I think he can go back to active duty in a few days. There's certainly no reason to relieve him of duty. It's best for him if he stays busy. It's not like he's got anything else but Starfleet..." McCoy said his finger tracing the rim of his glass. "I'm not putting the attempt in his record. Officially it's listed as an accidental poisoning. Starfleet isn't very forgiving about this sort of thing and if they found out the truth they'd have dragged him in for numerous psych evals then either declared him unfit for duty or discharged him. Somebody needed to give the kid a break. The only people that know the truth are you, me, Uhura and Spock."

)( )( )(

() () ()

_Remembering Sulu's words from earlier, Chekov took a deep breath and slipped his arm around Aritha. She sighed at his touch and relaxed more pulling her legs up onto her seat._

)( )( )(

() () ()

_Uhura glanced down at the test holding it to the light with trembling fingers._

_It was positive._

_She was pregnant._

_It shouldn't have been possible for her to be pregnant. Genetically without intervention it was almost impossible, so how could it be? But maybe there had been intervention ? how would she know everything that had happened while she had been captured. What she did remember was confused anyway. Uhura shook her head trying to ignore the thoughts spreading through her mind. She tried to think rationally, it was entirely possible that the memories she had weren't real. But she just didn't know whose it was. Spock's or Si- she didn't even finish the name in her mind. She closed her mind to the images the thought had brought up._

)( )( )(

() () ()

"Chekov seemed to be the happiest person on the ship. Until a while ago he was always the one cheering everybody else up" Kirk said.

"Things aren't what they seem and he put on a good front. He was what everybody wanted him to be, until he couldn't do it anymore." McCoy paused "He had almost as many scars on his body as you and I fell for his lies of farm accidents and tripping over stuff, I feel stupid." McCoy shook his head and gave a mirthless laugh "At least you have numerous bar fights as an explanation his was so threadbare it's not funny. If he had of told somebody earlier I could have helped him" McCoy was too busy sipping his drink, to notice the expression that had flitted across Kirk's face at the mention of his scars.

Kirk said quietly "He didn't want the pity everybody would give if they knew"

)( )( )(

() () ()

_Chekov watched the holovid without really seeing it. He was thinking of everything that had happened in the past few weeks. All the things that people finally knew about him; all the secrets he had finally told. He glanced down at Aritha watching her sleep and remembered the words he had never told Leah. He promised to himself there was one secret he wasn't ever going to keep._

)( )( )(

() () ()

_Uhura picked up the test and threw it away down the disposal chute. She wiped tears off her face with her fingers._

_She wished she knew. Was her mind the only thing Silkar had touched? What was true and what was not? She didn't know the answer to either question. . She knew she could go to sickbay and they could find out, but she couldn't take knowing if the answer was what she thought it was. She knew one thing she wouldn't –couldn't tell Spock he had been through enough, if he found out ...She knew he had enough grief in these past months. She wouldn't burden him anymore. She dried her face and left the bathroom._

_This was her secret, hers alone._

)( )( )(

() () ()

"If there's one thing I've learned over the years it's this, everybody's got secrets, Jim" McCoy muttered drinking his glass of brandy in one long swallow. McCoy and Kirk were quiet as they each thought of their own. As McCoy set his empty glass down and he repeated thoughtfully "everybody's got secrets"

-The End-

_This story is dedicated to the survivors. Those who continue even when one step forward is making two steps back and to those who give them the extra momentum to overcome the hill._

* * *

_**Thanks to all my reviewers, favouriters and followers. I appreciate you all! This is the end of the story but there will be a sequel. You'll have to wait probably till the middle of this year for it to start but I hope it will be worth the wait. Questions : What do you think will happen in the sequel and what would you like to see? What was your feeling about this story overall? And what genre do you think it fits into?**__ If you want to know what's going on check out the newsfeed on my profile. I'll be finishing up extras: words of revolution than probably taking a short writing hiatus. If you would like to have a certain story written PM me I do write gift fics and feel free to visit my profile and take the poll on which story you want me to write next. Feedback is appreciated and enjoy!_


End file.
